0:00

Suffering is a reality . No one is

0:02

. No human being is protected by

0:04

money . He doesn't fix it , even having

0:06

love . Whatever it's going to happen , right And

0:09

that's fine . What it showed

0:11

me is that we are all well equipped

0:13

to deal with it . The best selling

0:16

author award-winning podcast

0:18

. Transformative purpose .

0:22

If you're into martial arts or kung fu

0:24

, then you probably have heard of Bruce Lee

0:27

or Yip Man . My next guest

0:29

, nima King , used to train with

0:31

Tui Xiang Tan and

0:33

he was a third student of Yip Man . But

0:36

what are some of the untold stories behind

0:38

a Wing Chun master ? My

0:41

conversation with Nima blew me away

0:43

And , as the saying goes , we can't

0:45

run away from our paths . Sometimes

0:47

we need to face our paths

0:49

in order to move forward . I

0:52

hope you guys enjoy this conversation . Welcome

0:55

back to the new episode of Transformative Purpose

0:57

. Super excited , i've got a Wing Chun

1:00

master who is going to have a

1:02

conversation with us today . Meet

1:04

Nima King . Nima is the founder of Mindful

1:07

Wing Chun here in Hong Kong , also

1:09

Hong Kong's biggest Wing

1:11

Chun center . Right Kung fu school yeah

1:13

, kung fu school . yeah , Looking

1:15

forward to this chat , Nima .

1:16

Thank you so much for joining us . Thank you for having me . Thanks

1:18

for sharing . Thanks , aaron , thank you . How are you , mate

1:21

? Good , very good . Thank you for having me on , no

1:23

worries .

1:24

How's the family ?

1:25

Family is great . Well , now they

1:27

are . I was just telling you that the kids were going through some

1:29

illnesses in this month . But yeah

1:32

, very good , all happy , all

1:34

healthy , so blessed , no

1:36

complaints , yeah .

1:37

Man , you've got an incredible story to tell . I don't even

1:39

know where to start . I've got so many questions for

1:41

you . Let's just start

1:43

from your childhood . Sure , you were born

1:45

in Iran .

1:46

Yes , you lived through the war , yeah Right

1:48

. Yeah , so that was in the middle of the

1:50

Iran and Iraq war And it

1:53

was just a few years after

1:55

the Islamic Revolution . So

1:58

there was a lot of

2:00

fear in the air , you know , because

2:02

the military police were trying to really

2:04

clamp down on anything that wasn't

2:07

going their way . So I remember there was a

2:09

lot of fear , even as a . So I was

2:11

there until I was at nine and a half . But I remember

2:13

, i have clear memories , vivid memories , of

2:15

the fear I had with the Not

2:17

the normal police , but the military police Young

2:20

, 15 , 16-year-old kids

2:22

with AKs . You know six

2:25

, seven of them in the back of the vehicle and you

2:28

know all the adults saying don't look at them . So

2:30

there was a lot of that . And

2:32

of course , what's the worst thing ? you saw

2:36

People getting dragged away by the

2:38

hair , like just randomly , people having

2:40

meals and then just getting . People

2:42

were coming and everyone's women screaming

2:45

and then just you know men getting dragged

2:47

away by the hair and probably never

2:49

seen again , you sort of like that . You

2:51

know , and there was . Luckily

2:53

we never got bombed around . Where I was

2:55

I was actually I'm from Shiraz

2:58

, the city of Shiraz , but I

3:00

remember sirens going off , so

3:02

we'd be playing in the streets and

3:04

then the sirens will go off , so on TV , on

3:06

radio , and just you know the mosques

3:08

that have these loudspeakers , so it would go off

3:10

. And whenever the sirens go off , you just run in , run

3:13

back home . And I remember my parents used to get me

3:15

to stay under the Stay , get me and my brother

3:17

under the doorframe . Apparently , that's

3:19

the strongest structure of the building . If a bomb hits

3:21

, maybe less chance of everything collapsing

3:24

in on you . So , but they made it into a game . That

3:26

wasn't that scary , to be honest . It was sort of more of a game oh

3:28

siren , everyone runs back home and nothing

3:30

happens , or right on the Yeah , yeah , sort

3:33

of like that . But the military , police and

3:35

the whole regime is what

3:37

was just really scary because

3:39

of what I saw . There was no , there

3:41

was just what they said . You know

3:43

what they said went And to

3:46

see that the adults that we

3:48

look up to , our mentors , being so feeble

3:50

of them as well , it's just like , okay , you're in a , you

3:53

just don't feel protected in any way , you know , yeah

3:55

.

3:55

Have you overcome that fear .

3:58

I would say fear in general . I

4:01

have . I have I've changed my relationship

4:03

with fear , but I wouldn't say I

4:05

have overcome fear . Fear

4:07

is always there in different kind of . Before

4:10

we started I was saying you know the fear . now

4:12

the new thing being a parent is , when the kids

4:14

get sick , the fear of being unknown of

4:16

what's going to happen and the helplessness and things

4:18

like that you know . So it was similar in terms

4:20

of the helplessness back then . But well

4:23

, i would never . I can't go back to Iran anyway

4:25

, because they'd probably throw me in the military because every

4:27

man has to do their service

4:29

. But I wouldn't go back there anyway until there's

4:32

a regime change , if there ever is . But I

4:35

don't know how would act in a scenario like that . I would

4:37

still be scared because what can you do ? You

4:39

know they can just .

4:41

What keeps you up at night these days ? How do they

4:43

keep getting sick ?

4:45

That's probably the only thing , That's

4:48

the reason . There's really nothing else , like be

4:50

it financial ups and downs , you

4:52

know , with the business . I mean , you know

4:54

, having gone through the protests

4:56

in Hong Kong before , that obviously affected

4:58

the business because it was , You know , the riots were

5:00

happening just outside of here . And

5:03

then COVID During COVID , all

5:05

gyms were closed , I

5:07

think all up about over a year , year and a

5:09

half . We were just closed , you

5:12

know . So that

5:15

was interesting , you know , to have to go through that . But

5:17

apart from that

5:19

, just the kids man

5:22

, that's my , You know , just losing the loss

5:24

of loved ones which I've gone through

5:26

in my life in the past . So

5:29

that's the biggest thing . Yeah

5:31

, apart from that , it's pretty good . Other stuff , you

5:34

know , if he comes and goes , but I'm

5:36

pretty cool with it . I've learned how to manage it where

5:41

it doesn't completely debilitate

5:43

me .

5:44

Yeah , so how does one manage ? You

5:46

mentioned about the emotional fear

5:48

and you were living through all

5:51

that . There was the military , police that

5:53

was going on , and as a child I

5:55

guess you had fun here there , but there

5:57

was this fear that they were , i guess , inside

6:00

you , right ? So at what point did you

6:02

redefine your relationship with fear and

6:04

touch to do that ?

6:05

Well , look , the biggest fear actually growing

6:07

up was the fear of my father that

6:10

it was domestic violence , because

6:12

that was sort of external fear , but at home

6:14

there was a lot of . My

6:16

dad was very , very , extremely violent

6:18

, very physically abusive

6:21

, verbally abusive , used to be

6:25

the same way towards my mom as well , and

6:28

so that was the biggest

6:30

fear , you know . And so

6:32

because of that I started to

6:34

In

6:36

my youth , when we moved to Australia , i started

6:38

to rebel . But there was that and there was

6:41

We were in absolute poverty

6:43

, you know , when we moved there , because he was

6:46

a university teacher

6:48

and the uni supported us . So during

6:50

that time it's like how can you run away from

6:53

Iran ? How can you get out right Places

6:55

like Australia , the States , canada , these

6:57

are the places that all England , these

6:59

were like the scene as heaven compared

7:01

to where we were living . So

7:05

that's one

7:07

thing that I got to take . I got

7:09

to thank , be grateful to my father that because

7:11

of his education , the

7:13

uni gave him a student

7:15

visa for Australia , a four-year

7:18

visa to be able to go

7:20

and write his thesis on philosophy and

7:22

then come back as a professor and

7:25

then work back for that university again

7:28

, and then during that four years he did his

7:30

thesis . During that four years he was obviously

7:32

figuring out a way to stay there and

7:34

sort of became refugees in Australia . And that's how

7:36

we But during that time , because

7:38

he was on that visa , we couldn't work , my mom

7:40

couldn't work and he couldn't work . So we

7:42

were , and what they were providing us with was

7:44

peanuts , you know . So we

7:47

literally were , you know

7:49

, council cleaners , right . So everything

7:52

, including me and my brother's mattresses , were

7:54

other people's rubbish . We'd go during council

7:56

cleanups . We'll go at night when there's no one around , and we'll

7:58

just bring back from our TV to our couches

8:01

, to everything was just from council cleanups . So that's

8:03

the kind of level of poverty

8:05

we're in . So I was like okay , so this ? First of all , it was

8:07

hard for me to

8:09

have friends because I was very

8:12

, i was an introvert

8:14

because of the V , because of , and I was so different

8:16

, coming from Iran , couldn't speak English , that was

8:18

, you know , my life had changed and I

8:20

couldn't bring people back home because they'll see that

8:23

sort of dumpster that we're living in . Did

8:26

you have a feeling that ?

8:27

you were trying to fit in .

8:28

Absolutely , absolutely . I was trying , i

8:31

was hoping to fit in , but everything from my

8:34

shoes to my haircut to everything was just

8:36

so different . And Australia is a multicultural

8:38

country and it is quite

8:40

accepting , right , like , a school I went to was full

8:42

of multiculturalism , but internally

8:44

, because I couldn't speak a language , because we were so poor

8:47

, because I couldn't , it's like

8:49

I had no way out . You know , i couldn't . My mum the

8:51

one thing that I did have was love from my mum

8:53

and I think that's what I put that

8:55

, what she instilled in me or what she made

8:58

me feel from her . I

9:00

put that . I put it down to that . Yeah

9:02

, that's why . And if we go further

9:04

into where my life went down during

9:06

a teenage would , which is like street life and

9:09

really serious street life , where I was

9:11

many And me

9:13

at the time I was in a life

9:15

with this situation one of my

9:17

friends in a fight and

9:20

I was hospitalising one of my friends

9:23

, i got stabbed one time in the lung and then three

9:25

months in a coma and then was gone and this guy was 15

9:27

. You know , so it was . And how old were you

9:29

? I was just over

9:32

16 at the time and

9:34

I was knocked out for over 30 something

9:36

else . I just remember it

9:39

was late at night in their

9:41

city .

9:42

And you were bousered King's Cross right when this happened

9:44

.

