0:01

Hi, I'm Carrie, a stroke survivor and a co

0:03

host of BIND waves, where, you know, we encourage

0:05

you to listen to our stories and hear about

0:07

brain injury awareness. We're,

0:10

in March is Brain Injury Awareness Month, so

0:12

we're re releasing some of our most popular episodes.

0:14

Our fourth episode was with our member, Bernard,

0:17

who goes into about his, how

0:20

he went through what happens after the brain injury.

0:22

What's next? Okay, oops, you've had a brain injury.

0:24

Now what? So, I hope you enjoy this re

0:26

listen.

0:29

Hi, I'm Carrie, a stroke survivor and brain

0:31

injury survivor.

0:33

And I'm Kezia, a brain injury survivor

0:35

as well. And today

0:37

is going to be our second episode of

0:40

BIND Waves. And we have

0:42

our guest today is Bernard.

0:44

He's super welcoming and loves

0:46

pets, dogs to be exact. So

0:49

we're so happy to see him here. And he's going

0:51

to be explaining to us about what happens

0:53

after a brain injury. So

0:56

good morning Bernard.

0:58

Good morning. I'm Bernard Brown.

1:00

Um, I suffered my brain

1:02

injury back in 2005,

1:05

June of 2005

1:08

and the recovery is ongoing.

1:11

Um, and I'm

1:13

here today to share some of my recovery

1:15

with you guys and I'll

1:18

lead on to the ladies.

1:20

To the ladies.

1:22

Welcome to bindwaves, the official

1:24

podcast of the Brain Injury Network

1:26

of Dallas. I'm Brian White, BIND's

1:29

Executive Director. On each episode,

1:32

we'll be providing insight into the brain

1:34

injury community. We'll be talking

1:36

to members and professionals regarding their

1:38

stories and the important role

1:40

of BIND's Clubhouse. We work

1:42

as a team to inspire hope, community,

1:45

and a sense of purpose to survivors,

1:47

caregivers, and the public. Thank

1:50

you for tuning in to BIND Waves. Let's

1:52

get on with the show.

1:54

Um, well, good morning. Like I said,

1:56

you're like I've missed you so much

1:58

in a time that we haven't been able to see you, so

2:01

I'm so excited that you're here and

2:03

willing to share like your recovery

2:05

and all of that. So I think that the best

2:07

question to begin is is like what

2:10

happens after you have a brain injury like

2:12

you're in the hospital and then what?

2:13

My experience what happens at the brain injury

2:15

is you wake up

2:18

and you look around and you

2:20

say, well, you

2:24

Like I didn't really remember everything

2:26

right at that time. I knew I was injured.

2:29

I just woke up in the hospital with

2:32

everyone, with someone staring at me doing

2:35

this like, whoa. So I knew it was

2:37

bad. And as far

2:39

as, um, after

2:42

the injury, like, like during the,

2:45

during the hospital time, I,

2:48

I thought like, I

2:52

don't know, like, what is this? What's going

2:54

on? I

2:56

knew my world had changed. Um,

3:02

and it's just. I know

3:04

I just wanted to get out and get started.

3:07

That was my biggest. It's like, okay, let's, let's

3:09

see what this, what, what this has

3:12

for me now. But I knew everything

3:14

had changed. And so, and

3:16

like I said, it's been 15,

3:18

16 years and the recovery is

3:20

still ongoing. I've suffered from a lot

3:23

of things. Like I've learned

3:25

to fake it, you know, like act

3:27

like you're all right. Right. Yeah.

3:30

And so. And I figure

3:32

I'll fake it till I make it and I'm still trying to make

3:34

it. So, and, but

3:36

it's, it's, it's ongoing.

3:39

Some days are hard.

3:42

Now, does rehab look the same for everybody?

3:45

No, I don't think it, I think that might be

3:47

a misconception. I think all our injuries

3:49

are different. It affects how you

3:51

live, how you eat. I mean, I'm saying

3:53

how you suffer from your injury goes

3:56

into how you live, you know? So, I

3:58

mean, like, I can't sleep. The

4:01

only way, like, I was expecting

4:03

this so I couldn't sleep, but about 1. 30, 1.

4:05

45, I had to take a pill, like, trying

4:07

not to take pills. If I'm excited

4:10

or expecting something, I really

4:12

can't sleep, then my brain won't

4:14

let me relax, so. So,

4:17

like I say, it's, it's, it's ongoing.

