0:27

Hello and welcome. To put to

0:29

bestow episode Three Hundred Forty Five, I

0:31

am been. And. I'm here running

0:34

a game of the classic, highly influential pen

0:36

and paper role playing game, Misery Quest. It's

0:39

a miserable day in the king and village

0:41

minutes as or adventurous trudged through the market

0:43

the are of the putrid swamps. It's.

0:46

Been five days of leeches, mosquitoes

0:48

and mud is our players navigate

0:50

an extensive filthy march. Jokes were

0:52

dead birds and sofer's gases. I.

0:54

Couldn't make it out the other side to reach

0:56

the cave of certain disappointment. Series.

0:59

Of failed mental health checks sees the players more

1:01

depressed than ever. The. Thirty and

1:03

and had earlier a sitting in and they've almost

1:05

run out of stale bread as well. All.

1:08

Of a sudden a disturbance in the mud

1:10

ahead and emotional vampire looms out of the

1:12

mack and the sharing combat. Rather,

1:15

Than eighteen for initiative and the highest

1:17

score after taking into account the mental

1:19

health penalties with a miserable negative seventeen.

1:22

It's. The party spell caster. A

1:24

level three mud gnome on we made

1:26

it's they are Theo What do you

1:28

do? Hurt. Them.

1:31

So. Festival I'm going to cause my

1:33

most disappointing buff ah I'm sorry you

1:36

actually don't have enough spoons to do

1:38

that. I'm afflicted with them alone as

1:40

it, But you gotta lie down and

1:42

then about for awhile are not a.

1:47

Next to the initiative order, it's

1:49

the party's Vita. The level three

1:51

were sloth anxiety. Not, it's Andrew.

1:53

Andrew, What do you do? Hey.

1:56

I'm going to try to. Overwhelm.

1:58

The emotional vampire. Describing my

2:00

entire childhood to him. Know

2:03

I'm sorry you're having a bad

2:05

brain day. You're gonna lie down

2:07

in the mud for a while

2:09

so close it's not hopeless. Yes,

2:12

they still the party's Hila a

2:14

level three beach else, crystal Healer

2:16

Lucy how do you use your

2:18

crystal Palace flow I'm an impasse.

2:21

Their say say what I'm going

2:23

into his and make myself the

2:25

victim in the situation to saving

2:27

Anything that has thrown my last.

2:30

Ah, let me just check something. A

2:33

Saw This is this what happens every

2:35

time you write these encounters in. The

2:38

players always find a way to get

2:40

around the rules that for new, incredible

2:42

you've defeated. At three, you have a

2:44

reasonable emotional said mostly manipulative ability. As

2:47

they really. And

2:50

you find those from watching a lot of ticked

2:52

off and having a group of only female friends

2:54

are defined a specific threat. I was to

2:56

let a tick tock the that had nothing

2:58

is my fault. And. Everything

3:01

is a boundary. Good

3:03

with good to be healthy and

3:05

that includes the misery quest for

3:07

us said gifts. Excellent day. Enjoyed

3:09

myself. I'm.

3:13

A house subcommittee I

3:16

have. This

3:18

stuff we should sad about. It's. Time

3:21

for we gotta magnums haters at some

3:23

point. The. Up Army,

3:25

the proverbial mystical forsake that will fit into

3:27

the segment. But who knows? it's time for

3:29

stuff we should sad about. So

3:39

sorry. Go associated with a friend

3:41

yesterday. And brag. And

3:45

he's in the market for a new toilet

3:47

or guy for his to support and one

3:49

arm and, and I guess, he's old

3:51

toilet is just not good. he's

3:54

will is warm through the old toilet such

3:56

as it's just you take a little bit

3:58

off the bottom every be flushed eventually

4:00

it just goes straight through. It's like when you really

4:03

start to notice the burn in after a while. It's

4:06

like when you're walking along and it starts

4:08

raining and it's only at that point that

4:10

you realise that there is now a hole

4:12

in the bottom of your shoe because

4:15

the water is coming in through the bottom of your shoe.

4:18

Kind of like that except I assume the water in

4:20

the dookie going out of the bottom of the toilet

4:22

to somewhere else in the house. Yeah

4:24

because you've walked through the floor as well. So

4:28

presumably it's just whatever's below where your

4:31

bathroom is. Hopefully you live in an apartment

4:33

building at that point. Someone else's

4:35

problem. Yeah because if you don't if you're just

4:37

in a regular style house. That's a you problem

4:40

you know. Yeah. A

4:42

you problem that won't be evident at first

4:44

but eventually will become quite bad. Have you

4:46

ever seen those pictures of like in

4:49

really old houses where they had

4:51

like a disposable razor slot in

4:53

the bathroom wall? Yeah. Yeah.

4:56

You could just take the razor out of your

4:58

safety razor and just push it through the slit

5:00

in the wall and then at

5:03

some point people are like under the house

5:05

and it's just a massive pile of rusty

5:07

razors under there. Yeah. Like that

5:09

but with your shits. Your shits are down there. Hmm. It's

5:12

like how dentists used to have a little hole in their wall. With

5:14

teeth? Yeah I keep popping the teeth in

5:16

there. Yeah. Just pop the teeth in there. I'm

5:18

done with this one. And then 50 years

5:21

later they're redoing the dentist. They go oh

5:23

my god there's thousands of teeth

5:25

in here. Where'd those come from? Yeah you could

5:27

be refilling them. You

5:29

gonna flip those? You gonna

5:31

flip those teeth? Flip those

5:33

teeth? Now I know you want to. Thinking of

5:35

thinking of a new career as teeth flipper. I

5:37

know you're in the market for an implant or

5:39

a crown but those are expensive. Can I interest

5:41

you in some of my refurbished teeth? Refurbished

5:45

with new. Whole patch. The top

5:47

off teeth that we found at

5:49

the walls. And just glue. I'll get a little

5:51

crazy glue and I'll snap that

5:53

on. Clean them up. Instead of running you

5:55

$2000 that will only be $1800. Yeah.

6:01

Yeah. You guys remember that dentist

6:03

that they... It

6:06

was in Melbourne. I think they redid the site, make

6:09

it into a Harris scarf

6:11

or something. And

6:14

they just found like tens of thousands of teeth in the

6:16

yard. No. No, they were

6:18

just putting them in the dirt out the

6:20

back. They just put them in the teeth hole.

6:23

Yeah. Where do they put them? They put

6:25

them in the teeth hole. I think they're going... Do you think

6:27

they just throw them in the trash? Do they have to go

6:29

into medical ways? Yeah, they do medical ways. I think. Personally,

6:32

I would volunteer to smash them all up with

6:34

a hammer into a fine powder. Oh,

6:36

I hate that. And then you've

6:39

just got a nice porcelain powder to...

6:43

Maybe you could like... Some of those break rooms,

6:45

but you can just smash people's teeth. Yeah. Bags

6:48

of teeth. It's a rage cage, but

6:50

only teeth. Here's your hammer. You've

6:53

got Brunswick's first old teeth right here.

6:55

Your five minutes starts now. Check

6:58

this out. So during Victoria's big build

7:01

construction works, which is I think road

7:04

and rail stuff, archaeologists

7:06

in the city made a gruesome find on the excavation site.

7:09

Over 2,000 human teeth were found in and

7:11

around a collapsed metal drain pipe. They were putting

7:13

it down. They were making it the drain problem. Oh,

7:16

you can't do that. If

7:18

you try to make something the drains problem,

7:21

keep it soluble. It sounds like...

7:23

Stop flushing stuff down the toilet. If

7:26

you think it's flushable.

7:29

I mean, look, if it goes down the toilet,

7:31

it's technically flushable, but that doesn't make

7:33

it good. You know? Anything flushable

7:35

if you'd like you try on. Yeah. And

7:38

you kind of like the clumping cat litter

7:40

stuff, you know, where you flush that and

7:42

it's gone. But it's... I

7:46

mean, it's gone somewhere. Yeah. I

7:48

probably think the teeth were... Was it causing

7:50

like a blockage or did they just open

7:53

a pipe and go, hey, would you

7:55

look at that? They opened a

7:57

pipe because it was... I assume that

7:59

this is just... old unrecorded

8:02

services, right? So like they

8:05

only started writing down where shit was recently, but

8:07

these were from two dentists in the 1800s and

8:09

90 up to the 1930s. So

8:14

they didn't know any better. They

8:16

didn't know. They didn't know. They're

8:18

not modern. They're not modern. Their

8:20

teeth weren't biodegradable. Those teeth weren't

8:22

contemporaneous. Mine are biodegradable, but in

8:24

general, they're not. Yeah. I worry

8:26

about my big biodegradable. So

8:29

a friend of mine is buying a toilet.

