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2:03

Yes, yes, doctors, esteemed colleagues,

2:05

it is a prodigious journey

2:07

you embark upon. Observe, report, experience.

2:10

You represent all of humanity. And

2:13

don't let the door hit you on the way out. Now,

2:16

perhaps a bit of tranquility around this base. The

2:19

old lab is dark, which means no one's discovered

2:22

my distillery. Con's a

2:24

stark, which is technically against moon base guidelines,

2:26

but tonight that's a blessing.

2:29

The farm is never completely dark, but quiet

2:32

because my love is just

2:33

next door.

2:49

And thus, all is right with the universe.

2:54

Back to my lair. Now I can work.

3:01

No, no, adjust the angular momentum.

3:04

That doesn't fall within the kermetric. It's not remotely

3:07

possible. And simulation.

3:14

It is so restorative

3:17

to drink my blend again, even when the work

3:19

is less than therapeutic. I can't see how

3:21

this side-step process is remotely

3:24

possible on the scale required. And

3:26

yet at this moment, humans are experiencing

3:28

it directly. At least Gladys will take good

3:30

notes. Enough

3:36

ranting, enough frustration, enough data I

3:38

must compose. Open

3:41

my subfolder under keyword gray havens,

3:43

the last dated recording, and a Brue-refreshpot

3:46

note. Let's make it tea this round. They

3:50

stood by the side of the great white ship, watching

3:52

as Galadriel and Elrond and Gandalf

3:55

and Bilbo, and then an endless host of

3:57

elves proceeded on board. Finally,

3:59

the hobbits stood alone. There

4:01

was some trepidation in the air, and everyone seemed

4:03

to deliberately avoid looking at Frodo. But

4:06

he embraced them, kissing first Merry and

4:08

Pippin, then Samwise, clasping

4:10

his shoulder as if he could not let go. It

4:14

was Sam who broke the silence. Mr. Frodo,

4:16

I expect they're waiting on you to come aboard. Frodo's

4:20

eyes glistened, and his fingers went white,

4:22

and he held on to his companion even more tightly.

4:24

They can keep waiting, he said, and his breath

4:27

quickened, or in truth they need not wait

4:29

at all, I cannot.

4:31

I cannot end our fellowship so easily,

4:34

not if it means that you and I- Um, Jackson,

4:38

you're back. I've started some tea if you'd like

4:40

some. I'll get it.

4:41

Thank you.

4:44

I've been working on a new ending. I was

4:46

never satisfied with the original. I

4:49

saw the science bros off on their adventure. We should

4:51

have a bit more room to ourselves now. Room to ourselves.

4:55

Room to ourselves. Between that

4:57

and the darkness becoming a bit less looming. Are

5:00

you sure? I

5:01

know you said, but... are

5:05

you sure? Love? About

5:07

the story? Oh, about the...

5:11

If I'd been determined to go,

5:13

I would have talked that out with you. We would have factored

5:15

it into our plans, deciding together. I know

5:18

you

5:18

said you have data and work

5:21

to be done. Done, done,

5:23

done. But...

5:28

I was worried. If I'd been conflicted

5:31

in the slightest, I would have said something.

5:35

That is your first lie since

5:37

the night I asked if you liked

5:39

cilantro. What I meant to say-

5:41

I-

5:41

I should go lie down-

5:43

Jackson, wait. Please. I want

5:45

to- Of course there was conflict, but

5:47

what I'm trying to say...

5:50

There was a conversation

5:52

that was cut off some time ago, when Dr. Day and

5:54

McVet interrupted to tell us about base alpha.

5:57

You'd asked if I had anyone back on Earth, and

5:59

my reply was- was less than revealing.

6:03

I never had the chance to know most

6:06

of my family. Dhaka was being

6:08

passed around between corporations when

6:10

I was born, and after the redistricting, I

6:12

lived with my great-aunt in Vashantara. It

6:15

was the best opportunity, well-protected,

6:17

quality schools, and hospitals close

6:20

at hand, and I was never suited for a more rural

6:22

lifestyle. But we were

6:24

relatively cut off, communication and travel

6:27

rarely reached beyond the walls. Amritsupa

6:30

was in her fifties when I arrived, which seemed

6:32

as a child's just an impossible age. But

6:35

I couldn't slip a thing by her heart as I tried,

6:37

not when I blamed the cat for a broken picture

6:39

and not when I claimed innocence for her rexha

6:41

charges on our account when I'd left late for

6:43

school, not when I skipped steps on

6:45

my calculus homework. She knew my schedule,

6:48

she heard my most silent step in

6:50

the hallway any time I tried sneaking in or out.