4:21

You do certain things to cover up other

4:23

things, so. But I don't think

4:25

any of them are the same.

4:27

Yeah, of course. Yeah, I think.

4:29

And like I said, I'm happy that they're starting

4:31

to do studies on brain

4:34

injuries, but I don't think

4:36

the information is

4:38

exact or anything because like what I

4:40

suffer from and what I hear other people

4:42

suffer from is certain things collab,

4:45

but I think all of them are different.

4:48

Yeah,

4:50

I think that's something that we always talk about here,

4:53

like as part of BIND, being members at

4:55

BIND, we always have something to learn from,

4:57

from different people. But, so,

5:00

you have a brain injury, you're at a hospital,

5:02

but like literally, I think some people don't even

5:04

know, like, we go into an inpatient

5:08

recovery, like what is even recovery?

5:11

Like, I know, obviously, we all get doctors.

5:14

A doctor woke you up and was like, who is this

5:16

person, right? But, other

5:18

than doctors, what do we get, like,

5:20

what services do we get as brain injury

5:22

survivors to recover?

5:26

As far as, um, if

5:28

you know something that I don't know, please share it with me.

5:30

I don't think that they, we really,

5:33

like, the science is

5:35

really there for recovery. people

5:38

with brain injuries. Like, I guess if I had a heart attack,

5:40

you know, I can go places

5:43

and get help for my heart attack as

5:45

opposed to having a brain injury. It's not like

5:47

you can just get in the phone

5:50

book and say, okay, let's call this and go see about

5:52

this. Because I don't know if it's

5:55

the different aspects of

5:57

brain injuries where they can't pinpoint,

6:00

you know, what to do for us. But the

6:02

information is not there for us. And I

6:04

mean, like I say, you can't call. a

6:07

hotline and say, Hey, I'm, you

6:09

know, I'm suffering from brain injury. Can I get this?

6:12

As opposed to if I'm having a heart attack

6:14

or if I suffer from a broken leg, I can call anywhere

6:17

and you know, there's something there for me. Whereas

6:19

there's no avenues for us. Right.

6:22

Yeah. Like I said, that I know of, if you

6:24

know something that I don't know.

6:25

The hotline of BIND, right? That's

6:28

a great hotline.

6:30

So, you know, like I said, the research,

6:32

I think, I think it's like they only started

6:35

from my understanding, and I do a lot of reading,

6:37

is 2004 is when they

6:39

really started initiating the aspect

6:41

of the science of brain injury. So

6:44

it's still fairly, I mean, fairly

6:46

new in the field, you know,

6:48

in studies of brain injury, so.

6:51

I guess we're all involved

6:53

in saving the president. Like you said, you're still working on

6:56

your recovery. It's ongoing. You know,

6:58

everyone has, you've got OT, PT,

7:00

physical rehabilitation and all

7:03

different kinds. But like, so when you leave the hospital,

7:06

do you go back for outpatient? Can you continue

7:08

to go somewhere to get help?

7:09

Well, um, it

7:12

all depends on, I found out it all

7:14

depends on, like with everything else, who you know

7:17

and what, you know, as far as

7:19

what little Programs

7:22

or whatever little things you can get to

7:24

help you with your recovery. Um,

7:28

like it took me, um, I

7:31

think I was in to my recovery

7:35

seven, eight, nine years before I found BIND,

7:37

you know? So, you know, so I

7:42

don't, like I said, I don't know any really

7:45

places that you can really go to get

7:48

the help that, that we need.

7:51

Did you have like a physical therapist

7:54

or an occupational therapist or

7:56

speech therapist?

7:57

I had all that for a time but it

7:59

got to be frustrating for me because

8:01

the help that I was getting it's like I'm

8:04

not ignorant I'm you know some of the help right

8:07

I couldn't do it it was like I

8:09

don't know how anybody else took it it's like was

8:11

beneath me I'm like this ain't what I'm

8:13

this ain't brain help this is it dick this

8:16

is Get away

8:18

from it. I mean, I'm just saying, it was like, the

8:21

help that they offered, it had nothing to do with

8:23

helping me recover. So it was more frustrating

8:26

that I wasn't going to subject myself

8:28

to a questionnaire of some ignorant,

8:32

you know, I just couldn't do that. If this is what

8:34

you think, I mean, I can read and I can

8:36

understand that this ain't helping me. You just insulting

8:38

me with this, these questions

8:40

you're asking me. So a lot of times I

8:42

was frustrated with the recovery of brain

8:45

injury. Yeah, I think. They made me feel

8:47

stupid as opposed to trying to help

8:49

me. You asked me an insulting question. I

8:51

ain't say I was retarded. You said I had

8:54

brain injury. You know, I suffer from headaches.

