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Everybody's in LA, a special run

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of six live episodes created by

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is a joke fest. It's

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a comically unconventional show that's going

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to feature several special guests. So

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special. Even I don't

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know. And I'm not going to be

0:23

there. And Bobby won't even be there.

0:25

That's how special it is. It's so

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special. They've kept out Bobby. Watch John

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Mulaney presents Everybody's in LA, debuting May

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for the ones who get it

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done. And

1:13

now the bonfire with Big J Ocarson

1:15

and Robert Kelly. Bitch

1:19

is out. Chanel Croc. I've never

1:21

wanted two people to carry Oki a song

1:23

more him a lingon broke and cold than

1:25

Jacob and Christine doing this song. Carry

1:28

Oki style. I

1:31

mean, I think we have that capability right here. Jacob,

1:35

how do you feel about carry Oki all the way up

1:37

right now? I don't

1:39

know the song. Right. Is there something I'm

1:41

going to be in trouble for? Pretension? Well,

1:43

don't read that word out loud. What

1:47

is the other problem? If you see it, you got to say,

1:49

yeah, just blow out of me because

1:52

you're hearing it in rhythm. Man, that means

1:54

Jacob says N word at home a lot.

1:56

That's not the music. What are you house

1:58

cleaning, dude? You

2:00

throw it all, you turn that fucking

2:02

that's not the book around. Them

2:06

say we should have to do the

2:08

have good. The scene has amassed of

2:10

animal a synthesizer to get through it

2:13

out yet my carrier pigeon crispy went

2:15

off Jacob a Cb a sore. Throat

2:19

watching the. Ah

2:22

does not bad enough.

2:26

To where you at. All

2:29

the way out. Yeah, I know the

2:31

way out. Is

2:33

all the web feel good? Sixers get back

2:35

on track. Tonight was have when stop laughing

2:37

sar six get back on track with a

2:40

big win the night. And

2:42

they take it back to Philadelphia for a

2:44

game six. We're gonna walk through right and

2:46

in Game seven. The real pinnacle moment. So

2:48

as a win tonight the next winter night,

2:50

what happens? Is

2:52

the next winter night. Would. He knew it

2:54

happens. Then. They get out how many, how many the

2:56

up. To. Two

2:58

since they went to the three in and

3:01

then when the next nice for know their

3:03

up Three oh you're asking dropped three mother

3:05

up to go up to it's one to

3:07

three say. It's. First

3:09

of four. Sports. People would know

3:12

that the suspect that I just don't fall the sixers.

3:14

I didn't know they lost him and. He

3:16

has a good they did but tonight isn't

3:18

even that you going home right after the

3:21

show you their food Christine she's get snacks

3:23

com and it's a big night back at

3:25

this coming since it's next. Was.

3:27

Nasty of News and Bad Cirque

3:29

series Death. For.

3:31

Tonight we'll have to habits in a

3:34

charcuterie for this reason when he have

3:36

shut could a real who turns down

3:38

shut coterie It's just it's unnecessarily for

3:40

whites for this game that we're getting

3:43

it. Due. To shut to replay

3:45

is for any of it turned down. Shut

3:47

coterie. We better figure out what we're getting.

3:49

During. The show because we have to order

3:51

it. right? Away los gatos

3:53

a coterie. Now. nobody

3:56

was stupid charcuterie for small

3:58

settlers never see Well you crazy

4:00

it's almost exclusively what I eat at the

4:02

Delta lounge, but I'm saying

4:04

that it's in the head for this We're

4:08

all gonna be full that we're gonna have charcuterie and then

4:10

what are we having cheese steaks? That's gonna be Even

4:16

charcuterie doesn't make sense with pizza if we

4:18

go pizza route Sure cuz there's charcuterie on

4:20

pizza charcuterie pizza never know I got it

4:23

I cooked last night like I found a recipe

4:25

and I cooked like with wine

4:27

I Made it well

4:30

little What

4:32

was it she cooked on wine? pasta

4:36

with blackened chicken It was so good.

4:38

What's that good was good lemon pasta

4:40

with wine sauce Well you

4:42

I mixed in the wine and then

4:44

the lemon juice and then a

4:46

white wine little for the pasta a little for her Mmm,

4:49

look for the chef Don

4:51

made shrimp scampi last night with

4:54

a Baraka lemony, right? Little

4:56

lemony little lemony. I didn't have

4:58

the pasta the rigatoni my

5:01

favorite cuz I'm watching my last Yeah,

5:04

yeah I

5:08

always feel for five days or six days five

5:10

pairs under with five pairs of socks five shirts

5:16

Maybe two pairs two pairs of pants you've done

5:19

My workout Yeah,

5:21

you want you wear you one pair of workout things

5:24

for five days You get the wick stuff

5:26

and then you sweat into it and it

5:28

doesn't smell and if you got to wash

5:30

it you wash it Wait, what's the wick

5:32

some water? You what? It's a wick wick

5:34

material wick what you're underwear No for the

5:36

workout. So you have five pairs of workout

5:38

underwear. No, I oh for underwear I mean,

5:40

here's what you do. Jacob. Yeah, yeah, the

5:42

day is wet during our workout In

5:45

the momento, please you work out you

5:47

get there you we hang out we're not working out the

5:50

first day If you work out the first day, I'm gonna

5:52

slap you the first day we

5:54

work up before if he wants Well the first

5:56

day we hang the next day wake up, right?

5:58

You have those dirty underwear from the the day

6:00

before, those are the ones you wear to the

6:02

workout. When you're done with the workout, you take

6:04

those off, take a shower, put the new ones

6:06

on for the day, right? Then you

6:08

go. Next day, wear those underwear to work

6:11

out, throw those away, take the next

6:13

pair. Just keep... I do

6:15

like that. Keep flipping the underwear. Yeah, you

6:17

use... I'm panicking over... or... Enough underwear. But

6:19

why don't you do... Well, pack

6:21

a lot of underwear. Wonderwear don't take a lot of

6:24

space. How big are your tiny little underwear? Yeah. Yeah,

6:27

demand-size underwear. Oh, small man

6:29

underwear. A little tighty-whities, right? You're a tighty-whity

6:31

guy? Just picture that I'm also packing a

6:33

larger man's underwear and I'm gonna get them

6:35

any. Yeah, but you pack like you're going

6:37

on the Titanic with your trunks. You do.

6:39

Me? Yeah, you do. You do have pack

6:41

trunks. You pack like an old rich lady

6:43

from England, please. Could be further from the

6:45

truth. You have like a Louis Vuitton barrel.

6:47

You check your bags. Couldn't be further from

6:49

the truth. I check my bag. I bring

6:52

a bag, but in that bag, when I go

6:55

like do a... If I do a two-night weekend,

6:58

I bring two shirts and a pair of

7:00

jeans, two pairs of underwear, two pairs of

7:02

socks. I have a extra

7:04

wide tummy that they don't know about. You're not

7:06

supposed to bring on, but it fits. They

7:08

don't know about that I got. And I have a backpack

7:12

that is a travel backpack

7:15

that fits... I

7:17

could fit a week's worth of clothes in

7:19

that backpack. How do I pack like the Queen

7:22

is what I'm understanding. Well, because you have a

7:24

big bag. It's a big thing. You pack a

7:26

big bag like you do sound for a band.

