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1:29

I have always had enough. You

1:32

have always had enough. Because

1:34

if you hadn't always had

1:36

enough, you wouldn't be sitting

1:38

here with me. You

1:40

wouldn't. If there was truly

1:42

a time in your life where you didn't have

1:44

enough, you would no longer be alive. So

1:48

even if we've gone through these

1:50

awful times, these hard times, these

1:53

hungry times, these fearful

1:55

times, like all the shit that we've lived

1:58

through. We're

2:00

still here, which means

2:02

to me that

2:04

God has always been here. She

2:08

has always taken care of me and

2:10

I believe that she always will. In

2:13

those moments where I would start to feel

2:15

that fear creep back up, I

2:18

would remind myself of that truth again and

2:20

again and again. Hi,

2:26

I'm Rachel and in this

2:28

show we talk about everything.

2:31

Life and work, health and

2:33

healing, relationships with others and

2:35

with ourselves. These

2:37

are stories for the seekers. These

2:40

are conversations for the curious.

2:44

This is the Rachel Hollis Podcast. Hi,

2:52

I'm Rachel. Welcome

3:01

to another episode of the podcast and

3:03

a new episode in our

3:06

Ask Rachel series. This is

3:08

a show, if you've never listened to one of these

3:10

before, where people call in from all over the world

3:13

and ask me questions about literally

3:16

anything and everything. What

3:19

I do is you and I are going

3:21

to listen to these voicemails at the exact

3:23

same time. This is not any

3:26

prep work. I'm not doing research. I'm just

3:28

answering in the moment the same way that

3:30

I would if me and

3:32

my new friend, whoever is calling in,

3:34

if we were sitting down having coffee

3:36

or grabbing happy hour, this

3:39

is my instantaneous gut

3:41

response, which means that

3:44

sometimes it's good and sometimes it might

3:46

sound silly and also you can take

3:48

it with a grain of salt or

3:50

take it as entertainment or build

3:53

your whole life around the principle. You decide. I

3:56

feel like we should just start

3:58

with a really important. piece of

4:00

information that my

4:03

fellow bleeders are going to

4:05

understand, which is I am

4:08

cramping so bad right now

4:10

that I just

4:12

want to go put on sweatpants, put

4:15

a heating pad on back and on front,

4:18

maybe side to side, maybe wrap up in

4:20

a heating pad like a burrito, which side

4:22

note, no this has nothing

4:24

to do with today's Ask Rach, but you

4:27

guys, do you know that they make giant

4:29

heating pads? If you don't know,

4:32

I'm going to need you to look that up. If you are

4:34

like me and you love a heating

4:36

pad, I would say I lay on

4:39

a heating pad easily 300

4:43

nights a year. I take heating pads with me when

4:45

I travel. I wish they let you

4:47

plug things like that in on a plane because

4:49

I would, I just love them. I love, oh,

4:52

I love the heat. I think

4:55

pretty positively I was a lizard in a

4:57

past life, but I have

4:59

this new heating pad that's really big.

5:02

It's like extra, extra large. My

5:05

uterus, my you, she

5:07

wants it. She wants to go snuggle up

5:10

on that heating pad right now so badly,

5:13

but you know, got a job. I'm

5:16

going to answer some questions for you guys.

5:19

And if you hear

5:22

these answers today or you're familiar with the show

5:24

and you want to ask me your own question,

5:27

call the hotline 737-400-4626. You call and ask me

5:29

anything you want. We can remove your voice. We

5:31

can remove

5:36

your name. We can sometimes

5:38

people ask us to disguise their voice.

5:40

And then it sounds like, like a

5:42

super sleuth documentary that's on Netflix. When

5:45

we play it back later, whatever

5:47

you need us to do, we can, including

5:50

today, I'm actually going to

5:53

share a voice memo

5:55

that we got as a

5:57

DM on the start

5:59

today. Instagram from a listener

6:02

in Germany. She said

6:04

the reason that she's doing it this way

6:06

is because there are international fees if she

6:08

tries to call the hotline. So this is

6:10

actually a super smart way. I know some of

6:12

you are international and you've called into hotline before,

6:14

but if you are international and it

6:16

is hard to call the hotline, do this, do

6:19

what Mina did, uh, but you and I, we're

6:21

going to listen to this. I don't even know.

6:24

I have no idea what this topic

6:26

is. I just know that

6:29

Mina has left a voice note. So let's listen

6:31

together. Great

6:57

question. And

7:20

I love that you're asking this at 27,

7:22

Mina, because scarcity around money

7:25

is not something I really understood

7:27

until I was well into my

7:29

thirties, probably mid thirties

7:31

to be totally fair. I

7:34

didn't grow up with money. Sounds like

7:36

you didn't either. Uh, but it wasn't

7:38

just not having a lot of money.