8:56

I can't sleep. Yeah. Things like that.

8:58

I can read a word, you know.

9:01

Don't give me some question here with a bunch of stupid.

9:04

Something. It was insulting to me, my

9:06

recovery. Yeah. Because I think they, they

9:09

gave you more stuff that. I

9:11

don't know. I guess they might've thought it was helping, but I guess

9:14

with them not having any information on

9:16

brain injuries, they don't know what to ask you. And

9:18

I took it offensive. You know, this

9:20

ain't helping. This just make my head hurt more. You

9:22

keep asking me these dumb questions. And

9:25

so yeah, I think it didn't really

9:27

work for me to doing the recovery.

9:29

I was like, like they told me, they said,

9:32

um, when I got out for

9:34

18 months, they told me I'd had to be in

9:36

a house. And, Go through this and

9:38

all these discovery. After six months, I couldn't take

9:40

it anymore and I quit going. I couldn't go

9:42

and answer another, somebody sit up and gimme a questionnaire

9:45

of dumb questions and you want me to

9:47

answer this like I'm a kid. Oh,

9:49

is this box, is this a square?

9:51

Is this, come on man. What that got to

9:54

do with me, me having a brain injury? So

9:56

a lot of that stuff.

9:56

Yeah, I think

9:58

everyone's recovery is a little different,

10:01

but I also like right now and you're saying that

10:03

you're getting very frustrated Isn't that

10:05

something similar to you carry that you just

10:07

were like didn't like certain therapist

10:09

and it's just yes Every therapist has

10:12

to be very different and like kind

10:14

of like fixed towards

10:16

the person that they're dealing with, right?

10:19

I think that's true.

10:19

Mostly the neurologist got on my nerve, you

10:21

know You

10:24

know, I mean he was just doing his job or they were doing

10:26

their job But And I guess that's what they

10:28

want to make sure that you're recovering. And

10:30

I couldn't follow them, but I was just, just for me, it

10:32

just, it was frustrating and it was, yeah,

10:35

couldn't take it. And I've noticed since

10:37

the brain injury, I have no tolerance, you

10:39

know, for a lot of stuff. Right.

10:42

So. So

10:44

for, um, you mentioned also

10:46

that after like seven, eight years, you didn't

10:48

start coming to BIND. So is

10:51

BIND what you consider it as the best way

10:53

to recover?

10:53

Right. Yeah, well, BIND

10:56

helped me tremendously. It

10:59

let me know that, like, like a lot of times

11:01

when I went to the doctor and I would tell the doctor

11:04

what I was going through, they would look

11:06

at me like, well, you look, you look, you

11:08

look healthy, you look this. And,

11:10

you know, looks are deceiving, because you never

11:12

know what's inside, just like with anything. Right.

11:15

You judge something by how you see it, not

11:17

necessarily what it is, you know what I'm saying? So,

11:20

um. Uh oh. And

11:22

then this is what I suffer from. Welcome

11:25

to brain injury where you can totally lose your

11:27

train of thought. And that's absolutely

11:29

true. Anybody help me with what I was saying?

11:31

Yeah, of course. So we were talking about

11:33

how BIND has helped. Sorry. No,

11:37

it's okay. It happens.

11:38

No, it totally does happen.

11:40

I'm sorry.

11:41

That's a perfect example, right? I totally

11:43

lost it though.

11:44

It's okay. We were just talking

11:46

about how BIND has helped you with your recovery.

11:48

Okay, yeah. Yeah, before BIND.

11:51

Um, like with the doctor,

11:53

I got it now, uh, with the doctors, I would go

11:55

and tell them what I was suffering from. And

11:58

they would look at me like, sir,

12:00

you get back your vitals,

12:03

you get healthy and this

12:05

and that. And I tell them, man,

12:07

I could be talking and I can

12:09

get, I can be thinking of something right, right. Okay.

