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Good morning, people. This is Marsha Kurtz-Halley, and I want to say good morning,

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good afternoon, good evening, good night.

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Depending on where you are, of course, we're in different time zones.

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I am here in the British Standard Time zone at the moment.

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And goodness, summer is not leaking through in the middle of June as we were

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anticipating. And nevertheless, I am here in my office and I'm working from today from home today.

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And I really just wanted to touch base with you guys, especially those of you

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who appear to be extremely strong, appear to have it all together.

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You are the ones that people look to and say you are inspirational and you help

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them to get to their goals and you push them along or you move them along.

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You are the ones where everyone in your family deem as the strong one.

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People come across you, believe you are assertive and confident.

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And so a lot of times you are overlooked when it comes to needing support,

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emotional support, when it comes to needing financial support.

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When it comes to needing just that physical presence of someone else companionship,

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oftentimes you are those people that are overlooked because you do not have

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that damsel in distress mannerism.

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You don't come across as a person who needs help, who needs assistance.

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You are me. I am that person. I am the person who will work it out come hell or high water.

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I'm going to figure out a way to make it work.

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However, today, as I sat in my office and one more bill hit my screen,

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it dawned on me how exhausted.

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The process of being an independent single mother is.

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The process of handling everything from household chores, household bills,

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household management to being a mother alone is a task of its own.

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But running businesses, trying to figure out how you are going to get from this

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stage to the next stage when you're transitioning from one occupation,

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one profession into another, when you're considering and wondering, where is my consistent income coming from?

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When there are so many things that your mind just gets overwhelmed.

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So I became overwhelmed and the tears began to flow.

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I am a very emotional and candid person, regardless of how others perceive me

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with an external perception.

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Once you get to know me, you understand my heart. But very few people get to that point.

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And the reason why that is, is because I've allowed too many people to destroy parts of myself.

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Myself where to this point in life, I

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feel like a shadow of myself where I've given people opportunities and not that

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I shouldn't have given them the opportunities because the truth of the matter

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is we are human and a human experience includes relationships with other people.

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And that inevitably includes disappointment, hurt, and sometimes emotional trauma.

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And so this last series in my life, you know, I always talk about life being cyclical.

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Some people circle back and some new people with the same energy of old people

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or previous friendships or associationships, relationships, circle back.

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And I realize that is not the energy I need in my life, especially right now.

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Because you see, there are times in your life when you're more vulnerable than others.

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There are times where you're more fortified and you're able to resist and you

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can stand in your resilience. And then there are times where you're absolutely more vulnerable to certain

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behaviors, certain speech, certain suggestions.

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And it does take self-awareness to recognize that there are those things at

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the season you're in that can easily penetrate you and affect you and bring you down.

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Sometimes they can find your point of weakness sooner, quicker,

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more efficiently because you're in a vulnerable state.

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And I'm in a vulnerable state for several reasons.

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One of them being the grieving process.

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One, the other is just dealing with family dynamics and adjusting expectations.

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And still healing from disappointments.

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The other, of course, is just handling life as an adult, trying to figure out

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where my next income is coming from now that I do not want to be in the the classroom full-time.

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Now that I am shifting careers and finding my way, it is not easy to do. It's not easy to do.

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So there are stages in your life where you're definitely more vulnerable for a plethora of reasons.

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I don't know what your reasons are, but some of the reasons I mentioned could

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be shared experiences between you and I.

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My daughter will be done with secondary school tomorrow.

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And this is her final week where she's finished with her GCSEs and she's going

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to be heading off to sixth form college. And with that prospect, I realized

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that my child, my only child will be starting her life in no time.

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And that puts me in a different position because now what they call an empty

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nester, what I'm preparing for. And I'm still a single mother. I'm still a single woman.

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And knowing our dad is not in this realm and I have to figure it out and I have

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to continue to prepare for life as an adult while still dealing with my own

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challenges and my own struggles. While learning to celebrate when I do get something right.

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While trying to applaud myself for just being here, for showing up, being consistent.