9:44

No , no , no , no , no , no , i was . This was before I was about

9:46

. So , yeah , i became a bouser when I was 18

9:48

, but this was before that And

9:51

it was just . It was the people that I was

9:53

with . We were in

9:55

a club and there was a people . When I came out

9:57

the people I found that out . For the people that

9:59

I was with , it was a retaliation against something

10:01

that they had done . There

10:04

was four of us , like 25

10:06

of them , and then there's just no talk . They

10:08

just jumped on us and I don't remember

10:10

. I just remember my friend getting hit and

10:12

me trying to do something and then waking

10:14

up in the car , they were touching my body

10:17

and they're like have you been stabbed , you feel anything

10:19

? And I sort of didn't respond , went out again

10:21

, woke up like some like

10:23

30 hours later in the hospital the toothed

10:25

front teeth missing , because I

10:28

watched that . It's pretty horrendous . I watched it

10:30

. The police showed me the footage after

10:32

to see if I can identify anyone , which I couldn't

10:34

. But they try to do the American History

10:36

X thing on me , where they I

10:38

don't know if you've seen the movie , but the guy gets lucky

10:41

. I was knocked out so they couldn't open my mouth properly

10:43

, but they put their mouth open on the curve

10:46

and they jumped on the head . Yeah

10:48

, so they try to do that , but luckily I was knocked out

10:50

. It was just my teeth went and my face

10:52

but only my face was messed up , so

10:54

luckily I didn't get stabbed Anyway

10:57

. So that was one of a

10:59

few sort of occasions that was really

11:02

scary , and why did ?

11:03

you get into it in the first place . You mentioned so

11:06

when we touched on the child board . You mentioned

11:08

that your fear didn't come from the external environment

11:11

, even though there was war and revolution

11:14

happening . You said you were on the fear . I

11:16

couldn't feel the fact and

11:18

it was a bit abusive . And

11:20

then you moved to Australia where

11:23

you were having difficulties trying to find it

11:25

. What's wrong ? again

11:27

, i left for you . Did you find identity there ?

11:29

Yeah , yeah . So hanging around on the streets and

11:31

me , that was my way of take

11:34

the few boxes , one of them being getting a

11:36

sense of family , sense

11:39

of belonging , because I didn't have as much

11:41

of a sense of belonging at home because

11:43

of the way . I mean , even with my brother , which I'm

11:45

very close with now , but before growing up , only

11:47

until recently , only until we lost

11:50

our sister , we weren't very close

11:52

, we wouldn't talk and talking

11:55

about it . Now we love each other , right , it's blood , and

11:58

I have nothing against him . He's got nothing against me . We're living in

12:00

the same room together but we never talk . And there

12:02

was this thing and it was the dynamics

12:04

that my dad had created . So I didn't have a sense of

12:06

belonging , apart from just my mom

12:08

and later , when my sister was born , with her

12:10

, but it was just . There was no sense of togetherness

12:13

, you know , and I had that with my cousins and stuff in Iran

12:15

. But when I came , we have zero family in

12:17

Sydney , zero and

12:19

the friends . It took me a while , me and my brother

12:22

, we were getting into a lot of fights at school as well because

12:24

we're getting picked on for having plastic

12:26

shoes from , from reject shopping

12:28

, you know . So we get picked on , so we have to be

12:30

clean . Kids being silly Yeah , I mean , kids are being

12:32

kids , right , but so it

12:34

was a sense of belonging . Another

12:37

thing was a sense of respect

12:39

and and and and , which is of course

12:42

. Now you know I've matured and understand that's . That's

12:44

not the way to get respect , but it was that okay

12:46

. Well , you can't pick on me because I'm

12:48

, i'm , i'm , i'm stronger than you , i'm stronger

12:50

than you . There was , there

12:53

was money as well , involved , you know

12:55

so . So that way you could get money which

12:59

we didn't have , which I wanted things . I wanted a nice

13:01

I don't know

13:03

set of coloring pencils , you know , just

13:05

little things , that that I wanted to have food

13:07

. I wanted to have a . Know what a sneakers bar

13:10

you know tasted like , because everyone would

13:12

have it and I never tasted it . So things like that

13:14

there was all . So it ticked many boxes and

13:16

it was my way of um , maybe

13:21

the outlet for anger , you

13:23

know to , to shout at someone , to , to , to , to , to , to , just

13:26

to fight , and all that kind of stuff , because at

13:28

that age this is just before

13:30

I was able to stand up to my

13:32

dad , and that came . That came in a

13:34

few years after that where I happened between

13:36

. So , um

13:39

, it was just , i mean , because he

13:41

was so abusive . Um , we

13:43

uh , i remember one time I was supposed to

13:45

be like probably 15 at

13:48

this stage and I started Wing Chun

13:50

when I was 14 . I had

13:52

a break in the middle because I just got deep

13:54

into the street life type thing . But um

13:56

, i remember one time at 15 , he would

13:59

, he would have , he was very creative with what he

14:01

would hit us with . One of his favorite was the electrical

14:03

cord . That's what he would hit my mum with

14:05

. So that's much worse than a belt , right , because it just

14:07

it just breaks the skin open .

14:09

So I remember he was , he

14:11

started to hit me , and what age were

14:13

you when he first started doing this to you ? I

14:16

was as young as I can remember .

14:17

I remember being . I remember when we first got to ourselves

14:20

nine , um many

14:22

occasions he would , he would , he would . It

14:26

was also the way he did psychologically

14:29

. He would

14:31

literally bring a gas can , a tin

14:33

gas can , and leave it there And he would say

14:35

no one's allowed to sleep tonight . We were

14:37

in the living room as small , as big as this , right , no

14:39

one's allowed to sleep tonight . If you sleep , i want to

14:41

burn the family . So I was like nine years old

14:44

, right , and I'm like you know , i remember like , don't

14:46

sleep , don't sleep . Next morning I'll wake up . I was

14:48

like , ah , we made it Okay time

14:50

to go to school And I go to school with that , you

14:52

know . So , yeah

14:56

, so , so , as , as , as . But I remember when I was 15 , one time

14:58

he hit it and I held the thing and I

15:00

and I sort of piped up at him and I could

15:02

see fear in his eyes Because I was bigger

15:05

, stronger and I had a lot of fights And it was . It was like

15:07

the time that I was like stood up . By that time my brother

15:09

had already left home . My brother was my brother's

15:11

lovely human being . He's really

15:13

hardworking . He took it

15:15

out instead of like the streetlights , fighting

15:17

and stuff . He took it out , took out his I don't

15:20

know , channeled that energy into studying . For

15:22

as long as I can remember , his face was in the book

15:24

And he got it . You know he's now he's

15:27

got his law firm , very successful lawyer

15:29

in Australia , and that's sort of what he did . So

15:32

he left home and he lived in a granny

15:34

flat of this

15:36

old lady And he was working

15:38

at . So he was studying and he was working at McDonald's

15:40

This is at the age 16 or something

15:42

to to fund his you

15:44

know , his rent and all that kind of stuff And he

15:46

sort of . You know , he came back later But during

15:49

this time , that's when my rebellion started

15:51

and he was my father And then from there

15:53

we didn't talk to each other through

15:56

a period of about

15:59

six or seven years until

16:01

he well , basically he

16:03

, he , the last thing he did and

16:06

I was in . I was in in

16:09

Hong Kong . I remember getting a call from my , from

16:11

my brother . I remember it was . So

16:13

I , i , i . Right now

16:15

I can't tell you exactly what year it was , but

16:18

the way I find out is I Google

16:21

when was what ? what

16:23

year was their movie ? Gangs of New York . Gangs

16:25

of New York . The American Gangster by Denzel Washington

16:28

. What year was that release ? Because I remember

16:30

we were after training , we were going to

16:32

go watch , watch that movie . Brother called me

16:34

up and said and it was just crying

16:36

sit down . Why sit

16:39

down ? you started swearing at me . I'm like why that's

16:41

I sit down . He goes , are you sitting ? I said yeah

16:43

, he goes . He , he

16:45

, effing did it . He finally did it . He

16:47

said did what ? who ? what ? He said he took

16:49

her . He took what . We talking about ? man , what

16:52

are you ? and then his girlfriend in time came

16:54

on and he said she was crying as well And he said

16:56

your dad killed your sister

16:58

. They just , they just walk into to

17:00

, to , your to , and she was 13

17:03

years old at the time . And

17:05

so they , they walked in and usually my

17:08

mom said whenever they came in , my brother

17:10

and my mom would come home together . She

17:13

would be running , she would know they come in , she would be running

17:16

. And this time they didn't Where is she . And

17:18

then , when in the room and saw her , she was already purple

17:20

on the floor And my brother thought it's a

17:22

thief or something , you know . When

17:25

, in when , in the laundry , he saw my dad hanging

17:27

, so he hung himself So , and

17:29

so this was , and it's

17:31

for me , you know . Thinking about

17:34

it now , i'm like I I still

17:36

don't understand why he did that , because she was the

17:38

the only thing he loved , right

17:40

. But I think

17:43

the reason he did that is either two

17:45

things either she didn't want , he didn't

17:47

want , her in this world without him

17:49

, which doesn't make as much sense as a

17:51

second thing , which is that was his last

17:53

stab at my mom , because my mom had , just

17:56

after all these years , when me and my brother were

17:58

telling her to do it , she just filed for divorce And

18:02

the hearing was like in a couple of weeks , and

18:04

then , and then he did this , so this you

18:06

know , you know he's

18:10

, he's old man was more violent than him , apparently

18:12

. For what I hear , i never met my grandfather , his father's

18:14

father , so , and this is why now I'm

18:17

so passionate about being a father

18:19

like you And you know , reading about your story

18:21

. I can connect with you on that because I

18:23

you know his father

18:25

was a during the King , the

18:27

last King of Persia

18:29

, of Iran . He was one of the high

18:32

military people . So it was just a man that you know

18:34

was just very violent , which is he , the kids , for no

18:36

reason . So my dad went through that right And

18:38

he him . He had three

18:40

brothers . One of them died

18:42

of overdose , one of them committed suicide . He

18:44

committed suicide . He's the oldest one

18:47

, which was , i think is , a good man . He's much older . He

18:49

sort of made his wife go crazy and his sister

18:51

at once . He started on an appetite . So you can

18:53

see that's the impact of So

18:55

he had some problems in his life . Absolutely

18:58

. And then he gave

19:00

that to us , he passed that , he expressed

19:03

that to us . So now I feel like my job

19:05

is so important . I've got to break that

19:07

because I have a son now and a daughter , but

19:09

I'm going to break that with my son . It has to

19:11

end with me , you know so that

19:15

has , you know , been a father , has become

19:17

another drive to be able to do

19:20

that . And then , which has set me on a path

19:22

of oh , i'm not sitting here

19:24

talking to someone like you . I'm expressing

19:26

my vulnerability , i've been open about it not suppressing

19:29

, which then turns into anger

19:31

and frustration and depression

19:33

and anxiety , etc .

19:35

You know so that I feel like That's what we've

19:37

been told by , or how we were taught

19:39

in our generation . just shit

19:42

happens , act tough , sweep it under the rug

19:44

as men are

19:46

up . You got to have your big ego , get looked up

19:49

, right .

19:49

You got to look good , you got to care about how people

19:51

perceive you . Yeah , And it's so

19:53

far from that And that is what the

19:56

suppression and that is that is

19:58

what made me look

20:00

. I don't regret . I never heard

20:02

anyone really bad and anything like that , So

20:04

I don't regret anything . I don't regret my

20:06

path , because I wouldn't be sitting here right now if

20:08

it wasn't because of every little thing that happened Right .

20:10

So I don't regret my my path in my past And

20:13

I think it's that , given what had happened to you

20:15

, there are so many different paths

20:18

that you could have chosen . You could have continued

20:20

your I guess your game path , the

20:22

trial path , and I think a lot

20:24

of it sort of that situation makes up

20:27

the end of the line .