7:28

I pack. I mean it's

7:30

really... Christine over packs by far.

7:32

It's insane. I pack... no,

7:35

I don't over pack. I

7:37

don't check. Oh, I check my

7:39

bag, but that's for toiletries. How

7:42

many fucking toiletries do you have? Well, I got

7:44

my toiletry bag. It's not that. It's that I

7:46

have like full-sized toiletries. It'll stop you from taking.

7:48

What is that? What do you mean full-sized toiletries?

7:51

I like spray deodorant. You

7:54

spray deodorant? Currently I'm

7:56

using spray deodorant. Yeah. I hope

7:58

it's really don't sweat. because

8:01

of Botox. You

8:03

got Botox in your pits? Dr. G, dude. I didn't

8:05

know that. Yeah, that's the only thing I got one

8:07

for. Wow, no, no, no, you can get that. Botox

8:10

your armpits, you never sweat your armpits. Dude,

8:13

just make your shit smaller. Go get the small

8:15

stuff. So you don't have

8:17

to bring all this big shit. But what's the

8:19

benefit to that? You don't have to check. Yeah,

8:22

but I don't mind checking. I don't mind getting rid of

8:24

my bag before I go into the airport. I don't like

8:26

dragging a bag with me. I

8:29

like having my bag. Something goes wrong with

8:31

the plane. I don't have to worry about where it

8:33

is. I don't like waiting. I hate waiting

8:35

by that stupid conveyor belt of dumb

8:37

people. Waiting for your bag to come

8:39

out, everybody starts panicking. Well, I go outside and you

8:42

know this move a little. I go outside, smoke a

8:44

cigarette. That's what you, that's what you do. And I

8:46

look and wait for the conveyor belt to start moving.

8:48

I didn't mind when I smoked. I didn't mind checking

8:50

a bag because you want that cigarette break. Yeah. Go

8:52

outside, smoke a butt by the time you're done. You

8:54

hit a little beep. It's coming up. I get it,

8:56

makes sense. We all have our things. Is

9:00

this for Jacob's thing, the fitness hours? Yeah. 24

9:02

hours, dude. I'm going there

9:05

the first day, so six pairs then. Just

9:07

one extra pair then. Where are you staying?

9:10

You have to work out every day. Yeah.

9:12

Yeah. Why don't you get this? It's weird. I will.

9:15

I don't, that's not weird. It is weird. Especially on a

9:17

trip. I wish I wanted to work out every day. I'm

9:19

gonna work out in forever. You think

9:21

this baddie stays like this on the tone? I

9:23

think it just happens. I think it probably could stay close to like

9:26

that. I

9:28

think with very little maintenance you can keep your body exactly how it is.

9:34

I think with your diet, yeah, I think your

9:36

daily activity would probably keep you about where you

9:38

are. Yeah, what do you do at the gym? I

9:40

mean, you don't have 24-inch pythons. Yeah, what do you do at the gym?

