0:04

Hey, Jeffrey Craner here. I'm home now. No more

0:06

touring the Welcome to Night Vale live show for

0:08

a little while. And you know what? I kind

0:10

of miss doing our live shows and maybe you

0:13

miss seeing our live shows. Don't worry, we'll tour

0:15

again soon, just taking a little break. But if

0:17

you really miss seeing our faces and seeing us

0:19

perform stories from Welcome to Night Vale, boy do

0:21

I have a treat for you. So

0:23

back in the early part of the pandemic,

0:26

we did these one night only live streams

0:28

of some of our favorite Night Vale stories,

0:30

The Sandstorm, All Smiles Eve, Bloodstone Carol, The

0:32

Investigators, All Hail, and my favorite Ghost stories.

0:34

And now you can watch those live

0:37

streams featuring Cecil Baldwin, Symphony Sanders, Meg

0:39

Bashwin, or Kevin R. Free, Jessica Nicole,

0:41

Mara Wilson, Dylan Marron, Desiree Birch, Hal

0:43

Lublin, Molly Quinn, not to mention Disparition

0:46

performing the score and special musical guests

0:48

for each episode too. We

0:50

even have an Alice Isn't Dead live stream

0:52

as well. We were all tucked away in

0:54

our own homes performing via Zoom, but they

0:56

were some of the most fun and intimate

0:59

shows we've ever done. You can get these

1:01

shows for only $5 each at our

1:03

Patreon store at patreon.com slash welcome to night

1:05

Vale and just click on shop. You

1:07

don't need to be a paying member of

1:09

our Patreon to get these episodes, though we

1:11

would love it if you considered it. We

1:13

have cool stuff like director's notes for each

1:16

episode, twice monthly essays from me and Joseph,

1:18

monthly hangouts, bonus episodes, and more. But if

1:20

you just want the live stream recordings, you

1:22

can get those two without a monthly Patreon

1:24

contribution. Again, that's patreon.com/welcome

1:26

to night Vale and click

1:28

on shop. And hey, thanks.

1:33

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made simple love

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hurts love scars

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Love depletes bone mass over

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time ask your doctor

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if love is right for you Welcome

2:53

to night veil The

3:15

end of the revolution sleep was

3:17

divided into two phases In

3:20

the middle of the night people would get out

3:22

of bed for a few hours and do little

3:24

chores before going back to sleep Again, stoke

3:26

the fires check on the farm animals

3:29

tend to the sewing write

3:31

a letter by candlelight Chant

3:33

an incantation conjure the dead

3:36

Whittle in modern times

3:38

many of us still wake up suddenly

3:40

at around say 142

3:43

a.m. And we know that

3:45

for some unknown reason we're going to be

3:47

awake for the next couple of hours But

3:50

we don't do little chores or write letters

3:52

anymore We lie there with

3:55

our eyes closed helplessly waiting for sleep

3:57

to return We listen to

3:59

fake. Crime podcasts or Ska

4:01

music on low volume. Could see

4:04

Bus Company in the Dark. We.

4:06

Battle thoughts about mortality

4:09

gets responsibilities. Regretting stupid

4:11

things we once said. even though we're

4:13

pretty sure no one but us remembers

4:15

that we said them in the first

4:17

place. We. Think about different points

4:20

in time where we could have made

4:22

choices that might have completely altered the

4:24

trajectory of our lives. We.

4:26

Don't necessarily know what those choices were

4:28

or what might have been different, or

4:31

even if it would have been

4:33

better or worse. Sometimes

4:38

we get to riskless. We do

4:40

get out of bed in the

4:42

middle of the night like our

4:44

ancestors did. We wander into the

4:46

living room, stumbling over our son's

4:48

electric train set. We. Pause as

4:50

the caboose clatters across the tile

4:53

floor and we hear echoes of

4:55

Coyotes housing of the Goltz through

4:57

the open window. We. Grab

4:59

the two day old left over Castle A

5:01

from Tourniquet out of the fridge. We

5:03

sit down on the couch. We turn on

5:05

the T V. Which. Brings

5:08

me to last night. Listeners

5:10

around one forty two Am, I

5:12

turned on the television to local

5:15

A B C affiliate Channel Seven.

5:17

At first, I didn't understand. What

5:20

I was looking at. Then.

5:22

I realized I was looking. At

5:25

myself. Specifically. Myself

5:27

at age five. Sitting

5:30

next to me was my sister,

5:32

Abby, age nine. We were in

5:34

a group of about a dozen

5:36

children, all clapping along with a

5:39

strange samba. Than. The song.