8:31

Yeah. Because his toilet's not very

8:33

good. We've talked about

8:36

toilet shopping before, so we can skip the obvious.

8:38

But have you guys ever been toilet shopping? Have

8:40

you ever been in the market for a toilet?

8:42

I've never required a new toilet. It's

8:44

always come in the market for a toilet. Really?

8:46

It's just something I've sort of realized. It's like, we could just buy

8:48

a new one. Like this one's just not very good. Okay.

8:51

So this is kind of what I'm getting to

8:53

a little bit, right? So toilets

8:56

can be good or bad. That is a

8:58

quality in the toilets. That's

9:01

sort of based on like the mechanism of flush or whatever.

9:03

But if they're bad, there's nothing you can do about it.

9:05

Fasten up with a hammer. Yeah.

9:08

Well, you can't get somebody to like turbo

9:10

charge your toilet, I

9:12

guess. Can you retrofit some powerful

9:14

new equipment to my toilet? Can't

9:17

really refurb the toilet. You can get a cool

9:19

toilet seat, like with like shells and like

9:21

seahorse. Like a blower coming out the top

9:24

of the cistern. Yeah. I'm

9:26

thinking, I'm thinking feedback from the

9:28

exhaust to

9:30

increase the aeration. Getting a bump stock for my

9:33

toilet. I

9:36

want a clear cistern like the

9:38

PlayStation controllers. Yeah. Oh yes. Y2K

9:42

aesthetic toilet. Y2K aesthetic toilet. Clear

9:44

crystal plastic shit. What is the

9:46

air toilet though, Lucy? Air toilet.

9:48

Air toilet. Air toilet. Yeah.

9:52

You don't, you're supposed to look after for health

9:54

reasons. And

9:56

this would make it even easier. Exactly. So

10:00

a friend of mine is a doctor for a toilet. It's gotta

10:02

be rough. And

10:07

the thing is we've talked about how

10:09

absurdly cheap, like comparatively, the cheapest toilet

10:11

at Bunnings is. It's like 130 bucks,

10:14

which to me, a toilet

10:16

is like something that you buy and it

10:18

basically lasts forever. You use it multiple times

10:20

a day. Wow, they just like $200. Yeah.

10:23

Something that weighs that much could not cost that

10:25

little. 30, I think I'm looking at. Mostly

10:28

made out of recycled, smashed up teeth

10:31

as far as I know. So yeah,

10:33

and you know what the problem is?

10:35

It's Bunnings undercutting all the neighborhood mom

10:37

and pop toilet stores. Yeah.

10:40

You know, you used to just go down to

10:42

the corner store and get yourself

10:44

a new toilet from someone whose name you knew. Not

10:48

anymore though. Pop in some sweets that

10:50

have called the F slur. Uh,

10:57

yeah, 134 bucks is the cheapest one you

10:59

can get at Bunnings from Estilo. Uh,

11:03

but they can also be absurdly expensive, right? Because

11:05

you can have good toilets and you could have

11:07

bad toilets. There is

11:09

no way for you

11:12

to find out the functional

11:14

qualities of,

11:16

you can't test drive a toilet is essentially what

11:18

I'm saying. Yeah. Like if a $500 toilet

11:21

is like, oh, this flush is good. You

11:23

can't just go to the showroom and try

11:25

it out. You can't like, what about those

11:28

ones that are, that have, you know, it's

11:30

a Bunnings, they're all up on the shelf, right? But

11:32

like, what about the walk-in light? You can't shit in

11:34

those. No, no, you don't need to shit

11:36

in there, right? You can flush. You could

11:38

like take some flushable wipes to see if, well,

11:41

never flush, flushable wipes through

11:43

said millions of times. Doesn't matter what they say on

11:46

the label. They're not flushable. Yeah. Um,

11:48

but like, what about the ones, the showrooms that you

11:50

walk in and they've like got the pre-built rooms in

11:52

there? Well, segment

11:56

in the back where somebody goes in

11:58

and, and shits into. of those. It

12:01

doesn't really work out that way.

12:05

Okay. They're not connected to anything. So what are

12:07

you supposed to do? Like what are

12:09

you gonna do? If you're gonna buy, what

12:11

the fuck are you supposed to do about it? Bunnings

12:14

actually is pretty reasonable with their policy that

12:16

if you buy something and you take it

12:18

home, even if you've done poor research and

12:20

you just go, Oh, this is actually not

12:23

for the fitting, you know, that I

12:25

need it for or whatever, you can take

12:27

whatever back to Bunnings and just say not

12:29

fit for purpose and they will refund your

12:31

money. So I'm proposing he takes

12:33

home the toilet, shits into it, sees how

12:36

he feels. If he doesn't like it, take

12:38

it out of the back, blast it off with a garden hose, back

12:40

to Bunnings. Keep your receipt. Remember to keep your

12:42

receipt. But do you want to go through all the pain

12:44

of inflation? Yeah, you got

12:47

to pay someone to install it. Not great reviews on the $134

12:49

Bunnings toilet. The

12:51

Estilo Bunnings toilet. The Estilo, not

12:53

rated highly. I would go with the Evercare

12:56

$396. Yeah,

13:00

you always want to go with like the thing that costs. Not

13:04

the bottom line one, right? You want to go with the

13:06

with the $400 toilet. You

13:08

don't want a $1200 toilet that's putting

13:11

on airs. That's gilding

13:13

the lily toilet wise. I think $1200 toilet.

13:16

So I'm just trying to look

13:18

at these one star reviews here. The five

13:20

stars are very warm. They're

13:23

very happy with the toilet. Oh no,

13:25

Dr. Gluteus came up with a bunch of stuff. Well

13:29

he has special requirements. I don't know if that's

13:31

fair. One star, staff very

13:33

rude, threw me out of the store as soon

13:35

as I was done shitting. Yeah,

13:38

I think Dr. Gluteus is exceeding the duty

13:40

cycle on those ones though. No

13:43

one is voting it down because

13:45

like the flush isn't powerful or good

13:47

or because of residue that

13:49

it leaves behind. They're all just about how it's like

13:51

a cheap build and it doesn't fit properly. Is

13:54

there someone out there? So this is where my mind

13:56

went is like well I guess there would have to

13:58

be people that review toilet. toilets so

14:01

you can find out if the flush is good. But

14:03

there can't just be a person who is like buying,

14:06

installing, and then taking

14:08

a massive dump in

14:11

a toilet so he can do like a YouTube,

14:13

and I am saying a heap because I'm almost

14:15

certainly a man, doing

14:18

like a YouTube review of being like, yep, the

14:20

waste gone, clean and efficient, barely

14:22

anything left in the bowl, basically

14:25

never have to touch the toilet brush, this

14:27

is worth $700. How are they controlling

14:29

for variability as well? Yeah. Like

14:32

how are they doing a median shit? You need to go

14:34

to like, you know how the America

14:36

has that, the warehouse that's full of

14:38

like the standard unit of like the

14:40

standard cigarette, the standard apple or whatever

14:43

so that you can test stuff? You

14:45

need the standard turd. I think it

14:47

exists actually. Ben, you've really ruined my

14:49

morning now. I've

14:52

just immediately found the YouTube channel

14:54

Toilet Reviews 9482. I

14:57

review toilets. It started when I

14:59

went into a McDonald's in Long Beach and Sawpoop

15:01

in the urinal. This

15:04

person is actually just going place to

15:06

place and reviewing the individual toilets. Yeah.

15:09

CVS Sherman Oakville toilet reviews. Oh, not

15:11

exactly what we're after. New reviews every

15:13

Monday and Thursday. Now

15:16

they're possibly, they're probably, I don't

15:19

think that they're getting what we need, but

15:21

they're probably, that probably is a way

15:25

towards getting what it is that we

15:28

need. You know, these toilets, there are

15:30

toilets everywhere all around us. Yeah. Okay.

15:33

So I know where you're going with this, but I was thinking

15:35

about that as well. If you find them in the field, right?

15:37

You would need to have an incredible toilet

15:40

taxonomic eye because they don't have like the

15:42

model number, the make and model. Well, they

15:44

do have the make, but not the model

15:46

number like printed on the toilet. Yeah.

15:50

You would need to go to like a million

15:52

public. I feel like it's a name plate on

15:54

the back with like name, model capacity. Oh,

15:59

this toilet was made. on a Friday. This

16:01

thing's got to fall apart. That's

16:03

a bad batch. This person is,

16:07

this separate account, Smedley Plumbing, what

16:09

toilets should I buy? We test the

16:11

best and the worst. They

16:14

are reviewing all the toilets that

16:16

Home Depot sell by installing them

16:18

and then running through a range

16:20

of things to see what will

16:23

and will not flush. They're starting

16:25

with toilet paper. Moving

16:29

to marshmallows. Then

16:31

we're onto flushing golf balls down

16:33

the toilet. I

16:36

don't think you can do that. We're

16:39

onto a big toilet full

16:41

of Nerf bullets. You know

16:43

how you're always asking yourself, yeah

16:45

but what if I eat 40

16:48

to 50 Nerf Nerf Gun bullets?