6:52

She knew what I needed before I had allowed myself

6:54

to ask it. From a planetarium membership

6:57

to finding a gender-affirming therapist,

6:59

she was my day and night, my gravitational

7:02

pull, and I relied on her utterly. Which

7:08

is why I was the first to notice when she

7:11

started slipping. At first it

7:13

was a word on the tip of her tongue, using

7:15

a calendar app when she'd always just remembered

7:17

things, and then deepened

7:19

by stages into forgetting to pay

7:22

our accounts and accidentally deleting

7:24

my homework during her review. And

7:27

finally, the word she lost

7:29

most often was my name, and

7:32

the calendar app didn't help when she'd forget

7:34

decades of her own life. I

7:36

was thirteen. I knew her password

7:39

and I learned to pay the bills. I could make the dinner

7:41

and RT, but when security came around

7:43

because she thought I was a home invasion, I was

7:47

lucky that her doctor was a friend and that I'd

7:49

skipped several grades and was ready for university.

7:52

Which was fortuitous when my early admission came at the same

7:54

time as the necessity for

7:56

an admission of her own. passing

8:00

over some unpleasant details. The

8:02

hardest part wasn't the decline, the loss of

8:04

that gravity in my life's orbit. It

8:07

was the sudden, unexpected

8:09

returns, the flashes of lucidity

8:11

where she'd call my dorm at midnight,

8:13

insisting I arrange for her ride back to the apartment.

8:16

Asking questions about the latest draft of my thesis,

8:18

or later my published research, it

8:21

would all rush back, though pulls so strong

8:23

it collapsed me. It

8:28

was in one of those later moments when I

8:30

told her about the moon. I'd

8:33

already been living in NYC for several years

8:35

by that time, while our visits gone virtual,

8:38

which made the guilt all the stronger when she sighed

8:40

and said, I understand if it's

8:42

quite some time before you come home and visit

8:44

me. That was the takeaway,

8:47

the peak plunged in my heart. All

8:50

the deeper when she thought a moment later I

8:52

was a salesperson calling about the ductwork.

8:56

The guilt became a black hole,

8:58

drawing me into depression and poor

9:01

coping skills, dragging me from any other

9:03

real connections, all

9:06

the way to where you find me standing

9:08

now. A

9:11

position where, don't get me wrong, I've done

9:13

some absolutely brilliant work. For

9:16

a long while, I thought I could

9:18

navigate that void by ignoring it,

9:21

directing my gaze toward the greater universe. But

9:24

then I was brought into another

9:26

orbit that has affected my

9:29

focus in the most positive ways.

9:32

If I were still the same person, perhaps I'd

9:34

have gone off to the undying lands. But

9:37

I found that the moon, and yes, still

9:39

the earth, have a pull I cannot deny, that

9:42

I don't want to deny,

9:46

that I'm not prepared to let go. Thank

9:54

you.

10:09

Thank you for listening. This

10:11

episode featured Toe Zeman as a Sweeney Ray

10:13

and Cole Burkhardt as Jackson. The

10:16

script was written by DJ Sylvus.

10:18

Cas McPhee is our audio engineer. Our

10:21

theme music is starred by the band Ramp. Our

10:24

cover art is by Peter Tchikowsky. We'll

10:27

be back next week with a bonus episode that continues

10:30

this conversation, where we'll learn

10:32

more about Jackson's past and future. Until

10:35

then, you can find us on social

10:38

media or visit our Discord server to

10:40

chat about the show, or leave

10:42

a rating or review on your podcast app or

10:44

Podchaser.com

10:46

to help us get other folks looking up at the moon.

10:50

Until next time.

11:12

The Fable & Folly Network, where

11:14

fiction producers flourish.

11:19

Mount Absalom.

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home.

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learn. For in thy green

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and growing arms, we

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have everything we need.

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All right, now let's

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get out our math homework. A

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bottles of celery soda every day.

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Unwell. A Midwestern

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more at UnwellPodcast.com