0:00

In. This episode is proudly

0:02

sponsored by Bases Burgers Day

0:04

He I'm. We. Would like

0:07

to begin by acknowledging the traditional owners

0:09

of the land in which we record

0:11

this podcast today the Iraq War Paypal

0:13

of the bunch along nation and pay

0:15

our respects to eldest past and. Present.

0:23

Hello! Yummy mummies welcome to

0:25

be on the Bomb! A podcast brought

0:27

to you by Jane Cold well and

0:29

Sophie P. is. This podcast is targeted

0:32

of Moms Moms to Be and women

0:34

in general engines feel free to have

0:36

a listen to. It's a place to

0:38

have real discussions and ass real questions

0:41

no matter how hard we the honest

0:43

and authentic paypal the aim is to

0:45

have you feeling lighter, more supported and

0:47

more understood after every listen. Now we

0:50

can't promise that it will always be

0:52

kept. Page A. So please be

0:54

mindful around little he is he

0:56

knew yo hell Lo J the

0:59

allergies. So it's you know. Loud

1:01

thump easily singing how are you

1:03

these wage. Now

1:06

not very good. Oh mine are all

1:08

star because I'm negative and I feel

1:10

like you're positive. So let's start with

1:12

the negative and get it over and

1:15

done with emerged the positive. I'm just

1:17

feeling so just traded and I know

1:19

I'm probably gonna sound like a broken

1:21

record because I've been going on. About

1:24

it the past two weeks

1:26

but I just feel like

1:28

during the week at the

1:30

moment I am pushing just

1:33

shit up she'll and I

1:35

just feel like I'm questioning

1:37

every see and I'm mentally

1:40

and emotionally so exhausted. We've

1:42

had basically a Sikh household

1:44

like tag shaming virus is

1:47

around the house fed through

1:49

wakes and as I've mentioned

1:51

in the two previous. Episodes:

1:53

The Adjustment Just School in

1:56

preschool for our whole House

1:58

has been different. And

2:01

I'm not going to harp on about

2:03

it for long, but I just, this

2:05

is just something I've never experienced before.

2:07

Like the kids have always adjusted pretty

2:09

quickly and well to

2:11

daycare. And Goldie is just finding

2:14

the start of preschool so

2:16

hard. And I feel

2:18

like after the weekend, I was like,

2:20

great, ready to send them back to

2:23

school. But

2:25

it just feels relentless because there's no

2:27

break. It's like the second she wakes

2:29

up, she's telling us why she doesn't

2:31

want to go. She's refusing to put

2:33

her uniform on. It's

2:35

a fight at drop off. You

2:38

then feel guilty all day. Before

2:40

you know it, you're back to pick her up

2:42

again. And this morning was actually so bad that

2:45

she's not even at preschool today. And

2:47

then my mind goes like, oh my

2:49

gosh, I'm setting a precedent. Now she's

2:51

going to act like that each morning

2:54

because she knows it leads to her not having

2:56

to go. But I like just physically

2:58

couldn't do it this morning. Nick and I

3:00

just couldn't do it. She didn't want to

3:02

put her uniform on. She was

3:04

saying she's going, I caught what Poppy had last

3:06

week and now I'm sick. I can't go to

3:08

preschool sick. And look, she was a little bit

3:10

snotty. So we were like, does she not want

3:13

to go because she actually is a little bit

3:15

sick. And if we let her stay home, is

3:17

then she going to say that she's sick every

3:19

morning, but we can't send her in this state.

3:21

And we thought we had this plan for this

3:23

week where she was going to do the

3:25

drop off and have this food for the guinea pigs

3:27

to give them to her to the guinea pigs. And

3:30

that was going to be her responsibility at drop off.

3:32

And I don't know because like the logical part

3:35

of my brain is just being like, it's going

3:37

to take time. You've just

3:39

got to, you know, make the drop off short

3:41

and swift and you know, she'll

3:43

be fine as soon as you leave. And I have

3:45

the photo evidence that she's fine as soon as we

3:47

leave. But then your heart is

3:50

just like, how, like, how do

3:52

you do it? And how do you do it

3:54

day in, day out? And when does it get

3:56

easier? And I'm, yeah, I'm

3:58

exhausted. I'm really. really just I I tasted

4:01

she lost weight and I said that the

4:03

i'm pulling them out on home schooling and

4:05

you reminded me if I home school I'm

4:07

going to have to do math and cry

4:09

very quickly through that. I know and you

4:11

know in and and often awake and having them

4:13

all harm all weekend while it was riding I

4:16

was like I'm not cut out to home school.

4:18

At all but I'm just a just

4:20

feels a little bit like what's the

4:22

point? like why am I forcing. You

4:24

to guy? Yeah! And then of course my logic

4:26

without my brain is like of course has a

4:28

point. It's a beautiful. House them

4:31

nourishing environment. Where she's going

4:33

to learn and socialize. And it's to

4:35

Todd. Son descending lot out there. Anyone else

4:37

is funny? A hard cause this is just. Harder

4:41

than I could ever have effected.

4:44

And I'm exhausted. And I am. I

4:47

feel bad but then I might be also have

4:49

to go and I'm just torn. Like my mind,

4:51

my heart, my body and everything is just saying

4:53

different things. I'm just. Sorry.

4:56

Such next of since. Well I think

4:58

that they're going to be a lot

5:00

of the other people that can relate

5:02

to what you're going for. you and

5:05

I. I remember when I had he

5:07

me I think may have started school

5:09

I had Billie as a chair and

5:11

I'd do. I recently gave birth to

5:13

see me and I that whole thing

5:16

for six months of May a setting

5:18

school I was doing the drop off

5:20

in the peacock oh my I'm sorry

5:22

was working and i honestly i just

5:24

my head with life and garbage been

5:27

inside. Like a just found out

5:29

there was nothing that with you

5:31

know streamline the process own structure

5:33

of wasting out like yet my

5:35

had a great idea every night

5:37

that we get the uniform that

5:40

make it easier and will do

5:42

these maybe just literally just a

5:44

so rolling your hands up in

5:46

the air. and yeah I did

5:48

find that if reaping the band

5:50

aid off as hot as it

5:52

is. easy easiest way

5:55

to them to just understand that

5:57

this is like you're gonna guard

5:59

you do have fun because I have

6:02

footage and I get updates that you're

6:04

having a really nice time. So it's

6:06

more for me, I ended up just

6:08

going, I love you so much and

6:11

premeditated that conversation to school

6:13

about what you're going to be

6:15

excited for or what you're looking

6:17

forward to. It doesn't take away

6:19

how hard it is. It doesn't

6:21

take away the, you know, the

6:23

emotions and the, I don't want

6:25

to go. It is so heart

6:28

wrenching. It really is.

6:30

But I will promise you

6:32

this, it will get

6:35

easier. I know. And it's only

6:37

been a couple of weeks. It

6:40

will get easier. I honestly feel

6:42

psychotic because I have cried at

6:44

that school, I reckon four

6:47

or five times. You wouldn't have been the

6:49

only one. We've got two weeks under our

6:51

belt and she doesn't even go five days.

6:53

Like I'm just like, I

6:55

find Harry when Harry

6:57

drops them off, they're

6:59

like, bye. But when I drop them off,

7:01

there's a lot of emotions. So I've actually,

7:03

I don't know. And I, I did all

7:05

the drop off last week because Nick just

7:07

had a lot on last week. And I

7:10

said to him by the end of the

7:12

week, like I didn't do it this morning and

7:14

got either home. So how

7:17

well did that go very, very well? But

7:19

I just said, I was just like,

7:21

I just, I need a break. Like

7:23

in my mind I'm going, it's only

7:25

been two weeks. And in my heart

7:27

I'm going, I cannot do that another

7:29

morning. And last week she had a

7:31

not even that bad drop off, but

7:33

it was almost the anticipation

7:36

of the drop off

7:39

meant that I was just on the verge of

7:41

tears when I walked in there. So any, sensing

7:43

your energy, maybe your, and I was like, I

7:46

know, I know. And that's why I said to

7:48

Nick, I was like, I need a

7:50

fresh spirit to go in there

7:53

who, you know, who's not already

7:55

worn Down because I think she can

7:58

feel that I'm, I'm. my body lamb

8:00

to the smart I'm wake as at

8:02

the moment I swear it I can

8:04

smell it see and one morning coffee

8:06

had a hard time with drop off

8:08

and I swear with because the morning

8:10

before see witness goalies drop off and

8:12

I think she was like. I.

8:14

Could give that a well muslims or react

8:17

to that you know like she got. Mum

8:19

got rocked by the and the next morning

8:21

it with almost dislikes sorry performance I could

8:23

tell she wasn't even feeling it's eight within

8:25

it was just she was just trying it

8:27

on and in the next morning to find

8:29

my thesis on where are you that was

8:31

of it now has a that the or

8:33

ice the anyway I'm just you know I

8:35

just think there were published this a lot

8:38

of people listening who are you know going

8:40

into a train it's still hot and very

8:42

noisy. might be going to wait six it's

8:44

still hard. And maybe they're looking

8:46

around this their friends' kids who are

8:48

going off absolutely fine into thinking all

8:51

I just ah. I

8:53

just can't believe the why

8:55

she has on you all

8:57

day. And yeah, Just spending.

9:00

Laughs at how you play and

9:02

like nothing positive. Well on the

9:04

back end all the Laughlin set

9:06

aside and that one night or

9:08

early weekly wage a nightly cry

9:10

cry didn't know, I'm sorry happy

9:12

that Paypal got lost out as

9:15

my fans. but then when we

9:17

certainly allies that we see seen

9:19

high up in me I'll listen

9:21

And saw on Apple I was

9:23

like well actually thought he was

9:25

like that. A lot of people

9:27

stat know about your thoughts J.

9:29

Now is like yes yes it is

9:32

die any is that near now I

9:34

do you want to stay one story

9:36

if I may we're not going to

9:38

go on about story. We have decided

9:40

we are going to an episode down

9:42

the track all the things that happen

9:44

to people because the stories that within

9:46

being swept so lately hilarious we will

9:48

crying and last us are we going

9:50

to say and I see these I

9:53

just wanna should be on because I

9:55

I was very very proud of this

9:57

woman that what she. Heard sheath was.

10:00

To a doctor who believe it

10:02

basically she went into an urgency.

10:04

He had a Giants Giants fan

10:07

duel up her vagina us now

10:09

eats if he can imagine it's

10:11

got a bath maybe seven weeks

10:14

on it I'm gonna say is

10:16

a mini basketball that the can

10:18

do We said quite large or

10:21

small. School Choir launch.

10:25

An odd. Because.

10:28

It winds up. Into.

10:30

Her vagina and it's so warm he

10:32

started milking in her linings the she

10:35

had to get a Dnc to get

10:37

it all sides and away scientists she

10:39

didn't put it up into a uterus.

10:41

it would have been in a vagina.