5:41

Became. Familiar to me. I started

5:44

mumbling along to the words and

5:46

found that I knew them all

5:48

by heart. Plague

5:51

of insects. Are

5:54

so flame. It's

5:57

time to play a little game.

6:00

More. On this after the headlines.

6:03

There's a yellow warning in effect

6:06

from the water department, which means

6:08

do Not Drink the reservoir has

6:10

reached hazardous levels of algae toxins

6:13

an animal blood. Residents may still

6:15

lose the water to wash dishes,

6:17

water lawns, and brush teeth. Children

6:20

may still run freely through the

6:22

sprinklers. Innocent and heart miss, but

6:24

remember to provide them with extra

6:27

towels before they run back into

6:29

the house so they don't track

6:31

gory footprints across your nice. White

6:34

carpet. A Those stains will never

6:36

come out. In.

6:38

Other news: The Night Build Zoo

6:40

suffered a security breach last night,

6:43

resulting in all teachers been unlocked

6:45

and opened wide. Be on the

6:47

lookout for tigers, bears, snakes, venomous

6:49

spiders, crocodiles, killer bees, and one

6:52

terror ductile roaming loose in the

6:54

streets and skies, respectively. Also, if

6:56

you've used a credit card at

6:58

the Night Built Zoo legalese, be

7:01

sure to secure of health for

7:03

unauthorized purchases. And

7:05

finally, a huge explosion has occurred

7:07

in the vacant lot out the

7:09

back of the routes. A gas

7:11

leak from the boiler room is

7:13

thought to be the culprit judging

7:16

from the smell and shimmery air

7:18

and frenzied insistence by the gas

7:20

companies that someone left them into

7:22

the building immediately. But as the

7:24

Ralph's is close to two manager

7:26

Gary vacation, that's not gonna happen

7:28

anytime soon. More explosions

7:30

are expected throughout the day, probably

7:33

with increasing force and impact. With

7:36

this is reports that following the

7:38

explosion, a second whole opened up

7:41

in the pavement of the biggest

7:43

lot and distorted voices can now

7:45

be heard calling for help from

7:48

deep below the earth. Ralph's corporate

7:50

has urged citizens not to attempt

7:52

communication with these voices. subterranean cries

7:55

for help or almost always predator

7:57

de quoi behavior is called a.

8:00

That proved of mimicry. It's meant

8:02

to lure you in using your

8:04

own sympathetic nature against you. Do

8:06

not fall for it. And don't

8:08

confuse it with the pre existing

8:11

hole in the lot where voices

8:13

in pacify to come inside and

8:15

nestle that whole is fine and

8:17

normal as it's perfectly okay to

8:19

listen to those voices. Well.

8:23

Looks like a pretty slow

8:25

news day so I can

8:27

continue to leisurely described my

8:29

television viewing experience most. As

8:32

old the children myself and Abby

8:34

included saying the final verse of

8:37

the stream song, a man appeared

8:39

on screen singing along with us.

8:42

His arms were raised up as

8:44

if he were conducting a great

8:46

orchestra instead of a grubby circle

8:48

of tone deaf children. He

8:50

wore a false beard, a monocle

8:52

and have felt hat with the

8:55

turkey better in it or not

8:57

it for best over a stained

8:59

to neck or walking cane with

9:01

the glowing orb on top. In

9:03

the Or bus the swirling mists

9:06

of the creation and destruction of

9:08

planets. Tears spilled onto

9:10

his cheeks as he grinned

9:12

with that toothless mouth. Who's

9:16

ready for the riddle of the

9:18

day he asked? And the children

9:20

myself and Abby included screamed with

9:23

such intensity I had to mute

9:25

the television. By. This

9:27

time I knew what I was

9:29

seeing listeners. It. Was

9:31

a decades old rerun of Uncle

9:34

Jasper's Wasteland. A local team showed

9:36

that my sister and I were

9:38

obsessed with as children. Regardless of

9:41

our squabbles and misunderstandings, Uncle Jasper

9:43

was the one thing Abbey and

9:46

I could always agree on. We

9:48

were even chosen to be of

9:50

the live studio audience several times,

9:53

including the episode they were airing

9:55

last night. I remember now that

9:58

he was taped in that. Old

10:00

factory out in the scrublands.

10:02

don't that spews black smoke

10:04

at night? The one that

10:06

no one remembers having been

10:08

built were Doctor Jennifer Newport

10:10

currently has her pediatrics practice.