20:28

Yeah , or they go down the , you know , become , they

20:30

go down the drug route or alcohol route

20:32

, or I mean even

20:34

gaming , you know , just just do

20:36

anything to run away , you

20:39

know , distract yourself from the present moment , from the feelings

20:42

that you don't know what to do . And as kids we don't know

20:44

what to do , so we bottle it up and that that becomes

20:46

our . The barriers get thicker and

20:48

thicker and thicker and they become harder and harder

20:50

to penetrate . So for me , it got to a point

20:52

where , when , when the thing

20:54

happened with my sister and and I was very

20:57

lucky that before

20:59

that I had found Wynchun

21:02

and I had moved to Hong Kong , because

21:04

Wynchun , the type

21:06

of Wynchun that we do , the type of Kung Fu that we

21:08

do , is very

21:10

much about being

21:13

in the present moment . It's that mind and body connection

21:15

, right ? So , rather than just the

21:17

external technical

21:20

things of hey , here's a pat hit it , or here's someone

21:22

attacking me , do this . We spend a lot

21:24

of time in this , what you can call it like

21:26

a standing meditation , where you're standing there

21:28

and it's a whole list , you know infuse your

21:30

body with your mind and try to relax

21:32

and release and connect and focus So

21:34

literally in present , present

21:37

moment . So that was very , very helpful

21:39

for , for , for bringing things

21:41

up and , rather than acting out on it

21:43

by getting angry or having a beer

21:45

, i would stand there and and and

21:47

. I had a very good teacher that was like a father

21:49

figure And that's why I think I was so attracted

21:52

to him , and when I met him in Sydney , i followed

21:54

him here immediately . I was training with him

21:56

six hours a day for

21:59

nine years before he passed away . Yeah

22:02

, so he was a first student of Yip Man . Yip

22:04

Man is Bruce Lee's teacher . So actually

22:06

he was Bruce Lee senior . So tell the story

22:09

about Bruce Lee was a kid , was it ? you know when he was

22:11

to come , but he was , yeah , for 63

22:13

years of like that was his life , you

22:15

know , and for some reason he took a liking to

22:17

me , like when this thing happened to him , my , when my brother

22:19

called me , told me about what happened

22:21

with my sister , i got my ex-girlfriend

22:25

, girlfriend at the time , to call him while

22:27

I was at the airport and just tell him . I don't know why

22:29

, but I'm like , can you please , because you could speak

22:31

a lot of English . So my punky

22:33

girlfriend ex-girlfriend got her to call

22:35

him . I don't know why , but I wanted him to know because he

22:37

was like my support system , he was

22:39

my father figure . So then when I came

22:41

back after the funeral , after

22:43

and the funeral was heavy , man , because

22:45

it was like I was going- to ask you how

22:48

are you ?

22:50

I was 23

22:52

at the time , yeah , and how was the ?

22:54

relationship with your sister after you . Very , very

22:56

good man . Very good She was and she's poor things

22:58

. She was . She was . Her and my

23:00

mom were best friends , you

23:03

know , and she would always say stuff She was because

23:05

she was old enough to know what my mom's going through

23:07

or my dad's putting her through . And she would

23:09

say stuff like don't worry , i'm going to work

23:12

hard , i'm going to buy a house and I'm going to . You

23:14

know , take you with me , no matter what happens

23:16

. But she was very , she was just

23:19

like my mom . She's very . Her biggest fear

23:21

was being lonely . So I remember

23:23

she would call me all the time , every couple

23:25

of days , and like , hey , when you come back home

23:27

and when it like when you get

23:29

married , are you going to still be like

23:31

, can I still call you ? And you know

23:33

. So now to this day , and my mom is 100%

23:36

lonely . My brother's there , There's , we've got no family

23:38

there . She's got friends and stuff , but and that's my

23:40

mom's being my mom my mom is like , yeah

23:44

, i can go , i can talk an hour about

23:46

this , this sort of side of things like the hecticness

23:48

of you know , she was in denial . Obviously , when

23:50

I got to Oz , my mom

23:52

, we had to drive her , so we had to give her sleeping

23:55

pills and stuff , because if she was away

23:57

she's just , she's just gone nuts

23:59

. So we're like , yeah , drink this water . And then she was sick . Because

24:01

I look , because she wasn't eating anything , but she was . When

24:03

she would come to , she goes , i need to see

24:05

her , show me her body . I'm so close

24:08

and connected with her that if I tell her to

24:10

wake up , she's going to wake up , you know . So she was

24:12

just in denial . But afterwards

24:14

she was like One

24:16

of the biggest things was like for the funeral . We

24:19

don't have any family . Your

24:21

sister hated and was fearful

24:24

of being alone . So I want to give a big

24:26

funeral , but we have no one And , luckily

24:28

again , my wingtron at the time we ended up

24:30

having it was amazing her school friends and

24:32

my wingtron people . We had some like 200

24:35

people show up to the funeral and that was

24:37

that was got me so good . You know , everyone

24:39

was just standing there . Me and my brother had to hold

24:41

her body and it was a Muslim , my

24:44

mom's Muslim . It was a Muslim sort of thing where

24:46

her body is wrapped up in cloth , so

24:48

the grave is just there . There's no coffin

24:51

, so we

24:53

had to carry her body

24:55

. We went in the back , they passed the body

24:57

We had to carry , place her body down , we put

24:59

her toys and stuff and put the dirt on

25:01

and they came out . When I came out , when I jumped out of

25:03

the grave , i sort of

25:05

looked around and I sort of collapsed And this one

25:08

of the one of my mom's friends came

25:10

out , this man , and said your mom

25:12

, get up if your mom sees

25:14

you like this . And that was the thing . See

25:16

, talking about suppression , i , i

25:19

couldn't show . I chose not

25:21

to show any negative . I went

25:23

back home with a smile when I saw my brother

25:25

and my mom . I couldn't , on the plane

25:27

back , man , i was listening to Bob

25:29

Marley's . You know , don't

25:32

worry about a thing . Every

25:34

little thing's going to be all right . I swear

25:36

man on repeat . Oh . And he said

25:38

nine hour flight , only when I go to the toilet

25:40

. And that was my thing up . Okay , because

25:43

I had to prep myself for what's about

25:45

to come . They went and saw the dead bodies

25:47

. They , they , they . You know I didn't . So

25:49

for me I've got to be

25:51

that pillar of support , you know . And

25:54

I remember the first time I saw her body was in a mosque

25:56

The first time I saw her body . I saw

25:58

this beautiful thing and she was a lot

26:00

bigger , because 13 , they grow fast . It was a lot bigger

26:02

than I hadn't seen it for a year And

26:06

I quickly had to go out and sort

26:08

of hold my tears and went out

26:10

to cry And my friend came and said be

26:12

strong for your mom , be strong for your mom . You know , so I never

26:14

really .

26:15

Would you say that's like the biggest myth in life , right

26:17

?

26:17

Yeah , and come before the war , yeah

26:20

. Share our feelings , yeah .

26:22

Because , at the end of the day , we all have the same

26:24

struggles , all of us , just different timing in life

26:26

. Yes , all

26:28

of us , our loved ones , we all go through some trauma , yeah

26:30

, and we all have a support

26:33

system right to sort of elevate , to believe us from

26:35

time to time , absolutely , and

26:37

if you don't voice out , you can never build a support system for yourself

26:39

.

26:40

Absolutely , absolutely , if

26:42

you don't voice out and this is the thing , this is one thing that was , you

26:44

know this , what you just said . So

26:47

suffering , let's call it suffering , loss or

26:49

whatever . It is pain , suffering is a reality

26:52

. No one is , no human

26:54

being is protected by money , doesn't fix

26:56

it , even having love or whatever . It's

26:58

going to happen , right , and that's fine

27:00

. What it showed me is that we

27:02

are all well equipped to deal

27:05

with it . It's part of it's a wave that

27:07

can , that we can ride , and , yes , we're going to fall

27:09

off the board . Yes , it's part

27:11

of what it is . I , i , i through

27:14

this fear . So you're asking about how did I overcome

27:16

the fear or how did I deal with it . This fear was always

27:18

okay , expression of anger , or hold it

27:20

in or or do whatever , but it's

27:23

actually the , the being

27:25

okay And you know , sharing

27:27

my story and meeting people like yourself

27:29

and meeting so many And it's you can't compare

27:31

my past to your past , even though , yeah , it is okay , war

27:34

and murder and all of this , but still , everyone

27:36

has their own pain , right , But

27:38

it's about when I talk

27:40

about it and I notice how every single

27:42

human being has the vulnerability

27:45

and everyone tears up when I say

27:47

my story , because they can relate because of empathy

27:49

and compassion , right ? So I'm like , wow , we're

27:51

all in the same boat , but we wear masks . We wear

27:54

good masks , of tough guy or whatever

27:56

you know . So , all right , the

27:59

acceptance of there is suffering

28:01

and to go , all right , there is , it's

28:03

, whether I like it or resist or not , it's going

28:05

to be there . What can I do ? What's

28:08

next ? What's next ? What meaning do I give

28:10

to Exactly ? And this is where

28:12

, again , the practice of which would really help me because

28:14

, being in a present moment , at least

28:16

I could step back a little bit from

28:19

the emotions of things and go . You

28:21

know , well , that's a weird

28:24

thing to come up be training in the training

28:26

hall in front of mirrors , very quiet . Someone

28:29

would cough behind me and I'd have anger

28:31

towards them . I'm like , i'm trying to focus , why are they coughing

28:33

? But I'll be like , hold on what's going on . And

28:35

because it wasn't on the street , i couldn't

28:37

order , it wasn't my son or someone that

28:39

I could shout out and stand over . I

28:41

had to deal with wow , what's happening in here ? And

28:44

you know , so there was that . That was really helpful

28:46

. There was the sharing . Once I started

28:48

talking about it and going , wow , i actually

28:50

feel empowered by

28:52

sharing the vulnerability side

28:54

of things and saying that I'm still

28:56

in pain . You know , it's not . That's why when you ask

28:59

you know , when did you overcome the fear , i'm like

29:01

that's , it's a second to second , minute

29:03

to minute , day to day battles . Probably

29:06

not the best work , but it is a it's a ride

29:08

.

29:08

It comes and goes .