10:44

I think because it was melting off

10:46

and even was recently sliding. I say

10:48

we all know Babbel takes off old

10:51

maybe gunboats, a Sedona? who knows. on

10:53

I wasn't there. I'm just telling the

10:55

story and it's fully two to three

10:58

hands in the trash. Anyway,

11:00

see said that. you'll see the light

11:02

hearted be taught and she goes. Honestly,

11:04

I just I I felt. When you're

11:06

not overlook michael issues with the story

11:08

and just sit on with us she

11:11

sat on it, then it's more her

11:13

excuse for. At least.

11:15

On the channel I would love to

11:17

he of on a day thought of

11:20

things that what people say when I

11:22

tommy and in a situation frickin fabulous

11:24

were all about reliability here so she

11:26

didn't realize to the hard drop off

11:28

story she seems a lot of the

11:31

bumpy relate. To items getting lost

11:33

in different are assesses. with this

11:35

is all here reverse swing i knew

11:37

we were see to make you all

11:40

few things that not all that happens

11:42

by actually had some drama be wait

11:44

the more drama dude so yes sorry

11:46

harry with that dot a new job

11:49

as a personal trainer and will lifeguard

11:51

dad your religion and and the day

11:53

before he was like is gonna go

11:56

and sorry some cricket ball with my

11:58

friend someone he do that I'll enjoy

12:00

it. Comes home early. I'm like, why are you home

12:02

early? He's like, I've ruined my life. And I'm like,

12:04

what do you mean you've ruined your life? He's like,

12:07

I've just snapped some tendons

12:10

or a tendon in my arm. And I'm like,

12:12

cool, get an eye pack. Like I didn't know

12:14

what that actually meant. Will

12:17

a band-aid fix this? Yeah. I've

12:19

got a frozen band-aid without fixing. Yeah, I was

12:21

like, do you want to see a shoe? Anyway, it was quite,

12:24

it was worse. It was probably one of the

12:26

worst things. I did see him have tears

12:28

down his face. He rarely does that. That

12:30

was pretty upsetting. A long story

12:32

short, went to the hospital. Friday

12:35

came, he's having surgery on his

12:38

arm. He had to get a

12:40

tendon. I don't know, stitched up.

12:43

And now he's got no arm. It's

12:45

his right arm, of course. So apparently

12:47

all sexual favors he can't do himself.

12:49

I've got to actually help there. And

12:52

that's what he said. He can't write.

12:54

He can't text properly. He can't wipe

12:56

his bum. Apparently that's really hard. So

12:58

there's a lot of issues at the

13:01

moment in our house. I feel like

13:03

I've got a fourth child and

13:05

I, yeah, I'm really feeling it. I also

13:07

got sung by a bee while I was

13:09

trying to be a cool mum on the

13:11

weekend. And yeah, like I'm

13:14

here just telling some stories because

13:16

I can, but it has been

13:18

a wild, a wild week in

13:20

my life. I feel you

13:22

that wanting to give them empathy and sympathy,

13:24

but at the same time realizing it's

13:26

just extra tasks that are falling

13:29

on your shoulder is, yeah,

13:31

I don't really want to wipe a hairy asshole to be

13:33

honest like that. He'll figure out how to do that. And

13:37

the other thing with his left hand,

13:39

let me tell you that. He'll be

13:41

ambidextrous by the end of it. It'll

13:43

be fabulous. He will. Don't give me

13:45

this. I can't use my left hand

13:47

shit. He can use his left hand.

13:49

Now, speaking of dads, let's

13:51

get into this week's episode, shall we?

13:53

I love this chat. We spoke to

13:56

dad of two, stay at home dad

13:58

of two. and

14:01

it was just awesome to get a

14:03

perspective on what it's like to be

14:05

a stay at home dad, the pros,

14:07

the cons, the praise, the isolation and

14:10

everything in between. He is phenomenal. He's

14:12

like one of those voices that you

14:14

should listen to all day. He's calm.

14:16

I don't know what he's like in

14:19

the household really, but throughout this episode

14:21

he does share a lot of his

14:23

ins and outs on being a stay

14:25

at home dad. He does talk about

14:27

the mental load, which we found really

14:30

interesting because obviously we talk so

14:32

much about the mental load and

14:34

a lot of life things

14:36

with women and moms, but

14:39

we rarely do get to hear

14:42

how a dad feels. So yeah,

14:44

I really love this chat and we hope you enjoy.

14:46

Hello Chi and welcome to Beyond The Bump

14:48

podcast. Before we get started, can you

14:50

please tell us a little bit about yourself and your

14:53

family? Hi guys, amazing to be here. Thanks for

14:55

having me. My name is Chi. I

14:57

am right now, a father to a beautiful three

14:59

year old and a six month old two sons.

15:02

Right now I'm on a career break to focus

15:04

being a full-time dad. I used to

15:07

work in the tech and advertising sphere. Worked a pretty

15:09

full-time job, but started being a primary care and a

15:11

stay at home father about a year ago. Yeah, and

15:13

it's just an amazing privilege to be here. So thanks

15:15

for having me. We are so

15:17

excited. You actually reached out to us and

15:19

as soon as I saw your email, I

15:21

thought this is an area that needs to

15:23

be talked about more. I think there's a

15:25

lot these days about, you know, women can

15:27

return to work if they want and, and,

15:30

and, you know, men should be doing more

15:32

around the house, but we don't necessarily get

15:35

insight into the hows of how

15:37

this is and what it's truly

15:40

like. And it is quite different and

15:42

progress is amazing. And I think that

15:44

we should actually be seeing more of

15:46

how it can work. So I'm so

15:48

excited to have this conversation. Yeah, me

15:50

too. And also there are so many

15:52

stay at home dads where they've taken

15:54

on that role. And I

15:57

think everyone deserves to listen and

15:59

know. how it actually feels

16:01

being a stay at home dad and

16:03

the pressures and if it is the

16:05

same or somewhat similar to how we

16:08

feel when we are at home. Totally.

16:10

I think that the hardest thing is there

16:12

might be quite a few stay at

16:14

home dads that none of us are really talking about it,

16:16

which is why I'm so stoked to be here to talk

16:18

to you guys, to talk about my experience, how

16:21

we kind of did it and how we model it.

16:23

But to your point, like there's not really a stay

16:25

at home dad community yet, maybe one day if the

16:27

world goes that way, but yeah, absolutely stoked to be

16:29

putting a voice out there. Before you

16:32

decided to have children, was this a

16:34

decision that you made before kids or

16:36

was it something like through maternity leave

16:39

that you went actually I'm going to be the

16:41

stay at home kid? Yeah, that's a great

16:43

question. Thank you. I have always wanted kids

16:45

much earlier than my wife did. She

16:48

put her foot down, her foot firmly

16:50

around and said her foot down. Her

16:52

foot barely. I

16:55

say shout out to my beautiful wife. She asked me to

16:57

come on the show to talk to you guys. So what's

16:59

her name? Tegan. Tegan.

17:01

Thank you. Thank you. Absolutely. Love

17:04

you very much. Probably at work right now.

17:06

She has the two kids actually. The dog

17:08

livery or something? Equal

17:11

parenting. Yeah. So I always wanted kids from

17:13

a very young age. So I don't know

17:15

why it just, it just, it's something that

17:17

I always wanted. She put her foot in

17:19

the ground, said, hey, I want to live

17:21

a few places overseas before we do that.

17:23

Fast forward many, many years and

17:25

we started talking about having kids. It

17:28

wasn't until the first kid, then a

17:30

little something called COVID happens that it

17:32

really changed everything. You know, life has

17:34

a certain way of just getting on.

17:36

But COVID like, like

17:38

this, this is completely without evidence. I

17:40

really think the only demographic,

17:42

maybe that COVID actually helped

17:45

was new fathers. And

17:47

like my, our first time was born in

17:49

the thick of it. And for

17:52

the first time I got like a driver's

17:54

seat, you have what it's like to live

17:56

with a newborn, get through that like insane

17:58

phase of the day. to start with your

18:00

first kid, right? And no community

18:03

around you, good for you guys. We listened to

18:05

you guys so much. Thank you. We

18:07

couldn't help with the dishes though or the birthday. We

18:11

could help, thank you. And

18:15

like it changed everything. It changed our approach to

18:17

work. It meant I could work from home, but

18:19

for a long period, I was just home all

18:21

the time. And for me, it

18:23

just, it changed me. I was like, I

18:25

don't want to miss a single beat. And

18:27

so it took years until our second was due.

18:30

When I sat down with my wife and said,

18:32

Hey, I don't want to miss a single moment.

18:34

Like I want to do this full time. And

18:37

so it was, it was a long

18:39

discussion. And before I go on, I do want

18:41

to say like, you know, I feel immensely

18:43

lucky. I even got to make that choice. I

18:45

know many families are not in that same position.

18:48

Like unfortunately for many families, the

18:50

group and are still the male,

18:53

which would make it really tough. But I was in

18:55

a really fortunate position where we could make that choice.

18:57

We made that choice well before the second came. So

18:59

I had the first for a long time. And

19:01

here we are. And so you

19:04

post COVID had gone back to

19:06

more of an office type setting.

19:08

So you, you knew that things if

19:10

you stayed in that job, weren't going

19:13

to be how they were the first

19:15

time round. 100%. Like I, I

19:18

went back to the office and I was like, really

19:21

clock watching. I was just like, I can't, I just want to

19:23

get home to my family. Or like

19:25

something like the newborn has been up

19:27

all night. I know my wife's in

19:30

a bad spot. I'm in a bad spot.

19:32

I just want to get home and help. And how do

19:34

you do meeting after meeting after meeting, just knowing that you

19:36

can like you can mentally just hear your baby crying, your

19:38

wife crying too and just go, I just, I have something

19:40

more important to do right now. And

19:42

so that that feeling just just carried me

19:44

the whole way through. It probably affected my

19:46

work, which probably drove the decision. But yeah,

19:48

it's just like as every parent, like it's

19:50

just always there in your head. And I

19:52

just wanted to get home to my kids

19:54

And my family. How was Taygan

19:57

coping at home? Was She really

19:59

happy? The arab me being a say

20:01

hi mom will which is Gmt sort of

20:03

inkling that she actually you like to go

20:05

back to works. And as a cry for

20:07

so I can't I go in and before

20:09

her was she was you to see since

20:12

he sucks to be I'm very special sauce

20:14

and seventy goes through like I'd I'd like

20:16

to see Wasserstein you t. C

20:19

Bikes to give me a Sydney sign of my

20:21

summary y u cel mai inside are you I

20:23

like your you me abreast Armageddon. Other.

20:28

Errors you build it sounds like not as genocide

20:30

of like I target for her daughter Megan straight

20:32

up ago can sell can be reached at his

20:34

way with. Sosa

20:38

as Herb says, he's better at her

20:40

job nine months. She's an incredible Korea

20:42

woman. With that a big part

20:44

of that I mean A I know we've

20:46

only just met. Bet we say earning more.

20:48

The new light on it is that A

20:50

of the deceased. It's know your

20:52

was is it was more site and less and

20:54

less of completely appropriate question or so and forced

20:57

me to the gender pay gap. Just.

20:59

Much more money of I went into

21:01

different industries that. We

21:03

just want an equal of sunni like I just sat down and

21:05

like you know, She she was like

21:07

she loves her job, she loves working. She lost

21:10

her curiosities with a cruise. Joints are like lasagna.