10:12

You know that old factory

10:14

that suddenly appeared about six

10:16

weeks ago but has also

10:18

always existed even before there

10:21

was a town or people

10:23

you. today's riddle is of

10:25

visual one Uncle Jasper said

10:27

as I on muted the

10:29

television which. Means you have

10:31

to use your optic nerve.

10:33

All the children shouted that's

10:36

right said Uncle Jasper. I'm

10:38

to the show you some

10:40

pictures and you have to

10:43

tell me what they all

10:45

have in common. The winner

10:47

gets to pick up prize

10:50

from.bottomless box of sign me

10:52

say as. Before

10:55

I continue the story, I'd better

10:57

get to the story about product

10:59

safety recalls. I'm told

11:01

their time sensitive. Recalled.

11:07

All prescription drugs from the

11:09

Cbs at Skillman and Central

11:11

Drive. Or. Load. The

11:13

Cardenas lead pharmacist admitted that they

11:16

do not have any actual medical

11:18

training and have just been putting

11:20

random pills and to random containers

11:22

and hoping no one would notice.

11:25

They just really needed a job or

11:27

low said and their blessed with the

11:29

ability to talk a good game. In

11:31

an interview. They. Express their

11:33

sincere apologies to anyone who has

11:35

experienced unwanted side effects or died

11:37

recently as a result of this

11:39

fake it til you make it

11:41

approach to pharmaceuticals. Are. Low

11:43

has been dishonorably discharged from the

11:46

Cbs and is seeking new employment.

11:48

If anyone knows of anything. According.

11:50

To Arlo, they're very good

11:52

at everything. Recalled.

11:56

Bacon. Independent.

11:58

Laboratory tests. Twenty

12:00

Three and be revealed that the

12:02

Dna profile of the current stock

12:05

of Night Vale Bacon meat is

12:07

all a match for a man

12:09

named Adrian Nicolau. Born. In

12:11

Bucharest, Romania, and Ninety Ten, and died

12:14

in Chicago, Illinois in Nineteen Seventy One.

12:16

The. Bacon contains neither port

12:19

nor turkey nor rattlesnake

12:21

meet as advertised. Recalled.

12:25

A. Nightmare you had two nights

12:27

ago. Not the specific details,

12:29

but the feeling of mounting

12:31

to read, escalating to a

12:33

sustained and overwhelming terror. With.

12:36

No release. Recalled.

12:39

Pink. Lady Apples of. Absolutely

12:41

truck full of razor blades. Be.

12:43

Safe out there and remember, the

12:45

same rule of thumb applies to

12:48

consumer products as it does to

12:50

your relationships. When. In Doubt. Throw.

12:53

It out. Now.

12:55

Back. To Uncle Jasper's picture riddle.

12:59

All. The children in the studio

13:01

audience hushed as the camera began

13:03

rapidly cutting between different images. With

13:07

I. I

13:09

could only make out a few

13:11

of them myself than a melting

13:13

ice cream cone, the final moments

13:16

of a dying star and ancient

13:18

city simmering in the heat, a

13:20

pocket watch ticking and old woman

13:22

steering hungrily get a bowl of

13:24

soup, a group of vultures circling

13:27

a cloudy sky. When the images

13:29

finally. Ceased a small child in

13:31

the group raised his hand. Listeners.

13:37

Uncle Jasper grinned even wider,

13:39

years pouring freely down his

13:41

face now pointed at me

13:43

with a stroh being or

13:45

but his cane. Yes,

13:47

what do you think the images

13:49

haven't gotten? Little boy he asked

13:51

me. Is

13:53

it? Ah, Entropy

13:57

I guess in my small.

14:00

The year old boys. Uncle

14:02

Jasper wiped his red, glittering eyes

14:05

of course. of course he murmured

14:07

the universal state of randomness leading

14:09

to a chaotic descent into disorder.

14:12

Mister Randolph Just a bottomless box

14:14

of a shiny things for this

14:17

clever young lad to choose his

14:19

briars. As some of you may

14:21

remember, Mr. Randall was a character

14:24

also played by On for Jasper,

14:26

which involved him putting on a

14:28

different hat and a second monocle

14:31

he had at. Least. He

14:34

played all the parts himself. Ministers.