9:44

You're not bodybuilding. Well,

9:47

I mean, mainly I do legs at the

9:49

gym and I do

9:51

band work because of my

9:54

neck. I can't do

9:56

a lot of things. But can't you do that? I use

9:58

the crush weights all around. do

10:00

the band workout bringing my bands but why are you also

10:02

taking up space but if you work up that doesn't take

10:04

up space either jigger how small is your bad what do

10:06

you bring a ziplock one bag is

10:09

it a plastic bag with

10:11

two handles on it yeah we homeless

10:14

that big yeah

10:16

that wide okay I'm

10:18

bringing my bands I'm bringing the

10:20

the resistance bands we'll work out

10:22

together well no Bobby brings up so you can hang from a

10:24

doorknob in Jericho you can use mine you just say the

10:30

word you could use them wash them

10:34

but if I'm at a gym at

10:36

a hotel which I rarely ever am

10:38

at a hotel then I work

10:40

out of the gym interesting to me you like

10:43

to go to public gyms with how like germaphobic

10:45

you are well

10:49

yeah I mean I like

10:52

I said this is a special occasion I'm at a hotel

10:54

gym so I'll use it but okay

10:56

I don't like using the gym it

10:58

what that I am a member of

11:00

because people are disgusting they don't

11:02

rewack rack their weights which makes me just murderously

11:04

angry the whole time you know tell is gonna

11:07

be better sweat all over it I don't know

11:09

I hate that too when they don't put I

11:11

hate when you go for the 20s and they're

11:14

just somebody's hoarding them they're not

11:16

even using them yeah in my gym I

11:18

would have it's two floors I've had to

11:21

go scour two floors to

11:23

find the another dumbbell that matches

11:25

because they don't put it they don't put it in

11:27

my dumbbell Oh 30 pounds 30 pounds

11:30

what do you do with those yeah

11:33

I do a

11:35

Hungarian split decking Paul Gary and

11:37

wait let's get oh

11:40

dude I'll work out with you we'll do a

11:42

little band workout by the pool at the chateau

11:45

at bonfire chateau if you pull bands if you

11:47

pull out bands on on

11:49

the pool deck I swear to you I will

11:51

throw them into the why a band exercise I

11:53

do in my room with Bobby exercises outside his

11:56

bands are going off the side I am 100% bringing my band

12:00

to work out bring your bands but I'm

12:02

not you're gonna throw them over the thing

12:04

you don't make a scene of yourself working

12:07

we get it you're exercising I know everybody

12:09

I need exercise exercise there's so many rooms

12:11

in this place it's a house is the

12:13

house have a gym gotta have a gym

12:16

no Jim oh wait you're not staying with

12:18

us I forgot where are you guys thing

12:21

at the place you're gonna be hanging bonfire

12:23

chateau what the bonfire

12:25

chateau you got a house bonfire

12:27

chateau we've talked at length all of us

12:29

together about how we're gonna hang out this

12:31

house and swim and barbecue and everything I

12:34

was thinking the the pool hotel I wasn't

12:36

thinking if you think I'm gonna hang out

12:39

first of all I don't want to go

12:41

I wouldn't go in I wouldn't go in

12:43

I wouldn't go we got a we got

12:45

an Airbnb in the hills never the photos

12:48

remember the barbecue remember the the

12:50

talks do you have the thing of Christine this

12:52

is mind-blowing to me you're wide

12:54

aware of this right I'm excited

12:56

for this I remember the going

12:58

to the Italian restaurant I'm looking forward to that

13:01

and then after we go I

13:03

mean look at your spot that's

13:05

where you think the house damn

13:08

you're gonna be there hanging out you're coming

13:10

oh my god that looks so nice me

13:12

you're gonna be working out by that pool

13:14

multiple days you'll be in that hot tub

13:16

slash heated pool Christine you're not gonna see

13:18

me with a shirt on how's that gonna

13:20

make you

13:22

feel you're gonna see Christine's pussy hairs come

13:24

out the side of her fucking oil myself

13:27

down you see Christine's box hairs

13:29

coming down her legs Christine

13:31

I'll give you the money get it taken care

13:33

of we get to taking care of I'm kidding

13:35

everybody can smell my dirty pussy everybody

13:38

will smell her dirty pussy though can't help

13:40

that that is nice so you're up the

13:42

three of you are staying there yeah beautiful

13:45

look at that sunset we stayed here

13:47

like two years we can

13:50

watch that sunset from the pool Monday

13:52

and Tuesday well Tuesday Monday

13:56

we're gonna be at dinner yeah but Monday night

13:58

we're gonna go back to the shed Absolutely, we're

14:01

going back. We're gonna hang out smoke to you You're

14:03

gonna bring cigars you're gonna smoke your first I'm gonna

14:05

smoke my first cigar with you at the pool So

14:07

we're gonna do that. I'm gonna get Lou back on

14:09

the cancer sticks and we're gonna roll Me

14:12

and then we're gonna get so drunk. We're gonna start fist fighting everybody

14:19

There is a cool place barbecue, but it's also not

14:21

me that's like the outside upstairs It's the front of

14:24

the house the pools in the back of the house

14:26

Yeah, so it's not as like if there was a

14:28

thing back there. Look at that. Damn, man. This

14:30

place looks nice. It's nice Oh

14:33

my god, Jacob you could take a little bath in

14:35

that tub Do you

14:37

know bathy they probably have a washing machine to you

14:40

could probably wash your clothes That

14:43

relaxes me now I was

14:45

worried about running out of clothes now I can come over

14:47

and do the laundry there. Come over do you want you

14:49

over do our laundry for us? And Jacob you want to

14:51

cook at something? I'll cook it. I'll cook

14:54

Well, you know what I should cook I should

14:57

cook a happy American chop suey maybe

14:59

Wednesday they'll have that You why did you make

15:01

that face? This sounds ridiculous American chop suey. I

15:03

know I know we looked it up for it's

15:05

good I'm sure it's so good. I want it.

15:08

You know, I want you to make

15:10

it. I do though, but for

15:12

like a snack Yeah,

15:15

cold Oh, dude, it's good.

15:17

Jacob cook a little something maybe Wednesday

15:19

night Goulash No,

15:22

it's not goulash. Stop making it Armenian.

15:24

I'm not it says American chop suey.

15:27

It's goulash Yeah,

15:29

whatever that's nothing there. Look at that. That

15:31

looks good. I does look Jacob will not

15:33

eat that Hamburger helper,

15:35

Bob. Not my thing Now

15:37

dude, you get you get the meat you get

15:39

the I make it where we get tone. I

15:41

like it Yeah, exactly. My thing. It looks great

15:43

to me. Yeah, I would eat that but Jacob

15:45

is not gonna eat that What do you need

15:47

salmon? Oh Yes

15:52

He'll eat barbecue when we get barbecue He'll

15:54

be all over barbecue Let

15:58

me ask you another thing Jacob, please you can you

16:00

guys travel every weekend? Yes we do.

16:03

Shoes, I only was gonna come with one pair of

16:05

sneakers. I think it's a tip. I

16:08

always pack one more something's what I want

16:10

to wear at night and then what I

16:12

travel in will be my knock-around daytime stuff

16:14

I consider and then I bring with boots

16:16

or whatever I'm gonna wear for show shoes.

16:18

Yeah, I always wear my comfortable shoes and

16:20

then I bring the show shoes. Yeah. So

16:22

bring... I have only four pairs of shoes.

16:24

God, I do not have the luggage for

16:26

that. Christine, zero responsibility while she's there is gonna bring the most

16:28

shoes. I don't think that uh

16:31

there is your responsibility we're doing a show

16:33

for you. Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine,

16:36

you gotta stop getting triggered. I

16:39

mean, I'm pushing asshole. You gotta let us What

16:42

do you mean? What is my asshole? You set

16:44

a trap and then you went, I'm in mid

16:46

thought but I heard it. No, it's

16:49

okay. We know you're gonna do stuff. No, no, no.

16:51

You gotta do the bonfire stuff. Yeah. But there's nothing

16:53

else you're out there to have to do so I'm

16:55

saying you could... Can you write it

16:57

on to see my family? You don't.

17:00

I know. Don't you invite your family to the

17:02

chateau? They won't come. Why?

17:04

They don't love her. I don't

17:06

know why that is. I love her. Her family

17:09

doesn't love her. Your family won't come and hang?

17:11

This sounds like... As I'm saying it, it sounds

17:13

like I'm doing the grooming thing while I'm trying

17:15

to separate her from her family. I've never done

17:17

anything to keep Christine from her family in one

17:20

little bit. They don't care. They don't come. Well,

17:22

why don't we do this? Why don't we take

17:24

a day the day we have off like Wednesday

17:26

and we go visit them? Because they live

17:28

a hundred miles southeast of Los Angeles. That's

17:31

a good point. That is the reason why. But

17:33

Christine will go and Christine, I swear

17:35

to you, she'll be like, hey, I'm coming down to

17:37

see you guys and they go, oh, we had to

17:39

go to the grocery store that day. It's

17:42

crazy. They don't like you. That's

17:45

what I say. But it's something I'm grooming

17:47

her. I want them to like her. Christine,

17:50

go there every day we're there and try to get them

17:52

to like you. I don't understand. I thought I was coming

17:54

down the forest and my dad was like, well, we have

17:56

plans that day. And I was like, okay, I

17:58

could maybe come on the 11th. And

18:00

then at no point in there was he like or

18:03

maybe we could drive up to Los Angeles to

18:05

see what you visit from 100 or from 3,000 miles

18:07

away families Don't

18:11

Coming you come to them They're not

18:13

when you go to their town if you don't

18:15

go to them they're not coming I go home

18:17

My my family's like you coming over. It's like

18:19

I always gonna drive out to my mother's house

18:22

She's never gonna see me at though. I'm at

18:24

a fancy hotel. We could have dinner. I'll pay

18:26

for it It's not the issue. They want me

18:28

to go there. You're going on the wrong issue

18:31

She'll go there Often times

18:33

when she's like I'm going there they go.

18:35

Oh fuck that's I forgot

18:37

I was gonna go do anything else in the world It's

18:41

very very bizarre. Why don't you show up one

18:43

of the last time I couldn't see it wasn't

18:45

that They had plans But

18:48

their plan was to come up to LA

18:50

and in my hometown where I would have

18:52

been much more convenient for me to see

18:54

them Also Christine parents are extremely old. They're

18:57

really it's like it's so I mean they're not super

19:00

mobile I guess but I remember

19:03

the only time I ever that something

19:05

was like concerning enough in me and

19:07

Christine's like life that I had

19:09

to reach out to her parents

19:13

About Christine they were like good luck. Good

19:15

luck with that. That's not like Wow,

19:18

well good luck with that Really on

19:21

my life. It was batshit

19:23

Christine's friends who I'm not very

19:25

close with either when I reach out they were like Could

19:28

know shit. All right, let's do something. You know, I

19:30

mean like let's like like help but like yeah Wow,

19:34

it sounds like a tough situation Anyway,

19:36

I got a show on pause Is

19:40

that all and all the info hey, I'm in

19:42

the middle of making lemonade are you good? Yeah

19:44

Yeah, but you can handle that right? You don't

19:46

like need anything from over here, right? I

19:49

know too. I want to ask what the plans are, but I'm

19:52

scared. They're gonna hurt my feelings more Are

19:58

you having a family dinner? I think

20:00

one time it was, one time it was like we're

20:02

gonna go hang out with this other family member who

20:04

we see constantly Your third cousin's coming

20:06

over. We're gonna have we're gonna have a picnic. Why

20:08

don't you just go? That's

20:11

weird too though. I get that. Fuck it. You should go

20:13

see if you should see them while you're there You know

20:15

what I compare it to is my stepmother I would never

20:17

just show up at my father's house one day being like

20:19

hey, I'm here to hang for a bit No, they say

20:22

they have plans, they have plans I was like I was

20:24

like listen that would be I was like it'd be much more convenient for

20:26

me to go on the fourth Cuz I was going out a

20:28

day early to do that whereas on the 11th. I'm like we

20:30

have this nice house with a pool I kind of

20:32

want to fucking stay there and hang out. Yeah, I

20:34

don't really want to go to you know

20:36

Last day at the pool just me and Christine. Oh,

20:39

but it's I have the show that night Yeah

20:44

That night so she won't enjoy the pool with me during the day

20:46

a lone pool in the hills.