7:40

It was being in an

7:42

environment where finances were really a

7:44

struggle. And again, I have

7:46

known a lot of people in my life and I

7:49

have not just my immediate family,

7:51

but very close family members as

7:53

well, who also grew up without

7:55

money. But it wasn't this source

7:58

of trauma. that

8:00

it was in my household.

8:03

I just want to establish that because I

8:06

don't think that you need to grow up

8:08

in a family that has a lot of

8:10

money to have a really happy childhood. But

8:12

I do think that the mindset that your

8:14

parents or whoever raised you, whatever

8:17

their mindset and attitude

8:20

around scarcity or abundance,

8:22

money, opportunity, that

8:25

stuff really permeates

8:28

into the way that you believe as you

8:31

get older and older, unless

8:35

you become conscious of it and

8:37

you actively work to change your

8:39

perspective. I guess I would start

8:41

there. If you were sitting with me right now, I

8:44

would ask you to tell me some of the

8:46

common phrases, some of the things,

8:49

some of the ideology or

8:51

beliefs or stories or narrative

8:53

that you heard from your

8:55

parents around money when you

8:57

were growing up. Because,

9:00

y'all, that is a really

9:02

strong indication of why

9:05

you're presenting the way

9:07

you are when it comes to a

9:09

subject like money. So for

9:11

me, I

9:13

heard a lot of

9:15

stories around things

9:18

like money doesn't grow on trees, money

9:21

is the root of all evil. That's

9:24

not something we can afford. Like

9:26

I really grew up in an environment

9:29

where you didn't even ask. You

9:31

didn't even ask for things. It wasn't like you were like, oh,

9:33

can I have the Adidas jacket

9:35

that everyone is wearing to school? You

9:38

wouldn't even bring that up. That's like a

9:40

joke. Like I would never ask my

9:42

parents for something like that because I just knew it

9:45

wasn't possible. There was already

9:47

this energy in

9:49

our household of we

9:52

can't afford that being a

9:54

foregone conclusion. And again,

9:57

there's nothing about... having

10:01

money or not that

10:04

affects the way you think. What

10:06

affects the way you think is the attitude

10:09

around where you are because by the way,

10:11

Mina, I am positive if

10:13

you and I sat with a bunch

10:15

of people in this podcast community and

10:18

we said, hey did any of you

10:20

grow up in families where you did have

10:22

enough and your parents still

10:25

had a scarcity mindset around it?

10:27

I bet we could find people

10:29

who have very similar narratives around

10:31

finances when they had way more

10:33

abundance than maybe we had. The

10:35

other thing that I know was

10:38

modeled a lot was

10:40

my family would talk a

10:42

ton about the money they

10:44

used to have and

10:46

this was not something that I ever experienced so

10:48

I'm the baby of four. The story

10:51

I always heard was that when my

10:53

sisters, my two oldest sisters were

10:55

little that my

10:57

dad had a really good job and not

10:59

that we were rich but that it was

11:01

a time where there was more where they

11:04

didn't worry about money and there

11:07

were all of these stories in

11:09

our family around this time period

11:11

of when daddy had a better

11:14

job and so I

11:16

realized now having done all

11:18

the therapy and unpacked all the things that

11:22

I absolutely oh my gosh

11:25

do I have some

11:28

triggers and some fears around

11:31

no matter how much you make it

11:33

can always be taken away from you. Like

11:35

that is a huge one that I

11:38

have had to work on especially coming

11:40

off the backside of getting

11:42

divorced in 2020 that

11:45

was just financially

11:47

decimating for me between

11:50

the divorce and

11:53

COVID and all of the financial strain

11:55

that caused my business and trying

11:58

to keep all of these employees during

12:00

this crazy downturn, like just

12:03

all of that stuff, I

12:05

went into such a wild

12:08

scarcity mindset around money because

12:11

I didn't realize it was playing out for

12:13

me, but I was like experiencing that, oh

12:15

my gosh, I got to

12:17

the highest highs, I did

12:20

so well financially and now it's being

12:22

taken away. Of

12:25

course it wasn't, did I

12:28

lose a big chunk of that during that

12:30

time? Absolutely, but the mindset

12:32

I had around money and the mindset

12:35

that I had around it running out

12:37

was a narrative I made up in my own mind.

12:40

As a side note, the other thing

12:42

that I realized in retrospect of that

12:44

time was that I was

12:47

surrounded by people who

12:50

had a scarcity mindset around money. Not

12:53

only was I going through this huge financial

12:56

change in that my

12:58

finances were changing and that felt very scary to

13:01

me at the time, but simultaneously

13:03

I had a bunch of people speaking

13:05

into my life and I mean like

13:07

financial advisors, finance people that

13:09

I worked with who were probably

13:12

because global pandemic and also because

13:14

accountants and actuaries and CFOs and

13:16

people like that do tend to

13:18

be a little bit more pragmatic

13:21

and this is black

13:23

and this is white and very strict.