14:40

I have very little memory

14:42

of this moment in real

14:44

life. He told

14:46

me watched through the screen in

14:48

my living room as the young

14:50

put my hand into the box

14:52

and pulled out my prize. It

14:55

was assured of silver medals

14:57

from a jet engine turbine

14:59

crudely fashioned into the shape

15:01

of a bunny rabbit. Uncle

15:04

just was. That

15:08

litter the same place and. Hand crossing

15:10

them into. It

15:14

was pretty. Small

15:20

me he said smiling with

15:22

pride as the jagged rabbit

15:24

bit soft flesh. Abby

15:26

reached over entire fleet of the figure

15:29

from wrapping it up and placing it

15:31

in her neon green sandy back. She

15:34

patted me on the head and told me I'd done

15:36

a good job. A beamed up

15:38

with my big sister. She put her

15:40

arm around my shoulders of pile down

15:42

at his for you when we get

15:44

home so it's not I heard or

15:46

murmur through the tv screen. My

15:49

eyes missed it up a little. Not

15:52

the Me on Tv, but the Me in

15:54

the living room. then

15:56

uncle jasper introduce some cartoons which

15:59

he had drawing himself

16:01

using grease-translucent napkins from the

16:03

Moonlight All-Night Diner as animation

16:05

cells. Just a true Renaissance

16:07

man. Anyway, I

16:09

watched the rest of the show, ate the rest

16:11

of the cold cassoulet, and went back to bed. But

16:14

the experience got me thinking. Where

16:17

is Uncle Jasper now? His

16:20

show was cancelled over 25 years

16:22

ago, and we've never heard anything about

16:25

him since. I searched through

16:27

the obituary archive and couldn't find his

16:29

name. Same thing with the property

16:31

records. He was such an important

16:33

figure to the children of this community for

16:36

decades. He was definitely my

16:38

first role model, and probably many of

16:40

yours as well. I'd

16:42

love to track him down if he's still

16:44

around and maybe have him on the

16:46

show, or at least interview him

16:48

off the air, or just buy

16:51

him a cup of coffee. And

16:53

if he did pass away or leave town, I'd

16:56

like to know that too. So I'm

16:58

just putting it out there in case anyone knows

17:00

anything. Uncle Jasper, if

17:03

you're listening, please give your old

17:05

pal Little Cecil a call down

17:07

at the station. Oh

17:10

wow, that was fast. Uh,

17:12

fingers crossed, listeners. While I

17:14

answer this, let's go to the weather. I

17:50

want to sound the

17:52

world apart. I wanted

17:54

something, wanted something,

17:56

but it's not.

18:00

I wanted something,

18:02

I wanted something

18:07

Heaven and the beat

18:09

of heaven tried to

18:11

feed it some key

18:15

I wish I had found

18:18

any option I would

18:21

go and see I

18:30

need you I

18:33

need you I

18:39

need you Heaven

18:49

and the beat of heaven

18:51

tried to feed it some

18:54

key I need you

19:05

I need you I

19:13

need you I

19:24

need

19:29

you I

19:37

need you I

19:53

need you Welcome

20:31

back everyone, I won't keep you in suspense,

20:34

that was NOT Uncle Jasper on the

20:36

phone. It was my sister,

20:38

Abby. We haven't spoken since

20:40

our last family game night, so that was

20:42

a nice surprise. It's a

20:44

funny thing, she told me that she actually

20:47

woke up at 1.42am last night and happened

20:50

to catch the exact same rerun

20:53

of Uncle Jasper's Wasteland. We

20:55

talked about her memories of the show. Abby

20:58

asked me if I still had that metal rabbit.

21:00

I said I vaguely remember playing with

21:03

it so much that it finally rusted

21:05

through and disintegrated into orange dust in

21:07

my hands. We came

21:09

up with our own theories about where

21:11

Uncle Jasper is now. Abby

21:14

thinks he lives in one of

21:16

the airplane hulls out in the

21:18

sand wastes, surrounded by a lifetime's

21:20

worth of his own handmade metal

21:22

sculptures. I suggested that

21:24

he still performs his show every day

21:26

for legions of crows instead of kids.

21:29

I mean, that would at least explain why all

21:31

the crows in town constantly recite children's songs

21:33

and riddles. Either way, we

21:36

both believe that Uncle Jasper is still

21:38

alive and still around here

21:41

somewhere. You can kind

21:43

of just feel it in the air, don't

21:45

you think? I

21:48

wanted to talk with Abby about some other

21:50

memories from our childhood too, but she's always

21:52

so touchy on the subject that I decided

21:55

to avoid it this time. Instead,

21:57

I Asked her about what she's been up to this time.