12:11

I'm going to get you to get something. And before I get up,

12:14

I forgot what I was going to get. Literally.

12:17

I'm talking about, I had to sit down. And

12:19

think five, ten minutes, oh, I was going

12:21

to get there. Go in the kitchen and sit there

12:24

and stare and think about what it is

12:26

that I was actually going to get. So,

12:30

but just brain

12:32

injuries are different for everybody

12:34

and no recovery is the same

12:37

and I think

12:40

you're only good if you sleep that night.

12:42

I mean, you know, like I want to take a job,

12:45

but like, The

12:47

thought of having a job, my anxieties

12:50

go up and everything. Why

12:52

I ain't gonna do that to myself? Why? Like, I got the chills

12:54

just thinking about it. I mean, I'm just saying. And

12:57

I don't want to go through the failure. Right.

13:00

I don't want to go through the mental anguish. And,

13:04

and, it's

13:07

just, I don't know.

13:08

But coming to BIND, you feel like you're accomplishing stuff.

13:09

Yeah, but BIND, BIND, BIND is, you guys

13:11

are my foundation. I mean, it's like,

13:15

Just knowing, just not being able to come in the

13:17

last 18 months is just terrible,

13:20

you know, every week. I mean, I was only doing

13:22

a couple days a week, but then we're like the

13:24

best two days. I mean, you look forward to it. Right.

13:27

Yeah, of course. And I feel like you've

13:29

been actually, since I've met you, you've been

13:31

super successful. The kitchen,

13:33

you're like awesome at that part.

13:35

Like, you know, right now you were saying how

13:37

sometimes you forget, but I, I

13:39

wouldn't even know that until like right now

13:42

that I heard you, right? Because You're

13:44

like very successful at that part,

13:46

making sure that all of us have a great lunch.

13:48

Right. And, you know, so I

13:50

love that. So do you like cooking

13:53

everywhere?

13:54

Uh, yeah, I enjoy cooking.

13:56

You want me to tell the truth? I rather cooking. Yeah. I love

13:58

the truth. Okay. Kind

14:00

a funny style. So I rather cook it than

14:02

someone else. Right. I could see what's going on.

14:04

But no, I all, all, honestly,

14:07

I, I enjoyed cooking. I was raised

14:09

with a family that had a restaurant so. I've

14:11

been around cooking my whole life, so yeah.

14:14

Well, that's what I love about BIND is when you cook.

14:16

Well, thank you. So, just letting you know. Thank

14:20

you. Is there any other, um, activities

14:22

that you like about BIND that's been

14:24

helping you so much?

14:26

Uh, camaraderie,

14:28

being around you guys. I think it

14:30

helps just knowing that you're

14:32

not the only one. And that, that helped

14:34

me more than anything. Like I said, when Uh,

14:37

before BIND, I would go to

14:39

the doctor and tell them, and they would tell me,

14:41

like, you look normal, you did this and this and that,

14:44

and I would tell them what I was suffering

14:46

from, and like, because they don't know

14:48

much about brain injury as

14:51

they should, so it was like, I'm telling

14:53

them something, and he's like, they're not believing

14:55

me, but once I got to BIND and talked to everybody,

14:57

and I was like, Time it feels good to

14:59

know that I ain't crazy and everyone, someone

15:02

else is going, you know, what I'm feeling, you

15:04

know, it's felt by someone else with the

15:07

injury because they'll have you

15:09

thinking, are you really, am

15:11

I really hurt? Or am I really going through this?

15:14

And I'm like, yeah, I am. But they

15:16

have you questioning your own self sometimes

15:18

because they don't know how to analyze

15:21

it. And then literally they don't because

15:23

it's something new. And

15:26

I've, I've been passed around. To

15:29

so many neurologists and just

15:31

like when I first, um,

15:34

had the injury, they gave you a lot of

15:36

different drugs and they try all these things on

15:38

you until they get something that works.

15:42

And you just have to go through so much with the injury

15:44

until you find a medium somewhere where

15:46

you can just find the equilibrium

15:49

with it, you know. So I

15:51

quit trying, I quit caring about what people

15:53

think. I, you know, I just, You

15:56

know what? I hope for a good night's sleep. If

15:58

I can just go to No, y'all laugh, but I'm serious.