16:50

Yeah. And then I can't

16:52

flush the toilet. Well okay, it's a

16:54

sensory thing and it comes between me.

16:56

He's now flushing medicine bottles down the

16:59

toilet. It's cranberry

17:01

sauce. Flushing like

17:05

a full, you know when something comes out

17:07

of a can and like just in the

17:09

cylinder like pal dog food in

17:12

the 80s, you know? Just

17:14

a full log of cranberry sauce seeing

17:16

if that goes down. I'm

17:18

questioning your diet at this point. A

17:20

fruitcake. We're flushing a fruitcake down and

17:22

the final test, shoot this man before

17:24

he destroys the city's pipes. He must

17:26

be killed. The final test and they're

17:28

really trying to ascertain

17:32

the accuracy of claims of a

17:34

powerful flush on these toilets. He

17:36

is flushing what looks

17:39

to be eight to ten

17:41

billion balls down the toilet. Stop

17:45

it. Kill him. Kill him now.

17:49

Drone truck. That facility. Midley Plumbing,

17:51

you are on blast. Toilets

17:55

are on blast. I can't be

17:57

connecting this to the city pipes. No, I thought

17:59

I'd... I'm thinking they're collecting it in a big

18:01

bucket. Otherwise the billiard

18:03

ball bodged alone would rule.

18:07

There's also just this sidesteps, the important

18:09

thing to me. You're not testing it

18:11

with poop. Well, that's

18:14

the only thing that really, I think if you

18:16

can handle half a dozen billion balls, billion,

18:18

billion. No, you can't. I think I just said,

18:20

I think there are new ones. Same thing.

18:22

Yeah. The way that it flushes like

18:25

that, that need to be tested with

18:27

the source. You think it's going to be real. You think it's got to

18:29

be authentic. Yeah. I

18:32

think something about the way it grips to the

18:34

sides is a key element of what you want

18:36

from a toilet. You can't be

18:38

using a satz turds. Yeah. You

18:42

need real deal. Well,

18:45

I think we solved that one. And that

18:47

was, should he get a toilet? He

18:50

still, he doesn't know. Is he considering

18:53

a Japanese toilet? Because that's all anybody

18:55

is talking about. He

18:57

can't just get those. No, he's considering a

18:59

Japanese toilet brand, but not one with a

19:02

bidet. What? He doesn't want the bidet, but

19:04

there is a Japanese toilet brand that he

19:06

was name checking that it's like, oh,

19:08

that's a really good quality toilet. Just

19:10

to be clear, your friend doesn't want

19:12

a sparkling anus. He does

19:14

not. So Toto, the

19:17

Japanese toilet brand Toto, he's been told is

19:19

the real deal. They're the top

19:21

of the line. What, like why are you doing

19:24

international toilets if you're not going to cop

19:26

the bidet? Well, they're sold over

19:28

here. Oh, now that's an attractive toilet. He's

19:30

just Japanese craftsmanship. Oh, is this an import?

19:33

Is this an import? Are you driving an

19:35

import toilet? Is this a JDM toilet?

19:39

I'd only buy an Australian made toilet. I

19:41

like to support local. Yeah. Oh, I think.

19:44

Did you get your toilet stamped? I

19:49

got a drift stance JT toilet.

19:51

No bidet. Another supercharged toilet.

19:53

That's what's going on. Really

19:56

deep in toilet reviews. Do not

19:58

purchase the Mandela full recur. rimless

20:00

back to wall toilet. Do

20:03

not. If you were thinking about it, do not. All

20:06

of the people are saying the same thing. This person

20:08

says, you crap all over it unless you have precision

20:10

aiming. You literally have to think about butt positioning in

20:12

order to not leave skid marks. Oh, this is... This

20:16

is gonna be Americans shitting in a European toilet, right? So

20:20

like European toilets have like a much

20:23

smaller hole at the bottom, but it

20:25

makes the flush way more economical. Like

20:27

it uses way less water, right? I

20:29

think it's just Mandela. Mandela's the problematic brand. Well

20:32

now I want to do a picture of a

20:34

bunch of bunnings brand. Yeah, Lucy, what model is

20:36

this? So can you read out

20:38

that? Mark, can you pull up that

20:40

toilet? Mandela

20:43

Wells 4 star 4.6 litre full

20:45

rococo rimless back to wall toilet

20:47

suite. $274 at bunnings. That

20:51

is the second toilet that comes up

20:53

if you just google Mandela toilet. I

20:56

hate that. I love your reviews. A

20:58

lot of mentions of skid marks. That's

21:01

why golf balls won't cut it. I'm

21:03

just trying to imagine getting online and

21:06

being like, hey everybody, I'm making too

21:08

big a mess when I do my

21:10

shits and it's someone else's problem. Bunnings,

21:13

I want a refund. I keep having to

21:15

use the toilet brush. I can't even wash

21:17

my skid marks off the toilet from all the

21:19

turds I'm doing. Man,

21:22

other websites, these are getting really bad reviews

21:24

as well. I hate this toilet. What's

21:27

the inside the toilet though? I'm seeing pictures with

21:29

the lid down. I got to see what's packed.

21:32

Show me the skid marks. You

21:34

know what the fucking tragedy is as well is

21:36

that these people have a fully installed toilet that

21:38

they've bought that they've shat in that they don't

21:40

like. Imagine having an unpleasant

21:43

toilet experience every time. You got to live with that. You're

21:46

not getting a new one. This

21:49

is a really kind of selfless act, I

21:51

think, is like getting a bad toilet and

21:54

being like, well, I'm fucked now for like the next

21:56

five to 10 years. However long a toilet lasts. For

21:58

this still time. to

22:00

save others. I can warn others. I can warn

22:02

somebody else. Yeah. Man.

22:06

Like a ghost trying to warn people away

22:08

from the haunted house, you know? Don't come

22:10

in. It's dirty in here. It's

22:12

not that good. It's Mondela. Mondela.

22:14

And that was

22:17

stuff we should

22:19

chat about. Wow.

22:22

Buying a toilet where the hole is so

22:24

small that it's like just for farts. It's a

22:26

joke toilet and it's just for farts and

22:28

you keep trying to shit into it and

22:30

you're getting shit all up the sides and it's

22:33

everywhere and you either got a scrubber for

22:35

ages in the toilet brush otherwise everyone else

22:37

in your family's like, where's the skid marks all

22:39

over the toilet all the time? That's

22:41

the one thing we didn't want to happen.

22:44

It's time for the one thing we didn't want to happen. This

22:48

is the one thing we didn't want to

22:50

happen. This

22:53

one comes to us from WRGA

22:55

in Georgia. The Wargasm. That's right.

22:58

Oh, okay. Man

23:04

trying to impress woman at bar accidentally kicks

23:06

hole in the wall. Oh,

23:09

I'm impressed. Don't put it in the news. Cut

23:12

to the chase though. Was she

23:14

impressed? It's an impressive thing to

23:16

do. Was it like a spinning back kick? Was it?

23:19

It's unclear what kind of trick it was trying to

23:21

do. Yeah, question mark kick, crane kick. Check

23:24

this shit out. Daniel's on. Police

23:29

spotted to harvest moon on Broad Street

23:31

Tuesday after a man kicked a hole

23:33

in the wall. According to

23:35

a Rome Police Department report, the

23:37

26 year old man told police he was attempting to

23:39

do a back flip to impress women inside the bar

23:41

when he accidentally kicked a hole in the wall. Gotta

23:44

run up the wall, foot straight

23:46

through. Oh, I would

23:49

do anything to have seen that. Just lying

23:51

on the ground, be like, okay, that was unbelievably

23:53

embarrassing. But at least this is the end. I

23:55

can just leave and I'll never hear about it

23:57

again. The

24:02

manager told police the man was not

24:04

being aggressive, just extremely intoxicated. So

24:07

then you work in a bar, if

24:09

I understand correctly. That is correct, yes.

24:12

So let's say someone tries to do

24:15

a backflip in one of

24:17

your establishments. I'm gonna

24:19

guess the bigger one because I cannot imagine

24:21

how someone could try to do

24:23

a backflip off the wall inside the

24:25

scratch. They're simply... Yeah, it's physically not room in

24:28

there. It is not. Yeah, it'd

24:30

be like trying to run up the wall and

24:32

do a backflip inside a phone booth. It's not

24:34

happening. Are

24:36

you calling the cops on that one? Or

24:38

are you saying, that's enough of that, it's

24:40

time to go? Yeah, I think you just

24:42

tell them to leave. I

24:45

think at that point. I don't think that's a cop. You don't need to

24:47

call the cops. Yeah, just be like, hey man, you're

24:49

an idiot. That's really embarrassing for you. It's

24:51

probably best for you if you go home

24:53

now. And we do have security cameras and

24:56

we got that and we will be sharing

24:58

it. We're gonna be watching that all the

25:00

time. I mean, the staff WhatsApp for sure.