21:12

I love being home of the kids discovered out

21:14

really well and it's not like we planned or

21:16

is it just kind of happened v on the

21:18

sunni time in front of us and she's she's

21:21

right now on maternity leave for for for the

21:23

younger ones but a ready by for his it's

21:25

amazing the she has the frame national like and

21:27

a i'm inside Are you have a choice? I

21:29

can a. Few want to go back tomorrow.

21:31

chat like if you want to go that I

21:33

can come to wait and in April but if

21:36

you're going to sooner but you can set to

21:38

give someone a flexibility I think do is just

21:40

in a. Good and

21:42

as I tell us what it is

21:44

like they say hi dad We've talked

21:46

I guess about out as died and

21:48

my bias of our family structures have

21:50

changed a lot. Since signing the podcast

21:52

we went very much from that moss

21:55

conventional I mean before I had kids

21:57

my husband and I were both way

21:59

against them. He did I began a

22:01

say oh hi mom and he continued to work and

22:03

over time as I. Started to work more

22:05

Steve taking on more more of the

22:08

parenting and now we kind of is

22:10

evenly split. The parenting. And evenly

22:12

split. The working at is not may

22:14

working more now and I thought that

22:16

I talk about it too much because

22:18

I feel like it's not reliable or

22:20

that people will be like I don't

22:23

I always i like he is a

22:25

the i know what it either. As

22:27

I said before I do feel like

22:29

we need says sign alive because in

22:31

there are other moms going way would

22:33

really like says sought evening things that

22:35

in terms of the work and the

22:37

household chores and all of that the

22:39

we don't really know where to start

22:41

sites. As a hat have D C

22:44

being a stay at home dad verses.

22:46

Being a stay at home mom? Do you think it's. A

22:49

similar experience, or think, by computer

22:51

a scale, is your true, so

22:53

how does it is the same

22:55

experience going to the same mental?

22:57

The. Same repetition year, the same issues

22:59

with lots of identity. The only difference

23:02

is university. But that's

23:04

when and restoring a full time said and

23:06

I wish I am now by accessing. Hopefully

23:08

this little talk will give inspiration to the

23:10

people to move to more of a hybrid

23:12

model to to a point of like flexibility.

23:15

Emerging means that you know. Plenty.

23:17

Of working moms approach for sort of fun

23:19

part time work right? They can be a

23:22

period in anyone's trade and own little bit

23:24

about taking three bryce where you know to.could

23:26

do that to box you know if you

23:28

can find a role or some way to

23:31

do. Some. Maintain or fulfill your

23:33

career but just take the choose, just one

23:35

day, waste me or even start with one

23:37

another like just hundred percent you. You do

23:39

everything. do the packing, do the cooking, do

23:42

the cleaning, get everything ready right next. Everything

23:44

we were traditionally to on i was so

23:46

suicide home moms her when could have but

23:48

my. Glass. Our society as

23:50

and say one that like you

23:52

gotta start somewhere and it's just.

23:55

i feel a dot just going by

23:57

can be the primary care and the

23:59

father Even like mum, like hang

24:01

around by all means, help out,

24:03

we'll have some amazing time together or go do what

24:05

you need to, but I will look after the kids,

24:07

whether it's one day a week. And I do see

24:10

that model happening more and more and I love it.

24:12

Like I run into dad's day chair and they're like,

24:14

oh yeah, we're doing this and this and this. But

24:16

the problem is no one, like we don't talk about

24:18

it in a minute or two, or we're talking about

24:20

their feelings and stuff like that. So it's really hard

24:22

to kind of get that movement

24:24

going. We live in an area that

24:26

is, there's a lot of, I guess, entrepreneurs

24:29

in this area. And I, my

24:31

school, like where the girls go to school, I'm

24:34

surrounded by dads that pick up. The

24:36

mums are working and the dads are

24:38

there. And I love what you said

24:40

about one day giving the mum a

24:43

whole day, where you take the

24:45

reins for the entire day. Like

24:47

even thinking about the freedom of

24:50

having little kids and having one day to

24:52

do, if you want to go back to

24:54

work, if you want to go and do whatever you

24:56

want to do, whether I know, but

24:59

you've given an option that's

25:01

your day every single week.

25:04

That there like just gives

25:06

a ease to the mental load. And I

25:08

think in so many male

25:10

dominated professions, we automatically just

25:12

assume our part time is not possible

25:15

or, you know, four days a week isn't

25:17

possible or getting off early

25:19

a couple of days a week to do pick

25:21

up isn't possible. And for most of those jobs,

25:23

you've got to think, but why is it not?

25:26

If it was a woman in that job, suddenly

25:28

it would be possible. And I heard,

25:30

I can't even remember who it was, two people talking

25:32

about it. And they were saying

25:34

that how their husband was saying, there's

25:36

no way that, you know, if my

25:38

child is sick and has to go home

25:41

from school, that my husband

25:43

can be the one

25:45

to go pick them up. And the other mum said,

25:47

but what if he was a single dad? Suddenly

25:49

he would be able to because there would be

25:51

no other option. And so I think so often

25:54

we have to go, but is that actually the

25:56

truth? Or have we just been conditioned to think

25:58

on that job you couldn't. possibly do four

26:00

days a week. You couldn't do that three days

26:03

a week. You couldn't take a career break. You're

26:05

spot on because we're all human beings. We all

26:07

work important jobs and your job is important to

26:09

yourself at the time and the other people you're

26:11

working with. Just because I might do something with

26:13

more people or in a big company doesn't make

26:15

my job more important. There

26:17

are situations where on that full-size scale, full-time

26:19

state home dad, might not be possible for

26:21

someone who's in the trades, in

26:24

the medical profession or fly in, fly out. If

26:28

you work in the trades and you knock off at

26:30

3pm one day because the job site finishes

26:32

early, go do the pickup, get dinner

26:34

ready, get the kids in bed. Just tell your wife,

26:36

hey, I reckon I've got this afternoon. Because

26:38

she's been doing it for 365 days a year for since

26:43

the kids were born. It

26:45

is that and to that point that blokes have to

26:47

want it. I know we'll probably

26:50

talk about this later, the benefits of because

26:53

you get this weird thing where blokes are like, no,

26:55

I don't want to look up to the kids. But

26:57

it's like, why? Why do you have that? And

27:01

to the point of the women asking

27:03

them, why? What is it? So

27:06

what does that full day look like

27:08

for you? Because for me, I look at

27:10

my husband who has been or is a

27:13

stay at home dad. I mean, he works

27:15

as well, but we're actually funnily enough going

27:17

through this transition this year and he got

27:19

to a point where the girls are getting

27:22

older. They're obviously in school and

27:24

he would like a bit more fulfillment.

27:27

And he said to me, I'm taking up

27:29

two jobs, something that he really wanted to

27:31

do. And I said, oh, go

27:35

for it. But I'm a little

27:37

bit hesitant because I'm trying to work

27:39

out how we're going to juggle this

27:41

new normal. If he wants to do this,

27:43

what is it like in your house? Yeah, great

27:45

question. I think it's partly the confidence

27:47

and like I do, but it's like trial by

27:50

fire. Like it's like when you get given, when

27:52

you walk out of hospital baby, it's like not

27:54

like you have an instruction manual. So everyone's fumbling

27:57

their way through, which is why it's better to get

27:59

older. But in that

28:01

same sense, I sometimes think it's an ego

28:03

thing with dads too. I'll be perfectly honest,

28:05

it was for me. I

28:07

was like, no, I'll go up to my important job and I'll

28:09

wear my suit. And then this role

28:12

is beyond like me. I mean, below me

28:14

a little. Not even, but you just don't

28:16

see yourself in that spot until

28:18

you get into the day-to-day of doing it

28:20

and you switch and you're like, this

28:22

is amazing. Dad's definitely parent in

28:24

a different style. So a full day for me, it's

28:26

exactly the same as a month, right? I

28:29

get the kids ready. We plan some activities. I'll

28:31

book their appointments if they need a shot, which

28:33

for six months old is all the time. Yeah,

28:36

that's a fun one. And there's some shots you

28:38

can't get with others and then you have to

28:40

wait two weeks and I'm like, yeah, anyway. And

28:43

then feed them, dress them, make sure they

28:45

don't like grubs. Teach them life

28:47

lessons. Make sure that they, you know, if you and

28:49

your wife have agreed, like, you know, oh, we're

28:52

going to make sure he runs off and puts that thing

28:55

in his mouth. You can't tell him, don't you have to

28:57

explain what? Like just parent, like

28:59

you would want to parent together, right? That is

29:01

my full day. So it's exactly the same

29:03

life as I think any mum would live and

29:05

I wouldn't want it to be any different. How

29:08

it gets done though is can be completely

29:10

different. I think every parent has a different,

29:12

it could be unstructured. It could be, you

29:14

know, what my wife would consider dangerous. Like

29:16

I could build, the other day, literally I

29:18

built an obstacle course and my

29:20

son was running across one and I was like, well, that

29:23

is so unstable. And then like if my

29:25

wife saw it, she would be like, what the hell?

29:27

Like, you know, he's six foot in the air, but

29:29

he had a ball. I had a ball. We parent

29:31

in different ways, but today structured

29:34

the same way any parent would want to structure

29:36

it for their kid, which is engage them, make

29:39

sure they survive, make sure they have all their

29:41

teeth at the end of the day and are

29:43

well fed and generally slightly clean. I

29:45

find, I find, and this was

29:47

apparent when I went overseas for

29:49

a week this year without my kids

29:51

and my husband. Whenever

29:53

I'm not there, everyone

29:56

operates better. And I don't know if it's

29:59

because... It's just me. And I

30:01

also don't know if it's because it's

30:03

the one parent. Like I find sometimes

30:05

when I'm just parenting my kids, it's

30:07

a lot easier than us both

30:09

being there because they tend to

30:12

play us both. But when I

30:14

was away, my husband said it

30:16

was absolutely seamless. He said, honestly,

30:19

you can happily go away. No,

30:21

barely any one. You were a quarter. I

30:23

would quote that and just have that in

30:25

my back pocket ready to go at all

30:27

times. But then you get this. Right on

30:29

your pathway. I know, but as a

30:32

mum or as any parent, you get

30:34

this like a sense of guilt, like,

30:36

oh, OK, so you want

30:38

them to do really well without me. And I

30:40

guess it's the same as going to work, right?

30:42

I want everyone to flourish when

30:44

I'm at work. But also if they're really

30:47

flourishing, well, then I feel guilty about that.

30:49

How come I can't enjoy that? Or how

30:51

come they are flourishing? Is it me? It's

30:53

every African parent is like dropping them off

30:56

at school. If they just wave and you

30:58

walk away, you're like, oh, they don't love

31:00

me. And if they cry, you're like, oh,

31:02

I fucked up my child. Yeah. I

31:05

was like on the battle. I think so. Before

31:08

I even finished up work, my wife had to

31:10

go overseas for her work all the time. She

31:12

was doing just global trips. And it sounds glamorous.

