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In this episode of Balancing the Christian Life , we

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talk about disagreeing with people we

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need to love . Welcome

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to Balancing the Christian Life . I'm Dr Kenny

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Embry . Join me as we discover how to be

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better Christians and people in the digital

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age . Yeah

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, it's been a minute , or at least that's what

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I was thinking . My daughter , emma

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, married on March 9th . A

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couple weeks ago , I've been working

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several overload classes so I could afford

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the modest wedding she had . I

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gave her a budget and said when it ran

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out that's all Katie and I could

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have contributed , and I was amazed

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at her resourcefulness . It's

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a strange thing to watch the little girl

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you fought with constantly as she grew

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up reflect some of the very things

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you worked hard to teach her . I

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remember when she came home as a school

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kid with permission slips and impatiently

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told me dad , nobody reads

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those things , would you please just sign

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it ? She had an attitude

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and her voice followed by an eye roll . However

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, I don't generally sign

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things . I don't understand . She

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was disgusted then , but as she

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figured out who she wanted to cater

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her wedding and what floor she

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wanted to use , I caught

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her going through the fine print . Okay

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, dad , you're right . I read

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this stuff now , and it's a good

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thing I do . This

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isn't an I told you so moment , but appreciating

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a little girl who has become

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an adult , who understands responsibility

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. That's cool

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. Right now , emma and her husband , charlie , are living

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up in Gainesville , which is a couple hours north

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of where we live . A friend of mine

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, chris Emerson , was preaching a meeting at the

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church there and we had a handful

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of things . Emma wondered from our house as

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she starts making a home of her own . So

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it was a great excuse to see a friend

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and visit my newlywed daughter

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. After services

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my wife and I were talking to Charlie

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about his first weeks of married life . So

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have you guys fought

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yet ? Well , he

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said he

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didn't need to say anymore . I

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recognized the look . Of

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course they fought . I remember

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the fights Katie and I had our first

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year of marriage . They were

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important fights because they helped

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us figure out the terrain of responsibilities

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and see how we should

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and could fight fair

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. But we still do fight

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. I know some of you

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are upset that I call these disagreements fights

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, but I do and I stand

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by it . Here's one thing

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we're going through right now . Katie

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loves wearing quite possibly the ugliest

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shoe in the world Birkenstocks

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. She tells me they're

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comfortable , but for someone

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who loves to talk about cuteness and

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being on trend , I

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can't stand these sandals . They're

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overpriced , they look hideous

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and they're not worth the

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hype . Right now she's

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wearing the Birkenstocks Madrids . I

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hate these shoes and

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yet I know the

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model because I'm

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the one who bought them . I

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hate them , but I love

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my wife and this

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is what makes her happy . It

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doesn't hurt me and our relationship

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is stronger because I figured

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out that if I can only put her

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love of this hideous footwear above

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my hatred of it , we both end

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up happier . Look , that's

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a guy who's been married for about 20 years talking

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now , and these are lessons I've learned

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from failure , not success . I've

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also got to admit I've

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been watching a bunch of fights lately . I've

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seen a lot of name calling . I've

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heard about documents and people

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who don't get along , and

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when I was younger , fights like this would make

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me mad . I'm older now

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and I've watched this

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pattern for a dozen guys , maybe

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more . In other words , this

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isn't new . So

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have you guys fought yet ? Well

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, I guess we all know

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answers to that . Conflict

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is as old as Cain and Abel , probably

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older . So if we're

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going to fight , could we

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at least remember a few important rules of engagement

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. First , corinthians

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13.4-7 says Love

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is patient and

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kind , does not envy

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or boast , is not arrogant

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or rude , it does not

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insist on its own way , it

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is not irritable or resentful

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, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing

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but rejoices with

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the truth . Love

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bears all things , love

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believes all things , hopes

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all things , endures

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all things . Paul

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is talking about how to love to

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a bunch of knuckleheads and Corinth who

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couldn't seem to get along . Specifically

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, they were fighting about spiritual gifts in

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this part of Corinthians and Paul is