25:02

Trying to help them save face though. Like,

25:04

hey, what happened, man? You're usually doing backflips,

25:06

no problem. That's the first

25:08

time I haven't seen you nail that on the

25:11

first try. That's crazy. Get out of here. I've

25:13

seen you do 20, 30 backflips in my time

25:15

here. Each one, a little higher than the last.

25:18

There must be some sort of structural deficiency

25:20

in here. Get the fuck out,

25:22

get the fuck out of here. The man was

25:24

asked to leave the establishment and complied. Okay. Yeah.

25:28

Yeah, they're cool. Yeah. I

25:30

could see everyone's making some pretty good arguments and

25:32

I'm just gonna go. Hey, we got

25:34

like a hang out. Okay, hang here to pick up.

25:36

That's probably not gonna happen now. So, uh... Hey

25:39

ladies, wanna come home with me? Ah, ladies,

25:42

good evening to you. Fare

25:44

thee well. Have I fed thee

25:46

dew? We

25:48

may meet again under morph to a

25:50

just circumstances. You

25:53

Know you're having like a really bad night

25:55

at the pub when you are up on

25:57

the Fail Army broadcast on the TV on

25:59

the wall. Italy With

26:01

them I saw submissive

26:04

surpassed assessment. Of.

26:07

Those are billions I allow me. So they banned.

26:10

Be good to something really taught track

26:12

out of you loved or now others

26:14

that you put up your own one

26:16

were like you put your own stuff

26:18

on it and at the point where

26:21

you kind of want people to start

26:23

clearing out dizzy gonna close in half

26:25

an hour to start running a loop

26:27

of like Cartel Execution videos. Britain

26:31

numbers down in the plays encouraged everybody

26:33

that kind of most the on you

26:35

know member on an Isis. the out

26:38

to i said of closing time at a when

26:40

they come in thirty minutes before your about the

26:42

clothes and you like don't ask for a drink

26:44

and they looking at. You. Know what? And

26:47

they were good and gonna. Create

26:49

a problem lies at. The. People to

26:51

the left there are like that v Last Paypal that

26:53

what to be alone in a bar with. And

26:56

now you're an execution videos bar. Yellow

27:00

The ones that you don't want to. Here's

27:02

our seen this one. This is a great

27:04

one. Nothing but a baby or come to

27:06

the snuff by Milton. The

27:12

man was also banned from the property. Aca

27:14

that a yes I communicated

27:16

fast as his memory. Busted.

27:20

The thing itself was the punishment.

27:22

Yeah. Hey. It's. the ball

27:24

kicker act like give him two

27:26

hundred bucks get all fixed. As

27:29

I'd like to let it come back. You know he's.

27:32

He's. Just try to have fun is shudder

27:34

Impressive Ladies if we'll be cool with the

27:36

picture that they put up behind the bar.

27:39

like do Not serve This man is like

27:41

him. Foot through the wall hanging upside down.

27:45

Party started to turn sideways toy that indicates he

27:47

will definitely not land. Yeah well that's because you

27:49

know if it was you'd you'd come back in

27:51

like trying to sneak in these He then goes

27:54

you know up, don't worry about it. Though.

27:56

are battling and ago ripping off of like

27:58

mustache I don't need this.

28:02

Hey, is it a crime to get

28:05

really drug, try to press a group of women,

28:07

try to do a backflip and then kick a

28:09

hole in a wall at a bar? No,

28:12

it will be soon. Unclear.

28:15

But if it was, we maybe would have put

28:17

that segment under Crime Watch. It's

28:20

time for Crime Watch. Sorry,

29:11

I just checked the chat to see what's

29:13

here. I posted it there earlier. Don't you

29:16

know what it looks like? Beautiful toilet seats.

29:18

I'm genuinely considering buying one of those toilets.

29:20

They look loud. It's

29:22

soft clothes. Oh, they're soft clothes. They're

29:24

soft clothes toilet seats. My concern is

29:26

more like, they're

29:30

porous because they're timber. Yeah, the wooden.

29:33

They're like epoxy to varnish or whatever. Yeah. Yeah,

29:35

but you're going to wear that off. That's

29:38

such a timeless touch. The way you're going to that

29:40

toilet bin. Whew. Getting

29:42

through that varnish in no time. Stripping

29:45

it back. I'm going to buy a seashell

29:47

toilet seat. I'm just going to do it.

29:49

You should. I'm going to buy it today.

29:51

Yeah. Our friend Hannah,

29:53

I believe, bought a seashell

29:55

toilet seat at some point. Amazing.

29:58

I'm almost certain she did. Definitely. So

30:00

like some shit you do. This

30:03

is from W I N

30:05

K in Florida. Parties

30:10

over dirt parking ends at barefoot

30:12

Lake. Damn. End

30:16

of an era. All I

30:18

heard was barefoot party. That's yeah. The

30:22

league County Sheriff's office has made it clear.

30:24

The party at barefoot Lake is over. Oh,

30:28

following the barrage of complaints and

30:30

concerns from visitors to the makeshift

30:32

beach, LCSO has now

30:34

established a mobile command center to

30:36

monitor the private property. What

30:39

do you mean? Why? Shift beach. Mobile

30:41

command center. Because plenty

30:44

of Americans are always calling the

30:46

dirt around their lake a beach.

30:48

Yeah. And that's not on. That's

30:50

not on. Yeah. Beaches are

30:52

at the ocean. The dirt and sand are

30:55

different. Beaches are at the ocean, but the

30:57

beach also has to be the right kind

30:59

of beach because British people are also calling

31:01

a hideous field of rocks, a beach. And

31:04

that's not on either. You know

31:06

what? Italy is doing it too. Italy, you're on blast.

31:08

Italy fucking get it together. Beautiful

31:11

waters of Cinque Terre. Still not a beach.

31:16

Yep. Beautiful waters of Cinque Terre. You are

31:18

on blast. You are on blast. If I'm

31:20

walking down to the water and I'm going like

31:22

this the whole time. Oh, Oh,

31:26

I rolled my ankle. I rolled my ankle. I rolled my

31:28

ankle. Bring the car around. Bring the car around. It's not

31:30

a beach. Yeah, no. We

31:32

should have another word for that. I'll call it a foreshore. For

31:36

sure. Yeah. Roughly

31:40

200 people visit barefoot lake in Lehigh

31:43

Acres. Hey,

31:45

sorry. Roughly 200 people

31:47

visit barefoot lake in Lehigh Acres.

31:51

Okay. Like in total. Now,

31:53

like there are 200 people in the world that

31:55

regularly go there. They rotate just those 200 people.

31:58

Yeah. They got a roster. Yeah, maybe

32:01

it's maybe the barefoot. Maybe it's a roster of

32:03

500 people and there's always 200 people

32:05

there You know the

32:07

key is stocked around the clock. Yeah Yeah,

32:10

200 people to me is

32:13

not conjuring like what I would think of

32:15

as a problem At

32:17

this point. Well 200 florida a

32:19

lot of people 200 florida. Yeah Roughly

32:25

200 people blah blah blah which makes for

32:27

a melting pot for hijinks A

32:30

melting pot for high note was kind of

32:32

things This

32:36

is the first time I've read one of these where

32:38

I've been like oh, it's definitely AI Like

32:41

that's just not that's not a

32:43

thing a melting pot for hijinks

32:46

a Fine

32:48

had broken out Sunday and a man was arrested

32:50

after going on a punching spree after his ass

32:52

to slow down his dirt bike Punching

32:55

spree. Yeah, he punched like 20 people like

32:57

he was just like in the mix with

32:59

a bunch of people around him Men

33:03

women children like he

33:06

was punching literally everyone around him Now

33:10

with the mobile command center ATV and dirt

33:12

bike riders will need to find a different

33:14

location to ride their vehicles What

33:17

is this beach? So this is

33:19

a vacant lot in Lee

33:22

high acres in Florida that

33:24

has a like perfectly rectangular

33:26

Lake in the middle of it and it's just

33:28

like private property with no house or anything on

33:30

it owned by someone that lives

33:33

in the Czech Republic and Like

33:35

local families have just been using it as

33:37

like a place to go swimming. But also

33:39

and right ATV's right And

33:43

getting punch ons. There's like lots of

33:45

viral videos of like big fights breaking

33:47

out that barefoot Lake It's

33:50

just full of like ne'er do wells. Yeah,

33:52

that's where all the ruffians hang out I'm

33:56

gonna walk the long way. I don't want to go

33:58

near barefoot. Like I might get waylaid by ruffians got

34:01

like warriors style gangs there. Like

34:05

point break beach gangs. Yeah, very

34:08

strange situation.