20:49

I'll be alone ping Are

20:54

you gonna stay by yourself on that

20:56

last day? Oh, I think Christine

20:58

should go see your family, and I'm just gonna hang out

21:00

that dope ass house alone in the

21:02

pool by myself unfucked You're

21:08

not gonna invite anybody up there. No. I'm not

21:10

gonna be over. I'm certainly not gonna reach out

21:12

to doja cat I Mean

21:15

best of luck to you if you're able to pull that

21:17

one news new pictures Just I'm gonna I really want it

21:19

makes me want to clunk both your head Have you seen

21:21

the new doja cat pictures by the way now this ass

21:23

you hate so much she now got her

21:25

titties to match her ass and She's

21:28

killing it. I don't like a big ass Jay. No

21:31

I'm not even please find the new pictures of

21:33

doja cat now. There's new new pictures

21:35

of her Get

21:37

go to news Christine Just

21:41

go to the nips slip comm please the site Stop

21:45

getting angry me stop turning your family anger on

21:48

me. What is your Obligations

21:50

at night up unless I'm not there's aside from

21:52

Thursday I'm not doing it. I was gonna do

21:55

shows, but I don't think I'm gonna. I'm not

21:57

gonna go in the ocean What Thursday? I think

21:59

we might go Wednesday I said Wednesday and

22:01

we could even do this as a fucking gaggle

22:03

too because I hang outside At

22:05

the front bar of the back bar. I said was gonna

22:07

go to the store. Yeah We

22:10

can go as a crew commit to the

22:12

store nine Eleven

22:16

latest and we fucking Yeah,

22:19

and we just go get back to the house. Yeah Store

22:23

by the way might go there and it's just in

22:25

an hour will be like Yeah,

22:27

it's only fit the places right the stores

22:30

only ten minutes. She's on fucking real high.

22:32

Hey, hang on a second That's

22:35

the way the moon the sunlight

22:37

is hitting her fantastic daylight out

22:40

dude that is okay. God is

22:42

it gross Yeah,

22:45

let me see it's not she's awesome. I don't

22:47

the fuck you guys are talking about That's

22:49

crazy Take a mask

22:51

that picks for me. Okay, the

22:54

other one looked a little weird. Yeah, I'm bad

22:56

Good man, we're just woman with a fucking hot

22:58

body. Yeah. Oh, no for me. Not my type.

23:00

Yeah, that's for me I'm back into Let

23:04

me see the butt though. Can I see the butt? It just

23:06

looks weird there. It looks big. What I Like

23:09

that you got her boobs. I do like these abortion

23:11

tiny Because

23:13

she's like tiny so you don't like it Lou

23:17

Huh losing chips, I don't like short hair.

23:20

Oh, I don't like forget the hair. No

23:22

one does I don't like it either

23:24

fucking her hair. I mean literally

23:26

I couldn't her hair. Yes. I agree I

23:28

don't like chicks with bald head. I love

23:31

it. I can't this is this is you

23:33

love it. I love it Not her I

23:36

love short hair Okay, I'm

23:38

gonna say this this right here with

23:40

the new boobs better

23:42

proportion I

23:45

like I gotta take it back. I think

23:47

it says she got new boobs. Those are

23:49

nice. Yes. It looks like she has reduction

23:51

scars Honestly, doesn't it? I

23:53

don't know right there. Well, that's not really I thought I

23:55

was reduction scar. What'd you call it an anchor? That's what

23:57

that's an implant. Thank you scars. That's a reshaping

24:00

the scar. Yeah,

24:06

no, she's hot. You guys are just wrong. I

24:08

mean, I just don't, I mean, you

24:11

know what, I might've been wrong. Yeah, I might've been

24:13

wrong. While we're in the, while we're in hip hop

24:15

talks here, I'm curious, this is something you brought, Lou?

24:19

Quavo? Oh no, Quavo,

24:21

Bobby told us. Quavo. I got

24:23

this one. Bobby, you came with this one? She

24:25

is hot. All right, dude, I made a mistake.

24:27

Thank you, I'll accept. I made a mistake. Old

24:29

boobs weren't good though. That face is goofy as

24:32

shit though. Her old boobs were absolutely fine. Go

24:34

back up to that goofy smile. Here's

24:36

her. Yeah. Hi, my

24:38

name's fucking Lou. All right, I'm

24:40

not gonna lie. I mean, that's goofy. It's not a

24:43

good smile. Hi, I'm Doja. Fuck

24:46

her. I'm out again. No, you're not. Oh,

24:48

I'm sick of that, look at that. She would like your

24:50

comedy. Look at what she eats. Would you like my comedy?

24:52

I'm back in. I'm out. That's

24:55

chicken, rice, and mayo? Mayo?

24:59

Yeah. Maybe it's an aioli. Well,

25:02

yeah, you owe you one. That's how she

25:04

got that bod. Bitch, I

25:06

said what I said. She's

25:10

hot, you guys are insane. She's all right. She's

25:12

hot. She's not the hottest. You're insane. She wouldn't

25:14

make Jacob's top 10. You're just trying to, oh,

25:16

good, oh, too bad for her. I

25:20

hope no one breaks a news tour before her big tour. I don't

25:22

want her to get the bread. Are you friends with her? Huh? Are

25:25

you friends with her? He met her. I met her. She

25:27

was a good friend too, and that never worked out. This

25:29

worked out better. Did it? I'd

25:32

say so, yeah. Why, what happened? We

25:34

took a picture together. Ooh. She

25:36

said that I was her favorite comic on the show. She did?

25:40

At the Burt thing? No. What

25:43

show? Just a show at the Comedy Store. So

25:45

she went to the Comedy Store, you were on

25:47

it, and she came up after, I said, you're my favorite comic

25:49

on the show, and you have a connection now. No.

25:53

So if we saw her, she'd be like, Jay,

25:55

oh, shit. No. Well, she'd be

25:57

like, I highly do, and my teeth are too big

25:59

for my face. No, not at all. But maybe

26:01

meeting her what I'll say is the thing I think

26:03

she said about it. Hi Jay. Are you my favorite

26:05

comic on the show? I don't think it's how she

26:07

talks, Robert. I think... Can I get a picture

26:09

with you for my Instagram? I don't think... Does

26:11

that make you feel good? Does it make fun of

26:13

people? There's people who speak like that who have problems.

26:16

I love comedy so much. Oh, okay. So Bobby Kelly

26:18

now. He's a... What do you call that? A... A

26:21

brainist. What do you hate about dumb brains? Um...