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Because you see, like you, I don't always have cheerleaders.

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I don't always have people cheering me on.

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And we're not going to have that, especially the older we get.

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Sometimes it gets harder.

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The friendship groups change, dynamics change, and you're not going to have,

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even when you expect certain people to be the ones that praise you and support

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you and lift you up, up that may not happen.

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So you have to find deep down and dig deep to come up with the energy just to

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get up and show up. I know that's not easy.

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I'm a 42 year old woman. My life is changing. Things are different.

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It's not the same as when I was 25, 22, absolutely different from then.

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And it's very different, even from when I was 35.

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This is a different phase in my life, which requires some different actions

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because I'm an adult now, for real, with some adult responsibilities, for real.

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And knowing that I'm the only parent that my child has now, I want to make sure

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I'm healthy in mind and body and financially because she's an only child.

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And I don't want to also be, leave this plane, I should say,

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leave this realm and leave her by herself exposed.

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Not having what she needs financially and otherwise to be okay in this world.

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I want her to be more than okay.

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At the very same time, I want to be more than okay now. I want to live a soft life now.

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And yes, I am grateful because my life is way softer than it had ever been.

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I look back in retrospect on my childhood and I realize how tough it was.

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I mean, I realized then how tough it was.

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But in comparison, my life now is a lot softer.

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There's certain things missing, certain elements, but I'm making it work.

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It is exhausting though at times. It's exhausting and tiring when you have to

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get up every day and show up. And I know some of you may have thoughts because I have actually had those thoughts

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recently because it becomes so heavy, so so, so much, so cumbersome.

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It weighs on you. It weighs heavily on you. And sometimes it's inexplicable.

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You can't really explain to someone else.

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And even when you say it out loud, it doesn't make sense. It doesn't sound like

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it should be problematic.

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It should be wearing you down, but it does.

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And I want to validate your feelings. I want to tell you that how you're feeling

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is coming from a place of legitimacy.

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You are not a hypochondriac.

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You are not full of foolishness. You're not just out here over-exaggerating.

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What you're feeling is coming from a real place.

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And now that you know that, you may not be able to deal with or unravel those feelings by yourself.

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The truth is sometimes we need someone else,

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a professional to help us to unpack how we're feeling and figure it all out

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and tie it all back together. And I say a professional because some of the people in your life,

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if you are lucky, You have really good people who can give you really sound

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advice and sound support and sound measurable steps to help you attain and reach certain goals.

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If you're lucky. Unfortunately, not every one of us have that.

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And even sometimes when you have those people in your lives,

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you just need another person to be a sounding board.

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You need somebody else to help you.

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So as I am here today and I'm sitting down and the first thing is I really had

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to acknowledge, Marsha, this is how you really feel.

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So I also have been dealing with hypertension for the last few years after developing

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it from a work-related stress situation.

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And it was a stressful year. It was such a stressful year.

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And your body, and I do want to stress this.

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I don't know how many times I've shared this information and I share it for

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myself, not for pissy because I never do.

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Maybe I should do that more, but I don't share information for pissy,

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but I share it for information so you are educated.

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But it's also to remind myself of the importance of being aware of your health and wellness.

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I want to stress. Emphasize, let me use that word. I want to emphasize that stress,

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stresses from work, stresses from romantic relationships,

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stresses from friendships or frenemieships, situationships,

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stresses from life happening, stresses from unhealed emotional traumas,

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stresses from all all over, stresses from social media,

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all of those have an impact on our lives.

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And our bodies gather all of that and converts it into something else.

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And sometimes that conversion turns into sicknesses. And sometimes those sicknesses are lethal.

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And so I developed hypertension hypertension due to stress a few years ago.

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And while I am on the lowest dosage of medication now, and I was then too,

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I was still on a low dosage. I sometimes don't take it because I feel like I'm good.

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And so today I decided I could feel it.

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When I tell you, I could feel the negative energy energy taking over not only

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my mind, but my emotions to the point where I am walking up my stairs to go get my medicine.