34:10

Very funny because it's called

34:13

barefoot lake. Yeah. Hey,

34:15

that place sounds dangerous. You should try and get as

34:17

far away from it as possible. And the best way

34:19

to do that would be on a plane.

34:22

We speak about planes in plainly

34:24

speaking. It's time for plainly speaking.

34:29

This is your captain, Smegan. Please return your

34:31

seat to their upright positions as we are coming

34:33

in hot on another edition of plainly speaking. You're

34:37

doing some wonderful work there on the segway

34:40

sebend. I find the

34:42

secret to it is to repeat the component words

34:44

of the name of the segment as many times

34:46

as possible before getting to the scene. Yeah, that

34:48

works. So I just put this in

34:50

here because I thought it was really funny basically. This

34:54

is from the West Australian. One

34:57

Perth resident complained about aircraft noise more than

34:59

21,000 times last year accounting for

35:02

nearly half of all complaints in Australia. Oh

35:05

my God. What are we picturing? What's the

35:07

demographic here? I just got to

35:10

be a 60 year old man, right? 60 year

35:12

old man. Yeah. 60 to 70

35:14

year old white man. Yeah.

35:17

Can you say it? It was

35:19

like a white Australian guy named like Les. Yeah.

35:23

So he fucking hates it. He was there

35:25

before the airport. So we're talking an average

35:27

of like 57 complaints

35:29

a day, right? Is that it? So many. Single

35:33

Perth resident said to have complained more than 21,000 times

35:35

about overflying aircraft last

35:38

year. Like maybe I

35:40

would love to know how

35:42

many flights that were over a thousand if it was every

35:44

time I hear a plane. Is it like every single flight?

35:46

Every time I hear a plane, right? I'm getting on the

35:48

blower. Yeah. The unidentified

35:51

complainant's prolific record is revealed in

35:53

numbers provided to a senate inquiry

35:55

looking into the impact of noise

35:57

from aircraft on cities and regional centers. The

36:00

data shows that the number of people complaining

36:02

about aircraft noise has actually fallen since 2019,

36:06

but the number of complaints has almost trebled

36:08

because those complaining are doing so repeatedly. A

36:13

submission to the Senate inquiry by Air

36:15

Services Australia, the federal government

36:17

organisation that manages the country's skies,

36:19

reveals complaints doubled to 51,589 in

36:21

2023. However,

36:26

more than 30,000 of these were made by

36:28

just five people led by the Perth complainant

36:30

who filed 21,716 complaints or an average of

36:32

60 per day. Well,

36:37

big data. As a comparison, the biggest complainant in

36:39

Brisbane fired

36:42

off 4,071. 60 per day. Which

36:46

is still so many. It's

36:48

so many. Like, do you think he's got it like

36:50

on auto? It's got to be. I

36:53

think this came up. I think we wrote out a

36:55

very similar case to this like

36:57

two years ago in the bonus episode

36:59

Dingus Day at the Polish Nook about

37:02

a guy who made 23,000 complaints in

37:04

one year about Dublin

37:08

Airport. And he constituted

37:10

90% of the complaints

37:12

about Dublin Airport was just this one guy.

37:16

And I think the article we read about it did

37:18

suggest that sometimes these things were automated. That

37:20

people just set up a thing to be like for every

37:22

flight that goes overhead, file a complaint about

37:24

the noise. Have

37:27

you considered just like enjoying the sound

37:29

of it? What a

37:32

rush. Beautiful machine. Yeah. Big

37:34

whoosh. Ooh. Yeah. Imagine

37:37

being here a big whoosh like 60 times a day.

37:42

I'm definitely like of

37:44

the mind that the levels of industrial

37:46

and ambient noise we hear all the time is

37:49

probably very bad for us. This

37:51

is one of my crystal adjacent

37:53

hippie beliefs. Like mentally. Yeah. Like

37:55

living in cities. Not physically. I

37:57

don't believe it. I believe that's where autism comes from. Yeah,

38:01

but like that there's something there that like It's

38:04

probably not good for your mental health in

38:06

some way to constantly be on like crazy

38:08

loud levels of noise as background noise And

38:10

the point probably but what if we tried

38:13

we don't know Well,

38:15

what if we do it? But like

38:17

what do they like several billion people? Yeah

38:20

I also don't understand what you can kind

38:22

of do about it All you can do is

38:24

change a flight path, which is just making it worse for

38:26

the environment Stop the thing has

38:28

stopped the planes going overhead Apparently

38:31

not like although I guess like

38:34

they've got a curfew at Sydney Airport. Yeah

38:36

for these reasons Well because like there was

38:38

all the people around like the inner west

38:40

stuff near the airport were just sick of

38:43

that shit The

38:45

Greens in Australia have made like a really

38:47

big deal in lots of different cities about

38:49

flight paths and aircraft noise Which

38:52

is something I just do not notice

38:54

or give a shit about It's a thing

38:57

that I've lived in Essendon like very

38:59

very close to airport. It's like he just Just

39:02

becomes background noise like It's

39:04

quite a pleasant little sound I've got

39:07

Dillinger escape plan When

39:09

your speakers I was right

39:11

close to a train line that

39:13

freight trains regularly go on like the

39:15

really fucking long really loud Great

39:18

trains and it's loud and it's often and

39:20

it's throughout the night at times and I'm

39:22

like, yeah, okay I just got used to

39:24

that noise you can get white noise playlists

39:26

that are of that sound, you know Yeah,

39:29

just make it like an ASMR thing make

39:31

yourself. Enjoy it Seven

39:35

and I got bigger things going on right

39:37

now. I Live

39:39

in a very quiet suburb and if

39:41

I hear any kind of

39:44

noise, I can't immediately identify I'm

39:47

calling zero and zero and then pushing

39:49

in zero and holding my finger over

39:51

the make call go button Beeping

39:54

out from behind my curtains my heart rate

39:56

through the roof. I'm

39:58

so scared. I immediately burst into the

40:00

children's room and I tell them someone is coming to

40:02

get you. Someone is

40:04

trying to kill you. Stay

40:07

here. The house is compromised. The house

40:09

is compromised. I say stay here until I come back.

40:11

If I don't come back, it means I've been killed

40:13

and then I forget about telling them that and I

40:15

go back to bed. You

40:17

can start making complaints about the garbage man

40:20

waking me up on Thursday morning. What

40:25

if it's not like a boomer aged

40:27

person who is doing all of these,

40:29

but what if it's like more of

40:31

a Redditor type guy who doesn't

40:34

like this and thinks that it's his

40:36

right to not hear planes and he's

40:38

like maybe created like

40:41

his own little application,

40:43

hooks into like some API for flight paths

40:46

and every time something goes over him, it

40:48

just automatically fills out a thing and submits

40:50

it because that's like so many

40:52

complaints. I prefer thinking of an

40:54

old guy literally just sitting and firing off

40:57

an email every time he hears a plane.

40:59

He's opening his very old

41:01

like Dell laptop. Yeah,

41:03

he's got a Telstra email address.

41:05

He's got the IBM ThinkPad that

41:07

they forgot to get back off

41:09

him when he retired in 1998.

41:14

He's saying all the words out loud as he's

41:16

typing them into his email. I

41:18

was most displeased to hear

41:20

yet another plane. Please

41:23

refer to my previous 20,000 emails. You've

41:27

never seen anyone over the age of like 45

41:29

type. Yeah, it's

41:31

really frustrating. And they won't look at the

41:34

screen the entire time. They will look at

41:36

the keyboard the whole time just typing it

41:38

out and you can see just the mistakes

41:40

accumulating on the screen. Yeah, he's not looking

41:42

at it. And they look up and

41:45

then they move their hand purposefully over

41:47

to the mouse, sort

41:49

of put the cursor where the first mistake

41:52

is and they click in there and then

41:54

they look back to the keyboard. They place

41:56

their hand very perfectly back on the keyboard

41:58

and tap out the. A

42:01

new mistake. They look up, move

42:04

their hands to the mouth. Anyway.

42:08

No, he's getting over the little red,

42:10

the little red mouse pointer thing on

42:12

the IBM ThinkPad. Yeah. And

42:15

then really slowly trying to get it. Anyway,

42:19

Air Service has declined to disclose the identity of

42:21

the Perth complainants and whether they are filing on

42:23

behalf of dogs. He, I want to know who

42:25

he is. No, we

42:27

know that if you make enough complaints, the

42:29

airlines will murder you. We know that now.