26:24

No, but I will say when you see somebody in person though, too...

26:27

You could tell when I met her... I never

26:29

thought overly much about her anyway. She was always kind

26:32

of peripheral in the thing. Um...

26:34

I liked that new song. And then when I met

26:36

her, uh... for the brief moment that I met her,

26:38

I just saw... She's like very pr... You know what

26:40

I'm saying? You see that thing? I just saw the

26:42

person. And I was like, she's very, very

26:44

pretty. What's her new song? And so tiny. Um... Well,

26:48

I like the one. That was the one I was just playing

26:50

about. I like the other one. What's it called? Attention. That's

26:52

the one, dude. I like

26:54

attention. Not Halco. Bobby.

26:56

My efforts so big I got

26:58

attention. My teeth are

27:00

brain new I got attention.

27:02

I change my effort down

27:04

to enjoy attention. Are

27:06

you attacking women? Now you attack women? I'm just wondering what

27:09

this song... Is that the song? Oh,

27:11

I don't respect women. I don't know. I

27:13

guess that's where me and you cross paths.

27:15

I like all attention. A bald head wouldn't

27:17

you drive you mad? I love bald heads.

27:20

She wears wigs, yeah. Yeah, but I'll know. Of

27:24

course you will. Because it will come off when you grab

27:26

her hair. Exactly. Get

27:31

to the part where she throws it down, dude. Damn

27:33

you, I get it. God,

27:36

you can turn it up. Yeah,

27:41

she's so off for sure. You

27:43

guys are crazy. Fuck

27:45

her. I

27:47

had to redirect my hooking. I could have been

27:49

in opener. I redirect the hooking. I redirect all

27:51

the time and say... Jacob,

27:54

you hard? No.

27:56

Yes, you are, dude. Get over here, hard,

27:58

Chuck. hahahahahaha

28:02

these before were fine how tall is she? she's

28:04

like 5 5'1? 5 foot

28:06

yeah she's 5 foot she's a little

28:09

girl ahhhhhhhhh

28:12

pussy line she's

28:15

got so many chains that I want hahahahaha

28:20

she looks like a rescue dog she's

28:22

a she's

28:24

a stray dog well good

28:26

if she comes by the cell or if she wants to

28:28

talk to me I'm not going to introduce you she's ugly

28:30

that would be funny if you were like I guess my

28:32

friend Jacob and Bobby they think you're fat and ugly hahahahaha

28:36

they think your ass is too big and they don't like that your

28:38

bald head match your pussy I thought you'd think she's going to come

28:40

to the cellar and talk to you and not God for

28:42

you and Artie hahahahaha she's

28:44

going to walk right up to you she's going

28:46

to walk right up to you hey Bill who's

28:50

going to be the one in LA who's taking her Jamar

28:52

neighbors oh she's

28:55

naked in that DJ Lou, I mean

28:57

you're the only ones making any kind

28:59

of sense in this room seriously she gets hotter by

29:01

the minute yeah DJ

29:04

Lou is a big ass you

29:07

don't like black

29:09

women feeling you don't like women of color feeling open sexually

29:11

you probably hated Lil Kim too I was a big Lil

29:13

Kim thing I like, I like you

29:16

hate Lil Kim? that's not

29:18

true I don't hate Lil Kim I just like a smaller bum so you

29:20

think Lil Kim's a slut pig who

29:23

you don't respect because

29:26

she's like a small black woman yes,

29:28

not your thing yes,

29:30

I like Lil Kim I just like a little bum I

29:32

like a smaller butt you can grab both of those cheeks

29:34

with one hand absolutely not no

29:38

no, you just argued no, that ass right there

29:40

is huge no, it's

29:42

massive and it's fake, it's not

29:45

real it's real and I'm telling

29:47

you you can reach around Bobby and you can grip

29:49

it the whole thing in your palm it looks big

29:51

proportionally let's try this when

29:54

we meet her, you prove this to me it's

29:56

just juicy if you

29:58

were an ant, this is the song of the

30:00

fucking Freedom Tower. You gotta plan for the future.

30:02

You have to plan for the future. What

30:05

it's gonna be later. What's it gonna be

30:07

later? A great ass? What?

30:10

When she's 45? Yeah, that thing's gonna fall.

30:13

Probably. I'm

30:15

sure her ass is gonna be fine and I'm sure

30:17

if it's fake like you say, get those fucking big

30:19

old fucking ham hocks out of there and

30:21

then sew it back up to your little normal butt. She's

30:24

sexy. Fuck all y'alls. I

30:26

don't know. I mean, yeah it's a thing.

30:28

Go out there and find love, guys. What

30:30

are you guys doing? Guys, guys. Maybe some

30:32

of you guys are going out there and

30:34

find love. Wait, she's not white? Huh?

30:38

She's not white? No. What

30:40

day are you? Are you crazy? Look at her hair.

30:42

She's not white. She doesn't have any. She's probably half

30:44

white or half something. She's black. But she's black for

30:46

sure. I mean, she's hot, dude. I mean, she's pretty

30:48

but she's, it's too much. Yeah, look who's pretty.

30:51

She's pretty. I'm not. I

30:53

mean, she's hot, dude. I mean, she's pretty but

30:55

it's too much. Yeah, look who's getting worried he's

30:57

going to meet her now. Too bad, dude. Me

31:00

and DJ Lou are going to be double team fucking her

31:02

in that pool while Christine's visiting her family doesn't want to

31:04

see her. You

31:06

guys are not invited. I

31:09

don't think they want to see me but Christine, just go to

31:11

them. Me

31:13

and Bobby need a half hour with Doja Cat.

31:16

Make sure you bring baby wipes. Oh, it

31:18

looks like she's a quarter black. Only

31:21

a quarter? Well, it says

31:23

that her father is South African and black. Why

31:25

would you say South African and black? Because South

31:27

Africans are white. South Africans white. Yeah. And

31:30

then her mom is Jewish American and white, so white.

31:32

So that's three quarters white. You're a Jew.

31:35

I think it's South African. You know what?

31:37

She's just Christine. Her

31:39

father's name is Dumasani Diyamini, so I'm

31:41

pretty sure he's black. That makes you

31:44

half black. She's half black. Yeah, there's no way

31:46

your father's name is Dumasini Mamamini. She's at least

31:48

half black. Her hair and everything. No, she's half

31:50

black. Yeah, she's mostly black. I'm

31:52

not sure why it's saying black.