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And I just stopped in my track and I started to bawl.

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My body felt so heavy, so heavy.

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But as I cried, it was like a relief, just a release.

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Yeah, there are seasons where I cry a lot more than others.

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And yes, I am one of those people who do need the professional assistance because

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I don't have that support system in my corner.

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And like you, I wonder why.

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And I know some people will hear that and say, something must be wrong with

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you. You must have caused that.

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Dare I tell you, that is not always the case.

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That is, there's a plethora of reasons why people don't support you when you

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have a personality or a presence like I do.

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If you're one of those people who always seems to have it together or gets it

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together or work on getting it together or you stand on your two feet independently,

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you're the people I'm talking to actually.

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Because I do understand and I can empathize fully that oftentimes you're misunderstood.

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People feel, the way they perceive us is that we need nothing.

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We don't need help. We don't need support. We're okay.

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And they always assume such. So they don't extend or they believe that we think

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everything is always about us. So, or whatever other reasons people come up with, regardless of the reasons

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why people do not support me or you.

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To thrive, to live our best life, not to sound cliche, to live our best lives,

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we have to dig deep, cry it out, roll our shoulders back,

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breathe deeply, and find another way to make it work.

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And I know, I know that is tiring.

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I get it. It's tiring to always have to do it, but you have to.

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Not because you have to. I mean, giving up is an option, but is that what you want?

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Is that how you want to go out?

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You know, you have the big dreams and the grand ambition.

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Do you want to go out, not accomplishing that.

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And I'm not talking for the recognition or for the money.

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I'm talking about for purpose.

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There is something within you, deeply, deep rooted in you that must be fulfilled.

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That is what gives you life. That is what gets you up in the morning in and moves you.

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Do you remember what that is?

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Do you remember what that is?

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If you don't, and I say remember, not find what that is, but remember because

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I feel as though we all have that core purpose within the core of ourselves,

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but we forget through the noise of the world, through the noise of opinions,

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through the noise of failures,

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through the noise of disappointments, we forget.

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We forget ourselves. And so it is necessary for us to remember,

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remember, remember your purpose.

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And despite how it feels right now, this heaviness will pass.

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As we observe in nature all the time, after a storm, the worst storm you can

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imagine, the sun finds its way out again.

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And you think about all the people who didn't survive the storm to see the sunshine,

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but you have to choose to survive the storm so you can see the sunshine. It will shine again.

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Emotions change. So I'm going to plead with you as I speak to myself,

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do not make any permanent decisions with your temporary emotions.

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Right now, how you are feeling will change. So don't do anything drastic because

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of how you're feeling right now. Your feelings will change. Whatever you do, let it work through your purpose, for your purpose.

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So that will transcend how you're feeling in the moment.

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I don't know what you're dealing with.

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But I truly believe that the human experience is a connective one.

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Even though I may not see you or I may not even know you, we have some connections

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where I can feel what's going on in your life.

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And sometimes I take that on as my own. And sometimes those tears are not my own.

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They're for you. They're for someone else. So whatever you're going through

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today, I want to encourage you to roll your shoulders back.

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Breathe deeply. Close your eyes for 10 seconds and then open them again. Breathe deeply.

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And I want you to remember who you are.

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You are valuable. You deserve to be loved unconditionally.

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You deserve to be treated well.

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And you deserve the finer things in life.

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Life do not allow your circumstances to

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dictate how you view yourself

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and how you show up in this world you

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are more than a conqueror live fully live fully live and I'm not gonna tell

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you to go out here and just pretend to that everything is a-okay and nothing

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is wrong I'm not gonna to tell you that. I can't tell you that. I am going to tell you to acknowledge how you're feeling

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and if you cannot deal with it by yourself, to get someone to help you to work

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through those feelings. I wish you the best in all you do.

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Please remember your purpose and fulfill it.

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That is the assignment of your human experience wishing you the best I am Marsha

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Cartalli have a fantastic day.