Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After

In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience.

David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.

We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. 

What is Grief?

Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond or affection has been formed.

Grief is something in our culture that we often don’t know how to approach. And until its on happening to us or someone we love. we typically don’t like to think about death or talk about it.

The Original Five Stages of grief by Kubler-Ross:

1. Denial - This isn’t happening to me
2. Anger - Why is this happening to me?
3. Bargaining - What can I change to stop this happening to me?
4. Depression - There isn’t anything I can do to stop this happening to me.
5. Acceptance - I take this for what it is even if I don’t want it.

The 6th stage proposed by Kessler is Meaning.

What does meaning look like? It can take many shapes, such as finding gratitude for the time they had with loved ones, or finding ways to commemorate and honor loved ones, or realizing the brevity and value of life and making that the springboard into some kind of major shift or change. (Pg. 3)

Ultimately, meaning comes through finding a way to sustain your love for them after their death while you’re moving forward with your life. (Pg. 7)

Thoughts that may guide in understanding meaning: (Pg. 7)

1. Meaning is relative and personal.
2. Meaning takes time. You may not find it until months or even years after loss.
3. Meaning doesn’t require understanding. It’s not necessary to understand why someone died in order to find meaning.
4. Even when you do find meaning, you won’t feel it was worth the cost of what you lost.
5. Your loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift, or a blessing. Loss is simply what happens to you in life. Meaning is what you make happen.
6. Only you can find your own meaning.
7. Meaningful connections will heal painful memories. 

Love and grief are inextricably intertwined. Love and grief come as a package deal. If you love, you will one day know sorrow. (Pg. 9)