42:32

Yeah. Oh man. Yeah.

42:35

Violet back, man. Oh good. I

42:37

reckon if we sort of just looked at the

42:39

suburbs that are under the busiest flight paths around

42:41

Perth airport and then filtered for

42:43

residents who are over 50 and

42:45

whose name is Les or Reg.

42:49

And I reckon we're there. I reckon we can probably get him. Be

42:52

like, hey, get a fucking hobby. Do

42:55

something else. Move somewhere else. I know it's

42:57

not that easy to move, but I know

42:59

you got money, Les. Yeah. I

43:02

know you bought that house 30 years ago. Yeah,

43:04

obviously that's spare time. Yeah. Oh

43:07

good. I don't know what the solution to any of

43:09

this is either. Like, I mean, plane travel is bad,

43:11

but it's also kind of the only

43:13

way we can travel long distances currently

43:16

that makes sense. You also can't

43:18

just have your airports be like an hour and

43:20

a half away from your

43:23

major cities. It's not like we can

43:25

just be like, we're getting rid of Brisbane airport. It's

43:27

now only the sunny coast airport. That's it.

43:30

That's where you've got to go. I don't

43:32

know what these people want. Like

43:34

put your energy into pushing for the

43:36

high speed rail. Like

43:38

do something helpful. It's

43:41

not going to happen, but neither is

43:43

your thing. Push

43:45

for the cooler thing. You're asking

43:47

for something to stop instead

43:49

of asking for something to change. Yeah, it's

43:51

easier to tear something down than just to

43:54

build it up. Sorry. That's

43:56

why doing this podcast is so

43:58

easy. about

44:00

designing and building your own line

44:02

of quiet planes. Now

44:05

we're talking. Get your work. Are

44:07

the planes too loud for you? Invent

44:09

a plane silencer. You

44:11

know, take it as an opportunity to

44:13

really let your mind work and come

44:15

up with like a solution, something new.

44:19

Try a little lateral thinking, Reg. Independent

44:23

DIYer hand built his

44:25

own Shinkansen in only 26 years.

44:33

Uh, look, I don't

44:36

think that the airport is actually going to take

44:38

any of this onboard and stop flying planes in

44:40

there. So even having a complaints line here, I

44:42

think is a bit of a scam. It's

44:44

time for scam watch. Warning,

44:48

warning. Someone has successfully or

44:50

unsuccessfully attempted a scam and

44:52

must be judged. This is,

44:55

Scam Watch. This

44:57

comes to us from WGN in

44:59

Chicago. The

45:03

wagon, the wagon, wagon

45:05

watch. Don't

45:08

fall for the falling lady

45:10

scam on escalators. If

45:12

you see a lady fall down, kick her

45:15

and say, I would never fall for the

45:17

police. Stay away from my money. Bitch.

45:22

Let's try, sir. Maybe

45:26

the man, man, start

45:28

punching, ask questions later.

45:33

Has someone in your neighborhood asked you for help? Destroy

45:36

them physically. There's

45:40

a chance that lady taking a

45:42

tumble in a crowded place isn't

45:44

so helpless. Travel experts are warning.

45:47

Be suspicious of everyone around you. Lay

45:49

your backpack on the front. The

45:51

commotion could be part of a scam

45:54

travelers encounter at airports, train stations and

45:56

tourist attractions. Quite. If

46:01

there's any crowd or something jostling

46:03

or someone spills ketchup on you

46:05

or there's a commotion, all

46:08

these thieves are trying to distract you. Travel

46:11

blogger and influencer Johnny Jet

46:13

explains. What are we

46:15

doing here? Immediately finding that guy. If you

46:17

get jostled or there's a crowd or there's

46:19

a commotion, pull him out and start blasting.

46:23

Start shooting. Johnny

46:25

Jet's a middle aged man. Johnny

46:27

Jet. Starting

46:29

face. No. Johnny

46:33

Jet concerning face. Ari face.

46:37

Something about this man that I do not like the

46:39

look of. Basically

46:43

any situation that occurs. Crowd,

46:47

jostling, ketchup. Ketchup.

46:51

I need to hear a little more about mustard to know. What

46:53

about ketchup? Ketchup also

46:55

thieves? Barbecue sauce. Don't

46:58

get me started. You

47:00

know you're in a rough neighborhood when they're spilling barbecue

47:02

sauce on you. Alabama

47:04

white barbecue sauce thieves. Hey

47:07

you guys hear a commotion? Hands over my

47:09

wallet immediately. One

47:12

such scam involves a person. Sometimes a

47:14

person dressed as an elderly

47:16

woman you're getting Mrs. Doubtfire.

47:19

Have you been Mrs. Doubtfire?

47:21

You're right. That is so. Pretending

47:23

to fall down an escalator. Jet said.

47:27

Have you seen a Mrs. Doubtfire fall

47:29

cartwheeling down an escalator? Protect

47:31

yourself at all times.

47:35

Mother I've been slipped in the

47:38

hole. Yet another reason to open

47:40

Carrie in my opinion. Yes. You

47:43

never know when you need to stand your ground. Although

47:45

I'm not sure how that works if the escalator is

47:47

still moving you. The

47:50

old lady's at the bottom of the escalator and you're stationary but

47:52

the escalator's moving you towards her. Is it still correct or shout?

47:55

I'm standing my ground. I'm standing

47:57

my ground. What

48:00

do you think? It's a

48:02

philosophical conundrum. She's coming right

48:04

at me. Thank God he

48:06

goes arse over tits on the on

48:08

the escalator. Vats immediately kicked it. 90

48:13

percent chance of hitting their head. Here we go. As

48:18

bystanders rush to help, their pockets

48:20

are empty, the phones and wallets

48:22

and handed to accomplices riding the

48:25

escalator in the other direction. What

48:28

is this Ocean's 11 bullshit? Yeah,

48:32

I like it. It's creative. I

48:34

don't believe this for a sec.

48:36

I believe this happened once, maybe.

48:39

How many how many people do they think

48:41

are involved in this in this scam? 20,

48:44

20 to 30 individuals. Yeah,

48:47

that's a makeup department. This is real.

48:49

Like I got pickpocketed and I

48:52

was on the Truman Show. Yeah.

48:54

You know, everybody in this airport.

48:57

It's conniving to get my iPhone 10

48:59

out of my pocket. This is a

49:01

great excuse to just not help an

49:04

old lady that fell down. Yeah, I'm

49:06

not calling for that. Yeah. Good

49:08

luck. You're all such my

49:10

self worth. I'm not going to do this one before.

49:13

Oh, yeah, that's definitely a compound

49:15

fracture. Goodbye. Are

49:17

they finding a new time? Or

49:20

can you just stand by this one escalator

49:22

and see the world's greatest show go off

49:25

the whole day? Or 15 minutes.

49:28

Oh, so

49:31

the way this is supposed to work is that the

49:35

robust young acrobat in

49:37

Mrs. Doubtfire cosplay falls

49:40

down the escalator. Immediately,

49:45

all of the all of the

49:47

marks around them, let's say five,

49:50

six, seven marks rush in.

49:53

Yeah. Trying to dispense help. They

49:56

are instantly ringed by

49:58

another. Let's say. 10

50:00

people rifling through all of their pockets

50:03

and backpacks. Also,

50:05

I'm going to guess there is a continuous stream

50:08

of people heading up the escalator in the other

50:10

direction. Ready to receive 5? 10

50:12

people? Yeah, the goods. You need a person

50:14

for every person that's trying to go through a pocket, right?

50:17

Yes. But it's like the Toyota

50:19

production line. Everybody is in the- they stay

50:22

in the one spot and they have one

50:24

job to do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because

50:26

they're on an escalator, so they're moving. You've got the tumbling

50:28

granny. You've got the guy on bum bags. You've got

50:30

the guy on wallets. Mm-hmm. Someone's there

50:32

for us. I've been studying pockets. Yeah. I

50:35

mean, the guy that's there to get shit out of

50:37

the travel socks that you hide your money in? Oh,

50:40

yeah. He knows how to get them out of there.

50:43

That's why they're so successful with this scam. They've got

50:45

a can ban going on. Yeah. They've

50:47

got a Trello sorted out. The guy

50:49

who's effortlessly getting into your travel

50:51

wallet down the front of your pants. Yeah.

50:54

Yeah. He's in there. He's been

50:56

talking to me really worth it these days. No.

50:59

No. What are you getting? Yeah, put

51:01

your cards. It's for me. I should put the hand

51:03

in my pants to come back with a jelly stuff.

51:07

Throwing it away at the car. Oh,

51:09

God. Do

51:12

you reckon the bum bag

51:14

guy's understudy to the tumbling grandma?