31:16

Except you're a mum and you're like, I like

31:18

this sounds great. I'm going to Paris, but, you

31:20

know, my poor kid, right? And

31:22

I actually had to wean out first off breast

31:24

milk because she had no choice. She had to

31:26

go. Yeah, it was brutal. I'm

31:28

wondering. That's a lot of pressure on your

31:31

shoulders. Yeah. But like the same thing. If

31:33

I were to go overseas for a work trip,

31:35

then you're in the same. And this is the

31:37

whole stigma, the crazy thing. It's with parents, we're

31:39

just, you know, whether one parent does it or

31:41

the other, it's like in a

31:44

perfect world. You just get the parent. Like, you

31:46

know, it was a lot of pressure, but like

31:48

months would have felt the exact same thing, too.

31:50

Yeah. And I think I get frustrated really easily

31:52

because I see firsthand the things that

31:54

my husband gets praised for, that never

31:56

in a million years would I get praised

31:59

for. even I have

32:01

to look internally because sometimes I'll be

32:03

like, oh, do

32:05

I want to publicly say that

32:07

like we take interns doing bedtime each

32:10

night? Like, does that make me look

32:12

like a lazy mum? Because every second

32:14

night I get to sit

32:16

down and read my book while he

32:18

does bedtime. But then I was like,

32:20

if he publicly said I do bedtime

32:22

every second night, it would be like,

32:24

wow, what an incredible hands on dad

32:26

you are that you can do bedtime

32:29

on your own. But then the

32:31

other half of me has to

32:33

go. But we're in this period

32:35

of change and there's

32:37

all like, you know, progress is better

32:39

than perfection. And it's still as

32:42

much as I can find those things annoying

32:44

or if Nick if we're on a flight

32:46

and Nick is able to handle the kids

32:49

on his own, you know, I can see

32:51

people look on like, oh, what an incredible

32:53

father. And I think maybe they're just the

32:55

things you have to swallow when you're in

32:57

that period of change. Do you feel like

32:59

you get praised for things that potentially your

33:01

wife would get judged for? Yeah,

33:04

it is the weirdest phenomena. Yeah. And

33:06

I'll tell you right now, it

33:09

is the weirdest phenomena, right? I

33:11

will go out the door with my two

33:13

kids looking reasonably dressed mainly because

33:15

my wife socks her wardrobe and they

33:17

look beautiful. Anyway, they just look

33:19

like like I just don't look like

33:21

I'm falling apart. And people will just,

33:24

yeah, raise you, compliment you. I'm a

33:26

hero and like it is the weirdest

33:28

phenomena, right? All demographics,

33:30

age-effects, people go like, congratulations, good for

33:32

you. You've got your hands full but

33:34

you're doing a really good job. And

33:36

like, yeah, like it's the

33:38

weirdest thing because I'm just doing what every

33:40

month been doing since day one. Yeah. So

33:43

it's like, it's funny because I come really

33:45

into these weird little things, but I was

33:47

like, I want to start this social experiment.

33:49

Weird little things. We're getting him on next

33:51

time. I'm

33:55

just going to call it like random acts of parental kindness,

33:57

which is, I just go to him, I'm going, you're doing

33:59

amazing, John. You know, she probably

34:01

looking me like an incomplete free Telling

34:05

her you look like you got your hands I

34:07

said to Nick I do little social experiments and

34:09

he'll come back after maybe being out with the

34:12

three kids got the pram And I think

34:14

if I went down the street like that like I

34:16

do often I would get told

34:18

wow You've got your hands full five

34:20

times. Yeah, Nick said

34:22

he's never ever had that comment said

34:25

to him So

34:31

try not to be creepy but like I went for

34:33

a run and like I saw I

34:39

saw a dad giving like the son

34:41

was just visibly upset, right? And

34:44

the dad was just giving the most like

34:46

sweetest hunk, right? And I didn't

34:48

really have the context of running heaps fast

34:51

Fasten Music

34:55

way too loud and like just the

34:57

way he's holding his son and the way the son's reaction

34:59

was just so beautiful And I just gave him like just

35:01

a big thumbs up and I kind of about like you're

35:03

doing a great job You know, like we don't have enough

35:05

of that in the world We don't

35:07

like we don't like too much judgment totally

35:09

like and further to that point of like

35:11

weird Dad's being the hero and

35:14

if If

35:16

there's any reason to be the same home dad

35:18

is because you get instant here Absolutely Hands

35:26

on dad and you get to go and be on the bus so

35:30

I I'll tell you

35:32

this story because I still think it's it's weird

35:34

So I posted up when I left my job

35:36

I posted up on linkedin And

35:38

i've been working for 15 years in the same like

35:41

field and so I posted on linkedin I've been

35:43

posting on linkedin for 10 years and like 20 people

35:45

liked it my boss and my mum, right? So I

35:48

posted up on linkedin essentially saying guys like yeah,

35:50

thanks for everything. I'm taking a career break I

35:53

want to focus on looking after the kids really

35:55

excited to have a second Coming

35:57

in well we went I'm

36:00

like, LinkedIn viral, not like YouTube viral,

36:02

like 20 million people, like 24,000 people,

36:05

hundreds of comments, hundreds of likes. Wow. And

36:08

like the most successful thing that I've

36:10

ever done on LinkedIn before, hundreds of

36:12

comments of people like, mate, like incredible,

36:14

well done. I have a

36:16

mate who lives in New York and

36:18

I used to hang out with him all the time. And

36:21

I respect him so much because one of the most talented guys I know, and

36:24

I know he didn't mean it in this way, but he's a

36:26

top comment on it and just says, you're my hero,

36:28

which meant so much to me that his

36:31

wife literally had premature twins. And

36:33

it's like, she's my hero. Yeah.

36:37

I just announced on LinkedIn, essentially the

36:39

same thing. Imagine every mum going, I'm

36:41

going maternity leave. You're my hero. I

36:43

was like, what is going on? Like

36:47

there's this, there's like the whole

36:49

societal stigma is

36:51

just so unusual around it. To

36:54

that point, like, you know, society demands more of

36:56

dad, but that's like, people are visible about it.

36:58

Like, you know, talk about it with your mates,

37:01

talk about it with your mum, talk about it

37:03

everywhere. But just like parenting is a team sport.

37:06

It's something that we all go through together.

37:08

Like the days, it's like dad does this,

37:10

mum does this. It doesn't really exist anymore.

37:12

Yeah. And so like, yeah,

37:14

it's hard. We'll be back in a minute

37:16

with more Beyond the Bum goodness after this short

37:18

break. So have we got

37:21

a date night out for the bumpies this

37:23

month? We sure do. And speaking

37:25

of the month, it is February,

37:27

right? Don't you know it? The

37:29

Valentine's love month coming right up.

37:31

And Betty's burgers have date nights

37:33

sorted for you on Valentine's, Galentine's,

37:36

or really any day ending in

37:38

Y. It's the perfect time for

37:40

their date night sorted special. And

37:42

honestly, their burgers are so good, Jade.

37:44

They could star in one of your

37:46

spicy kelp winner. Speaking

37:49

of spicy and cowboys, this date

37:51

night special is hotter than my

37:53

latest book. We are talking two

37:55

classic burgers, two fries, and two

37:57

soft drinks for only $37. It

38:00

is the ideal fame have any

38:02

more speed, a love story of

38:04

funny then shot or destino audience

38:06

and if you feel like treating yourself

38:08

angel foods grub the mixture believe

38:10

to cheated out the notes and those

38:13

gay guys it's super easy to

38:15

claim any special just download the betty

38:17

thing is app and heads debates

38:19

club. Saw all app exclusive then

38:21

scan. You member cod and you

38:23

can enjoy the date night specialists

38:25

in a Betty's They're good restaurant

38:27

or segways. whether it's romance of

38:29

friendship or a lover say with

38:32

his own cowboys, let Betty's set

38:34

to say. Some ways, there's more.

38:36

We've also teamed up with Betty

38:38

Burgers or a fabulous giveaway tag.

38:40

You best be on our upcoming

38:42

post and make sure she bites.

38:44

Following Betty forgets and off at

38:46

be on the bombed for a

38:48

chance to win. Be some. That's

38:50

right. it's all about sharing the

38:52

love this February our friends at

38:54

that. He figures and giving away

38:56

a prize packs is perfect for

38:58

a gallon times. Nice ass. Imagine

39:00

winning a two hundred Zola that

39:02

he begs. that's us plus over

39:04

two hundred dollars worth of exclusives.

39:07

Betty's some energy for. You And

39:09

you bessie yet though you. Gather

39:11

your crew you'll be all

39:13

just suits and Macys. February

39:15

Unforgettable. We Betty state not

39:17

sorted special And don't forget

39:20

to enter a giveaway some

39:22

extra that he loves Navy

39:24

or gallon time day story

39:26

the rule rival my family

39:28

child. I highly highly doubt

39:30

that somehow bag. Oh.

39:39

Did. You feel any judgment from

39:41

anyone from work or outside of

39:43

work when you made that decision.

39:45

Know. Like oh, we breed visitors was

39:47

myself brought. I felt Nasa were anxious

39:49

right to that. Works in a high

39:52

performing role hard for me companies. And.

39:54

So to go to their transition. To

39:57

be six months honestly to go.

40:00

like even I've treated my kids like we need a coffee meeting

40:02

like you know let's write down the minutes about that. Oh

40:05

hey how about you give me a

40:07

performance review mate and he'll follow porridge

40:09

in my face. You're very grateful for

40:11

us. What's the area being a stay-at-home

40:13

dad or being in that position?

40:16

Being a parent I'm

40:18

here to say and I used to manage massive things.

40:21

It's a million times harder than full-time work

40:23

without a doubt. Without a doubt in the

40:25

world like anyone who says otherwise

40:27

maybe you're a bond refusal squad or

40:29

something. Either as rewarding though. Being a

40:31

parent is more rewarding because you're growing

40:34

something that I mean

40:36

people work and show you laugh back but it's

40:39

weird but when you see all your love

40:41

reflected in your kids and you're like oh

40:43

like I did that the effort

40:45

you've put into that is worth more than a 20 million

40:48

dollar deal. Any day. Absolutely. So we're only

40:51

going for fault but anyway so the pressure

40:53

was actually all self-driven right and so I

40:55

went through the anxiety. It didn't take me

40:57

long to realise this is the same anxiety

40:59

that every working mother must feel. I don't

41:01

know if I can time this. I

41:03

felt it or like felt it right and I still

41:05

go through it right so I still have these random

41:07

professional chats or opportunities and people are like oh I

41:10

come back and do this and I get really excited

41:12

for a second. I'm like no I want to be

41:14

a dad right now. This is what I'm doing. And

41:16

do you feel like because I feel my

41:19

husband made quite a conscious effort maybe

41:22

a year and a half ago when

41:24

he sold his main business that he

41:27

wasn't going to kind of sink something out after

41:29

that that he was going to use the space

41:31

that that freed up to be around

41:33

more as a parent and he

41:35

found it quite interesting that everyone

41:37

was constantly like well what's next

41:39

as though there's surely more

41:42

like like there there must be an end point

41:44

to this which inevitably I'm sure there will be

41:46

an end point but it's not like you necessarily

41:49

know exactly what that end point is right now.