29:09

It comes and goes , but how we write

29:11

it and what meaning , like you said , we give to it and what

29:13

we learn from it . And how then can

29:15

we put our arms around someone's

29:18

shoulder , figure to be speaking , we're

29:20

actually speaking . That needs that help

29:22

to be there . And because

29:24

we come like , oh no , it's okay , they're there , everything will work out

29:26

. It doesn't come from that . It comes from the

29:28

experiential understanding

29:31

of having gone through pain . You

29:33

know that that we can be

29:35

a sort of in that kind of . We can bring

29:37

that kind of presence or energy to someone

29:40

else and people feel like they're being listened to

29:42

, they understood , even if you don't say anything . Your

29:44

presence is going to be then . That's what I feel

29:46

. That's why I love this job , because with

29:48

kids , with adults , it's

29:50

amazing how many people , randomly , the

29:53

mums of the kids start

29:55

randomly hey , your name , hi , what's your

29:57

name ? We meet within five minutes . They're

29:59

talking about their marriage issues or the problem in their

30:01

life . I'm like , wow , you know , so they . I

30:03

guess they sense that , because I'm like they

30:05

see how I talk to the kids , how vulnerable

30:08

I am , and I'm saying , okay , how do we deal with our emotions

30:10

? I can't really do it well , myself . But let's

30:12

discuss what it is . You know what is . Let's solve

30:14

the problem together . Let's solve the problem together , you

30:16

know . So , exactly what you said . It's the

30:18

express . We're talking about it And not

30:21

then to then . So one thing

30:23

I'd like to add in my experience , is not to have

30:26

a victim sort of mindset

30:29

of , because that then we can start to

30:31

go into depression . Okay , we accept

30:33

it , but what are we going to do about it ? How are we going

30:35

to transmute that energy ? What are we going to do with that energy

30:37

? You know , and this is why I think , the

30:39

circle that you have

30:42

around you . If you don't have a positive circle , these

30:44

days , this day and age , there's podcasts

30:46

like this that you can listen to . So you

30:49

know , okay , for me I really people

30:51

like David Goggins , joker willing , these guys

30:54

that are like the Navy Seals guys , these tough guys

30:56

that are always talking about their vulnerability

30:58

I can really connect with that . So

31:01

if I don't have a circle here which I'm luckily

31:03

, thankfully , i do if I didn't , there's

31:06

enough books and there's enough things out there that constantly

31:09

put your mind in that you know constantly

31:11

be receiving that good energy and go all right , how

31:13

can I ? okay , discipline , i have discipline . I'm

31:15

feeling like this . All right , how am I going to take

31:18

responsibility and use my discipline to transmute

31:20

this ? Okay , go for a walk , do this

31:22

, take that first step and be okay to

31:24

take wins , incremental

31:27

wins . You know , for

31:29

some people it's hard to get out of bed . For me it was

31:32

hard . For my mom it was hard to get out of bed . She couldn't

31:34

even eat .

31:35

I'm like , okay , just eat this

31:37

much food and then more things

31:39

that work for you in your own system , instead

31:41

of trying to work on someone else's system

31:44

.

31:44

Exactly , Exactly . Find

31:46

your path . take inspiration from others , possibly

31:48

, but find your path . you know , we

31:50

only have one life man , We only

31:52

have one life .

31:53

You know We only have one life . That's really well said . You

31:56

had a very different life , right . And now

31:58

, i guess , if you look back , you know Wing Chun

32:00

Master , we can talk about the Wing Chun , and

32:02

, by the way , the second part of video I'm going to get , i

32:04

need my to show us some Wing Chun moves and then we can learn

32:07

from that . Sure , but

32:09

you had a very different life back then , did

32:12

you ? did you

32:14

always believe in positivity ? You mentioned about building

32:16

up your own circle , right ? And

32:18

I guess you stumble upon Wing

32:21

Chun by chance or by luck , right ? It's

32:24

easy to look back and say , oh yeah , i

32:26

, now I redefine my relationship

32:29

with fear and with what happened to my sister

32:31

, my father and and you know , the

32:33

street fires and all that , right . But

32:35

when you were in that process , or when you were

32:37

in the beginning of that process , what

32:39

did that look like ?

32:42

In terms of positivity and negativity .

32:44

How does someone get to where you are today , Right

32:47

to have that type of mindset .

32:49

I think for me , i I , as I said

32:52

, my brother lost himself in books and studying

32:54

. For me , i lost myself in working

32:58

hard , whatever it is , with whatever

33:00

it was . At that time It was okay the street

33:02

stuff , or once I found Wing Chun

33:05

, it was something

33:07

. It was something that I could . It was in some

33:09

way , was in some ways running

33:11

away from the emotions of insight

33:14

in some ways , but in a positive way . But

33:16

it was towards a positive thing . See

33:18

, picking up a beer or going , turning

33:21

to drugs or doing

33:23

, you know , having having a group of

33:25

you , know the fights and stuff like that . That's

33:27

negative , but at least this was a positive outlet . So

33:29

it was okay , it was good , and

33:32

so for me it was just hard work , just discipline of all

33:34

right , keep myself So have a purpose

33:36

. I had

33:38

goals . First of all , there was negative goals and positive

33:41

goals , and then the goal turned into a purpose

33:43

. So how did it turn into purpose

33:45

? Because once

33:47

I started teaching , i started

33:49

to realize that I can actually help

33:52

alleviate some pain

33:55

for , even if it's for a small period

33:57

of time , because I'm taking the person's

33:59

attention away from their whatever it is their

34:01

stress from work or their marriage

34:04

related issues or whatever it

34:06

is , momentarily , i can have them

34:08

present in their body

34:10

, in front of me , and we can share

34:12

that moment together , right , and

34:14

that's mutually beneficial for me and the students

34:17

. So once I started and I started experiencing that from a young

34:19

age because I was teach I've been teaching this

34:21

for over 20 years , right , yeah . So

34:24

once I started to experience that , then

34:26

just goals became

34:29

, it became a purpose , and

34:33

then it was like you know , they say , you know , you

34:35

sort of there isn't a reason

34:37

for you to get out of bed . It really became

34:39

like that .

34:41

I didn't take you to find your purpose .

34:45

I'd say the biggest

34:47

, i'd say when I met my master

34:50

. You see , i had

34:52

before that my idea of a man

34:54

, you know , because , again , i

34:56

couldn't look at my dad as a man , especially

34:58

in my teenager , because of what I could , maybe as a kid

35:00

I did , you know , and that was mixed

35:03

emotions , because you , as a son

35:05

, you do look up to your father .

35:07

Right To be honest

35:09

, when you were telling me about a background

35:11

of a father , it was hard for me to believe that someone

35:13

that is high , that is an educator , that got an opportunity

35:15

to go to a local disease behave

35:18

like that in a family And

35:21

it's a his , his , his thesis on philosophy

35:23

.

35:25

I've tried to , i've tried to Google it and try to find out

35:27

I know which university is I could . I would be very

35:29

interested now , as an adult , to

35:31

read his philosophy , his

35:33

idea on philosophy , you know , to get some insight

35:35

into those last years before it did

35:38

what he did , what what he did put on

35:40

paper .

35:40

But he was cross-called last week

35:42

, and so short one and

35:45

basically says that there's one

35:47

person that is worse than a liar And

35:50

that person is a hypocrite . Hmm , do

35:52

you think your dad will see the difference ?

35:55

I will have small his actions speak . I

35:59

don't know what he wrote in his philosophy

36:01

, but he's Yes

36:04

. So I can't say if he's

36:06

a hypocron or not , because I haven't read his work right

36:08

, but it's

36:12

very interesting , man . It's very interesting because

36:14

, honestly I'm not trying to sit here

36:16

and sound humble or sound like whatever

36:18

forgiving or whatever I honestly feel

36:20

this . I actually feel sorry

36:22

for him because

36:25

he had nothing . He had no one and the only thing he

36:27

loved was my sister . I

36:29

know it's not helpful

36:32

, but I do entertain the thought

36:34

regularly , especially

36:36

when I'm about to talk about it or it comes

36:38

up of in the last few

36:40

months , in the last

36:42

weeks , in the last days , because he had to get

36:45

a ladder , he had to get a rope right

36:47

, so he was premeditated . So what

36:49

is going through your head ? What

36:51

kind of darkness are you in

36:54

? People jump off buildings , right , but for

36:56

him to like , okay , my daughter's

36:58

here , the only thing I love . So imagine

37:00

how , imagine the pain you must

37:02

be in . And

37:04

my brother when he had to identify the

37:06

bodies . So when he went to the morgue he

37:08

said he

37:11

came back and he was just passing out . And

37:13

he was just . He was obviously

37:16

panicking , freaking out and when he

37:18

came back and I was like , and

37:20

everyone was freaking out because it was like , is he dead , is

37:22

he alive ? Because it was just no energy , and

37:25

I whispered and he was like man , you all , right

37:27

, you want me to drug your drink ? Because we were drugging

37:29

my mom's drink , right ? And when I said that , he

37:31

sort of laughed . He came to me and then he said

37:33

the old man had that same

37:35

look . He used to have these creases on his

37:37

thing . He said he had that same one

37:40

with his chest cut open . He had that same look on the face . So

37:42

that's how he went , with the rope around his neck , whereas

37:45

my sister almost it looked like she's smiling

37:47

, right . So

37:50

what must have he been going through

37:52

? You know , the most difficult , i

37:54

mean this is again , this is pointless to think about . But

37:56

the hardest thought for me that I need to

37:59

let go of as I keep evolving

38:01

is what was my sister

38:03

going through in the last seconds

38:06

of her life ? I wish grief . What

38:08

was the ?

38:09

healing process .

38:11

So I sort of collapsed . I was in Prince Edward

38:13

just after training . The exact

38:15

place was little sitting area . I collapsed . I was

38:17

on the floor squawking and talked

38:19

to my brother , his girlfriend and my

38:22

mom and I was just crying out loud

38:24

. It would have been pretty crazy if I just

38:26

faced the wall and I was just crying out loud . Then

38:28

I was crying . I was on the next flight the next day , but

38:30

I was pretty much crying

38:33

from when I heard the news until

38:35

I got on the plane or until I went to

38:37

the airport . Then I was like , okay , listen to Bob Marley

38:39

to positive . Okay , time

38:42

to man

38:44

up , time to be that support pillar for

38:46

my family .

38:47

So you're crying in public , people can see you

38:50

Yeah , yeah , yeah . Anyone come over to give

38:52

you a pat on the shoulder .

38:53

No , no , and my ex-girlfriend at the time bless her

38:55

. She was just . We were young and it didn't

38:57

work out , and luckily didn't , because I'm at my lovely

39:00

wife now , we have our kids and I couldn't be happy

39:02

, i've got the best family for me . But

39:06

we were just about to break up , or

39:08

she was just about to break up with me , and

39:11

then when this happened , so there wasn't much there

39:13

there from her as well , because

39:15

there was no , it was no closeness , and

39:18

I remember she said , don't worry , i'll go through it with you

39:20

and whatever , and she actually broke up with me while I was

39:22

in Australia . In a couple of weeks I came back , packed

39:24

my stuff and but so What a terrible

39:26

time to . Yeah , to go through all

39:28

that I have a relationship right . But when I came

39:30

back my teacher had

39:33

told the senior students in there

39:35

and it was such a good feeling

39:37

. I came back , no one said it , a couple of them . I could

39:39

speak and they said something . He didn't say anything , his wife

39:41

didn't say anything , his kids didn't say

39:43

anything . But just

39:46

I just felt like this , the energy

39:48

in that room . It was a small room , smaller than this

39:50

. We were training in his living room at the time . It was his

39:52

house , right , so it was

39:54

a very intimate sort of little group . But and then

39:56

a couple of them came and said we heard what happened And it was

39:58

just like he gave me a lot more attention with training

40:00

And he was like you know , yeah , that's it

40:02

Good , and it was like . It was like everyone

40:05

went like that to me . So my

40:07

grieving process was being in that

40:09

training group . It was my grieving . It

40:12

was it was being in that group

40:14

, being part of that group , having him as a father , having

40:16

him guiding me and having him me and

40:18

my tool was the confluent

40:20

, like my tool was standing

40:23

there and not again , it's not about punching , it's not

40:25

about kicking , it's about okay , if you

40:27

stand there and try to , because mind and body

40:29

is one thing , right , mind , body , emotions . We're one system

40:31

. They're not separate things . So , as I'm standing

40:33

there and trying to peel away

40:35

layers of tension , is the tension physical

40:38

, is it mental or is it emotional , it

40:40

doesn't matter . But when you let , when you to

40:42

let go , you have to let go , you

40:45

have to release and bring more balance

40:47

to the whole system right As a whole . So

40:49

so that was definitely my , my

40:51

tool for grieving The group

40:53

that I had , the support group , and

40:56

the tool that I had .