22:00

Last week. She seemed happy

22:02

I'd ask. I. Don't think

22:04

you've ever ask me about my life

22:06

in the present tense. Cecil she said,

22:09

you usually only want to talk to

22:11

me about the past I almost started

22:13

to argue with her, but then I

22:16

realized. She. Was right. When

22:19

I look at Abbey, I often

22:21

see her as a symbol of

22:23

my past instead of a person

22:25

living her own lives. So.

22:28

Instead of arguing, I apologized. Well,

22:30

no, I didn't actually apologize. I

22:32

asked her if she wanted to

22:35

meet up at Drive Off the

22:37

Air at a price. And

22:40

instead of nagging me about how

22:42

ice cream causes microscopic brain holes,

22:45

she said yes. Of course, Janice

22:47

is a young woman, not a

22:49

kid anymore, but no one's too

22:51

old for ice cream. Esteban just

22:54

adores ice cream. His favorite flavor

22:56

at the moment is nacho. Cheese

22:58

just like his dad took me.

23:01

I mean Carlos his favorite flavor

23:03

School friends. Oh,

23:05

there's Esteban running round out the

23:07

studio parking lot now. Dropped off

23:10

by. Center

23:12

of High. He

23:14

can see me to the window to

23:17

is playing with something out there looks

23:19

like of twisted animal figure of some

23:21

kind, metallic and glinting in the sun.

23:23

Walking away from the parking lot is

23:25

an older man hunched over using a

23:27

cane. I'm I'm way to get him

23:30

to. I know he didn't notice me.

23:32

A score now and it's always good

23:34

to see are. Stressed. Out

23:37

for some exercise and pressure. So.

23:41

Nice evening isn't it? The

23:43

sun is setting, the crows or

23:45

riddling a distant silver airplane is

23:48

silently plummeting into the sand wastes.

23:50

Just beautiful. I hope you can

23:52

all enjoy it by spending some

23:54

time with your family's to whatever

23:57

that looks like for you. even

23:59

if that. means yourself.

24:03

We contain multitudes as processed

24:05

meat tycoon Oscar Meyer famously

24:07

said when asked about the

24:09

ingredients it is ballpark ranks.

24:12

Stay tuned for the next

24:14

rewrite. Know Bunko Jasper's wasteland.

24:16

Possibly on a B C

24:19

affiliate Channel Seven? possibly around

24:21

one Forty two Am possibly

24:23

coast storing a small forgotten

24:25

version of yourself. Good

24:28

know my girl. This

24:34

show is brought to you by BetterHelp. It's

24:36

remarkable the number of things we don't say,

24:38

can't say, won't say to other people. May.

24:40

Maybe we don't feel comfortable, or maybe we

24:43

don't even know that we need someone to

24:45

talk to, but there's so much we need

24:47

to get off our chests, from big feelings

24:49

to tiny day-to-day thoughts. I have personally found

24:52

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Welcome. To Night Vale as the

26:09

production of Night Fell Presents. It

26:12

is written by Joseph Think, Jeffrey

26:14

Cranor and Bree Williams and produced

26:16

by Desperation. The voice of Night

26:18

Vale is Cecil Baldwin Original Music

26:21

by Desperation. All the can be

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found at this for us and.band

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camp.com This episodes Weather was Blue

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by Emily Henry. Find out more

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at Emily Henry music.com Comments questions

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email us at info at Welcome

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to Night vale.com or follow us

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on Instagram. And Tumbler at Night

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Vale official. We now have a Tick

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tock at Night Vale official as well.

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so check that out before it gets

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banned by the government, because that is

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the only issue important enough for them

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to actually pass a law about. Most

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importantly, check out Welcome to Night vale.com

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or we have a twice monthly mailing

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list that is the best way to

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keep up to date directly from us.

27:01

To you, the government has advanced from

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your favorite Weird Town podcast not yet

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Anyway, today's proverb that sounds a bath.

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An absolute jam. I just can't

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stop dancing. Period. Help: my legs

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are collapsing underneath me and my

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lungs can keep us and still.

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this infernal song has the same

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thing head and say. This

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curses sought slaps, from

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the creators of welcome to night vale

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alice is dead and was in the

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wires to the new audible original on

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list in the outskirts of los angeles

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with a cold set strip mall sprawl

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scrape by on whatever small cases come

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case of their career this unlikely pair

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with no resources no backup will follow

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the trail seemingly unconnected cases, which

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will lead them to a ransom, a

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murder, a mysterious wellness center, and a

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conspiracy that might go all the way

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to the governor. It's important to catch

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don't stay small for long. Unlicensed.

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Available now at

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PRX.