41:51

Do you find the same that people are

41:53

constantly like oh well you must be just

41:55

using this time to come up with something

41:57

fresh and new that you're going to do. Totally,

42:00

I get asked that all the time. I

42:02

don't know much sex, you know. Like, the

42:05

way I look at it... That's the

42:07

point, right? Yeah, totally. It's totally... Ask

42:09

it. And also, why is it when

42:11

people, even if you're a stay-at-home mum or dad,

42:13

when you get asked this question and you're on

42:15

maternity leave, well, what are you going to do

42:18

and when are you going to go back to

42:20

work? It's like, I mean, I'm in the thick

42:22

of no sleep and doing the

42:24

best I can in the most important position

42:26

of my life and you're asking what I'm

42:29

going to do next. It is not even

42:31

like... I guess even the fact that you

42:33

think about it and you're like, I

42:36

don't care what that is.

42:39

But it's like guilt-ridden. Someone's asking you a

42:42

question and you feel guilty because you don't

42:44

know what's next. So the one

42:46

response I do love, just giving now back,

42:48

because I've been quite vocal about it. I'm

42:51

here because I'm quite vocal about it. I'll just say, I'm on a career

42:53

break, right? And the way I look at

42:55

it, first of all, I harped on about this

42:58

a bit, but mums are going to have to

43:00

do a career break by default of having that

43:02

initial period anyway. So it's like, I'm

43:04

just doing what every other mum's been doing. But

43:06

to that point, the way I view my career, hopefully,

43:08

I have 20 to 30 years or less. If

43:12

I've taken two years out in

43:14

the most crucial time when we're just all trying

43:16

to live, right? It's

43:19

a drop in the ocean. Absolutely. And my total career

43:21

is giving me 50 to 60 years. And it's so

43:23

funny, back to that point of that LinkedIn post, I

43:26

had so many blokes say, like, oh, mate, this

43:28

is amazing. Or like, last time I

43:30

was looking for a job, I had five months off and

43:32

I spent time with the kids. It

43:34

was the happiest time of my life. And I'd be like, get

43:36

back there, mate. And I'm so vocal

43:39

about it because I really think like normalised

43:41

career breaks, particularly for men, like

43:44

if a bloke just goes, you

43:46

know, in any given work situation, I'm

43:48

having a kid, I'd like to take

43:50

a career break to look after this

43:52

kid. Like, that should be a completely

43:55

normal thing to do. Right? Absolutely. And

43:57

so you're like, dad's me to one or two. Like, don't get me wrong. I

44:00

do their research like this agency called the

44:02

Workplace Gender Equality Agency. That should probably change

44:04

the name. Anyway, they even said that only

44:06

12% of men who

44:08

are offered like truly equal parental leave,

44:10

only 12% of men take it. Mm-hmm.

44:14

Because I think there is this stigma that, you

44:16

know, oh, you can't want your job enough if

44:18

you're willing to do that. Or what on earth

44:20

are you going to do at home for three

44:22

months? Or, you know, I think a lot of

44:24

the big banks and that kind of thing in

44:27

Australia have three to six months type leave

44:29

and there's constantly this like, oh, but

44:31

you wouldn't take it, would

44:34

you? You know? Totally. Yeah. Totally.

44:36

And it's like, but why, why wouldn't you?

44:38

And to that point of just being

44:40

vocal about it, people, men have influenced, like

44:42

if you're listening, hopefully you're listening, or your

44:44

wife or your wife who makes you

44:46

listen, right? Like be a role model.

44:49

Be the change. That's actually one of the biggest

44:51

things that I found is to say to him, dad,

44:53

I had no role models. So I didn't know a

44:56

single person had done this before me. Like zero. I

44:58

see. I had this, this is

45:00

my situation because I didn't think I'd

45:02

want that. But like, I

45:04

reckon the approach to fatherhood, the

45:07

change in like this generation,

45:09

the previous generation is the

45:11

biggest change in fatherhood ever.

45:13

Yeah. Right? Because to that point,

45:15

like even my dad, I mean, I was completely useless

45:18

at looking after you guys. I don't even think I

45:20

changed a single nappy. But to

45:22

the point that he's like society didn't

45:24

expect that. They want to

45:26

meet a work and they wanted your mom at

45:28

home. That was what everyone wanted for everyone. My

45:31

mom and I even last now and look,

45:33

this is no shade of my dad. He

45:35

is an incredible grandfather. He absolutely loved it.

45:37

And I think one of the reasons he

45:39

loves it so much is that

45:41

now he has the time. Whereas, you know,

45:44

he's an obstetrician. When we were growing up,

45:46

he was very busy with work. But

45:48

mom and I still laugh now

45:50

about part of it would

45:52

be because he's got this. But his ability to

45:55

like sit down at the table and

45:57

have his bowl of cereal with

45:59

chaos happening around him and

46:02

not even put his head up

46:04

and think maybe there's

46:06

something I could do to be helpful here. And

46:09

mum goes, it's just because

46:11

when you guys were younger, his

46:14

role was, he was a great dad. He

46:17

was there. We had fun times with him,

46:19

but I think their roles were just so

46:22

in place, so ingrained that she's

46:24

like, that wasn't his task growing

46:27

up. And I liked what you

46:29

said about not having those role models, because

46:31

I think that's where we do have to

46:33

have patience with ourselves as families, like

46:36

muddling our way through this and constantly

46:38

reassessing. And I remember I was saying

46:41

to a friend of mine recently, because

46:43

her partner was mainly doing some things

46:45

that she didn't love in terms of

46:47

being a father. And she was kind

46:49

of like, well, he doesn't have any

46:51

role models to look up to. And

46:53

I was like, but neither did the quote

46:55

unquote hands on fathers. They don't have any

46:57

role models to look up to. They're making,

47:00

you've got to kind of make your peers

47:02

your role models instead. Totally. Yeah.

47:05

Shout out to your dad. First episode I ever listened to. Thank

47:07

you for seeing me. Well done. Great

47:10

dad. Great host. Sorry. Great

47:13

guest. To that point

47:15

of like, as simple as

47:17

changing that, if there's one

47:19

thing that this hopefully episode

47:21

changes, we need more fucking

47:23

change tables in men's toilets. I

47:27

pay a lot. I

47:34

have been to thousands of toilets. I reckon one

47:36

in a thousand, one in a thousand. And

47:39

I tell you what, that one change table is

47:41

disgusting. Yeah. Like it's

47:43

so simple, right? Just

47:46

putting a damn change table in because the number

47:48

of nothing is I've had to change in the women's,

47:50

right? Yeah. Which isn't a huge issue. Hopefully it's

47:53

not an issue, but like, you know, like if I

47:55

go in, I'm going to change it. I

47:57

mean, and I don't have to do it. It's like a respectful nod. someone

48:00

to be holding onto a massive poo while I'm

48:02

changing my mind.

48:47

I think a disengaged father would

48:49

have to do far, far less

48:51

in terms of being a hands-on

48:53

parent than what you would claim

48:56

a disengaged mother is. Still.

48:58

I remember we were at an event

49:00

once with Dr. Golly, who's a paediatrician,

49:02

and he said, literally the only thing

49:05

that a dad can't do is breastfeed.

49:08

Like, breastfeeding, if you do choose and can breastfeed,

49:10

does take up a lot of the day. There's

49:13

a hell of a lot of other tasks

49:15

that you're equally able to do. When

49:19

I gave birth, I breastfed every two to

49:21

three hours, and I was not waking my

49:24

partner up to do any of that, and

49:26

I was cuddling my child for the entire

49:28

night. That

49:30

is for days' notes on it. Yes,

49:33

during the day, he would then get

49:35

those feelings, but every two to

49:37

three hours that you're getting this

49:39

consistent, it's just different.

49:41

It's totally different. And

49:44

I found it different when I had a second child and I started

49:46

to mix feed, and hey, the confidence

49:48

in him, I saw the change in him. Whether

49:50

you want to express and give them breast milk,

49:52

or you want to give them a bit of

49:54

formula and mix it up, the confidence that I

49:57

saw in him, and then with the third child,

50:00

postnatal depression and I was like, I can't, I'm

50:02

drowning. I can't do it. And

50:04

I believed I couldn't do it. And he

50:06

took on that role because he had the

50:08

confidence knowing if you left this room right

50:10

now, I could handle all

50:12

these kids and know that I could feed

50:14

them and there's, I don't have to rely

50:16

on you and that in itself gave him

50:18

the confidence to, to, to

50:21

be able to do it. The confidence on top

50:23

of the empathy, it's just like the minute a

50:26

dad has just gone through like just

50:29

a little bit of the experience of

50:31

feeding the child, getting everything ready. That's

50:33

just that the relationship improves. I feel

50:35

between a couple of mentally, which is

50:37

just the confidence that you also give

50:39

them, which is like you've, you've lived

50:41

a one around a

50:43

feeding in my shoes and you understand why

50:46

this is really hard, right? And so if

50:48

the dad has stepped up to that level,

50:51

the kind of cohesiveness, which with they can

50:53

get through, gives them confidence too. That

50:56

thing said, like, you know, one of my biggest

50:58

bugbears as a new father twice,

51:00

like there is zero resources, right? Like,

51:03

so it really does rely on demands. So sitting

51:05

down and going to get the kids out of

51:07

the house, this is literally what you need to

51:09

do. Or why don't I start

51:11

by packing the lunch boxes? You can see

51:13

everything and I'll learn really quickly, right? But there

51:16

are no resources. Like I remember when,

51:18

when my first was born and this is no knock on

51:20

New South Wales Health, the only resource you get given

51:23

as a dad, I got opted into a text service.

51:25

Have you heard about this one? And

51:27

it's like, uh, you text with

51:29

this service and it's a robot and it

51:31

impersonates your baby sometimes. Like daddy, I might

51:33

be crying for hours on end, but that

51:35

is all I got. And it's not bad.

51:37

It can't be. And then you're like,

51:39

why isn't my baby texting me back? I

51:44

get, I get why. And it's just continuing to cry.

51:47

I don't get what's going on. But it's like, yeah, then

51:49

I've given the range of fatherhood. And it's just like, why?

51:52

And it's interesting because I think now instead

51:54

of making them mother's groups to take, making

51:56

them parents group, which in some

51:58

ways is. because

52:00

as you say, dads need more

52:03

resources. But

52:05

I don't know how I would necessarily feel as

52:07

a new mum if a bunch

52:09

of dads rocked up to the mothers group

52:11

and I'm there wanting to be like, oh,

52:13

is everyone still like bleeding this amount? Oh,

52:15

how are you? You know, I think that

52:17

that's not necessarily the answer to. So

52:20

interesting. My two parents groups, if you listen

52:22

to this and you will, because I'm going to WhatsApp you all

52:25

in here. And several of them

52:27

helped me prepare for this. So just a big thank you for

52:29

all your time and love. I love you

52:31

guys. You guys are amazing. If there's one thing, there's two

52:33

things to that. I think, dad's you got

52:35

to get involved with the parents group. It

52:37

is the most beautiful, like if you talk about

52:39

in life how hard it is to make new friends as an

52:41

adult, especially as a parent, right? How about

52:44

like, oh, here's the service, which is just made

52:46

you some friends who live around the corner from

52:48

you. So kids going through the exact same thing.