31:55

Yeah. Half of my family is

31:57

black from South Africa and very

31:59

black. proud of where I can get it

32:01

right there she's black from South Africa oh

32:03

we have a guest coming in our guest here we

32:06

have Liz Miele the hilarious Liz Miele coming in

32:08

to hang out with us she has a new

32:10

album out right now called murder sheets out

32:13

right now check it out wherever you

32:15

get albums I guess it's

32:18

on YouTube it's on YouTube new

32:21

album she has an album says

32:23

album I don't think there's an album maybe

32:26

crew anything it's

32:29

a special it's a special out she has

32:33

a brand new special out that

32:35

is I believe on YouTube it's

32:38

murder sheets it's out right now very

32:40

funny Liz

32:42

Miele is coming in and show before maybe she

32:45

won't shame me out of what I like she

32:47

will know in a woman she's

32:49

going to no she's not okay I

32:51

like a personal gonna judge you and

32:53

Jacob a lot you both are in

32:55

the fucking children it's gross I'm not

32:58

in children I like women as

33:00

long as they look like little boys yeah you

33:02

like girls who make little guys you like

33:04

little guys my choices did not look Bobby's look

33:07

like a guy yeah I like you and

33:13

Bobby together because you guys look like break

33:15

hands we're gonna go to break

33:19

we'll be right back

33:21

it's the bonfire hey

33:23

what's up I'm BK burglar

33:25

Bob Kelly aka the rooster

33:30

I'm big joker son I only have

33:32

one aka I'm a cowboy

33:34

look if you love the bonfire which you

33:37

know you do you this is just half

33:39

of the show that's right it's the podcast

33:41

version everybody so if you want to hear

33:43

the whole thing go to Sirius XM comm

33:46

slash bonfire to get the whole thing

33:48

yeah you get tons of other entertainment too it's not

33:50

just us you got other shows that you can go

33:52

to after you listen to our show you've got all

33:54

kinds of other shows and you know

33:56

what tell a friend but most importantly this show yeah

33:58

this show just go to the show Do

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Millies is here. She's got a brand new special.

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It's on YouTube, correct? Yeah. It's

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on YouTube. Murder sheets. It's called Murder Sheets.

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Out right now on YouTube, that was a

38:47

discombobulated introduction. Well, I was getting to it,

38:49

but you're impatient. I like to slow

38:51

roll it. You don't explain

38:53

that we're all about your weird

38:55

women fetishes. Or even told

38:57

the world that she isn't a special. It's

39:00

not a weird woman fetish. It's

39:02

just my type. Thank you. No, no,

39:04

no. It's Liz. It's

39:07

specific per race. Each

39:09

race gets their own little thing. But

39:13

isn't that like... You

39:15

honestly might be 50 pounds

39:18

to... I'm not sure

39:20

what Bobby's thing is, but whatever it

39:22

is, you're 50 pounds to light or

39:24

heavy. I'm also ethnically ambiguous,

39:27

which has to be very confusing if this

39:29

is done racially. I'm just

39:31

going to go Jewish. I'm not. Jewish is all

39:33

hell. She's Italian. I'm Italian. She's

39:35

Italian 100%. You can see that. 100%

39:38

Italian. How do you like

39:40

your Italians? I like... Very back. No,

39:42

I don't. Done. You

39:45

got hair in your back. No, but I can

39:47

grow a mustache. Oh, very

39:49

much so. That's hot. Yeah.

39:52

You and fucking Christine showed up to 70 detectives

39:54

for a week. I

39:56

remember I was really in love with this girl, smoking

39:59

hot. And I showed up at a house a little too

40:01

early, once to pick her up. And she had

40:03

the bleach on her upper lip. Oh. She

40:06

answered the door and I was like, what? She goes, I'm

40:08

bleaching my lip, I'll be right out. I

40:11

was like, ooh. You'd rather have them,

40:13

I'd rather find the, come in

40:15

and be like, oh, it was in the middle of waxing my

40:17

muscles. You at least should know when they correct that it's gone.

40:20

When it's bleaching, the rest of the night you're

40:22

just looking at the blonde mustache the whole time,

40:24

I feel like. I actually don't understand the bleaching.

40:27

Me either. So I have

40:29

a bunch of friends that are blonde and they don't shave

40:31

their legs because they're like, you can't see it. And I

40:33

was like, well, that wasn't what the point was. It was,

40:36

I thought it was to feel like sexy smooth. Yes, it's

40:38

gross. It's gross to have

40:40

leg hairs. It's like a, you could barely see

40:42

them. Like, nah, it's gross. No, I, listen,

40:45

I'm not a, bush,

40:48

grow your bush. But it shouldn't be going

40:50

down your legs. I

40:52

wouldn't tell a lady. I love that you have

40:55

like, you're like, here, this is my itinerary. Armpit

40:57

hair, armpit hair. Again, it's nothing to

40:59

do with like, when

41:01

I say it's gross armpit hair on a girl, it's

41:03

because it makes it masculine to me. It's

41:06

a masculine stuff. But it's gross on a guy. I mean, I

41:08

don't think it's, it's just like, you know, these

41:10

are just like American standardized ideas of

41:12

what standard it is. And

41:14

we nailed it. We

41:17

did it. But like, I don't see armpit on a

41:19

guy and think like, hmm. I would assume not, yeah,

41:21

no, for sure. It's still gross. I

41:23

agree. Hair is mostly gross. Some

41:26

people like a hairy guy. I'm not a very

41:28

hairy guy, but like, I know some

41:30

people like, like DeRosa looks like fucking John

41:32

Bon Jovi when he takes a show. It's

41:35

just straight carpet. Yeah. But

41:37

some girls do like that on a guy. Some

41:39

girls like rubbing their fingers through a

41:42

teddy bear. It might be a time thing

41:44

though, because whatever the standard is, you say

41:46

at the moment, because Tom Selleck was everyone

41:48

that had to have, the idea

41:50

was to show your hairy chest. You

41:53

know, but I would never think that would be the

41:55

case. Yeah, back in the day, men used to have

41:57

hair on their chest. That was the thing. Now most

41:59

men. who would wear any clothes

42:01

that shows their chest at all, shave

42:03

their bodies. Your I.E. Your Justins. Your

42:05

Josh. I shave their arms now. Guys

42:07

don't want arm hair. But that doesn't like,

42:09

I don't want you to sandpaper me. Like

42:13

it doesn't, it doesn't feel good. I mean if

42:15

you're a swimmer you do what you gotta do

42:17

to win the gold. But like I don't. Did

42:20

that dolphin skin? Nope.

42:22

I shave my, you know,

42:25

around my facial hair. Ball

42:27

bag. That's it. That's

42:29

all my shaving needs at all. I don't go anything

42:32

crazy. I have to shave my head. I

42:34

can't have, I don't like any, I'll

42:38

let it grow a little bit but then

42:40

when I shave it I have to make

42:42

sure it's perfect. I hate like a little

42:44

stubble. I hate it. What's the longest for

42:46

a bet that you have a

42:49

fair shake to win the bet?

42:51

You feel it's 50-50. You

42:54

have a fair shake to get you to agree

42:56

to that if you lose you

42:59

grow your hair for like the next six months. But

43:01

if I grow my hair for the next six months everything

43:04

changes about me. Uh huh. Do

43:07

you understand? Yeah. Like my, I won't be

43:09

a funny. Yeah you will. Like my shows

43:11

will suffer. Oh yeah, no they won't. I'll

43:13

lose a lot. My

43:16

wife, I'll lose

43:18

my kid will have to. Your son's respect you'll

43:20

lose. Yeah because I'm older. He'll have to sell

43:22

the house. Like this is an unfair bet. You

43:24

go from a shaved head badass to being his

43:26

fucking goofball dad. I go to Tom Papa. I

43:29

don't really do that. I can't

43:31

because I have. When's the last time you

43:33

had hair? Like

43:35

I can't imagine like John Fish with hair. But

43:38

like I've seen John Fish pictures. I remember what John Fish

43:40

was. I think my 30s but

43:42

I pre-empted. Like I was. You

43:45

saw it down the road. I started going and I'm

43:47

like. I'm. If

43:49

I'm. I didn't want to get successful. Not

43:52

that it ever happened. I could have just kept it going.