13:26

All of this was a perfect storm

13:28

for me to feel triggered by

13:30

a lot of information that was downloaded when I

13:32

was a little girl. I

13:35

tell you that whole long build up to

13:38

say that if you can start to

13:40

become aware of the things

13:42

you heard or saw modeled when

13:44

you were little and then where

13:46

they might be showing up for you now.

13:49

So I'm curious why the

13:51

story like there's something really interesting about

13:53

being triggered by the plot line of

13:55

a movie where someone gets a

13:57

bunch of money. Like I feel like

14:00

most of us would hear a story like that,

14:02

like, Oh, you won the lottery. You've come into

14:04

this huge blessing. We'd

14:07

hear a story like that. And we'd all be

14:09

planning our vacay. You know, we're figuring

14:11

out what we're doing with this money. You know, where

14:13

are we sending our kids to school? Where are we

14:15

going to buy a house? Most

14:17

people wouldn't be triggered by that particular

14:20

story. So that's where

14:22

I'd start unpacking. Why this story? What

14:25

was it about that uniquely that

14:27

made you feel uncomfortable? Because it's

14:30

rarely just one thing, but

14:33

it is really helpful to understand

14:35

like our major trigger points

14:37

in life so

14:40

that we understand how to manage

14:42

them, how to unpack them,

14:44

how to circumnavigate them if

14:46

necessary. Like we understand how

14:49

to go to

14:51

bat with those things that make

14:54

us feel stuck, that make us feel

14:56

like we can't move forward, that make us feel like,

14:58

Oh my gosh, I'm always going to be this way.

15:01

The crazy thing about these emotional triggers

15:03

that are sort of built into us

15:05

from when we're younger is that

15:08

this can show up for

15:11

the rest of your life if you're not careful. And

15:16

when I realized that I had

15:18

this attitude that I was

15:20

really drowning in what

15:22

ultimately is just absolute

15:25

fear when it comes to money,

15:28

when I realized that that

15:30

was happening, y'all, I did everything

15:33

that I could. I watched every YouTube video.

15:35

I read every book. I

15:37

did all the research and

15:39

everything for me was about

15:41

financial scarcity. And how

15:43

could I flip it? How could I

15:46

flip to a state of financial

15:49

abundance? Because

15:52

I was just living in such fear. And

15:54

if it was just me, if I did

15:56

not have four kids to support. I

16:00

could go camp out if I needed like I have

16:02

been without money before I could go back to that

16:05

place again I would be fine.

16:07

But when you have other people counting on

16:10

you the fear surrounding

16:14

Not having enough money to take care of people

16:16

that you are responsible for whoo

16:21

That is that is some scary stuff

16:23

I started start today in 2019 and

16:27

the very first product that I made was

16:29

the start today Journal, so I would love

16:31

to tell you all about the journal and

16:33

why I believe in this product so much

16:36

I want to tell you why hundreds of

16:38

thousands of people believe in it, too I

16:40

want to tell you about the practice of

16:42

the journal and that you can do it

16:45

in any notebook You already have at home

16:47

without buying a single thing. I want to

16:49

tell you all sorts of things But

16:52

I won't instead. I'll let real

16:54

customers tell you why they love

16:56

it, too Gratitude

16:59

is incredible

17:01

Life-changing it just makes me

17:04

happier because I'm focused on the positive

17:06

and not the negative you really do

17:08

seek it out Waking

17:13

up and doing the start today journal is the

17:16

first thing on my mind and when I write things

17:18

down I feel so much more empowered

17:20

to actually do them The most honest

17:22

place I get to write down exactly who I

17:25

want to be ten years from now Begin

17:28

your practice at start today.com

17:36

I have a friend who has a

17:38

vacation house whenever she's not staying there

17:40

on vacation Which is pretty often because

17:43

she's a mama with kids who

17:45

works in a totally different city She

17:47

rents that house out on Airbnb

17:50

and she has Absolutely

17:52

loved the process. It's

17:54

a way for her family to thrive both by

17:57

having a place to go to and by getting

18:00

additional income. And it's been super easy

18:02

for her to manage because she does

18:04

everything online. While you're away, your home

18:07

could be an Airbnb. Hosting can easily

18:09

fit into your lifestyle and it's a

18:11

great way to earn some extra money,

18:14

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18:33

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18:37

oil change. And I

18:39

know this because I just got mine done.