16:00

If I can just go to sleep, I'm satisfied.

16:03

Yeah, it makes sense. You know, cause, I

16:05

mean, I

16:07

don't sleep.

16:08

Right. Well, you seem to have a pretty positive attitude

16:11

about your recovery and everything.

16:12

Yeah, and I learned that too. You know, I

16:14

could have felt sorry for myself. You

16:17

know, like, I can't drive. Cause I, I

16:19

can't. I'm blind in this eye. And I suffer

16:21

from what they call deaf perception. I mean, I can

16:23

see you until you start moving

16:25

and I can see you moving, but I can't judge the distance

16:28

when you're moving. And for years,

16:30

it took 12 years for

16:33

a doctor to tell me what I was suffering from.

16:36

So I went to an eye doctor and she said, you

16:38

got what we call deaf perception. And she explained

16:40

it. I was like, yeah, that's what I'm going

16:42

through. And you know, I went to eye doctors

16:45

and all doctors and no one could tell

16:47

me. They just say, well, you should be able to drive.

16:50

And every time I tried to drive, I almost killed myself.

16:52

Oh, that's scary. You know what I'm saying? And

16:55

then finally found out that what I

16:57

read about deficits is you can see

16:59

it. And when it's moving, you can't judge

17:01

it. Right. I mean, you can see it. You just can't

17:03

judge the distance. Right.

17:05

You know, it's coming. Like I know that

17:07

it's coming, but I can't tell how close it is

17:10

and therefore I'm, uh, I'm not able

17:12

to drive. But I found I could

17:15

ride a bike. Really? Yeah,

17:17

well to sit on the sidewalk so I don't get in the street. Right.

17:19

Like that. But I mean I had to do something. I can't, like

17:22

I played college basketball. I can't play basketball

17:24

because I can't see straight. Scared

17:26

to get poked in the good eye, you

17:28

know, because I ain't got but one and

17:30

I try to work with that.

17:32

Yeah, I think it's like a great example

17:34

of how you're so positive. Last time that

17:36

we were here at BIND, right now like

17:38

you said, I can't drive, but I can ride a bike.

17:41

That's exactly like how I feel about you

17:43

when I saw you and I met you here at

17:45

BIND. We worked on um, a

17:47

project about making a collage

17:50

of like all the positive, and

17:52

I You use only these great

17:54

words that we kept finding and I think

17:56

that's one thing that really shows about like

17:58

how recovery Goes for you. It

18:00

might not have been X, Y, or Z

18:03

before ending up at BIND,

18:05

but this has been like Amazing,

18:08

right? It's great for me. Yeah. Yeah,

18:10

and far as I mean it

18:12

is what it is. You could actually Beat

18:14

yourself up or try

18:17

to make what it is better and you know? Right.

18:19

And that's what they told me about recovery.

18:22

They always said that, how are you so positive?

18:24

Because it ain't gonna change, whatever. So what I'm gonna

18:26

sit up and say, oh, whoa, man.

18:28

Right. I ain't going to be able to do this.

18:31

And I mean, it is just, I know what I can

18:33

do exactly. I can't do and I just do

18:35

what it do. Stay positive. Try to

18:37

treat people properly. Keep

18:40

it moving.

18:40

Well, Bernard, we appreciate you coming today and

18:42

we appreciate your positive attitude here at BIND

18:45

and keeping us all encouraged.

18:47

Thank you so much. Is that off?

18:48

No. Almost, but thank

18:50

you so much.

18:51

Thank you guys for having me.

18:52

Yes, thank you so much Bernard for coming.

18:55

Um, but for everyone else, this was

18:57

our second episode of what happens

18:59

after a brain injury. I hope you guys loved

19:01

it and just make sure to stay in contact with

19:03

us for our third episode that's coming up real soon.

19:06

Thank you. Be blessed.

19:10

We hope you've enjoyed listening to BIND Waves and continue

19:13

to support BIND and our non profit mission.

19:15

We support brain injury survivors as

19:17

they reconnect into the life, the community,

19:20

and their workplace.

19:21

And we couldn't do that without great listeners like you.

19:23

We appreciate each and every one of you. Continue

19:26

watching. Until next time.

19:27

Until next time.