40:57

You know , So when you're with your master

40:59

and the group , did

41:02

you sort of distract yourself just with the

41:04

, i guess the the kung

41:06

fu activities , or were things said

41:08

to you ? What did your master say to you ?

41:10

He didn't say he didn't bring this up at all . It

41:12

was mainly the practice itself

41:14

and the the

41:17

, the feeling I had people putting their hands

41:19

on my shoulder and , like you know something couldn't speak English

41:21

, but when they saw me , they just came in , you know

41:23

, and in the old stuff , like , these guys are

41:26

50 , 60 years old , right , it's not common

41:28

in the Hong Kong culture for them to give a hug , right

41:30

, but I felt that , you know , there was just a way that

41:32

would touch them , like , okay , we got , we

41:34

got . We got your back . Yeah , we got

41:36

your back . It was sort of like that , you know . And

41:39

then , look , that was

41:41

really really good for me to be coherent

41:44

, to not go down a wrong path , to continue

41:47

driving , to continue , you know

41:49

, then a lot of stuff happens , then life happens , right . So

41:51

that was still . It's not like . That's what

41:53

you said . Again , to bring it back up again

41:55

, you said how did you overcome fear ? I haven't overcome fear

41:57

. It is a daily thing that I've gone through

42:00

and it comes out sometimes . So , when

42:02

I had , when we first opened the business in 2008

42:04

, well , when we first opened the business , we

42:07

had zero money , we didn't have an actual location , what

42:09

we're teaching in on beaches , in

42:12

, you know , near the central therapy , whereas you

42:14

know it's got a bit of cover . So , on public places

42:16

, you're a frugal , yeah , and we were hustling man We

42:18

had . So I learned Photoshop from scratch

42:21

. Okay , How do I design a flyer ? design flyers And

42:23

we literally on the street going , hey , are you a

42:25

tourist or a local ? people stop and say a local like

42:27

well , where are we in ? Trunk guys . And

42:29

that's how we built up the school and slowly , slowly

42:32

. So there was times where literally

42:34

we , like I , would have a can

42:37

of tuna and white

42:39

rice . That's all I could afford . That was my nutrition , right , because

42:41

I still had to pay my master for training and we

42:44

had to just live because we didn't , we didn't . We

42:46

quit our jobs of teaching English to do that , right . So , but

42:48

then my business plan

42:50

. I said we built it up , we got this location and then

42:52

my business partner is wife at the time They

42:55

end not only empty the

42:58

bank account , but they basically got

43:00

money from shareholders and sold like ridiculous

43:02

500 pack private lessons

43:05

and the students been trusted in us , the teachers . So

43:08

they gave them money and they disappeared to

43:10

Europe . So I was stuck with it , yeah . So then

43:12

that and my son was six months old

43:14

my wife's business wasn't going well . It's

43:16

when they say it rains , it pours . I

43:19

was just yeah , but I went through it . I went through it And

43:21

then , six months after that , i had

43:24

, i had my first experience of a panic attack . I

43:28

never had a panic attack before . When I heard

43:30

my well , i don't know what . I was there public , i

43:32

was there in a corporate event , you

43:34

know , and I'm like okay , i've got to stand up and talk

43:36

about Wing Chun . I can do it five hours , you

43:39

don't have to prepare anything . Yeah , just like this , just

43:41

like this , exactly , it's just talking for me . And I

43:43

demonstration . And I got up and I remember there was a projector

43:45

behind me to the light was in my eyes And I was like , okay , so

43:48

Wing Chun . And then suddenly there

43:50

was a panic attack , but I didn't know what it was at the time . My

43:52

vision started to black out and my heart's going like

43:54

this and I was nearly black . But I apparently

43:57

I was talking heaps past And I was like

43:59

what's going on ? Have I eaten enough ? And I was thinking

44:01

as I was speaking and I said , actually , someone come out and

44:03

I'll show you . And once I touched

44:06

, once I , then I because one

44:08

to demonstrate , i have to be embodied

44:10

, i become present . Therefore , that was the

44:12

panic attack stopped and everything was over

44:14

. Afterwards I told the people this

44:16

happened . I wonder what it was . They're like , hmm , interesting

44:18

. But then the fear of

44:21

what was that ? What's it going to start attack . And

44:23

then I started again . So

44:25

then public speaking was one of

44:27

my . It will happen in that and I go

44:29

around the world to seven hours for Wing Chun , right , yeah , so

44:32

I could either go . Okay , I'm not going to do

44:34

that because I can , i can say not , but I'm like

44:36

my attitude of my past and

44:38

the way I am . It's like no , no , no , i've

44:40

got to face that fear . I'm going to do more seminar

44:42

, I'm going to take it head on . And

44:45

it was tough , man , because it got to it . It

44:47

got so bad to a stage was a period of three or four

44:49

months , that my

44:51

son , which was like one

44:53

or two at a time , was the only

44:55

person , even my wife . I would look at it . It's

44:58

hard for me to explain . If anyone's ever had panic attack

45:00

or anxiety , high level anxiety , they'll know

45:02

what I mean . But it's like

45:04

your world , what you feel real

45:06

reality is . it starts

45:09

to shift . So I look at my wife's face That's at dinner And

45:11

it's my wife , because I love my best friend and

45:13

her face just looks weird and the lighting

45:15

looks weird And then that could be the trigger to oh

45:18

shit , it's happening again . The heart starts pumping

45:20

and then it becomes a cycle , right , yeah .

45:22

Yeah .

45:23

So I went to a psychotherapist . I

45:25

had eight sessions and

45:27

she was the one when I told my story . I'm

45:30

like , yeah , i think I'm just , you know , i'm

45:33

working seven days a week and I've got , i've

45:35

got , you know , i've got a . My daughter

45:37

was , my wife was pregnant . I've got a son

45:40

. And she goes well , that's probably what it is . And

45:42

I go , yeah , probably you probably don't need

45:44

to come to me , it's a huge worry on you , yeah . And

45:47

then she goes well , tell me a little bit about your past . Like

45:49

, yeah , well , but I killed my sister . And when she

45:51

goes , what ? Hold on . And then she

45:53

, and then she started writing out . And then

45:55

she basically

45:57

goes look , I think you've been

46:00

bypassing . It's great that we're going

46:02

to the meditation and all that , that's great . But

46:04

I think it's time now , that little Neema

46:06

that was so fearful . I think it's time

46:08

for you to put your arms

46:10

around that part of you rather than suppressing

46:13

it down and go all right , mate , what

46:15

do you got to ? what do you got to tell me ? What have you got

46:17

to say ? So , actually don't run away from

46:19

it . Feel it . Yeah . And

46:22

then that's when I started to read a lot of books

46:24

about Western psychology

46:27

, physiotherapy , not physiotherapy

46:29

, psychotherapy And then

46:31

from there I'm like , ah , it's also , that basically

46:33

makes sense . So then

46:35

the East practice , the Buddhism , the

46:38

Winshu , and all of that plus the West , and

46:41

then I'm like , ah , then I can put , i can

46:43

put into words why I'm feeling

46:45

like this and what you know and it was

46:48

, it's honestly sitting here now Of

46:50

course I can say it now , with healthy family

46:52

and all that . It's a blessing , man . It's a blessing

46:54

that to have gone through that , to have

46:56

that experiential understanding and not just read

46:59

it from a book , you know , to actually go through the darkness and come

47:01

to the light , and sometimes still the darkness

47:03

is there . But at least now I've got to buffer

47:06

around the darkness because I'm like

47:08

that's not me , it's not going to have full control , because I

47:10

have tools to deal

47:13

with that , to manage it , yeah .

47:14

Yeah , it's

47:16

amazing how you

47:19

interpret your past in a way

47:21

that basically made you a better

47:23

person . Yeah , and I consider

47:25

, continue that path and leave it behind

47:27

for your children . Yeah

47:29

, i would ask about your , your

47:32

family and your kids . I guess you

47:34

touched on it earlier on . I

47:36

guess you had some influences from your father

47:39

. You saw some not so favorable

47:41

things when you were young , right ? How

47:43

did those experiences manifest in

47:45

a way that you deal

47:48

with relationships ? How do you look at love

47:50

? How do you parent your two children

47:52

?