18:42

I had not had my oil changed

18:45

since I moved back to LA and

18:47

because I don't know where to go,

18:50

I'm just going to choose a name

18:52

that I know, which is why

18:54

I ended up at Valvoline. It was

18:56

just down the street from my house. No appointments

18:58

needed. I just got to pull right in. And

19:01

to be totally honest, I have no

19:03

idea what any of the oil change

19:06

process is about or what it means,

19:08

but they got me in and

19:11

out fast. They did the free 18 point

19:14

maintenance check. Like it was all included.

19:17

Everyone there was so nice. Visit

19:19

valvoline.com/Rachel for an exclusive

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offer towards your next

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oil change. You

19:31

asked me, Mina, why am

19:33

I being triggered by this? The answer is I

19:36

can't know the answer to that question. Only

19:38

you can. And the way that

19:40

you get to that answer is that you begin

19:42

to unpack. Why did that particular thing make you

19:44

feel the way that it did? I also

19:47

would really love to recommend to you and

19:49

anyone else who maybe finds themselves in a

19:51

place of scarcity. And it doesn't just have

19:53

to be around finances. It can be around

19:56

you have scarcity when it comes to finding love.

19:58

You have scarcity when it comes to. finding

20:01

opportunity in your business

20:03

or in your career,

20:05

anybody who's sort of living in a

20:08

state of belief that

20:10

makes them afraid, I

20:12

would really encourage you to go look

20:14

up some abundance meditations. This is what

20:16

I did when I was in it.

20:19

Go look up abundance meditations on YouTube

20:21

specifically for the thing you feel like

20:23

you're struggling with. Because I

20:25

listened to so

20:27

many like very

20:30

calm women talking

20:32

about abundance and

20:36

meditating, guided meditations, guided

20:38

visualizations, going through that

20:40

whole process. And

20:42

it really helped me. Some

20:44

were cheesy, some I couldn't

20:46

get through and some I really loved. And I

20:49

listened to them over and over again. And

20:51

I would double

20:53

down, triple down if you're not

20:56

already doing it on gratitude work.

20:58

Hopefully you've got a journal practice or part of

21:01

your morning routine where you are doing gratitude

21:04

practice and you're seeing the abundance in

21:06

your life and you're noticing the moments

21:08

in your life where the

21:10

universe supports you, where you are taking

21:13

care of, where the synchronicity

21:15

between this moment and that one, where

21:17

you get the thing that you needed

21:19

just in time, where someone

21:21

shows up with the exact right answer,

21:23

like be on the lookout for times

21:25

when the universe is taking care of

21:27

you because they are always around us.

21:30

It is always there, but you

21:33

might be so lost in

21:36

the fear of not enough that

21:38

you can't see all the times when it

21:40

was enough. So gratitude

21:42

practice, look up some guided meditations.

21:45

YouTube is where I went, really

21:47

loved a lot of that stuff.

21:49

And it was simple things. I don't know

21:51

if any of you guys were around when

21:53

I did this podcast. It's probably been two

21:56

years ago where we did

21:58

the $10 challenge, where I challenged... all

22:00

of you to ask the universe to send you $10.

22:03

And then we played all of the

22:05

voicemails. So many people called into the

22:07

hotline and were like, holy crap, I

22:10

found $10. Or out

22:12

of the blue, the woman in front of

22:14

me in line at Starbucks bought my coffee

22:17

and my pastry and it was exactly $10.

22:20

Or, oh, I got a rebate and it was for $10.

22:22

We had so many stories when

22:25

we did the $10 challenge. If

22:27

you've never done it, I challenged Mina and

22:29

anyone else listening to this with

22:32

a totally humble

22:34

heart, the universe, you say to God, you say

22:36

whatever you believe in, you're like, I'm

22:39

on the lookout for 10 bucks. Like,

22:42

I'm looking for $10. Like,

22:45

just, I'm looking for $10. And if

22:47

$10 feels crazy, if you're in a financial place

22:49

where you're like, there's no way I would find

22:51

$10, say, I'm

22:54

looking for a dollar. Can you

22:56

help me find a dollar? It is crazy

22:59

how fast, when you just sort of

23:01

put that energy and that intention out

23:03

into the world, it is crazy

23:07

how fast you see results. And

23:09

what I believe is that the universe can

23:11

send your way 10 bucks. The

23:14

universe can absolutely help you figure out how

23:17

to get to the next level in your

23:20

financial piece. So, just

23:22

a few ideas. I hope that that was helpful.

23:25

But understand that this is one of those

23:27

things that you're gonna have to answer and

23:29

unpack for yourself. But

23:31

it really is worth the effort.