43:55

But in my head my dream was like if I

43:57

make it and I make it with hair.

44:00

And then I become this yeah,

44:03

and then people like don't remember you. I would

44:05

rather just try Where

44:07

on the right on the right time scene

44:09

shut up you have like black hair black

44:11

curly hair a beautiful ringlets We

44:14

have the same hair. Yeah, he was like

44:16

Eddie Gordo from fucking that's American Indian Bob

44:18

right there Oh, did you still use a

44:20

lot of hair product? I used

44:23

pomade Paul

44:26

Mitchell up up who we cream I

44:29

really yeah, I use I mean dude. I loved

44:31

I used to do my hair. I used to

44:33

have hair dryer on the road No,

44:36

oh dude. I used to hang upside

44:38

down scrunching. Yeah, dude. You got

44:40

a scrunch I always had scrunchies on my wrist from

44:43

my little my little rat tail when I had

44:45

long hair when I'd long hair I would keep

44:47

a I had always Scrunching

44:50

you know I

44:53

love I had beautiful hair. I loved it, but

44:55

you're so lucky you have a good shaped head

44:58

There's a lot like honestly. I have like a

45:00

huge dent in the back of my head because your mother

45:02

didn't turn you in the crib No,

45:04

it's not a turn. It's like it's a drop. There's a

45:07

drop. Well when you're a drop drop I had

45:09

somebody that like raised my little brothers I know

45:11

the difference between not turning and

45:13

like like a whole drop yeah, cuz I dropped

45:15

my brother There's a lot of babies have weird

45:17

shaped heads because their mom just let them lie

45:19

there for hours Yeah, and their

45:21

heads were like you know either

45:23

much that aware you have to get helmets Yeah,

45:25

no there's certain kid helmet that kids have to

45:28

wear yeah, yeah Travis's kid had to wear

45:30

a helmet for like a year Who

45:32

Travis from Opie and Anthony? Oh, yeah,

45:35

just just to give the kid a shot at

45:37

having a good You know I

45:39

mean the worst dude when you're when you're

45:41

a comedian especially if you're like a person who's on a

45:43

show like Opie Anthony is so aggressive and vicious and it's

45:45

like You guys chill out for

45:47

a little bit as my kids got to start working Yeah,

45:52

I made fun of so many helmet kids in my

45:54

life Really coming back

45:56

to eat my ass right mother

45:59

F Um, but

46:01

yeah, before you came in here, Bobby was telling us

46:03

that he likes his, uh, he likes

46:05

his black women as African as

46:07

possible with striations in

46:10

the middle of their chest because they're

46:12

so malnourished. We're talking because he likes,

46:14

he likes like Cardi B. None of

46:16

the big booty. You're jumping, you're jumping ahead. I

46:18

said, I think Megan Thee Stallion is very hot.

46:20

Big bucks. We're arguing specifically Doja

46:22

Cat. I think Doja Cat is hot as

46:24

hell. Yeah, but we're arguing that like the

46:27

people that the industry picked as beautiful

46:29

and talented are beautiful and talented.

46:31

It's like, no, duh. Like, you know

46:33

what I mean? Like, it's like, how

46:35

many unattractive female singers in

46:38

any genre are there? Right?

46:41

Adele. Adele is a... She's very...

46:43

The kick from heart. Yeah, but first of

46:45

all, these are, these are preferences. Also she's from the 70s. Um,

46:48

I'm talking about, you know what I mean? Like

46:51

I'm talking about modern, like you cannot

46:53

make it in this business if you aren't

46:55

first fuckable and then talented.

46:58

So in general, even if you're not

47:00

attracted to them, they're attractive enough for

47:02

society to be a musician. Every female

47:05

Christine likes to listen to and music

47:07

is ugly. No, that's not true. What's

47:10

the one that wants to? Ani DeFranco.

47:13

I guess he's in the 90s, not really

47:15

commercially successful. Yeah, he's not making it. I

47:17

mean, you know who she is because, you

47:19

know, we listen to depressing music. But Tori

47:21

Amos was a... Festival, festival.

47:24

Tori Amos was, was very pretty when

47:26

she was younger. She aged a little rough, but

47:28

that's just time. It's going to get us all.

47:31

Fiona Apple. I mean, she had the, you know,

47:33

little girl sex appeal, the heroine chic. Who's that?

47:36

Who says that? You creep. It

47:38

was. You mean the criminal video? Yeah. Yeah.

47:43

I didn't fall for the... I remember when I first

47:45

started comedy was around the time of a

47:48

lot of people saw the jokes about like, Britney Spears, are

47:50

they trying to convince me to fuck this 17 year old?

47:53

But it didn't hit me that hard. I was like 18. You

47:56

know what I mean? So I was like, yeah, I guess.

47:59

Also, it hit me baby. You're like it didn't hit me that

48:01

hard and she's like oh my god. I was trying yeah Let

48:05

me see maybe one more time And

48:07

now she's fucking nutty is all hell yeah,

48:10

but that's like did you see the new documentary?

48:13

Quiet on set like it's just old

48:15

child actors like like I

48:17

saw an interview at Huh

48:20

Jacob's family was in it your whole family was

48:22

in it They

48:26

were in the off-the-grid quiet on the set

48:28

documentary 20

48:31

years ago my family were 120 years

48:34

ago and into the 80 year olds 80

48:36

year olds and Jacob's family started dating six

48:38

Year olds great. This is like 56 and

48:40

12. It was called marriage back

48:42

then. I don't agree with it Okay, I'm

48:44

really catching up What

48:47

I'm saying I Think

48:56

of family comes from pedophilia

48:58

over in the crazy country

49:00

over in there I'm

49:04

just saying that you know Young

49:07

stars that start in this

49:09

early It's not this business

49:11

sucks today like we're all adults and

49:13

this is a horrible business like I can't imagine

49:16

Also being seven and like being the

49:18

breadwinner and having to do is deal

49:21

with rejection and pedophilia Sorry,

49:23

how much do you put on the parents though for

49:25

that? Um it depends I

49:27

mean if there if there's actually like some

49:31

Self-awareness and like you advocate

49:33

for your kid like think about like even on that

49:35

in that documentary The mom that advocated

49:37

for the kid the kid got fired because he

49:39

was he was like you're not listening And these

49:42

are the hours and you need to respect his boundaries, and

49:44

they're just like this kid doesn't know how to play hard

49:46

And you're like no you you nine

49:48

like this is crazy So it's like the parents

49:50

that advocate and actually care about their kids don't

49:52

work in the business and the ones that don't You

49:55

know are I think it's all but I'm say how about

49:57

just like the beginning level of it's hard with them

50:00

those kids because I don't know what their things were. But

50:02

if a kid wants to play baseball, what are you going

50:04

to say? You can't play baseball because you're not going to

50:06

make it or you might get hurt? No, no, no. Of course

50:08

you should let them do it. But I'm saying more like how

50:10

many kids come in saying they want to do? I told them,

50:13

when you say like a seven-year-old kid going

50:15

like, I want to be on

50:17

cattle calls for commercials constantly. Do you know

50:19

what I mean? I've gone to those

50:21

things that I've seen like stage parents. Just a little

50:23

bit of firsthand I've seen it. It's

50:25

gross. They all

50:28

know each other at the auditions and these kids just

50:30

playing with toys. They don't know what the fuck they're

50:32

even there. That money's good. Sure. Yeah, as

50:34

I'm saying, people put their kids in it. But I think as soon

50:36

as your kid says, I don't want to do

50:38

this anymore, like I did gymnastics and I mean,

50:41

I got like hit by my coaches. Like I

50:43

had like Russian and Polish coaches that like absolutely

50:45

were horrible influences. And I remember when I was

50:47

14 and I was old enough to be like,

50:49

I was like, this sucks. And I told

50:51

my dad, I was like, I don't want to

50:53

do it anymore. I loved gymnastics. I still to

50:56

this day miss gymnastics. But I don't miss how

50:58

like they would criticize my body. Tell me that

51:00

I was gaining weight. You know what I mean?