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telling them the most important spiritual

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gift is love . If

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you cannot say you love the person

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you're fighting , can

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I suggest you're the wrong person to go

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into the ring with for a few rounds ? We

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are told to love our neighbors , love

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our brothers , love our families

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and love our enemies

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. So be very careful

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about whom you choose

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to be impatient , envious

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, boastful , arrogant

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, rude or insistent

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with . As a husband

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who has done stupid things , I've

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been that guy who wanted to

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win , who believed the

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worst , who was thrilled

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to see my wife make

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a mistake . In other

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words , I was an idiot

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. I've been the same

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idiot at church , I've been

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the same idiot at work and

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, frankly , when I'm an idiot , I'm

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not representing God very well . So

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remember there's

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not a time when we get to suspend

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what Paul says about love

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. Second , when

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you criticize , don't

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hold back , but do

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be kind and gracious . Ephesians

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4 15 says speaking

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the truth in love

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, we are to grow

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up in Every way

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into him , who is the head , into

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Christ . Ephesians

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is a dense letter . Paul

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has a lot to say to the Ephesians . He

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spent some time there , he knew them

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and as he gave his farewells

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and acts , where he meets with

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the Ephesian elders , he doesn't

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hold back . He loves

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them , but he knows

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some of these very guys will betray

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God and make things far

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worse . At the church they oversee His

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entire ministry . Jesus

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loved the scribes and Pharisees

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and yet he never held back

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about their problems . Why

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not ? Because if

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they were ever going to be better , they

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needed to know what had to be fixed

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. He was passionate

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, he was truthful , he

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was direct , but

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he wasn't arrogant , he wasn't

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resentful , he didn't

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rejoice when they were doing things wrong

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. Oh Jerusalem

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, jerusalem , you who kills the

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prophets and stones

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those sent to her . How

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often I longed to gather your children

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together . They

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were hypocrites and

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they desperately needed to see their hypocrisy

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. Fights often

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change course when we go after tangents

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or related but different charges . I Remember

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a fight my wife and I were having , and

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my wife was just wrong about something

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. No , it wasn't

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about the truly important thing that

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sparked our disagreement . The

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fight turned out to be about how

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she was feeling taken for granted

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and I knew I

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had both said and given her a

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card where I showed Thankfulness

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and gratitude . I mean , I

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had the card . She was wrong

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, dead wrong . She

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was , and I knew it . I Could

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show her in black and white where

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she had factual error . She

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was tired and asked Can

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we just stop fighting about this , katie

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? I'm not fighting . I'm just

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trying to show you why I'm right

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. That's

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not my proudest moment . At

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a time my wife felt vulnerable where

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I could have helped her feel better and

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where I could have been more gracious . Even

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if there really were times I expressed

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gratitude and thankfulness , I

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was the idiot who was right , fighting

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instead of helping my

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wife . I

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wanted to win by

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winning . Well , she

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was losing . I know there

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are times we need to show error to others

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. We need them to understand

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where they are truly mistaken

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. We need to expose

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error as being error , but

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when you have the opportunity to be gracious

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and kind , choose

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to be gracious and kind . I

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know there are others who may be led

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astray about error , but

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despite the fact that a polis was

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preaching the wrong baptism , quella

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Bercilla taught him better . Despite

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the fact that people on Mars Hill believed

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the lies of other gods , paul

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taught them better . Despite

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the fact that the woman at the well believed

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it didn't matter which mountain was used

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to worship God , jesus

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taught her better . In

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other words , when you have

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the opportunity to choose

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to speak the truth in love , please

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speak

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the truth in love . Raising

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children I laugh now at some of the truly

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stupid things my kids expected my

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wife and I to believe . One

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of my children , who will go nameless

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, believed when you were in

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water . You were not

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wet . You were only

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wet when you emerged from the water

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. Well , that's about the

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silliest thing I've ever heard , but

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at the time that's

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what my child believed . My

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child was wrong . It

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became a family joke we still have

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today . But the child

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who misunderstood what it meant to be wet