23:34

Because people who live in an

23:37

abundant mindset around money attract

23:40

more money, period. What's

23:43

really funny is that when

23:46

I did all of that work, you guys, and

23:48

I really, I mean, I would say at least

23:51

a year, 18 months, it

23:53

was just like one battering after

23:55

another when it came to finances. And

23:58

I had so much fear around it. And

24:00

I felt like I

24:02

was hemorrhaging money. The business was hemorrhaging

24:04

money. When I understood

24:07

that I could not control

24:09

the state of the economy,

24:12

I couldn't control

24:14

all the things that had to

24:17

happen to me financially, but I could

24:19

control my mindset around it. I

24:22

tripled down. I didn't just double down.

24:24

I tripled down on getting

24:26

to an abundant state with the way that I

24:29

was thinking. Be careful. There's

24:31

a lot of YouTube videos where people are like, I

24:34

manifested my dream life in less than 48 hours.

24:37

I said these things 37 times

24:40

in three minutes and I got $100,000 in my

24:43

bank account. There's so much awesome

24:46

stuff on YouTube around how to manifest

24:48

and there's so much absolute garbage. Kind

24:51

of stay away from anything that's like, it'll

24:54

be here tomorrow or by next week

24:56

or like it just come on. Let's

24:59

use common sense. But

25:01

there's some really good stuff on there

25:03

that really helped me. And

25:06

when I started to feel the shift,

25:09

I just started to feel more peace. I

25:12

started to come back again and again

25:14

to this truth. I

25:18

have always had enough. I

25:22

have always had enough. You

25:24

have always had enough. Because

25:26

if you hadn't always had

25:29

enough, you wouldn't be sitting

25:31

here with me. You

25:33

wouldn't. If there was a truly

25:35

a time in your life where you didn't have

25:37

enough, you would no longer be alive. So

25:41

even if we've gone through these

25:43

awful times, these hard times, these

25:46

hungry times, these fearful

25:48

times, like all the shit that we've

25:50

lived through. We're

25:53

still here, which

25:55

means to me that

25:57

God has always been here. She

26:00

has always taken care of me and

26:03

I believe that she always will. In

26:06

those moments where I would start to feel

26:08

that fear creep back up, I

26:11

would remind myself of that truth again and

26:13

again and again. I

26:15

hope that was helpful. All right, let's

26:17

head over to the

26:20

spreadsheet that producer Jack made. Well,

26:22

first I really need some ice tea. Hold on.

26:25

It's ice tea season, guys. That's

26:27

super exciting in my world. To be fair,

26:29

for anyone who just scoffed, for any of my

26:31

Southern fellas and ladies who

26:33

are like, it's always ice tea season,

26:35

I agree. But you know,

26:37

when it's sunny outside and it's warm, it's

26:40

a different vibe than when you're

26:42

freezing your boobies off. Let's

26:44

see. Oh, my word. We got a bunch.

26:46

Okay. We talked about finances. Let's

26:48

try and shake it up. Hi,

26:51

Rachel and Jack. My name is Talia and

26:54

I've been listening to the podcast for a

26:56

really long time. I really appreciate the

26:58

work that you do. I have a question

27:00

for you that I would really love to hear you

27:02

talk about on the podcast. And

27:04

that is, how do you continue to be

27:07

creative, to provide value and

27:10

just continue doing the work when

27:12

you personally are going through something

27:15

that's just very emotionally heavy and

27:17

is siphoning off all of your

27:20

creativity? For context, I am

27:22

a coach and recently

27:24

I've just been going through

27:26

some things. I got back into therapy, but I've

27:29

been going through some things that have just completely

27:31

cut me off, I feel like, from any inspiration

27:34

or creativity or discipline for that

27:36

matter that I've had. I am

27:38

a one man band. My business

27:40

starts and stops with me. And

27:42

so I'm just curious, given your

27:44

own personal experiences and the loss

27:46

that you've experienced over the last few

27:48

years, how do you keep going? What

27:51

practices do you put into place so

27:53

that you can continue providing value and

27:55

just controlling at the highest level? So

27:57

that's my question and I see. super

28:00

appreciate the fact that you've been so

28:02

consistent and yeah just super grateful for

28:04

you thanks so much bye-bye. Good

28:07

question Talia, really good question.