51:03

Tell me that I sucked at something. Would literally- Are those

51:05

male and female coaches? Both? Yeah, both. Both.

51:09

I mean that males are actually kind of nicer. It's these little

51:11

like wavy fucking Russian women that were just awful. But

51:13

like at the end of the day, you know,

51:15

I told my parents I didn't want to do it

51:17

anymore. I don't think I was able to articulate why.

51:20

But I was like, this isn't fun anymore and I don't want to do it.

51:22

And I had done it for 11 years. And they

51:24

were like, okay. You know what I mean? As

51:26

opposed to like my dad talked to me about like, you know, being

51:28

a, you know, if you're if you're going to

51:30

stop doing something, you should know why you're stopping

51:32

and not just be like this person that stops

51:35

when things get hard. But other than

51:37

that, I mean, if your kid wants to do it, great.

51:39

Be parental about it. Could you have been

51:41

like in the Olympics? Could

51:44

you have done that? No, I would have

51:46

been somebody that like competed and maybe

51:50

college for something. Yeah, like my older sister did

51:52

it up until college. Like she did it until she was

51:54

21. Did she have the same experience? Yeah,

51:56

of course. She was, you know. Well,

51:58

you almost recruited for a gym. I think it's funny

52:00

because I'm one of five kids. So

52:13

I'm the second oldest of five. My little brothers

52:15

are nine and 11 years younger than me. I

52:17

remember taking care of them as babies. Oh, I

52:19

had the same kind of gaps. I have 11,

52:22

15, and 19 years younger siblings. Yeah. My mom got remarried

52:24

when I was 10. Yeah. And

52:26

it's weird to be somebody that doesn't have kids to have this awareness of,

52:28

like, one of my brothers is 30, the other one's 28. They

52:34

are kind of the same dudes. Like who

52:36

they were when they were three. I

52:38

do think a lot of your personality is kind

52:40

of set and then life and parenting and society

52:43

can destroy you or build you up or what have

52:45

you. But like,

52:48

my brother's really crafty and really,

52:51

really smart and can pick things up

52:53

super quickly but also gets super

52:56

overwhelmed. And so it's just like

52:58

you can see this in a child and

53:00

go, hey, everything's going to be overwhelming. Just

53:02

so you know, it never gets easier. It

53:04

never slows down. Everything kind of sucks. So

53:06

you find what you're willing to push through

53:08

the overwhelm and here are some life skills or

53:10

whatever. But I think society just goes, you

53:12

know, this is how you can make money and you just

53:14

have to do it and pushes you

53:17

through. So I think good parenting is

53:19

seeing who your kids are and letting them

53:22

kind of like nurturing them so they can

53:24

discover that as opposed to pushing them in

53:26

a certain direction. Every immigrant friend

53:28

I have, every friend that had immigrant parents,

53:31

you know, became a doctor and then quit. You

53:33

know what I mean? Is there a

53:35

child, like a

53:37

child heavy situation at all? Like whether

53:39

it be like acting and stuff like

53:41

a Nickelodeon or sports or anything where

53:44

there's just not an

53:46

immediate draw for like the worst people to

53:48

be in. I mean like, you know, the

53:51

doctor who would finger all the gymnasts,

53:53

Nasser. Oh, yeah. Like going through all

53:56

that shit or just gymnastics in general.

53:58

I mean, Becky Rodriguez came here. I

54:00

don't think she didn't even say anything about like inappropriate

54:03

other than she was it was made clear

54:05

that she was like backburnered on

54:07

the gymnastics squad because she grew tits

54:10

And they kind of said it so they were like you

54:12

know It's like give like adult men going like you know

54:14

this is kind of the problem you know yeah And you're

54:16

like damn that's fucking a lot to lay on a Teenager

54:20

who's like oh this is how your this is

54:22

how my body grew sorry You already get we

54:24

already deal with the guy the difference in the

54:26

guys treating you a certain way And

54:28

then also you're you're going also you can't do this

54:30

thing you like anymore because like your tits are in

54:32

the way But I mean in

54:35

general like you have kids right just one

54:37

daughter. Yeah, how old your daughter 21? She's

54:39

21 like you remember what she was like when

54:41

she was two. Oh, yeah, right

54:43

like I still like stickers,

54:46

dude Like I feel like cats like

54:48

I am exactly the same. I just

54:50

have credit cards like it is dangerous

54:53

specifically though my daughter Love

54:58

stick I have a now jean

55:00

bottle full of stuff. Yeah, he likes to put them uh

55:03

Please put them on his bushcraft to

55:06

kill stickers my

55:09

daughter when I was doing the show's e rock when

55:12

she was maybe

55:14

like seven six or seven years old

55:16

and She

55:19

you know she came to set a few times

55:21

with her mother to like just hang out

55:23

and meet people and stuff But they would always tell me

55:25

because the show is about a band that played for kids

55:27

parties So there was a lot of

55:29

scenes with a lot of so I met a lot of

55:31

these like stage moms I'd see them and just watching the

55:34

interaction with these kids and what these kids I mean

55:37

like the the the Director or the assistant

55:39

director doesn't give a fuck that their kid

55:41

there was no like kid gloves

55:43

at all was like guys What did I say? I need

55:45

everybody to be quiet, and I just thought when they would

55:48

say to me Hey, we're doing another party scene for the

55:50

kids tomorrow like bring your dog To be in

55:52

and I was like yeah, buddy. I'll

55:54

attack the assistant director If

55:56

he tells my daughter like a guys I need you to really shut

55:58

up and listen right now. I go No, she's

56:00

a kid and she doesn't know that

56:02

we're doing this massive production It's not

56:04

registering with her. So like I

56:07

couldn't put her through that. I didn't want to see

56:09

that I had Max in a movie. He was I

56:11

did a I played you directed it. It was in

56:13

your basement It was black and white you were selling

56:16

it to a guy overseas It was the worst movie

56:18

in the world who's a Christmas movie that

56:20

I I was a Boston Santa Claus So

56:23

I was you want me to change my accent? It's like no go ahead Hey,

56:26

where you going over there? But uh, he was

56:28

in it. It was I mean, but how old

56:31

max do he was it was? He

56:33

was like six. Okay, and he played a

56:35

security guard Like like he paid

56:38

a cop he actually paid a cop in the

56:40

jail where you know I mean

56:42

they were actually sweet to him though, you know what

56:44

I mean? But I didn't that because I was very

56:46

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