51:17

Oh, they're definitely a hierarchy. Watch

51:19

and learn, young blood. Oh! One

51:22

day. Oh! Tumbling. I

51:26

mean, you know, it's like being a stuntman, right? Like

51:28

all of the effort goes into doing the fall and

51:30

making it look like you've been hurt. Yeah.

51:33

Yeah. You thought I had a compound

51:35

fracture. Jokes on you. Now I have

51:38

your like half

51:41

a sleeve of nicotine gum. Mm-hmm.

51:44

Mm-hmm. I've got your

51:46

pouch of Champion Ruby tobacco that

51:48

is three quarters empty. Your

51:51

Home Depot loyalty card. Mm-hmm. I've

51:54

got a phone so small that if I try to hold

51:56

it in my cupped hands, it slips through the cracks in

51:58

my fingers. I got

52:00

a phone but I accidentally breathed it in. Oh

52:03

no. Truly,

52:06

truly sick sad society here. If

52:08

this is the travel advice that

52:11

you're getting is any person

52:13

that you see who seems like they need

52:15

help is out to get you. I

52:17

think it's very reflective of what seems to

52:20

be the wider trend in American society. Yeah,

52:22

is this an American guy? Johnny Jet? Oh

52:25

yeah, he's a reasonably American. Have you seen his

52:27

face? He's the most American man you've ever seen. He

52:30

looks like an airline pilot who

52:33

retired, gets his teeth

52:35

cleaned twice a week. And

52:37

now he weighs bogs. Yeah. So

52:40

just circling back to the phone thing, my

52:42

niece who's 14 years old, 14, 15, she actually thinks

52:47

it's cool. So my phone isn't actually like, chuggy

52:49

or anything like that. She thinks it's not chuggy.

52:51

Are you going to sign off on the phone?

52:53

It's been, it's teen approved. Teen

52:55

girl approved. Little gold sticker on

52:58

the phone. You just asked like, hey, can

53:00

you think my phone's going to come? Is it cool

53:02

or chuggy? No, this was car culture. You can say it if

53:04

it's chuggy. This was uninvited. It's

53:06

kind of like

53:09

anti-consumerist, you know, I'm sort of pulling

53:11

myself out of the rat race of

53:13

getting more expensive, bigger phone. It's probably

53:16

giving Y2K, right? Like it's giving Y2K.

53:18

I don't think she's alive in Y2K. Cara like

53:21

vintage? No, definitely not alive in Y2K. They

53:24

still love those Y2K vibes. Oh yeah, they

53:27

love a Y2K vibe. I'm

53:29

just looking at johnnyjet.com. Sorry, you know, I'm just

53:31

thinking, what a YA number. I

53:36

could find a T to say that it's stupid. 10

53:38

minutes. Give me 10 minutes. I'll find a T to

53:40

say that they're fucking stupid. No, they're all very honest

53:43

these days. I'm

53:45

just looking at johnnyjet.com because JohnnyJet

53:47

is a media company. Vampire.

53:50

And JohnnyJet is... He's doing point hacks.

53:52

He's doing point hacks, guys. Well, I'm

53:54

just looking at the travel tip of

53:56

the day. And the travel tip of

53:58

the day is... golden

54:01

retriever dies after airline sends pet

54:04

to wrong airport and doesn't give

54:06

him water that's

54:08

not fun I'm trying to figure out how that

54:10

applies to me and my

54:16

travel I don't want to tell this guy how

54:18

to do his job but that's not the that's

54:20

not the vibe that's not the tone don't do

54:23

that here's another travel tip

54:25

of the day yikes United

54:27

Airlines flight stuck on tarmac during

54:29

a tornado yeah

54:33

we've got our rewards and points guides credit

54:35

card guides and then basically what seems to

54:37

be AI generated

54:40

social media churn posts

54:43

so it is room size garbage good

54:45

to know that we've got Johnny jet out here

54:48

looking after us telling us not to trust each

54:50

other ideally you should kick an old lady if

54:52

she falls down in front of you yeah

54:54

say not today yeah immediately

54:57

followed up with a critical hit

54:59

from your 22 pistol yeah that's

55:01

right Johnny jet

55:03

I'll kill you I

55:06

fucking hate you man it's on sight you're

55:10

a walking fucking dead man Johnny

55:12

jet do not

55:14

set foot in Brisbane especially the inner

55:17

west of Brisbane we will

55:19

get you now I will

55:21

kill you and

55:24

I'm not joking I've got a fucking kill you

55:28

if I see your dead-eyed grin in

55:30

my neck of the woods Johnny jet

55:33

I am coming for you where they feel

55:35

that I will take your life I learned

55:38

about you five minutes ago I

55:41

can go to prison for the rest of my life

55:43

if that's what it takes I don't give a fuck

55:45

you're gone that's what it takes to protect my kids

55:47

from fucking Johnny jet I'll do

55:49

it I don't want them to have to see this man or

55:52

hear his poisonous poisonous

55:54

views now look

55:57

I know we all think that he's encouraging us us

56:00

to stand on the neck of an old lady who

56:02

has fallen down. The

56:05

article does continue. If you

56:07

see someone fall down an escalator,

56:09

the stairs, or anywhere else, if

56:12

you see someone fall over in the pub after

56:14

attempting to do a backflip to impress a lady,

56:16

you don't have

56:20

to be too scared. Yeah. You don't

56:22

have to be completely cold hearted to

56:24

avoid being scammed. Johnny

56:27

Jett says, just take a

56:29

split second to make sure you know

56:31

where your belongings are before jumping into

56:33

action. Quote,

56:36

stand back, guard your valuables,

56:39

then carefully move into help. Said

56:42

Jett, not his name, echoing

56:45

advice from travel writer, Rick

56:47

Steves. Rick Steves. Rick

56:50

Steves. And you know what? Rick Steves, if

56:52

I see you in public, I'm going to

56:54

do everything from Scario two, where he uses

56:56

his finger in a weird way to fire

56:58

the gun like 20 times really quickly. I'm

57:00

fucking killing Rick Steves. Rick

57:06

Steves, I am going to curb stomp you

57:08

like Edward Norton in America. History X, if

57:10

I see you. Hey,

57:12

say goodbye to your family, Rick Steves. Probably

57:14

do it sooner rather than later. Rick Steves,

57:16

I'm going to make a widow out of

57:18

your wife. I'm

57:24

going to offer your children. Rick

57:27

Steves, if I see you, you are going to be

57:29

on the news. You're going to

57:31

be on the news that night. Just

57:34

because I edited you almost entirely out

57:36

of this article for length and clarity,

57:39

that won't stop me from fucking towing you.

57:44

Rick Steves. I mean, I mean, keep your head on a

57:46

swivel. If

57:51

you run up the numbers on the

57:53

Scamily Crew brick on this one and

57:55

it's not looking good. We

57:57

had someone find for the Scamily

57:59

Crew. I pine for

58:01

the Stanley scamly brick Kubrick yeah,

58:04

this is a gambling you break.

58:06

That's the that's the Kubrick

58:10

Cube-shaped rubric rubric for scam

58:12

for scabs yeah the three

58:15

axes of our data points

58:17

siri axes That's right originality

58:19

execution and Are

58:22

they are they? a Boldness

58:27

boldness and execution and is it

58:29

punching up or punching down your

58:31

victimliness yeah Punching down

58:33

you're taking advantage of people's yeah

58:36

bolding impasse pretty funny Yeah,

58:39

pretty funny not the boldest one we've

58:41

seen but I think throwing

58:43

in the old lady for Forward down

58:45

the execution falling down the escalator. That's

58:47

a good start the execution well. They're

58:49

obviously haven't been caught yet. Yeah

58:52

but on the punching downside I

58:58

think they're just going it's on for young

59:00

and old yeah, it's a massacre you

59:02

are Specifically preying on the good-hearted

59:04

as well the good kindly

59:07

husbands of Idaho and

59:10

Wisconsin and other parts of

59:12

America where they got Western boys good midwestern

59:14

boys good midwestern boys We're just trying to help

59:17

because they were raised right yeah, and they say honey.

59:19

You've watched the kids for a second I'm gonna go

59:21

help that old lady because you know what and you're

59:23

kicking them a lady would have helped me Can

59:26

I do bad? I've got on their

59:28

hat. I've got an issue here actually

59:31

Which is that I think that I need to walk back what I've

59:33

said about Rick steve Cuz

59:36

I've looked at the pictures of Rick steves He

59:40

is not the dead-eyed shark that

59:43

Johnny jet is Johnny jet looks like

59:46

a blight on humanity Johnny jet Johnny

59:49

jet looks like a swarm of locusts

59:51

got together and figured out how to

59:53

animate a human body and Pilot it

59:55

around and see if they could end

59:58

the species Oh,

1:00:00

he has very kind eyes. He has

1:00:02

the warmest, most open face. He's got

1:00:04

a very warm energy to him. Oh,

1:00:06

what a kindly smile. I'm just getting

1:00:08

Mark to bring up some pictures for

1:00:10

us here. Unfortunately, Rick Steves really looks...