28:09

I thought of like a

28:12

bunch of different directions for you when you

28:14

were speaking so as usual this

28:16

is in no particular order. The

28:18

first thing I would say is I think

28:21

most of you have been with me for a really

28:23

long time so you're aware of some of the really

28:26

really fucking hard things

28:29

that have happened over the last five years. So

28:32

the first thing I'll say is just practical

28:34

real talk. I

28:36

have continued to show up consistently

28:38

because I have to because

28:41

my family

28:43

is supported by my

28:46

work and my family

28:48

has been supported by my work for a

28:50

very long time. 2018-2019 my career is

28:52

exploding, the company is getting bigger and

28:57

bigger and I sort of

29:00

just accepted in a

29:04

very unhealthy way. I'm not saying that what I'm

29:06

about to say is healthy but in a very

29:08

unhealthy way I accepted

29:10

this idea that even if

29:12

I was exhausted, burnt out,

29:15

struggling that I

29:18

would put that aside because all of these people

29:20

were counting on me. Because

29:22

the interesting thing about me as an

29:25

entrepreneur and I now understand

29:27

the psychology around the childhood that I

29:29

had is I

29:31

believe on some core

29:34

freaking level like

29:37

core memory something

29:39

that it is my job to

29:41

take care of other people. Hello

29:44

codependent all the things I

29:46

was the one in the family that

29:48

made sure everyone was okay. I entertained

29:51

people, I was everyone's therapist, I was

29:53

the baby of four but I functioned

29:55

in so many ways as a much

29:58

older child that was required. acquired

30:00

of me by my

30:02

parents, like it just was what it was. That

30:05

makes me really freaking resilient.

30:08

It is absolutely why I have the job

30:11

that I have because I feel really comfortable

30:14

talking to strangers and giving them ideas for

30:16

things. I think might help, but

30:19

there are negative sides of that, right? The negative

30:21

sides are I take responsibility

30:23

for people who should not

30:25

be my responsibility. So I

30:29

will never, for example,

30:32

go back to a place where

30:35

I have a massive company

30:37

again. I know that I

30:39

cannot live the life that I would like

30:41

to live and have 60

30:44

employees. It's absolutely

30:46

impossible for me. I

30:48

could build a massive

30:50

business. I'm sure would make all the

30:52

money. It would be so fun and

30:55

it would slowly destroy me because

30:58

I am too locked into the idea

31:01

that if someone comes into

31:03

my workspace, if I'm

31:06

now paying for someone to live

31:08

that I am also somehow responsible

31:10

for them and it just

31:14

psychologically not

31:17

healthy for me. That being

31:19

said, I'm always looking for how

31:22

those hard seasons of life even ones

31:24

where I'm experiencing extreme burnout

31:26

like, okay, well, what were the

31:28

lessons that I took out of

31:30

that experience? The lesson that

31:32

I took out of that experience was that

31:36

when I feel responsible for

31:38

someone I can do

31:40

anything. So going back

31:42

to my very first thought for

31:44

you, how did I stay consistent

31:46

with this work when

31:49

I was going through personal hell?

31:52

My kids needed me to it's

31:54

that simple and if

31:58

I did not have four kids.

32:01

There are so many times over

32:03

the last four years where

32:06

I would have quit doing this work and y'all would have

32:09

never heard from me again. And

32:12

I don't know if that sounds awful,

32:15

because sitting here for you right now

32:17

doing this work, I feel so lucky.

32:19

I'm so blessed to get to

32:21

do it. I'm so excited about the stuff that

32:23

we're working on. I'm so

32:26

grateful that I had four

32:28

kids to support because I would have

32:30

given up on this thing that I

32:32

really believe in. But the amount of

32:34

things that absolutely would have destroyed me

32:38

if I didn't need to

32:40

make money, I mean,

32:45

Legion, like take your pick.

32:47

So many things. It

32:49

is so ironic to me, I will unpack this

32:51

someday when I'm like 80. It is so ironic

32:55

to me that someone

32:58

who was raised to be such a

33:00

people pleaser, such a good girl, such

33:03

a like, if I do this,

33:05

this and this, then

33:08

everyone will be happy with me. It is

33:10

so ironic to me that I

33:13

chose a career or career

33:15

chose me where on

33:17

the daily, I mean,

33:20

on the daily for years and years and

33:22

years, I just go to any corner of

33:24

the internet and you can find someone destroying

33:27

me, right? Like it's so crazy

33:29

that I fell

33:31

into this work. So

33:33

why do I do it? Do this very

33:35

hard thing while getting

33:38

crapped on and

33:40

behind the scenes, really

33:43

drowning in pain because

33:45

I had to, because I had to. So

33:49

that's one thing. There's one

33:51

truth to kind of start with. The

33:54

second thing I would say is I absolutely

33:56

have gone through seasons where I didn't. I

33:59

just. Absolutely couldn't when

34:03

my children's father passed away. I took some

34:05

time. I think we ran Reruns

34:07

on the podcast. I I didn't know what to

34:09

say. I mean we were just all completely

34:12

blindsided and drowning in

34:15

grief and Keeping

34:17

my babies afloat like it

34:19

just wasn't a priority at all at that point.