52:50

Amazing, right? So dad's like, if you have an

52:52

opportunity, there's usually three meetings at the start, just

52:55

go to long to them. And normally what happens

52:58

is they start a WhatsApp group, get involved in the

53:00

WhatsApp group, right? They're amazingly fun. You

53:03

get connection, you learn so much. Now interestingly, so

53:05

for our second child, I got, I think I

53:07

got too involved because I was like, oh, we're

53:09

the group admin. Like I started the group. I

53:11

like, hey mom, what day do you want to,

53:13

and like my wife did say, she's like, look,

53:16

I love that you're going headfirst into this,

53:19

but they're also, some moms

53:21

might not be so progressive and still

53:23

need a safe space. And

53:25

by safe space, she's like, if a mom

53:27

is bleeding from an episiotomy, it

53:29

might be hard for her to talk to you

53:31

about that. So I completely respect that. So I

53:34

try to, at least in

53:36

my parents group, weirdly, I mainly comedic relief. My

53:38

parents group, you'll know that from me. Like

53:41

I try to kind of toe the line of

53:43

being as empathetic as possible. And so

53:46

like, I will say, you're spot on, like

53:48

in parents group, there's probably, but

53:50

like dad's at least start being an active

53:52

member of it and just talk and make friends

53:54

because they're just, they'll become your best friend. Is

53:57

that one of the hardest things of being a

53:59

stay at home? dad is you probably don't

54:01

necessarily have as many people to call, say

54:03

middle of the day, or may I'm taking,

54:06

all right, well, how old is

54:08

your eldest? Okay. He can go to the park. Um,

54:10

I'm going to fix myself. He's doing a lot at the

54:12

park, but you know, I'm going to the

54:14

park. I mean, yeah, it's very advanced. But

54:18

he's like, um, you know, is it

54:20

harder to find those people to go, Oh,

54:23

I'm a bit bored today or my kids

54:25

are doing my head in, let's go to

54:27

the park. Let's yeah. But it

54:29

like a hundred percent, but it's the same struggle

54:31

every month. So I will say being the same

54:33

father can be very lonely experience. So,

54:36

and I'll, I'll relate this in a couple of points, but

54:38

like motherhood is, has this

54:40

amazing encyclopedia, right? And I learned this

54:42

through you guys too. Right. And my

54:44

wife like, sounds like mental load, mum

54:47

rage, mum, do all this. Like it has

54:49

a rich language and a support network and

54:52

assistive, which is amazing. You want that

54:54

of anyone fatherhood does not have

54:56

that. Right. If I literally texted my mate and

54:58

we met up with our kids and I said,

55:00

mate, my mental load is to

55:02

the roof. Like, you know, I'm going to throw

55:04

this kid out the window because my dad rages

55:06

is off the charts. He'd be like, what the

55:08

fuck are you talking about? Mate? Like, Oh, he'd

55:11

probably be like concerned. You're not actually coming out.

55:14

I'm not actually going to do it. I

55:16

really need to fill my cup because I'm

55:18

getting a little like mentally anxious on like

55:20

it's that unfortunately that language doesn't exist. So

55:22

it is really hard to, to

55:25

kind of make new friends. I'm naturally pretty

55:27

outgoing person, probably too outgoing. Like my wife's

55:29

laughing at me cause I tried to do

55:31

that random, random accent parental kind

55:33

of service couple that I see at the cafe who

55:35

always dress a million bucks. And if you listen to

55:37

this, you know who you are. Cause I went out

55:39

one day and say, hi, my name's Jay. I love

55:42

how you guys drop your kids off before.

55:44

Obviously one of you starts work. You come and

55:46

have a coffee and you guys just look a

55:48

million bucks. And I met in my head. They

55:51

always look at me like fuck off, mate. And

55:56

They live in the corner. The

56:00

wrong. Size

56:02

Mass is now the market in a movie

56:04

naming last the Last Guy I think it's

56:07

better to the reader and dirty the guy.

56:09

You know how this last point life is

56:11

hard and get around. the dad's like if

56:13

you say that. And. Like

56:16

to start a conversation pride because months or so

56:18

good at of months to have been used to

56:20

and I need to do this just have to

56:22

get through. Does should have been more of a

56:24

lonely one and were horrible at that. Like you

56:26

nice the title lock for a gorgeous to open

56:29

up into his partner that how he feels about

56:31

South's I find personally the mental lifestyle. Will.

56:33

Get to the breaking point saw.

56:36

The Dad and it has to me. And.

56:38

I will like it would be

56:40

at extreme danger levels been. On

56:43

the surface model com so

56:45

know like yeah Nautilus. Ssd

56:47

that like and isn't that the I

56:49

think sometimes you can show you keep

56:51

that? Yeah, Absolutely at capacity. And I

56:54

won't lie, I can be furious. I

56:56

can it be loud. I can be

56:58

I could have an adult tantrum. I

57:00

will apologize and let them understand. In

57:03

I money was just traded. I probably

57:05

shouldn't have acted like that, but there

57:07

was a lot of emotion that I

57:09

decided to let out on a path

57:12

and. Fuck. Off Now getting

57:14

a getting back to when I

57:16

was saying about their stay at

57:18

home dad not being able to

57:20

have that confidence. The flip side

57:22

to that which I wanted to

57:24

address these That's if you on

57:26

the mom that has given birth

57:28

and you are looking at having

57:31

your part of a to stay

57:33

at home dads having that little

57:35

portion of the afternoon or morning

57:37

whenever they can while you're on

57:39

maternity leave and he's on paternity

57:41

leave is absolutely game changing. And

57:43

I know this because when I had

57:45

postnatal depression with my third child, this

57:47

is how my husband grew his confidence

57:50

with being a as say hi dad

57:52

and was purely to the fact that

57:54

at three P M. t

57:57

was in charge of ah sun

57:59

see absolutely everything and

58:01

I would just clock off and go in

58:03

that and I would never probably do that

58:06

if I didn't have a mental disorder at

58:08

the time but what it taught him I

58:11

just wasn't there it gave him confidence

58:13

because I wasn't micromanaging him I wasn't

58:15

telling him what I do how I

58:18

pack lunches how I how

58:20

I bath the baby from

58:22

that I then said to him however

58:24

he wants to parent he's

58:27

got it that there gave him even

58:29

more confidence to go whatever

58:31

I do it's okay yeah

58:34

and it's actually quite funny because I think

58:36

you can learn so much on your lips

58:38

my husband is probably a parent that I

58:41

have learnt the most from out of anyone

58:43

and I think a lot of that is

58:45

because he is not weighed down by society's

58:48

expectations of him as a parent so

58:50

I will allow mum guilt

58:52

to get in the way of

58:54

decision-making and those kind of

58:56

things where he's kind of not burdened with

58:59

those things so he can make much more

59:02

logical efficient type

59:04

decisions because he's not weighed down

59:06

by these feelings of guilt and

59:08

I feel like I have learned

59:10

so much about how I would

59:12

like to better parents but also

59:14

enjoy the process and the journey

59:16

of parenting so much more because

59:18

I'm kind of learning to let

59:20

those things go cuz he does

59:23

do you feel like you experience

59:25

that guilt that's a really

59:27

good question I'd say like yes

59:31

but obviously I'm

59:33

not a mom so it's probably really hard

59:35

to say but like do you feel bad

59:37

if you take time for yourself all the

59:39

time oh yeah yeah like I look and

59:42

it's a really good question I I

59:44

think I do I think

59:46

I'm quite vocal but about like I

59:48

just take some time and unfortunately probably

59:51

part of my personality I'm probably too

59:53

like I'm doing this kind of thing so

59:55

so that and that's probably a male trait too

59:57

but there is definitely like you know you The

1:00:00

I think every parent operate under

1:00:02

some some sense of guilt ridden

1:00:04

unfortunately unfortunately urging her we. We

1:00:06

have a competitive sport now soon

1:00:08

and so far I definitely feel

1:00:10

like. If this was what

1:00:13

I've chosen to do in, this is

1:00:15

my wrong and like I suggest each

1:00:17

time a little punks. To

1:00:20

I started a Stylus fledgling Instagram where

1:00:22

I'm teaching kids how to cook. Because.

1:00:24

I love cooking with my three year old

1:00:27

and I believe so much about. Sizes.

1:00:29

Day A massive My Billie. So

1:00:31

much that like tissue it had

1:00:33

a kook starts. As. It's

1:00:35

a really healthy relationship if it's I am

1:00:37

also used to pass I just oh my

1:00:40

son making stuff is make his I like

1:00:42

her think a different question I really beautiful

1:00:44

videos of. As cooking and scientists

1:00:46

and in in June instruments announced money

1:00:48

because I did dad the old, because

1:00:50

it. As a learning to edit

1:00:53

and hot be us I was sitting

1:00:55

there and here like dad told me

1:00:57

that by the on lights on making

1:00:59

B s to teach other parents are

1:01:01

doing. Since my

1:01:03

last night you been as easy as a

1:01:05

nice to me. I just come. Watch.

1:01:08

The by crowned with me like you know lights and

1:01:10

so you can to l l. Se

1:01:12

totally bit but like all die I

1:01:15

think once again about that that language.

1:01:17

And like that that her dad you're not really

1:01:19

being really well known are probably as as your

1:01:22

i just don't know what it is and find

1:01:24

it has been. Granted it's not nice. And yeah yeah

1:01:26

see getting him at the plant you've got. I would like tell

1:01:28

us yet to. I guess is. Really

1:01:31

good guy is code I young

1:01:33

C C on either say I

1:01:35

have it was three ends in

1:01:38

a young the kids saw recently.

1:01:42

Every I got two hundred days and

1:01:44

policies. my mind the house in a

1:01:46

fine I'll bet that is. Every single

1:01:48

like greens around handle has been tied

1:01:50

into one's eyes with story ends in

1:01:52

it is. Yeah and

1:01:54

you I felt like yeah I I

1:01:56

I In In short, yes, I should.

1:01:58

We don't. Have it's home for us. I just

1:02:00

sometimes feel a little shitty about not paying more attention to

1:02:02

my kids. Now, a question I

1:02:04

really want to know is, do

1:02:07

your children have parental

1:02:09

preference? Oh, yes,

1:02:12

but it's changed over time. So

1:02:15

heartbreakingly, our first was obviously

1:02:17

so into mum during

1:02:20

the breastfeeding phase, she weaned

1:02:22

when she had to go overseas for an extended period.

1:02:25

I weaned him to return with

1:02:27

heartbreaking for her because the preference instantly

1:02:30

changed. So she was destroyed because she

1:02:32

also was not ready to end her

1:02:34

breastfeeding journey. She would have been so

1:02:36

excited to get home. Yeah, in hindsight,

1:02:38

it was actually I recognize

1:02:40

how traumatic this must have been for

1:02:42

her because without second period, she's

1:02:45

like, this breastfeeding journey goes as long until

1:02:47

he decides it means so much to her.