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is still loved

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and

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that child understands that . Finally

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, jesus tells

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us why do you

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see the speck that is in your brother's

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eye but do

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not notice the log that is in your own

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eye . Or how can

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you say to your brother let

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me take the speck out of your eye

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. And there is the

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log in your own eye , you

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hypocrite . First

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take the log out

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of your own eye and

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then you will see clearly . To take the speck

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out of your brother's eye , that

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hurts . Hypocrite

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is a strong word . It's

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an ugly word and yet I

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know myself well enough to

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know I

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am one . I'm

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a hypocrite . I

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criticize others of things I have

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done and sometimes still

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do . I have criticized

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others of misunderstanding a passage

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that I have misunderstood in the

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past or misunderstand now

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. I have criticized

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others of being prideful and

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it was my pride speaking . I

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have criticized others of being ignorant

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, having the wrong motives

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, when I

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was probably just as ignorant and

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had similar , conflicting motives

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. I remember

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a letter written to me . I

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was in a disagreement with somebody else

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. The person was criticizing

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someone else with very specific

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allegations and charges , but

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the beginning phrase said something

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like I myself am

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full of faults , but here is

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where the other person isn't wrong

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but foolish . On

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one hand , that's an easy , generic

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admission to make . We

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are all of us centers

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, every single one

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, but understanding

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our specific fault is

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more helpful . Probably

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one of the greatest gifts my children and wife

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have given me is

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a mirror into who I am

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really . I

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have fought with my wife and children on

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many occasions and

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I have yet to be in a disagreement

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where I was

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not a party to the problem . Alain

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de Beton wrote a book entitled

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the Art of Travel , and

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one of his lines just kicks me between

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the eyes every time . He

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says when we look at pictures

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of places we want to visit and

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imagine how happy we would be

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if only we were there , we

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are prone to forget one crucial

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thing that

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we will have to take ourselves along

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the journey . We

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won't just be in India , south

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Africa , australia , prague , peru

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in a direct , unmediated

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way . We'll be there

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with ourselves , still

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imprisoned in our own bodies and

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minds , with all

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the problems that entails . When

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I watch fights from my kids

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, it's easy for me to

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see what's really going on . One

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child has something which makes the other one jealous

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. It's not fair , or

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they're fighting about who knows the right

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answer to a really important question . Like

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the president of Chile , one

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child just wants to feel smarter as

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being denied this by a sister . In

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other words , the fight has

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a context and

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often the issue isn't the facts

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but the people in

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the conflict . Some

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people like to fight . Some

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people like to be right . Some

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people don't want to feel foolish

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. Some people like to look for

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specs in other people's eyes while

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they've got a log in their own and

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I'm not saying that's dangerous , jesus

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is Look . Some

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fights need to be fought . Some people

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are truly wrong . Perhaps

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the stakes are too high to simply let

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it go , but

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when you're fighting with your five-year-old about playing

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in the street , you need to

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win . Your child

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needs to understand he's wrong and

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why he's wrong and

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why you've got better judgment . Yes

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, that's true , but

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when you're in one of those fights , do

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you truly love who you're fighting ? Are

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you being honest , kind

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and gracious , and

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are you taking a good look at yourself

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to make sure you're

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not a big part of the problem as well ? Looking

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back at my family , I

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didn't enjoy our squabbles , but

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I'm grateful for the results . All

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means one who struggles

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with God . I'm

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grateful we are able

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to fight with God , who

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consistently loves us , who

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is gracious to us and

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who helps us understand ourselves

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as we struggle with

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him . Thanks

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for the good thing I'm thinking about . Yeah

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, it's been a minute

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. I've recorded three interviews I plan to release

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in the next three weeks . Also been

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planning the next conference with

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Hal Hammons this time

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the conference will be at the beginning

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of August instead of the end of July

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had an unfortunate but unavoidable

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schedule conflict in the last

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couple of weeks . Next week I plan

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to release my conversation with Hal Hammons

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. He's a wonderful guy

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, a good friend . So

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until next time , let's be good

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and do good .