34:21

I'd be like, all right well, we're not gonna

34:24

we just like can't we can't do this thing

34:26

and I I Didn't

34:29

take six months, but I did take

34:31

a couple and in that instance I really

34:34

was able to lean on my team I

34:37

know you said you're one woman show but

34:40

Jack has been incredible over the years

34:42

and times where I'm just like You

34:45

know, he always knows and

34:47

he's like one of my like closest people

34:49

So Jack always knows if something's going on

34:51

and he's like, hey, I got you and

34:53

he'll like rework or find things

34:55

or like hey, these are our six

34:58

biggest episodes of 2018

35:01

like we're gonna go rerun those so that you

35:03

can have some time to like, you

35:05

know cry and Process and all

35:08

the things so that's another piece in the

35:10

absence of someone like Jack I Assume

35:13

that when you say your coach you're wanting to

35:15

I don't know if it show

35:17

up for clients or if it's that you want to

35:19

show up on social media, but I Would

35:22

also get really crystal clear on what

35:24

you absolutely have to do if you've

35:27

ever heard of the minimum effective

35:29

dose I Think

35:31

of it in terms of working out

35:34

where it's like, okay. Well, what's the

35:36

minimum effective dose? What's the minimum amount

35:38

of work that I need to do

35:40

today on my muscles so

35:42

that nothing like atrophies I'm

35:44

not gonna gain muscle I'm not gonna have big

35:46

gains But like what's the minimum that I need

35:48

to do to make sure that my body just

35:50

stays where it is today Minimum

35:52

effective dose take that idea and apply it

35:55

to your business. What is the minimum that

35:57

you need to do right now? This

35:59

is another option that you just have

36:02

grace for yourself and understand that

36:04

this is not a season for

36:06

creativity. This is a season for

36:09

hibernation. You're not always

36:11

going to be like

36:13

blooming, right? This might be your winter.

36:16

This might be the season where you

36:18

hunker down. This is not the season

36:20

where you fully flourish.

36:22

And that's totally okay. Life

36:26

is long. Life

36:28

is long. And honestly, if your

36:30

life isn't long, you won't be around to know

36:32

it. So just assume

36:34

you're going to have a long

36:36

life that's filled with summers and

36:38

winters, spring and harvest. You're going

36:41

to experience all the things. This

36:43

is just a season where you're going through some hard

36:45

stuff. So that's another

36:47

thought. You do the minimum that you can

36:49

until you feel a little bit better and

36:51

then you start to come

36:53

back online. The third

36:55

thing I would say, there's also

36:58

a world where you're honest. If

37:00

you feel comfortable with it, you say

37:02

to your community, you say to your clients,

37:04

you say to whoever needs to hear it.

37:07

Man, I'm in a really hard season right now. And

37:10

I'm showing up, but I'm showing

37:12

up today and I haven't showered and my

37:14

hair's in a top knot. But

37:17

I believe in tenacity. And I

37:19

believe in getting

37:21

out of bed and trying again. And this

37:24

is what's really good for my mental

37:26

health on this day. I needed something to work

37:28

on. So hey, guys, I'm here and I'm doing

37:30

this thing. Or hey, guys, I'm sorry.