1:02:49

So it would have been heartbreaking. So

1:02:52

the older one, I find has a parental

1:02:54

preference for me for a while. But what

1:02:56

we've also found is parents that everything is

1:02:58

chapters. Yes. And so the more they

1:03:00

grow to, they go to you for different things. So

1:03:03

if my three year old hurts himself, he'll

1:03:05

go for mummy clips straight up. If

1:03:07

he wants to be thrown off the top of a bunk

1:03:09

bed, he'll come to me, right? So

1:03:11

there is parental preference, but it changes.

1:03:13

And he's throwing off the bunk bed

1:03:15

and then he gets to the bunk

1:03:18

bed. Yeah,

1:03:20

both of you very

1:03:22

busy. But

1:03:28

it goes in chapters and like it

1:03:30

is heartbreaking, right? Because like, and I

1:03:32

only understood this later. And my wife

1:03:34

said, see, that's how I felt because

1:03:37

I will spend an entire day with him,

1:03:39

right? And fill the entire

1:03:41

day with amazing things. And I'll be like, I'll

1:03:43

make like, check out this diorama, I built you

1:03:45

and stuff. And mum will

1:03:47

come in the door and she's something new,

1:03:50

fresh, she's a fun one, chopped liver. And

1:03:52

I'm like, you little prick. Like, I have

1:03:54

been working hard at this all day, but

1:03:57

it's natural, right? And we all know,

1:03:59

told them. are irrational, right, and they

1:04:01

just, they, they just express themselves however

1:04:03

they wanted. So I, I'm actually so

1:04:05

weirdly as a dad, I find it

1:04:07

easier to not get harmed by

1:04:10

it or just, just get disappointed by it. My

1:04:13

wife does take it pretty personally, but

1:04:15

yeah, we're finding it's going in chapters.

1:04:17

And to that point before you

1:04:19

learning something off your husband's like, one thing that I've

1:04:21

learned is like, you, you see how fast it top,

1:04:23

top the changes in their mind. Like one day they're

1:04:25

like, strawberries might be all in end all. It's the

1:04:27

greatest thing in the entire world. They say, I don't

1:04:30

like them, take them away. That's the exact

1:04:32

same way they are with parents. So it's

1:04:34

like, we can take it personally, cause they're not going,

1:04:37

how emotionally wrapped am I in

1:04:39

this? Well, with her money or daddy's money, they

1:04:41

were expressing how they feel at the moment. They

1:04:43

don't actually mean they hate strawberries because strawberries are

1:04:45

delicious. But sometimes just like, I don't want that

1:04:47

now. And, and, and similarly with

1:04:50

the strawberries, it's like, if you have the

1:04:52

strawberries, they're not that fast on the strawberries.

1:04:54

If you didn't buy the strawberries, they're the

1:04:56

favourite strawberries. Similarly with parents, if you're the

1:04:58

one that like needs them to want you,

1:05:00

they'll be like, no, fuck this. I'm wanting

1:05:03

the other parents. Like it's exactly the

1:05:05

same. Totally. Like, and Amayahin

1:05:07

says that too, like, I like the way you handle X

1:05:09

or Y or how

1:05:11

you, you have a little bit more patience

1:05:13

in, in like how he reacted

1:05:15

to this or talking through. But that is, that

1:05:17

is a team sport that is parenting and so

1:05:19

much respect for single parents out there

1:05:22

because yeah, it's, it's, I've learned the most also

1:05:24

from my wife just bouncing my deers off. Yeah.

1:05:26

Right. Talking about it openly. Once again, it's that

1:05:28

problem of having no other estate

1:05:30

home dads. And if you're out there, reach out to

1:05:32

me, Yumchee by the way.

1:05:36

Like, yeah, I have, I have no one really

1:05:38

else to bounce that off. So like, I end

1:05:40

up bouncing off my wife. Yeah. And I love

1:05:42

that I have a dirty mind.

1:05:45

I'm so sorry. Let's just,

1:05:47

you just said bouncing off my wife. If

1:05:49

there are dads listening or maybe one. I

1:06:00

mean, if you listen to us while you're bouncing

1:06:02

on your wife's interesting kink, I'm not offended, I'm

1:06:04

flattered. I guess if, or if

1:06:07

there's mums that are listening and they have

1:06:09

a partner that does want to, maybe not

1:06:11

take time off work, but just get more

1:06:13

involved. What do you think are

1:06:15

good, because I think it's so easy for

1:06:17

us to be like, just get involved, but

1:06:20

sometimes if you've fallen into a certain way,

1:06:22

it's almost like you need to form

1:06:24

the habit. What do you

1:06:26

think are good ways that dads can

1:06:28

just get more involved? I think, first

1:06:31

of all, one thing I love about hanging

1:06:34

out with my kids is I get to indulge my

1:06:37

own inner child or men and children. My

1:06:40

kid will be like, dad, you reckon we can get

1:06:42

that monster truck out of that fence? I'm like, let's

1:06:44

find out. Yeah, yeah, we're excited. It's just like, it's

1:06:46

like, I'm bored. You're like, nah, nah, nah, we're still

1:06:48

doing it. It lets you really

1:06:50

indulge in that childhood side. At

1:06:52

the end of the day, it is, you only want

1:06:54

to do things you enjoy. For

1:06:57

any mums listening, just start with that conversation.

1:06:59

What do you love doing with your kids

1:07:01

the most? I

1:07:03

love taking them fishing. Why don't

1:07:05

you make that regular thing fills up your

1:07:07

cup too, you have a great time, and

1:07:09

just work through that process. Because,

1:07:12

organically, once they start taking the reins, they'll have

1:07:14

to deal with like, oh, I forgot the sunscreen,

1:07:16

it was a nightmare kind of thing. Once

1:07:19

again, men are sometimes like, sorry,

1:07:22

men. I'm not speaking very well. There's not men

1:07:24

and men. So go to absolute town. Horses to

1:07:26

water, you have to lead us there, right? But

1:07:30

then that morphs into just like,

1:07:33

consistency. Can

1:07:35

you do pick up and do your reaction? You wouldn't

1:07:38

mind fixing dinner up. Or even if it's just microwave

1:07:40

X, Y, and Z. And then, you

1:07:42

might make dinner and then move into that, hey, it

1:07:44

seems like you're really enjoying this. And,

1:07:46

you know, if one of you talks to your

1:07:48

boss about maybe starting early on Friday, finishing early,

1:07:50

and then you can just go fishing with the

1:07:52

kids again, right? And so once you

1:07:54

start down that path, and I

1:07:57

think dads really get involved in

1:07:59

hopefully any day. listening would just go, this is

1:08:01

something that I love doing. I want to do more. That's what

1:08:03

happened to me. And it's

1:08:05

kind of really building on that. And hopefully,

1:08:07

mum's listening, you can get your husband

1:08:09

to listen to me write a lot

1:08:12

about this. But

1:08:14

the other thing I will say is like,

1:08:17

whatever your paternity leave is at work, it

1:08:19

starts there, ask them all. Because

1:08:21

right now, government paternity leave is two

1:08:23

weeks paid at minimum, right? Paternity is

1:08:26

20, right? Unfortunately, like it's good, like

1:08:29

something's better than nothing. But

1:08:31

that ratio has set the

1:08:33

standard for most other companies to be like,

1:08:36

oh, well, that's the ratio.

1:08:38

So if we offer a year paid to

1:08:40

mum's, which is incredibly generous, we'll offer whatever

1:08:42

that math is. Whatever, yeah. And it's not

1:08:45

enough. Right. So to that point,

1:08:47

like dad's demand paternity leave, if

1:08:49

putting your career in hold is something that

1:08:51

really matters to you, because it will give

1:08:53

you the freedom to concentrate and learn to

1:08:55

enjoy those things with the kids. So yeah,

1:08:57

so that's one of my asks. Better

1:09:00

paternity leave for everyone. Equalise it. Just

1:09:02

make it parental leave. Your

1:09:05

company offers good paternity leave. Take

1:09:07

it. Stop thinking that. I mean, I

1:09:09

can't speak for everyone's job, but it's not unmanly

1:09:13

to take your paternity leave. Like take

1:09:15

it. And that's the stigma

1:09:17

that I was talking about. And like

1:09:19

to that point, there's so many more progressive

1:09:21

countries like the Nordics and stuff. It's just

1:09:23

commonplace. Like why can't we do it? There's

1:09:26

so much that society just gets better through doing

1:09:28

it. Right. And it fixes so much shit at

1:09:30

the workplace. Because like if you just have everyone

1:09:33

who's just like, yeah, I'm going to have a

1:09:35

kid, I might be ducking out for six or

1:09:37

12 months, male or female, it just fixes so

1:09:39

many issues. Right. I found that as a

1:09:41

manager and I was like, sorry

1:09:43

to my old team. Sometimes I was a prick, right?

1:09:45

Because before I had kids, people would be like, I

1:09:47

believe a forward pick up my kids from daycare. Like,

1:09:49

are you kidding me? My

1:09:52

kids got hand, foot and mouth, which sounds made

1:09:54

up, which not it's disgusting. Yeah.

1:10:00

to think, oh, you're a liar. I want to talk to you. Well,

1:10:02

I have to take five days off. Like, mate, are you kidding me?

1:10:04

Like, stuff like that. Like, build a layer of

1:10:06

empathy to that too. Yeah, yeah. And just society

1:10:08

works so much harder. That's so true because I

1:10:10

think that works in the house. I think if

1:10:12

you can both understand, as you were saying before,

1:10:14

what it is to have a full day with

1:10:17

the children or even, you know, if you can

1:10:19

both dabble in what is it to work and

1:10:22

come home. Because I think so often

1:10:24

it snubs us. Well, work is the

1:10:26

easy way out. At least you get

1:10:28

to talk to other adults. But there

1:10:31

is, it comes with its own unique

1:10:33

struggles and juggles and challenges and amazing

1:10:35

things too. So I think the more

1:10:37

that you can kind of share these experiences, whether it

1:10:39

be through the household or through a

1:10:41

workplace, the more people that have experienced

1:10:43

what it is to be home with

1:10:45

their kids, the better and more flexible and

1:10:48

empathetic the workplace is as well. And

1:10:50

it does. It really fixes so many. And it

1:10:53

was part of why I wanted to talk

1:10:55

today, like societal issues. Like the gender pay gap,

1:10:57

one of the big reasons it exists is just

1:10:59

because purely because women have to take so much

1:11:01

time out of the workplace to

1:11:04

help raise the family. If men were doing that

1:11:06

too, it really does solve that problem. And it

1:11:08

becomes commonplace for people like, I want to work

1:11:10

three to four days a week. You

1:11:13

can build entire teams based off that. And

1:11:15

like, I know this doesn't, that doesn't work

1:11:17

so much for small businesses or small companies.

1:11:19

That's where the government needs to step up.