47:53

Hmm , this is a you

47:56

would probably agree with me , being a parent . Nothing

47:59

can prepare you for parenting , no book

48:01

or nothing . Right , 100% , yeah , it's

48:03

the hardest thing in life , because

48:05

I love them unconditionally

48:07

. I can say , of course , unconditionally

48:09

. But then there are conditions

48:12

which are put through . Do

48:14

this and they don't do this . And let's

48:17

say my son , especially my son , i

48:19

want him to , i expecting me to do something

48:21

, act in a certain way

48:23

, and he doesn't . So then what do I

48:25

do ? I go to my default

48:28

which , at the time , when he was younger , before

48:30

I started to and I'm still , it's still a work

48:32

in progress , right , it always will be But before

48:34

I started to look into the psychology

48:37

, psychotherapy and understand what's going on , my

48:39

default was it's very easy , he's only three

48:42

. I can say , hey , stop , you know

48:44

, yeah that's what I did with him . Yeah , i

48:46

never hit him . I'm like

48:48

I'm still , but that's how I deal with it . It's such a great quick

48:50

fix And then he stops right , but

48:52

then as he gets older , i'm like hold on

48:54

the same patterns . This is just suppression

48:56

here , and as he's going to get older

48:58

, he's going to . You know , so , so , so

49:01

, through all of that experience , what I went

49:03

through , how my dad was , and now being

49:05

on the other end of it and with

49:07

the understanding that I have , it's a perfect

49:09

playing ground for me to plant the type

49:12

of seeds that I want , rather than

49:14

the un sort of non

49:16

, the mindless seeds of just quick

49:18

fix , anger or which is which is pushing

49:20

them away . And now my son's nine years old and I

49:22

can see it . If I ever these

49:25

turn in an , in an

49:27

, in an unfair

49:29

way , i can sense the

49:31

, the . You know that that through him

49:33

, yeah , i'm like , yeah , and

49:36

my dream , my hope , my for me

49:38

, when I see and I see a lot , i

49:40

have a lot of students and I see that , that that real

49:42

close , best friend type relationship

49:44

between a 16 year old boy

49:47

, and and his

49:49

father and the both of them our students we've got a few

49:51

of them And when I see that , i always tell the

49:54

dad I'm like man , for me this is success , well

49:56

done . Like , parenting is not an easy thing , but

49:58

to have that real love , and

50:02

for me not having that , oh Yeah

50:04

, not shameful , and that's just that

50:06

. That's their world And

50:08

I'm , like you know , for , for , for my dad , that's

50:11

what I want with my kids , so it's like now So

50:13

. So , so , how , how do I parent ? One

50:16

thing I do , and I do have . As I said , it's a work

50:18

in progress , day by day . But if I

50:20

do sort of

50:23

do something that's unfair and

50:25

and and I blow up , i make

50:27

sure , immediately after I

50:30

, immediately after I'm like okay , my wife

50:32

maybe stuff's out of it , or vice versa , i

50:34

take him to the room , give him a hug . I'm sorry

50:36

, i did that , i'm sorry , no

50:40

matter what , no matter what , no , that daddy

50:42

loves you . And I give him when they're young , when they're

50:44

three , four years old , what if you , like

50:47

you know , hit someone , will daddy love

50:49

you ? And then they say , no

50:51

, i will . That's not the right thing to do , i'll

50:54

, you know , but I still love you . So I make

50:56

very bad scenarios for the and my

50:58

son will keep saying I said what if you do this ? And

51:00

then , quite here , and you can see , surely you'll start loving me

51:02

there . No , you won't love me , i said , even then I

51:05

will love you . So I'm trying to drill that at least , because

51:07

home is always home , because home

51:09

is almost home . And I think , as I said in the beginning

51:12

of this chat , i

51:14

feel before I met my teacher , what

51:17

got me through and what made me

51:19

in situations where I could really

51:21

really have hurt someone , someone's

51:23

on the ground . And it's a gang fight And it's a . You know

51:26

, i never , ever did . I would

51:28

pretend , because

51:30

I was with the group and I didn't want anyone

51:32

to see it , but I never did . I never had

51:34

that in me to really hurt someone

51:36

physically or

51:38

and I put that down to my mom's love

51:40

. See , if I didn't experience

51:42

my mom's love and my mom's , yeah

51:45

, that kindness , and it was just even if she

51:47

wasn't doing what my dad was doing in terms of violence

51:49

. My mom beat me as well for not

51:51

studying , but it was just , i guess

51:54

, a part of the culture in Iran as well . But

51:56

the fact that I felt the love , i think that was my saving

51:58

grace , that was my , that was my experiencing

52:01

seeing less for the likes compared

52:03

to the dark right . So I feel

52:06

for my

52:08

dad maybe he didn't have that for

52:10

me as well , and he was trying to figure out his way

52:12

and he got a family and he , you know , but he just , he

52:15

just couldn't get out of it . He just didn't have the support

52:17

system , didn't have you know . So

52:20

. So I want , i want to be that , i

52:22

want my kids to say this in 40

52:24

years when they , when they're in a situation

52:26

where they could , you

52:29

know , do someone over or be

52:31

, you know , cheat or steal or whatever , or

52:33

do something really bad , i want them

52:35

to to to say , ah no , i was

52:37

brought up better than this , not just because of

52:39

what They're conscious choice , yes , yeah

52:41

, because they've felt

52:44

goodness from from us , which is who they look up to .

52:46

So like your story , like you've been hurt multiple

52:48

times in life and

52:50

you decided to choose a

52:52

better way Choose the higher

52:55

, yeah , yeah . And

52:57

you didn't let that darkness leave or defeat

52:59

you . You , basically , we

53:02

defined a relationship with that darkness

53:04

.

53:04

Yeah , and you became that bigger person

53:06

. Yeah Right , love is the answer , man

53:08

. Love is the way out , like it really is . I

53:11

mean , you know it's , it's , you hear it , you read about it , but it really is . once

53:14

you experience it , it really is Um

53:16

.

53:18

Your wife . I'll talk about your wife . How do you guys

53:20

meet My wife ? So we were

53:22

um . That's the whole couple of love It

53:25

was . How do you guys do with conflicts ?

53:27

It was love at first sight for her . for that We

53:29

were , we were . so we were in in Holmhound

53:31

. we were living in a service apartment . I was

53:33

with a with a uh , i don't

53:35

know . we drew a guy and she was with her friends . We

53:38

were in , i was in a swimming pool , i had a cold , that

53:40

I had a flu or something . and

53:42

I'm like , okay , um

53:45

, it was fake , because my friends all of them had gone

53:47

to discovery bay that day to train and I'm never

53:49

in a salon training . but I'm like I'm not feeling it , i want to go in

53:51

the sun , get some vitamin D . So I was there

53:53

in the sun . She was there , she saw me , i felt something

53:55

. Then , when

53:57

they left , i ran after them . It was like

53:59

in the movies where the elevator is closing , and I put my

54:01

hand in the elevator and I

54:04

was like , hey , can I have your number ? Um

54:06

, i well , this was 2009

54:09

. So I was 25 . She

54:11

was 22 . Um

54:14

, so , so , yeah , so , um , they're

54:16

from there and I was her only

54:19

, uh , west

54:21

, a foreign , foreign , non-chinese

54:23

boyfriend or person she'd ever

54:25

been with . So there was massive cultural

54:27

differences . but but I don't know , she's

54:29

just a lovely , she's just such a , she's such

54:31

a um family

54:34

oriented person , such a loyal person

54:36

, you know , and for me , hearing

54:38

my story , for me loyalty is is .

54:40

How long did it take you to sort of lean that

54:42

out with her ? Are you a story ?

54:45

Um , to tell her my story . Uh

54:47

, months , yeah , to a few months

54:49

, it's not . It's not exactly . Yeah , and I

54:52

spoke in the conversation right .

54:54

Yeah , and did you break it down into bite

54:56

size , or you just , i mean like in the setting

54:58

, like over an hour or two hours , just for everything

55:00

.

55:00

No , bite size , yeah , bite size , yeah

55:02

. So

55:04

now for her to go back and , like , her and my mom are so close

55:06

and you know to hear stuff , you know , from my mom's

55:08

side and from my brother and from my friends . Sometimes

55:10

she's mapping things together , you

55:12

know , um , and it's just going

55:14

to make us closer and closer than what she knows about

55:17

me . But our relationship is great . It's

55:19

really good . I'm so blessed to have her . How

55:21

long have you guys been married ? We've been married . We

55:23

just had a 10 year anniversary in

55:25

March . Cheers , it's been a milestone , yeah , Yeah

55:28

, it's a milestone , but

55:31

of course we have our , of course , of course . But now we , you know , we're

55:33

trying to because she's got a , she's got a temper

55:35

and a half as well , same as me . So we're

55:37

learning . You know , we're maturing together , so we're learning

55:39

. You know , when it's when we're

55:41

going at it , one of us step

55:43

away , until it's , you know , until it's calmed

55:46

down , then we can talk about it . I'm learning

55:49

how to deal with her when she's fired up and

55:51

she's vice versa . If I fire

55:53

up at the kids , she calls my names

55:55

like Neema , enough , and then she

55:57

snaps me out of it . Vice versa . Give us a situation

55:59

.

56:01

Um some strategies that you guys use .

56:03

So for

56:05

us parents , or with each other .

56:08

Well , i guess both when you were parenting kids

56:10

and you mentioned that there was a kid of all my attention

56:12

for your name . Yeah , yeah , yes .

56:16

And it happens , it happens regularly , where

56:18

my son's doing something . So

56:20

, oh my daughter , but it could be that could be fighting

56:22

, they could be doing something . It could be saying my son could

56:25

be saying something that's inappropriate to my , to my

56:27

daughter , you know . And I'm like , okay , i mean that's enough . And

56:29

he just keeps that . That's enough , buddy , that's enough

56:31

, or don't do this . And

56:34

he loves to push boundaries , yeah , And just like , keep

56:36

doing it right , yeah , like , like he's moving the cup

56:38

right And I'm like buddy , that's going to fall off

56:40

the table and then it's going to break And it's , you know , and

56:42

then he's just like just a little bit more

56:44

, you know , and he's pushing my buttons because I never

56:46

hit him And I never , you know . He of

56:48

course has kids that want to test boundaries . That's part

56:50

of understanding and you know that piece

56:52

.

56:53

Yeah , so then he does , i was

56:55

like , oh , he's stupid buddy .

56:56

And then okay , then he stops . But then

56:58

I keep going How many times , i said

57:00

it five times . And then what ? but

57:02

why ? what are you trying to achieve ? Like , what

57:04

do you want it to break ? And so then like , and I

57:07

just go on a tangent , and then my wife hears

57:09

that she could be working , she was from home , she could be working

57:11

, and then she's sort of she's listening to his

57:13

, and then from there she could be working , and then from there she

57:15

goes Neema . And then that's

57:17

sometimes I keep going , neema enough , and if

57:19

I keep going she'll come out and she'll

57:21

be like , oh , i mean , have you done your homework ? And then she sort

57:24

of comes in and she doesn't

57:26

try to pull me away from the situation

57:29

, but she diverts it . Yeah , have you

57:31

done a homework , buddy , or did you , did you ? Yeah

57:33

, she distracts him . And that

57:35

put that . That that makes me skip a beat in

57:37

my , in my sort of tangent . You also know this

57:39

short mental break , right ?

57:41

Yes .

57:42

Yeah , and that's , that's all that's needed for

57:44

me . And the good thing for me is I , my

57:46

things , don't last for that long , so her temper

57:49

sometimes lasts for that long , especially

57:51

if it's that type of the month , so it

57:53

just it could go on for hours , right , whereas for me

57:55

it's like a burst And then I'm like , oh , that

57:58

was a sorry buddy , and then you know , it's like you know

58:00

You're not to it , right ?

58:01

Yeah , i'm not to it , i'm not to it . And

58:04

one of the things that I always say to my son is I'm really

58:06

sorry . I let my boss just get a better mate And

58:09

, yeah , i'll try not to do it again .

58:12

And I think that's the ugly side of being a parent right

58:14

.

58:14

Nobody is perfect . Every day is a new day And

58:17

every day is an opportunity to become better than the parent that you were

58:20

yesterday . And you don't need

58:22

to be a hundred percent right . I

58:24

mean , you got to give permission to , you know , to mess up

58:26

, to mess up , right , and

58:30

that's , that's just live . But all not to it . And

58:33

, and I think the value that we're trying to teach

58:35

our kids is the most important thing , they're

58:40

just a one-off , one-off thing , yeah , and

58:43

to lead by example , because they they watch what

58:46

we do , they watch how I speak to them .

58:47

Yeah , rather than I could say , treat

58:50

a girl like oh me , don't , ever , ever , raise a hand

58:52

on a girl , don't push your sister , don't

58:57

you know ? um , but if I was pushing her mom

58:59

, you know so ? yeah , so that's that . That's what I noticed

59:01

more and more and more . And you know , you said , hypocrites

59:03

. They're like , you know

59:05

, you said , hypocrites , being hypocrites

59:07

worse than lying , i think , and that's a thing to

59:10

catch myself more and more of . Hey , don't shout

59:12

at your sister , hold on , i was just shouting at him about

59:14

not shouting , yeah , you

59:16

know . So to to and , like you said , to own up to it

59:18

right there and there . Yeah , that's a good

59:20

cause . Cause like cause , we do mess up and I , i do

59:23

have a lot of self condemnation . Yeah , you

59:25

know your default does come out because it's .

59:27

you saw it in your childhood . Yeah , As much as

59:29

you have self control , self awareness

59:31

, like there will be moments where you

59:33

just couldn't control yourself .