1:00:13

He is completely unarmed. He will not

1:00:15

stand a chance. Young

1:00:17

Rick Steves travelling Europe looks like someone

1:00:19

that Ben would be very close friends

1:00:22

with. Yeah, I

1:00:24

love this guy's whole vibe. Oh, wow. Look

1:00:26

at that beard. He's drinking

1:00:29

a beer and eating some bread on the side

1:00:31

of the road with his shirt popped off. He

1:00:33

is living, you know? Fucking hell. These

1:00:36

dude rules, he looks great. I'm sorry, I want

1:00:38

to apologize to Rick Steves. I will not kill

1:00:40

you. It is not on site. I

1:00:43

will not Sicario to you, Rick Steves. I

1:00:45

take it back. Let us please

1:00:47

walk that one back. Johnny Jet,

1:00:49

though, I will redouble my efforts to

1:00:51

end you. All

1:00:53

of the... Yeah, we refocus. We're

1:00:56

killing Rick Steves. The rage that

1:00:58

I was directing towards Rick Steves

1:01:00

is now being directed at Johnny

1:01:02

Jet on top of what I

1:01:04

was already directing at Johnny Jet.

1:01:06

Johnny Jet, literally any day next week

1:01:08

could be Day of the Soldado for

1:01:10

you, because I'm going to Sicario to you.

1:01:15

We're going to have to film Sicario 3 to

1:01:17

come up with more things that we're going to

1:01:19

do to Johnny Jet. Even crazier

1:01:21

ways to use a gun. Rick

1:01:25

Steves is a vocal proponent of

1:01:27

legalizing cannabis. Rick Steves,

1:01:29

I'll fucking kill you. I'm

1:01:35

going to tell you what a fucking dog

1:01:37

food is. Spans is coming wiggly snipes at

1:01:39

the tier, rolling down. Wait,

1:01:42

did you say legalizing cannabis? Legalizing,

1:01:45

he also supports solutions to homelessness, and in 2005

1:01:47

he constructed a 24-unit

1:01:49

apartment complex in Linwood, Washington called

1:01:51

Trinity Place, and administered by the

1:01:54

local YWCA to provide transitional housing

1:01:56

for homeless mothers and their children.

1:01:58

Rick Steves. I won't kill

1:02:01

you. I love you Rick Steves. You're a

1:02:03

good guy. Rick

1:02:05

Steves. You got it

1:02:07

all figured out. Rick Steves.

1:02:10

I officially give you the protection of the

1:02:12

podcast Buntavista wherever you are, anywhere in the

1:02:15

world. I will lay

1:02:17

down my life for you. Rick Steves,

1:02:19

I'm writing your name out and then

1:02:21

designing a series of protective sigils around

1:02:23

it in order to keep you safe.

1:02:25

I'm directing my energy from far away

1:02:27

to preserve you.

1:02:31

Oh listeners of Buntavista, hear our

1:02:33

call. Use your energy to put

1:02:35

white magic spells of protection around

1:02:38

Rick Steves. He is part of

1:02:40

our government now. Gather ye rice

1:02:42

and make us Elbereth. Rick

1:02:46

Steves is an active Lutheran. Rick

1:02:49

Steves is a modern Elbereth. Fascinating

1:02:53

man. Rick Steves contains

1:02:55

multitudes. Oh yeah.

1:03:00

Oh, Richard Steves redirects here for

1:03:02

the American serial killer, Steve Richard

1:03:04

Steves. Okay, Richard Steves.

1:03:07

Richard Steves, I'll kill you. Slack

1:03:11

magic only for Richard Steves. Yeah,

1:03:14

I want to know what's going on with the

1:03:17

serial killer. What did he get up to? Was

1:03:19

it anything good? He was killing a thing.

1:03:21

He was... No, nothing good, idiot. Oh,

1:03:24

this guy really is like the

1:03:26

Bizarro evil Rick Steves. Bizarro evil

1:03:28

Rick Steves. He's a picture of Dorian Gray.

1:03:31

Yeah, this is like two E's in the

1:03:33

Steve's. Well, three E's

1:03:36

really. Richard Steves with three E's. Which one's the bad

1:03:38

one between Yin and Yang? Is there a bad one

1:03:40

or are they just... I think

1:03:42

we need both for Harmony and Ballad. We need

1:03:44

both for Harmony and Ballad. Rick Steves, the saint

1:03:47

that Holmes authored

1:03:50

by hand, and Richard Steves,

1:03:52

the American serial killer who murdered

1:03:54

five men in a multi-state crime

1:03:57

spree. I am liking

1:03:59

that he... He murdered five men

1:04:01

and they said, they said, Hey, we

1:04:03

have acquitted you for reason of insanity.

1:04:05

And then they let him out of

1:04:07

a mental hospital and he immediately killed

1:04:09

his neighbor. Oh my God.

1:04:13

And then they said, you know what? Back to jail, buddy. Yeah.

1:04:16

Go on, get back in there. Go on

1:04:18

then. You blew your chance.

1:04:20

We gave you, we trusted you out there. Letting

1:04:23

them out. We believe that everyone deserves a

1:04:25

second chance. Oh, nope. Yeah.

1:04:27

Everyone except this guy. Bring him back in. Bring him back in.

1:04:30

Lars killing people. That's

1:04:33

been Rick Steves' corner. Yeah. And

1:04:36

that is, I'm going to say absolutely

1:04:38

bit of an episode of the podcast. Bunta

1:04:41

Vista. Thank you so much

1:04:44

for joining us. Paybos and

1:04:46

freebos alike. If you

1:04:48

like what you hear, you can get twice as much of it

1:04:51

a week by simply signing up to our

1:04:53

Patreon. It's the price of like a schooner

1:04:55

of beer, like a schooner of cheap

1:04:57

beer too, a month. Well, like half

1:04:59

of a beer in London. Beer is expensive

1:05:02

now, if you notice that. It is expensive

1:05:04

now. Yeah. Not this podcast though. It's pretty

1:05:06

cheap. Yeah. This podcast. Good value

1:05:08

for money if you like it. Bad

1:05:11

value for money if you don't. We

1:05:14

have a live show coming

1:05:16

up, June 15th, Newstead Brewing

1:05:18

Co. Brisbane. Tickets at

1:05:20

buntavista.com/live. Buy your tickets now so

1:05:23

I know how many seats I

1:05:25

have to rent. Because it'll

1:05:27

be really embarrassing if I don't rent enough, but

1:05:30

also really embarrassing if I

1:05:32

rent too many. I

1:05:35

don't know an exact number of seats. I

1:05:38

want there to be enough for maybe

1:05:40

like five empty spots just in case we end

1:05:42

up with awkward arrangements of groups. You

1:05:44

know, people that don't want to sit next to each other. The

1:05:47

problem is that if we hire too many seats and

1:05:49

we don't want it to look empty and like we

1:05:51

didn't sell enough seats, we'll have to do something else

1:05:54

with the seats, like put them all up on stage

1:05:56

with us. And that's going to make for an awkward

1:05:58

vibe. You're going to pay the whole door. going,

1:06:00

I can't wait for all these guests to

1:06:02

come out and they will not happen. Will

1:06:04

these celebrity guests? We don't, there are no

1:06:06

guests. We don't know anybody.

1:06:08

We don't really know anyone. They did

1:06:11

not return our calls. They did it.

1:06:14

People don't really like us that

1:06:16

much. Yeah. We're

1:06:18

kind of loners, Mavericks, and as far

1:06:20

as I know, the only podcast in Australia.

1:06:23

Unpleasant to deal with. Yeah. Singular.

1:06:26

We like each other. We generally are pleasant. Other

1:06:28

people don't like us. So we'll see you at that.

1:06:30

It should be a lot of fun. It will be a lot of

1:06:32

fun. I'm going to say that. Yeah. Good move.

1:06:35

Good move. It'll be funny.

1:06:37

Laughs. Yeah.

1:06:42

So stay safe out there until the live

1:06:44

show. That's because we need you there. It's

1:06:46

also the end of Playprel. So stop telling

1:06:49

your friends about it. Hide your

1:06:51

love away. For 11

1:06:53

months. Do not recommend this podcast. Gaslight.

1:06:57

What was that name of the podcast you so

1:06:59

should listen to? I've never told you about a

1:07:01

podcast. I don't even know what the fuck a

1:07:03

podcast is. I don't know you. We

1:07:08

will see you next week. Bye.