1:11:21

Absolutely they do. So if there's any government

1:11:23

policymakers listening, why two weeks? This is

1:11:26

why I get angry as well is because if you

1:11:28

are a mother and you decide to have, I don't

1:11:30

know, two, three kids, four

1:11:32

kids, you've got X amount of

1:11:34

time that you're not going to be working.

1:11:36

Sorry, if you are a stay at home dad

1:11:38

and you decide to do that, well, that's obviously going

1:11:40

to be for you too. Now we're

1:11:42

supposed to have super and that

1:11:45

is a hell of a lot of

1:11:47

time that we're not getting super. So

1:11:49

at the minimum, we should be able

1:11:51

to be given something

1:11:53

while we are raising children,

1:11:56

raising the next generation, because

1:11:59

Otherwise I'm going to go. We're

1:12:01

good, Know me? And on supposed

1:12:03

to grow all we've got I got in the bank.

1:12:05

get them. Have been riding nice guy and I what

1:12:08

am I supposed. To do and like this, not

1:12:10

kid ourselves I different things, sometimes work the

1:12:12

bill and and all the parenting is the

1:12:14

most universal thing and world is the best

1:12:16

Like you are. You talk about struggles, the

1:12:18

world eyes I like you know, highly sensitive.

1:12:21

Guy know that. We

1:12:23

love it. I am an entity

1:12:25

just goes really well. Let's sit

1:12:27

down here. you make plenty of sacrifices.

1:12:30

Burns Red Wine Rossi we away causing

1:12:32

all that Great as I started his

1:12:34

family. Nice

1:12:38

I say. And it's it's. just

1:12:40

getting your head around. More like

1:12:42

a just sending an appropriate budget.

1:12:45

Deficit cried and within our budget eat

1:12:47

out a lot of thing. So it's

1:12:49

maybe not going to multinational level holidays

1:12:51

or maybe you're staying at different places. but

1:12:53

like you know you are making concessions

1:12:55

and nine he can. yeah like something

1:12:57

if I should be doing anyway. yeah

1:12:59

no us again to certain. Item.

1:13:01

Just on the I said earlier I do

1:13:03

recognize that I'm also I'm as a privilege

1:13:05

to even have the choice of these are

1:13:07

under because I know that some people losing

1:13:09

probably like this is just impossible like in

1:13:11

our house So they're not a harp on

1:13:13

about it. They're like maybe that model is

1:13:15

like one afternoon awake rather than Aussie. Vein

1:13:17

assignment and I said i know same

1:13:20

flavor annoy us What's next? What's Next?

1:13:22

Video see. Yourself in a seat shot.

1:13:24

Ever returning to full time blacks? Nice

1:13:26

Yeah this is this Expenses changed me

1:13:29

I'll have any like to the long

1:13:31

run I am operation of the idea

1:13:33

of my kids having the sauce guru

1:13:36

and not. Being. With him

1:13:38

and letting them go into that nice in a

1:13:40

lox that one thing I have rapidly land. Is

1:13:43

also the debilitating naturals. Work

1:13:45

and Sammy and always been caught trying to

1:13:48

else Yes! And now that I've had the

1:13:50

full experience of one ownership like on as

1:13:52

long as possible now that Budget that I

1:13:54

mentioned my decide otherwise said is my promise

1:13:57

to myself. I saw my life and keep

1:13:59

this going. There's a long as

1:14:01

possible.is due to stress of me

1:14:03

doing it doesn't outweigh the benefits.

1:14:05

And yes, and so you're a

1:14:07

jerk. We have that ongoing conversation

1:14:09

all the time, but I've personally

1:14:11

even if we went back to

1:14:13

work in some capacity, would hope

1:14:15

I still. Have a few days

1:14:17

of just me and my kids because it's

1:14:19

just beautiful car and you navigate and on

1:14:21

it Would jokes about it the you really

1:14:23

need any blinds him you miss. Something.

1:14:26

Minute. And as the asteroids. My.

1:14:28

Best things are these and I'm Dad. as it would be. I'm

1:14:31

sorry mom. Did. I miss. To.

1:14:33

Tiny little days house like in our size

1:14:35

made a habit of time remember like the

1:14:38

little words that my kid mispronounces because they're

1:14:40

unsure who and then you remember one day

1:14:42

the that I christ I joined this. Is

1:14:44

my last one on are told to

1:14:46

inherit any says one of the my.

1:14:48

It's heartbreaking when I learned how to

1:14:51

say oh incorrect and. And I never said

1:14:53

every so yeah. So I always I stayed sign.

1:14:55

Sorry. Time I don't tell her

1:14:57

all around like don't correct him because

1:15:00

when you correct him he changed forever.

1:15:02

Unlike most I see why I'd my

1:15:04

eldest since I think our fighters as

1:15:06

shy as Dad, mom and I have

1:15:08

mental in that sense. Place.

1:15:11

Yeah, you don't You don't miss those minute

1:15:13

changes. The you don't get that know

1:15:15

just until you com just communal been more to

1:15:17

that the turns into. His

1:15:20

theories. Any last words

1:15:22

of advice, Wisdom. Quote.

1:15:25

when his eve got less. Please

1:15:28

let our listeners he than now.

1:15:31

Or. Forever. Hold. Should say

1:15:33

how does the first one is

1:15:35

like and he says visit a

1:15:37

serious on the say you got

1:15:39

Had a fantastic episode about writing

1:15:41

Boys the like themselves are awesome

1:15:44

and. You. Know we all

1:15:46

know that there is. It is an

1:15:48

epidemic among young men as as depression

1:15:50

suicide and typically that's driven by just

1:15:52

like a purpose. Try. And.

1:15:55

That. Like a purpose. Society.

1:15:57

won't give you purpose and fortunately

1:15:59

that's interesting said that's phenomenal dimensions

1:16:02

that society won't give young

1:16:04

men that purpose. Now most

1:16:06

adult men still have those

1:16:08

feelings, they've just kept a lead on it their entire

1:16:11

time. They hold trauma through

1:16:13

to adulthood, right? I

1:16:15

have found personally when your

1:16:17

kids become your purpose, it just mentally

1:16:19

frees you just because all

1:16:21

of a sudden that purpose that I was like, what

1:16:23

am I meant to do is a blow. It

1:16:26

tells me the X, Y, like I have

1:16:28

purpose and it is so like it is

1:16:30

a beautiful thing and one of the things that no one

1:16:32

really talks about, guys hate talking about their

1:16:35

feelings, but it is a

1:16:37

certain sense of satisfaction that any dad would

1:16:39

feel when you decide like this is my

1:16:41

purpose. I love that and I think

1:16:43

also what you learn as an adult through

1:16:45

your children which you may not have opened

1:16:48

up through as a child is

1:16:51

extraordinary. Like you could be sitting there

1:16:53

and you're going to have to talk

1:16:56

about feelings with your child because you're

1:16:58

teaching your toddler the difference between angry

1:17:00

and sad and mad and you

1:17:03

kind of sit there and go, what are

1:17:05

those feelings? And then you sort of

1:17:07

on this ride with them understanding and

1:17:09

relearning all these things again. Totally

1:17:12

and every dad wants that. At the base

1:17:15

of their heart, every dad wants to be the best

1:17:17

dad they can be, right? And

1:17:19

like just engage with your kids, do

1:17:21

it, learn it, love it. Yeah.

1:17:25

Thank you so much for joining us today. You

1:17:27

got one more? I don't have

1:17:29

one more. The last time we did it,

1:17:31

so I have waited so this is great.

1:17:33

I have a read off fabulous for you.

1:17:36

Oh! Holy crap! Why

1:17:38

did you say so? Why did you say so? That's when

1:17:40

they come in. I

1:17:43

was going to open it because I was like

1:17:45

someone's like that's a great icebreaker. Like and I

1:17:47

was like so I am so happy. Sorry, we

1:17:49

didn't need an icebreaker. I know we've all been

1:17:51

absolutely fine. So much so. I don't even know

1:17:53

if it qualifies a real favour. It's just a

1:17:55

funny story and I've already run this past the

1:17:57

mum. So I know you said it's okay. to

1:18:00

change your name. You are right, I love you. So

1:18:02

I like most parents on a

1:18:04

weekend, like I don't mind a drink in the afternoon

1:18:07

to wind down, right? But I have two kids,

1:18:09

one in six months, it's not like I'm going to a cool cocktail

1:18:11

bar or anything, right? So I have this habit of I just get

1:18:13

two beers from the fridge, I throw them under the pram. So

1:18:16

what happens is every afternoon where you go, you

1:18:18

go to the park, you go to the beach

1:18:20

and you just run into other parents. You run

1:18:22

into your parents crew and you

1:18:24

just end up having a good time. There

1:18:26

is another dad who is my partner in

1:18:29

crime and he's always most willing to have

1:18:31

my second beer because drinking on your own

1:18:33

is very lonely and sorry, dad looks really weird.

1:18:36

So it's always me and him having this beer. Fast

1:18:40

forward to his kid is about

1:18:42

to have their birthday and his wife is

1:18:44

organizing it, right? So we have this

1:18:46

big WhatsApp chat with all the parents. So

1:18:48

she says, hey guys, just so you know,

1:18:51

my kid's birthday will be at 10am at

1:18:53

X Park, looks a little

1:18:55

rainy, but it should be okay. Really looking forward

1:18:57

to having everyone there. Right after

1:18:59

that follows up with on WhatsApp and actually

1:19:01

so singling me out going, I know my

1:19:04

kid's birthday is at 10am. I

1:19:06

really don't mind if you have a drink. Absolutely

1:19:10

no judgment. As

1:19:12

you know, I'm just serious, which

1:19:14

made me realize everything's I'm a

1:19:16

massive bitch. I just

1:19:19

see the part of the dad. And

1:19:24

I was just like, this blew my mind. I was like,

1:19:27

oh my God, I think everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic. Please

1:19:30

tell me you've been sitting on that case.

1:19:33

That was one of the most I thought you were

1:19:35

going to say it started off, you'd take two beers

1:19:39

and now all of a sudden you fill up

1:19:41

your beach trolley with an entire case. That

1:19:44

was one of my highlights of COVID is I

1:19:46

would meet up with friends at the park and

1:19:48

we'd have our insulated coffee cup and it

1:19:50

would actually have been in Tonicare. And

1:19:53

so I love it. So no judgment here. Maybe

1:19:56

judge me if it was at 10am. what

1:20:00

you got to do to parent but thank you so

1:20:02

much for coming on the potty today

1:20:04

we absolutely love this chat and

1:20:06

if anyone wants to message Chi

1:20:08

or get on to his instagram

1:20:10

and see how he cooks then

1:20:12

you can head to yumgyu triple

1:20:15

m zhj thank you Chi thanks guys

1:20:17

thanks for listening to this episode

1:20:22

of beyond the bump if you enjoyed it

1:20:24

please subscribe and give us a review if

1:20:26

you didn't good on you you

1:20:29

can also follow us on instagram at

1:20:31

beyond the bump dot podcast just stay

1:20:33

up to date on behind the scenes and

1:20:35

future episodes i'll see

1:20:41

you

1:20:44

next week bye