59:35

Autopilot , yeah , yeah , and

59:38

that's why , coming back to the present moment and all these kinds of practices

59:40

, and it's a doing it moment

59:42

to moment , day by day , that's where

59:45

it's . Yeah , this is I mean again , we could go

59:47

for hours and hours . Now there are a lot of devices

59:49

and all of this kind of stuff , but , um

59:52

, you know , anything that brings

59:54

us into the present moment is a gift

59:56

And a positive intention

59:58

. Positive intention Yes .

1:00:00

And I think there's a big difference between being authoritative

1:00:03

and being firm .

1:00:04

Yeah .

1:00:05

And one can use threats , uh

1:00:08

suppression , to discipline their children

1:00:10

, right , but they , all these tactics only work

1:00:12

in the short term , exactly Right . Doesn't

1:00:14

help them develop a good mindset , yeah

1:00:16

. Doesn't teach them about , you

1:00:19

know , being hardworking , yeah . To have strong

1:00:21

discipline .

1:00:22

Yeah , it was just going to push us away , them away from us

1:00:24

anyway and teaching them . That's how

1:00:26

you got to deal with your boss , your girlfriend , your

1:00:28

boyfriend , whatever afterwards , as you grow up , and

1:00:30

it just , and that's the thing , their cycle

1:00:33

continues . Yeah , so I think it's the

1:00:35

, it's the most . It really

1:00:37

, literally is the most important job in

1:00:40

life being a parent , because what

1:00:42

are we leaving behind ? They talk about legacy

1:00:44

. Yes , i want to leave a good legacy . I want

1:00:46

to send ripples of goodness . You know , with with

1:00:48

that . Now I've got an online school , which , which

1:00:50

came at the right time . That's what actually saved the business

1:00:52

during COVID . So now there's thousands

1:00:55

of people learning this . This , this practice

1:00:57

is helping them . That's fantastic . But

1:00:59

what ripple am I going to be sending ? What legacy

1:01:01

am I going to be sending for me , as my kids ? Because

1:01:04

that's what they're going to pass on to their kids , like my dad

1:01:06

to me . He's that to him . So that , i think , is

1:01:08

the biggest responsibility

1:01:10

that we have as parents . Yeah , otherwise

1:01:13

, don't bring , don't bring lives into the , into

1:01:15

the world . You know , if you're not going to take responsibility

1:01:17

, if you're not going to , really , that's the really

1:01:20

. For me , that's the biggest responsibility . Yeah , you

1:01:22

know 100% ?

1:01:24

And would you say that , when it comes to Wing Chun , the

1:01:28

mindset , the meditation is

1:01:30

just as important as the technical

1:01:32

?

1:01:33

Yeah , i would say it's more important . I would say I

1:01:35

always say this , this phrase , and that is

1:01:37

the self-defense , power

1:01:41

, combative side of Wing Chun , of this type

1:01:43

of Wing Chun which is unique , is only

1:01:45

a branch on the tree of benefits

1:01:48

, really , is just a branch . You know that

1:01:51

side of it Because that's where okay

1:01:53

, especially in Hong Kong , it's a safe place . I mean

1:01:55

, when I was a bouncer before , of course , for my job I'd

1:01:57

have to . I have to defend myself or defend

1:01:59

other people . But how

1:02:01

often , you know , in here do I have to fight

1:02:03

or it's not . It's the tools that it

1:02:05

gives me to deal with the daily , day-to-day

1:02:08

ups and downs . You know It's

1:02:10

my go-to , it's my recent button of presence

1:02:13

. Again , okay , deal with whatever

1:02:15

it is good and bad from the present , you know

1:02:17

, keep myself grounded , et cetera . So I would say it's much

1:02:19

more important than the technical aspect .

1:02:21

Yeah , I'll pick up a quote before

1:02:24

we wrap up the episode . I'm just going to read this out to the audience

1:02:26

because I really love what

1:02:29

you share . I

1:02:31

don't know whether you still remember this , but

1:02:34

basically in an article

1:02:36

you said I will worry less about

1:02:38

the problems of life . Life is that way

1:02:40

. There are ups and downs , just like a wave

1:02:43

in the ocean . It flows , it flows

1:02:45

, comes and goes . The sun always comes

1:02:47

up in the morning and , no matter how bad things

1:02:49

may seem , tomorrow is always another day

1:02:51

and things will change . So I will worry

1:02:53

and pull my hair out

1:02:55

a lot less . A lot less

1:02:57

over things that I had little control over . I

1:03:00

would accept things more And , as Abido

1:03:02

said , let it be Remember . He wrote

1:03:04

that , yeah .

1:03:05

Yeah , yeah , that sounds like my words . Yeah

1:03:07

, exactly , man , let it be . Let it be acceptance

1:03:10

, accept , real acceptance . I

1:03:14

think that's a that's a very powerful thing . Acceptance is a very

1:03:16

powerful thing . Acceptance doesn't

1:03:18

mean just let it be and don't do anything

1:03:21

. So if you're going to fall in , if you're falling

1:03:23

water and say , ah , just let it be and drown . No

1:03:25

, you're going to swim , but let it be . In terms

1:03:27

of that , and this is another thing that I've

1:03:29

learned , really from Wing Chun is you don't

1:03:31

resist what

1:03:34

you can't control . There is always

1:03:36

something you can do . With my , what

1:03:38

happened with my sister , with my family situation

1:03:40

. What I could do

1:03:42

is not go to to drugs

1:03:44

or go to the bathroom . What I could do

1:03:46

is use that ball , that up and

1:03:48

and and , transmute it and and and change

1:03:51

it for something . But I said , there's always something

1:03:53

you can do , no matter the situation . Yeah

1:03:55

, yeah .

1:03:57

There's always something positive in any situation . Exactly

1:04:00

, yeah , yeah . On

1:04:02

closing , two last things I want to ask you What's the one

1:04:04

question you want to ask the next guest And

1:04:06

what's the single most important life lesson you

1:04:08

think you , anyone

1:04:11

should ? No ?

1:04:12

Okay , what's the next thing ? I want to ask

1:04:14

your next guest , okay

1:04:17

, um , i

1:04:19

would say , what do they think

1:04:21

is , given the situation

1:04:23

, given the scenario that we're in in this world

1:04:25

post COVID ? um

1:04:28

, the kids high

1:04:30

, suicide , anxiety , depression rate , social

1:04:32

media related , etc . What

1:04:36

do they think is

1:04:38

the step or what path , as

1:04:41

the species , should we take ? What

1:04:45

should we focus on ? What should be focused

1:04:48

more on in schools , in education , at

1:04:50

home , you know ? and if we can't change

1:04:52

what's happening at schools and all that , what

1:04:54

can we do as parents at home ? Watch , how should we

1:04:56

educate our kids ? What is the most , what are the priorities

1:04:59

, things like that . I think that's a very interesting

1:05:01

thing for us all to ponder . And

1:05:03

what was the second question ?

1:05:05

So what's the most important life lesson ?

1:05:08

For me is , and it continues

1:05:11

to be , different levels of acceptance . That

1:05:15

is really , that was my , that

1:05:18

is my day to day saving grace

1:05:20

. I said self condemnation is

1:05:22

my default . You know , you

1:05:24

can always and I guess that maybe came from

1:05:26

psychotherapist thought that he came from

1:05:28

from my dad that

1:05:30

that bigger you're not not good enough . You can always do

1:05:32

better , right . So I have that

1:05:35

inner voice and that has driven

1:05:37

me to always do more . No

1:05:39

, not good enough , i feel sick , doesn't matter , go

1:05:41

, push through it , and that's good , you can achieve

1:05:44

stuff with it . But that's going to , that's

1:05:46

going to take my legs out Eventually . Something is going

1:05:48

to give . I want to give myself an illness or something

1:05:50

like that . So not to have self-communication

1:05:52

, anxiety attack , anxiety attack . Yeah

1:05:55

, so that was , that was a gift in itself . It

1:05:57

was time to address it and go hey , like the

1:05:59

map that you've had , the map that you used , that

1:06:01

you've used the tools that you use to navigate through life

1:06:03

, it does not work anymore . Yeah , time

1:06:06

to revisit it , yeah , Right

1:06:08

. And and through revisiting it I

1:06:11

had to go into deeper and

1:06:13

deeper levels and I continued to go to deeper

1:06:15

levels of acceptance And put my own

1:06:18

around that side of me

1:06:20

, that vulnerable side , and go there . There , it's all right

1:06:22

, man , i'm here for you . What do you want to say ? It's

1:06:24

all good , you don't have to . You

1:06:26

don't have to . I wouldn't push it away and say stay

1:06:28

quiet , because that's weakness . That's not weakness

1:06:31

, that's power . Yeah Yeah , and vulnerability

1:06:33

is a strength Vulnerability is power for

1:06:35

sure .

1:06:36

Yeah , dude , nima , thank you so

1:06:38

much for watching the story , cheers

1:06:40

. It was such a wonderful conversation and

1:06:42

I love it , and I think it's time for us to move

1:06:44

on to part two . Sounds good , cheers , cheers

1:06:46

, cheers . Buddy , thanks for having me , cheers

1:06:48

.