37:33

I haven't been here in two months. I needed

37:35

to pull the blankets over my head and cry

37:38

for a little while. Whatever it is, you

37:40

can be honest about it. I

37:43

personally really don't

37:45

love when people

37:47

who are in positions

37:51

of, let's

37:54

say, coaching. Like this is me personally and

37:56

there might be people who totally disagree with

37:58

what I'm about to say. But

38:01

I don't like it when you are

38:03

in a position of trying to lead

38:05

other people and you

38:08

publicly break

38:10

down for them. I

38:14

don't like that. I think it's

38:16

kind of a breach of what

38:18

that relationship is. I think it

38:21

scares us. You know,

38:23

I'm all for leaders being vulnerable. I'm all

38:25

for leaders telling the truth. I'm all for

38:27

leaders saying, hey, I'm struggling with this. But

38:30

it is not your clients or

38:33

your community. It's not

38:35

their job to hold space for the

38:37

hard thing that you're going through. Just

38:40

like I don't think it is my children's

38:42

job to hold space if I'm going through

38:45

something hard. I

38:47

think as a leader, you should

38:50

lean on other leaders. You should lean on

38:52

that therapist. You should lean on your friend

38:54

group. You should lean on those people to

38:57

really process and

38:59

go deep on what's happening. With

39:01

the community or with the client, you can be

39:03

totally honest with them. But

39:06

I've seen this go so wrong for

39:08

so many people, especially

39:11

female leaders who

39:13

turn the

39:16

camera on their phone and

39:19

just start making videos where they're

39:21

in the darkest place, crying,

39:24

and then they're sending

39:27

that to a community of people who

39:29

came to you in the first place because they

39:31

were going through something hard. Yeah,

39:34

maybe people will totally disagree with me on

39:36

this, and that's okay. But

39:39

for me, I think there

39:41

are certain people in our lives that

39:44

we work with or we vibe with

39:47

or we look up to or maybe we

39:49

listen to their podcast, we buy their books,

39:52

we do whatever. You

39:54

don't want to see your

39:57

hero or you don't want to see this person

39:59

that you're looking for. you for advice constantly

40:04

processing in front of you. I don't know. I

40:07

think it, yeah, it just reminds me of like being

40:10

a little kid and being asked

40:12

to hold responsibility that you're not ready

40:14

for. That's what I

40:16

would tell you if I was sitting with you or

40:18

if I was like being your

40:20

business coach, I would be like, yeah, process

40:22

the hell out of this, but process it

40:25

with your community and people who are at

40:27

your level, not the community of people

40:29

who are looking to you for guidance. I'd

40:32

also just say it's not

40:34

your job to be

40:37

everything to everyone all the time. You

40:40

said something about creativity and wanting to show

40:42

up and wanting to be consistent. So I'll

40:45

just add in that the

40:47

social media machine is a machine.

40:51

It's mythology that you need to

40:53

post 1000 times a week

40:55

in order to be relevant or in order to

40:57

have a business. I actually think

41:00

it's the antithesis of having

41:02

any kind of life that you want to

41:04

have. There's so much endless

41:07

content right now of people

41:10

who have five

41:12

followers who are trying to tell you

41:15

how to gain more followers. And

41:17

the answer is always these. I

41:20

posted a reel every day for

41:22

a hundred days and here's what I did and

41:24

I used AI and I figured that I'm just

41:26

like most of

41:28

this stuff is garbage. There's

41:31

no intention behind it. There's no

41:33

thought behind it. There's no like

41:37

I understand I'm older than a lot

41:40

of people who are on social

41:42

media and I

41:44

come from long form creation.

41:47

So long form conversations in

41:49

a podcast and long form

41:51

written inside of books. And

41:54

so I really believe in

41:57

creating projects that take a while.

42:00

and that you edit and you try and

42:02

make them really good. So I am

42:04

never going to be the person on social media that

42:06

has a crap ton

42:08

of content rolling out every single

42:10

day. But I

42:13

believe that one

42:15

really great piece of content will

42:18

always serve you better than

42:20

a thousand pieces of like

42:24

random stuff. So

42:27

if you feel like Talia,

42:29

you only have the smallest amount

42:32

of creativity, well maybe you save

42:34

that up. Maybe you

42:36

save it up for one great piece of something

42:38

once a week or once a month and you

42:40

make it as good as you possibly can, but

42:43

you let go of the idea that you've got

42:45

to show up 500 times

42:47

over the next six months. Just

42:50

a scatter shot of ideas, just a

42:52

bunch of different stuff. I hope something

42:54

I said was helpful. If

42:57

you guys are listening and you have a question like

42:59

Talia or Mina, please give the hotline

43:01

a call, 737-400-4626. Yeah,

43:04

be graceful with yourselves,

43:06

both of you. Be

43:09

graceful. Whenever

43:11

we're doing the work, we're going to therapy,

43:13

we're unpacking the stuff, we're trying to figure

43:15

out why we get triggered, these

43:18

are tender seasons. And

43:22

tender seasons really require just

43:26

an extra

43:29

giant scoop of self-care.

43:33

Just tending to your body

43:37

like a garden. I saw a written the

43:39

other day, I thought that was so beautiful,

43:41

tending to your body like a garden, like

43:43

just really leaning in to things

43:45

that make you feel good, to

43:49

paying attention to what's like, this

43:52

feels nice, cold

43:55

water running on my hands or my

43:58

heating pad at night or. Or

44:00

some ginger tea sitting

44:03

on the back stoop in the sunshine,

44:06

playing ball with my dog, laughing

44:09

with my kids. What are

44:11

those things? I said it a

44:13

billion times, but what are

44:15

the things that feed your spirit? Your

44:19

spirit needs extra

44:21

right now in

44:24

the unpacking seasons. Our

44:26

spirit really needs care. You'll

44:31

be shocked. You'll

44:33

be shocked how much better you

44:35

feel and how much more

44:38

you are able to show

44:41

up the way that you want to in this

44:43

life if you slow down

44:45

just the smallest amount and

44:48

take some more care of your heart.

44:53

I hope that this was helpful, guys. If

44:55

you dug this episode, whether you are watching

44:57

on YouTube or listening on the podcast, I would

45:00

so appreciate if you would be willing to

45:02

share it with someone you think would like

45:04

it. I will be

45:06

back soon with more conversation. But

45:08

until then, as always, I

45:11

love you and I'm

45:13

rooting for you. The

45:19

Rachel Hollis podcast is produced by me,

45:22

Rachel Hollis. It's edited

45:24

by Andrew Weller and Jack Noble.