1:06:52

Okay , okay So . So talk

1:06:55

about philosophy a bit . Yeah , yeah , yeah

1:06:57

, okay . So . So , as I was saying

1:06:59

, the fact that the

1:07:01

self-defense aspect is a is a small

1:07:03

branch on the tree of the benefit

1:07:05

. So what does that mean ? So the good thing about Wing

1:07:08

Chun is we

1:07:11

can tangibly feel

1:07:13

and test whether

1:07:16

we have infused

1:07:19

the body with the mind . That sounds

1:07:22

fancy , but what I mean is , for example , something

1:07:24

very , very simple . So think

1:07:27

about movement . So , let's say , the arms going forward

1:07:29

, back side , where it could be the leg , could be a step , whatever

1:07:31

, but we'll pick something simple like the arm going

1:07:33

forward right As you're standing , however

1:07:35

you want to stand , stand however you want to stand very

1:07:37

stable , however , you want to stand right . Now

1:07:40

, if you wanted to move your arm forward , what

1:07:42

I'm going to do , of course I could put a pad in front of you and I'll say

1:07:44

a punch , and anyone coordinated could throw

1:07:46

a good enough punch , right , but what ? but

1:07:48

let's say the way sometimes we look at

1:07:50

it and the way we teach is , if

1:07:53

I ask you to , okay , aaron , move your arm forward

1:07:55

right . So as you slowly move your arm forward , or fast

1:07:57

, or whatever you want to do , keep coming forward . So

1:07:59

it becomes hard to move . Why ? Because

1:08:02

the tension , muscular tension , acts

1:08:05

as a blockage for force , right

1:08:07

, and if there's a blockage then

1:08:09

it can't move . Imagine a hose that's

1:08:11

blocked . Flow can't go through it , right

1:08:14

? So what we do ? so in a

1:08:16

solo practice , we have different empty

1:08:18

hand forms . The first one is

1:08:20

called siolimtao . Siolimtao , yeah

1:08:23

, siolimtao translated to little idea or

1:08:25

little intention or whatever , but it's

1:08:27

interesting because it doesn't suggest any kind of . You

1:08:29

know , usually the kung fu forms

1:08:31

have , like dragon , these have

1:08:33

fancy names , fighting , powerful , related

1:08:36

names , whereas this one's talking about the mind

1:08:38

or intention . So in

1:08:40

siolimtao practice , we're standing here , we're not

1:08:42

moving our , our body , we

1:08:45

just have this very relaxed triangular

1:08:47

stance , the posture is very upright And

1:08:49

let's say , I'll just give you one move . Yes , the

1:08:52

other hand is holding like this , and then this arm is

1:08:54

is going out on what we call the

1:08:56

centerline . So the reason we

1:08:58

stand like this and this arm is up is

1:09:00

because what we're trying to do think about a

1:09:02

magnifying glass , the way it catches the

1:09:04

rays of the sun And , if

1:09:06

you want to burn something , puts it into one point

1:09:08

, right ? The reason we stand like this is

1:09:10

so from the knees , from the , from the

1:09:12

, from the , from everywhere , from every cell

1:09:15

in our body , we are focusing

1:09:17

and aiming

1:09:19

everything out to one point . So

1:09:21

by doing that , we are activating

1:09:23

, we're getting a holistic sense of the whole body And

1:09:26

as we're doing that , we're thinking how

1:09:28

to stand and move

1:09:30

with less and less and less and

1:09:32

less effort And you start to tangibly

1:09:35

feel the muscles opening up

1:09:37

and relaxing And , as a result , you're

1:09:39

going to have power with that . So I'll show you the same

1:09:41

thing that we just that . We just did . So as you're pushing

1:09:43

into me here , you stop me

1:09:45

from moving right . Usually people will have to

1:09:47

stand like this so they can push off the ground . But if I

1:09:49

just stand normally , sort of casually as

1:09:52

you really stop me from moving . So stand however

1:09:54

you want , yeah , hold strong , yeah . So if

1:09:56

I do something like this , you

1:09:58

can feel that there's a blockage right Now

1:10:00

. If I change that to again use

1:10:03

the , just relax this area and

1:10:05

have us , as you try to stop me from moving again . But

1:10:07

relax the area Really , really try it Really . Hold as hard

1:10:09

as you want , yeah , yeah . So from here it becomes

1:10:12

effortless to move , and that can be through any

1:10:14

kind of if you , if you pull , pull

1:10:17

really hard , yeah . Now , instead

1:10:20

of this , where you can feel the blockage , what if

1:10:22

I stand on one leg , pull hard , i'll stand

1:10:24

on one leg , relax and I can still create

1:10:26

pulling force Right . Or if you hold

1:10:28

my arm here , yeah , so this

1:10:30

? these are not techniques . I'm just showing you ways of

1:10:32

movement through relaxation . Okay , hold with

1:10:34

two hands , don't let me move anywhere

1:10:37

. So don't let me move left , right

1:10:39

. So don't let me move . Don't let me move this way . Good , if

1:10:41

I use this , you feel the tension ? Yeah , now , if

1:10:43

I go like that , hold very strong , yeah

1:10:45

, and then , as you go through the exercise

1:10:47

, it's just not moving around . Right . So it seems like you don't

1:10:49

have a platform to apply force on . So

1:10:52

then when we do have , you know

1:10:54

, if that is , let's say , hold

1:10:56

here , if there is a punch run , this

1:10:58

having it . So it's just going out like this

1:11:01

, or you know , as you hold strong . So

1:11:03

then we have the winter techniques of covering the centerline

1:11:05

as we defend and attack simultaneously

1:11:08

. So , quite effortlessly , we

1:11:11

are able to produce force , and

1:11:13

that's the engine , let's say , behind

1:11:15

the techniques . There's a lot of I mean

1:11:18

, that's a whole other one hour podcast So

1:11:20

of introduction , of what are the principles in

1:11:22

terms of combative principles , of centerline

1:11:25

and taking the shortest path with the taps

1:11:27

into geometry , like using circular

1:11:29

structures and circular angles and circular

1:11:31

energies , et cetera . But

1:11:33

what it is is this tangible thing like , for

1:11:36

example . So we talk about relaxation

1:11:38

. Relaxation means different things for different people

1:11:40

. Like someone can go okay , i can relax my arm if I'm

1:11:42

like this , or I'm relaxing when I want to count , right

1:11:44

, yeah , yeah . But if I say , okay

1:11:46

, you hold your hand like this and this is

1:11:48

like a townside , this is one of the moves . You hold it like this

1:11:50

right Now , feel this area

1:11:52

, feel the tendons , the muscles , area . If

1:11:55

I say , as you're standing , without changing

1:11:58

the shape , can you relax ? Can

1:12:00

you tangibly relax that by

1:12:02

using life to feel that area and control

1:12:04

the body to relax Or this

1:12:07

area , you know , and if the answer

1:12:09

is no , that we can't really tap into and relax it

1:12:12

, then if you hold it like that , if I

1:12:14

apply force onto it , or if you're holding a dumbbell

1:12:16

or something , because it's already activated , it's

1:12:18

going to activate even more . Ie , if

1:12:20

I say , okay , now , from this point . If

1:12:22

you want to touch your own chest with this hand , if

1:12:25

you touch your own chest with this hand , it's going to be

1:12:27

hard . It's like doing a dumbbell curl , yeah Right

1:12:29

. So feel this . If you feel here From

1:12:32

there , if I just think about it

1:12:34

, you won't work , whereas

1:12:39

if I go like this , yeah , the joint opens . Now this if

1:12:41

you hold strong , feel again

1:12:43

, so this is just one joint , right

1:12:45

, instead of the . Hold stronger

1:12:47

, instead of this . If I go to that

1:12:50

, yeah , so hold strong , it becomes

1:12:52

very easy to start moving . Yeah

1:12:55

, so if you do that with every joint and the power comes , yeah

1:12:57

, we're using . That's why , when I

1:12:59

met my teacher , he was using these kind of demonstrations

1:13:02

, effortless power tangibly felt

1:13:04

, not like hey , this is my chi , and then people jump

1:13:06

away . No , it's actual , pure

1:13:09

biomechanics , he would say . The way that a mother

1:13:11

lifts up a car when the baby's underneath it , they're

1:13:13

tapping to this system . The human body and mind

1:13:15

has that potential . Yeah , it's just through

1:13:17

overthinking and through tension We lose

1:13:19

that ability .

1:13:20

If someone has really bad coordination

1:13:23

, can they still do this ?

1:13:24

Of course , Because this is coordination

1:13:26

is then that application afterwards

1:13:28

had to apply ? This is just every

1:13:31

human being . As long as you have a nervous system

1:13:33

, yeah , you're able to . It's your mind , it's your

1:13:35

body . It's just about connecting it . This

1:13:38

is an ability that everyone has . Someone

1:13:40

that's got , maybe that's paralyzed

1:13:42

, it's got Parkinson's that I don't know , i don't

1:13:44

know , i don't know , i don't know , i don't know experience with , if they

1:13:46

, what they can do there . But if

1:13:48

you are not anyone that can stand , that can walk

1:13:51

, that can , that has a mind , for sure they

1:13:53

can do that . And once you do tap

1:13:55

into your body in this way , then coordination

1:13:58

becomes a lot easier because you're tangibly feeling

1:14:00

your body . So you have much better

1:14:02

relationship with gravity , ie

1:14:05

your balance , because you have to be balanced to be

1:14:07

able to relax , not just here , but relax

1:14:09

all of these areas , right , yeah , move efficiently

1:14:11

. You have a better sense of proprioception

1:14:13

, which is your . You know your body in

1:14:16

relation to things around you . Yeah , Because you're

1:14:18

present and you're feeling it . Yeah , and that's the

1:14:20

thing . You're present . You can't be , i can't be thinking

1:14:22

about what I'm going to have

1:14:25

for lunch later if and

1:14:27

at the same time , relax at this level . So

1:14:29

you'll . So that's what I said . it's a real . You don't put your presence into it

1:14:31

.

1:14:32

You have to be here right now in the body

1:14:34

connected to be able to open up One

1:14:36

last thing before we wrapped up Nima , if

1:14:38

someone , let's just say a

1:14:41

woman , is in a dangerous situation or

1:14:44

a child is being kidnapped in a dangerous

1:14:46

situation , it's their one move

1:14:49

, one self-defense move that you can

1:14:51

, that they can do .

1:14:52

Yeah , it's hard to say , it depends on the situation

1:14:54

, but I tell my wife all the time first of all , for

1:14:56

kids , what we teach with kids be very , be

1:14:59

very loud . You know , try to straight

1:15:01

away . First of all , you have to be aware . If

1:15:03

you're like this on the phone , someone could just put

1:15:05

you in a van . If you're more aware of your surroundings

1:15:08

, then you're not an easy victim . That's a first thing

1:15:10

, right ? That already is the first thing . Yeah

1:15:12

, the consciousness , right , the consciousness , the

1:15:15

people that are easily picked . Second

1:15:18

thing is for children , what we teach is okay

1:15:21

when you feel that , when you sense that don't

1:15:23

let someone get this close to you or hold you So

1:15:25

as you step away , so be ready to step away

1:15:27

and shout stay away from me , you know

1:15:29

, so you use your voice to get attention , Just walk away from that situation

1:15:32

right .

1:15:32

Walk away as best as you can , but sometimes you can't .

1:15:34

You're in an alleyway , it's dark and you know . So

1:15:36

for what I say for my wife , just like

1:15:38

element of surprise , like

1:15:41

act very scared but just be going , wait for

1:15:43

that moment , waking up , close enough to poking

1:15:45

the ice , you know , because they're groin

1:15:48

, yes , but it

1:15:50

takes a couple of seconds for the guy to react . Yeah

1:15:52

, right , so for the pain to come in and

1:15:54

you fall . So by that time they could already grab you And even

1:15:56

if they're in pain , they're just going to get angry , whereas

1:15:59

the eyes anybody , if you go

1:16:01

like that , they're going to momentary close the eyes . So

1:16:03

if you poke them in the eyes , they're going to go like that

1:16:05

.

1:16:05

Yeah , and you're going to run away .

1:16:06

You're going to have to run away .

1:16:07

Yeah , so help , yeah , but it's really hard to say this technique

1:16:10

.

1:16:12

I think the technique is just go for the eyes , then

1:16:14

the groin and then just get away as fast

1:16:16

as you can .

1:16:17

And it's also about making the right choices right And

1:16:19

not to engage in that confrontation

1:16:22

. Yeah .

1:16:22

If there's a dark alley somewhere , they say don't walk down

1:16:24

. You know , try to try to just be

1:16:27

. Avoidance is the best . Yes , this is

1:16:29

for myself .

1:16:30

Thank you so much , nima , my pleasure . Thank you so much for

1:16:32

your time today . Thank you , learned a ton from you .

1:16:34

Yeah , thank you .

1:16:36

So you're going to turn in Hong Kong , in central . Where's

1:16:38

the ?

1:16:38

address . The address we're on on

1:16:40

land street , just off Wyndham Street And Marks and

1:16:43

Spencers on Queens Road . We're right behind , So right

1:16:45

in the heart of central And he's

1:16:47

our master Nima King .

1:16:48

Thank you so much for everything today , man . Thank you very much .

1:16:50

I'll give you a hug . Thank you so much for sharing the story . Thank you for having

1:16:52

me . Thank

1:17:17

you .